A Fish Tale

Written By - Adam England
Transcribed By - Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Salem - Nick Bakay
Morgan - Elisa Donovan
Roxie - Soleil Moon Frye
Harvey - Nate Richert
Aaron - Dylan Neal
Irma - Barbara Eden
Betty - Susan Slome
Young Woman - Britt Leary

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the Warner Brothers Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina’s sat on the settee with her laptop open and the phone propped between her ear and shoulder. Morgan is sorting through a huge pile of gift wrapped wedding presents.

Sabrina- (On phone) I am so sorry. Believe me, my assistant will be spoken to and dealt with. (Calling out) Gloria! Another screw up like that and you’re out of here! (On phone) Oh boy, here come the tears. Gotta go.

She hangs up the phone.

Morgan- Wow, I’m beginning to feel sorry for your imaginary assistant.

Sabrina- Well, she’s the one not doing her imaginary job. I accidentally sent my editor the guest list to my wedding instead of the article. So now she’s mad it’s late and that she wasn’t invited.

Morgan- Oh, poor Sabrina. (Holding up one of the presents) How about a pick-me-up?

Sabrina- How about a put-that-down! Aaron and I promised each other we’d open our wedding presents together.

Morgan- A steam iron and some fresh tape and he’ll be none-the-wiser.

Sabrina- I’d never do that... I’d take it to the airport and have it X-rayed. Aaron and I have this weird thing between us. Trust!

Morgan- Oh, I have one of those. Mine’s offshore. I haven’t paid taxes in years.

Morgan leaves and Sabrina shakes her head before getting back to typing up her article. She soon distracted by the sound of shredding gift wrapping. She turns round to see Salem sat among the debris of her wedding presents. With all manner of household necessities on display.

Sabrina- Salem, what are you doing?!

Salem- Inventory. By the way, about your china pattern. Colonial floral? Did you pick it out over the phone?

Sabrina- Oh, I had no idea you were so interested in China.

She flicks her finger at him and in the blink of an eye and, of course, a little swirl of sparkles, he’s gone.

Ext. Western China. A small black cat looks out over the countryside from atop a wall and watches two Chinese peasants walk by. The wall stretches as far as his eyes can see in both directions. It’s a really great wall.

Salem- Ghe?! Oh man, it’s gonna take me forever to mark my territory!

Run opening credits.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina reads from a flyer that she’s been handed by Roxie and Morgan.

Sabrina- (Reading) Roommate wanted for immediate opening...’ Immediate? So, until the wedding I sleep in the garage?

Morgan- Oh thanks. I was afraid that was going to be a tough conversation.

Roxie- We’re not pushing you out but you are moving to LA in a couple of weeks and we’ve gotta start making some sort of plans. We’re gonna miss you so much.

Sabrina- Oh, and I’m gonna miss you, too.

There’s another three-way hug coming on but Morgan forestalls it.

Morgan- Oh, can this wait? Those telephone poles fill up fast.

Roxie- We wont be long.

They leave and Sabrina turns to Salem, who’s managed to make it back from the PRC.

Salem- You’re actually letting those two dizzy dames live here after we catch the trolley to Tinsel Town?

Sabrina- Don’t worry, I’ve got an Other Realm contractor coming to disconnect the portal... and your vocal chords.

Salem- <Gulp!>

Sabrina- So there wont be any more magical surprises popping in...

There’s a massive crash of thunder and lightning from the living room.

Sabrina- (Cont.) ...Like that.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina enters with Salem at her heals. He jumps up onto a chair with a ‘hu-ha!’ as Sabrina spies the gift lying on the coffee table.

Sabrina- I didn’t think anyone in the Other Realm knew about the wedding?

Salem- It’s not who knows, it’s what they sent... and whether it’s in my size.

Sabrina- Okay, here goes. You never know with Other Realm gifts. It could be a time machine, the eighth wonder of the world or corncob holders.

She lifts the lid of the box and they look inside.

Salem- Oh, I was gonna get ya a box!

Sabrina lifts the box out of the box.

Sabrina- I think I know where this is going.

She lifts the lid of the box to find another box inside.

Much later. Sabrina takes the lid off the tiny box that sits in the palm of her hand to find another, yet tinier, box within. She tosses the empty onto the cardboard mountain in front of her.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I just didn’t think it would take so long to get there.

She opens the final box and tips it’s contents into her hand.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Ah, just what I always wanted. An ice-cube.

Salem- An ice-cube?

Sabrina & Salem- (Together) Aunt Irma!

Sabrina tosses the ice-cube away just in time as it erupts into a tornado storm and at it’s centre when it fades stands the Spellman matriarch, aunt Irma.

Irma- Oh, these clever entrances are wreaking havoc on my spine.

Sabrina- Aunt Irma, what a lovely... What a pleasant... What a surprise.

Irma- Well it shouldn’t be. I believe you have something to share?

Sabrina- Nor really. Let’s see. I switched shampoos, I got new tyres, I’m getting married...

Irma- (Interrupting) That’s the one. Congratulations.

She gives her great niece a big warm hug, or as warm as icy Irma ever gets.

Sabrina- Really? You’re okay with this? I mean, no death and destruction, no plague of scorpions?

Irma- Not unless you registered for them. Now, you know where I sand on witches marrying mortals.

Salem- Usually on their necks.

Irma graces him with a chilling scowl.

Irma- But, if you insist, I suppose this Harvey Kinkle is the least offensive of the lot.

Sabrina- Harvey? Aunt Irma...

But Irma never waits for others to have their say. She points and out of another mini storm runs Harvey in his very sweaty sweats.

Irma- Welcome to the family.

Sabrina- I’m not marrying Harvey.

Irma- What?!

She points again and a very confused Harvey vanishes again.

Int. Westbridge Gym. Harvey materialises back on his running machine and promptly falls off in a heap. Everyone turns round to look.

Harvey- (OS) I’m okay.

Int. Spellman living room.

Irma- So, who is this mystery groom? Does he come from a good witch family?

Sabrina- Good, bad, who are we to judge?

Irma- He is a witch, isn’t he? Because if he isn’t...

She makes a slashing gesture and the resultant bolt of lightning smashes a vase on the mantelpiece.

Sabrina- Oh man, and that was the only wedding present I liked! Well. I can tell you this. His mother’s a real witch and his father’s a bit of a gnome.

Irma- Splendid! I must meet this boy now.

She raises her finger once more but this time Sabrina quick enough to stop her.

Sabrina- No! Aaron hates being popped in. I mean, he hates anything pop. Pop music, popcorn. He doesn’t even like Mary Poppins.

Irma- Well, who does? Chirpy little twit. I look forward to meeting him tonight at dinner.

Sabrina- Tonight? Kinda late notice.

Irma- Sabrina, without my blessing there will be no wedding.

Sabrina- Chicken or fish?

Without further ado, Irma zaps herself away and Sabrina slumps miserable into her chair.

Salem- You do realise she thinks Aaron’s a witch?

Sabrina- Yeah. That’s kinda what I was going for. You heard her, you saw the shards of pottery! I had no choice!

Salem- Ha! Well at least you don’t have to worry about what’s for dinner. Your butt in a sling.

Sabrina- Well, maybe I’ll start with a salad.

Int. Sabrina’s stood at the counter putting her salad together. She adds the tablespoon of dressing that makes the difference,

Sabrina- Okay, whaddya think? Does this vinaigrette say ‘please don’t kill my fiancé’?

Salem- That’s a lot of pressure to put on a salad dressing. (He tastes it) But heck, it is tangy.

Sabrina- Okay. All I have to do now is convince aunt Irma to keep believing Aaron’s a witch and I’ll have her blessing before dessert... As long as nothing everything goes according to plan.

She picks up the posh Sunday table cloth and goes to the dining room.

Int. Spellman dining room. Morgan and Roxie are just settling down at the dining table as Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Ah, not according to plan! What are you guys doing here?

Roxie- Roommate interviews.

Morgan- We need the table. It gives us the illusion of power.

Sabrina- Well, can you give the illusion of doing it somewhere else? You can’t stay here!

Morgan- Why?

Sabrina- Why? I’ll tell you exactly why... (Thinks for a moment) Oh, here’s why. Because people who respond to flyers on telephone poles are total whack jobs! D’you really want them knowing where you live?

Morgan- Well they’re going to have to know if they’re going to live here?

Roxie- Maybe she’s right. Why don’t we go and screen them at the diner.

Sabrina- Good idea. Yeah, who care if they know where the diner is? Even crazy people have to eat.

Morgan- Yeah, and I could eat.

The front door bell rings so Sabrina blocks their path and points towards the kitchen and the back door.

Sabrina- Okay, now. Go that way.

Roxie- Why can’t we use the front door?

Sabrina- Er why? I’ll tell you exactly why... (Thinks for a moment) Later.

She pushes Morgan and Roxie into the kitchen as the doorbell rings again insistently.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I’m coming! I’m coming!

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina answers the front door and presented with a bunch of flowers.

Aaron- Fresh picked daisies. I thought they’d help me get on your aunts good side.

Sabrina- Yeah. Well, she has no good side. Aunt Irma a nut... No. Correction, she’s a cook... Oh, check that, she’s insane!

Aaron- Her condition seems to be deteriorating as we speak.

Sabrina- Yeah, but don’t mention that to her. Er, whatever she says, just embrace it. Play along but don’t question her.

Aaron- (Laughing) Sabrina, calm down. I’m sure I can handle your aunt. By the way, when does she get here?

Irma- Now.

He turns just in time to miss seeing the little storm cloud that had brought her. What he does see is a sprightly older woman sitting on the chair back beside him.

Aaron- Whoa! Where did you come from?

Irma- The big dipper.

Aaron looks at Sabrina who gives him a subtle look the says, ‘See? I told you she was insane’

Aaron- (Playing along) Oh, I love it there.

Irma- It’s an armpit. Do you visit the outer reaches often?

Aaron- I feel like I am right now.

Sabrina- Oh, Aaron loves to travel the galaxy, although he’s surprisingly down to earth. (Aside to Aaron) And plays along really well.

Aaron- Right. Right. I mean, just last week I was backpacking on Mars.

Irma- Oh, my sixteenth husband died on a backpacking accident on Mars.

Aaron- Oh, I’m so sorry.

Irma- Oh don’t be. Fortunately, for me, they were never able to prove a thing. Na-ha-ha!

Aaron laughs along with her in a strained sort of way.

Sabrina- Okay, well who’s hungry?

Irma- Oh, I’m famished! What’s for dinner?

Sabrina- Oh, I thought I’d let you choose. I mean, what would you like for diner?

Irma- Dah, don’t go to any trouble. I... Oh, maybe prime rib, horseradish, creamed spinach, baked potatoes and hot rolls.

Sabrina- Easy. And, Aaron, where should we eat? In here or in there?

She points very forcefully towards the dining room.

Aaron- Well I think, since it’s a special night, we should eat in there.

He points towards the dining room and low and behold a lavish spread of prime rib, horseradish etc. is laid out in a, very Sabrina like, swirl of sparkles.

Sabrina- Oh, well done, and I don’t mean the meat. Let’s eat.

Aaron- (To aunt Irma) Well, shall we?

He offers his arm and she takes.

Irma- (Impressed) Oh, what manners. (Aside to Sabrina) And such manly magic. Meow!

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Manly? (Looking at her finger) Well, I guess I could use a manicure.

She bites at a hangnail.

Int. Eve’s Diner. A very attractive potential roommate, sits beside Roxie at the table and faces Morgan, the inquisitor.

Young Woman- I always pay my rent in advance. I love to cook and clean. Oh, and my father, he owns a chain of women’s shoe stores.

Morgan- Oh, I have met Mister Right and she is a woman! When can you move in?

Roxie- What she means is, we’ll be in touch.

Young Woman- Did I mention my brother is a fireman?

Roxie- Swell. You can go now.

The girl gets up and leaves.

Morgan- (Calling after) I’ll call you! (To Roxie) What is your problem? She’s perfect!

Roxie- Let’s just say she’s no Sabrina.

Morgan- Well yeah. No Sabrina is why we’re here, and if we don’t find a roommate we are going to be living on the street. Or maybe we could time share a dumpster?

Roxie- I’m sorry but no one’s ever going to compare to Sabrina.

Morgan- So I have to move out of the greatest house ever unless we find someone who’s exactly like Sabrina?

Roxie- I’m just not gonna settle.

One of the diner’s waitresses, her nametag says ‘Betty’ comes over to the table and she looks a little like she’s been eating the inventory.

Betty- Hey, I hear you guys are lookin’ fer a roommate an’ I’m lookin’ fer a room, so maybe...

Roxie- (Interrupting) I’m sorry, I don’t think so.

Betty- Well, your loss.

The cook rings his bell to tell the waitress’ their orders are ready.

Betty- (Cont.) Gotta go.

Morgan- ...Wait-wait-wait! What did you just say?

Betty- I said I gotta go?

Morgan- (To Roxie) Please, they were practically separated at birth. (To Betty) So, Betty, huh? Now is that short for Betrina?

Int. Spellman dining room. Sabrina and Aaron are enjoying the dinner with aunt Irma... I’m lying, of course.

Irma- Mmm! Delicious. The last decent prime rib I had was for my six hundredth birthday. Oh, Charlemagne was such a scamp. Ha-ha. Oh, where does the time go?

Sabrina- Oh, you know time. It flies. (Aside to Aaron) When you’re off your meds.

Aaron- (To Irma) I’m sorry, I can sit here and listen to this any longer. You actually expect me to believe that you’re over a thousand years old? Because you...

Sabrina looks at him horrified that this might be the last time she ever gets to see him in his current species.

Aaron- (Cont) Don’t look a day over five hundred.

Irma- (Delighted) Oh, I like this boy.

Sabrina- (Mopping her brow) Oh, he’s a heart stopper all right.

Irma- (To Aaron) So tell me. What do you fly?

Aaron- Fly?

Sabrina- Oh, Aaron’s a big flyer. He flies all the time. You know, kites, flags and occasional off the handle.

Aaron- And, when I have the time, my vintage Mustang. Now she really flies. Do you wanna see her? She’s right outside.

Sabrina does another discreet little point and through the window behind Aaron a winged white mustang horse appears in the back yard.

Irma- How lovely. A classic.

The Mustang- Neigh!

Sabrina zaps the horse away using getting to her feet to disguise the fact before Aaron can turn round at the sound.

Irma- I must say, Sabrina. You have quite a catch here.

Aaron- Oh, thank you Irma.

Irma- And, you have my blessing.

Sabrina- Whoo-hoo! She fell for... Aaron, just like I did. I’ll get the pudding.

She leaves.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina puts the dessert on a tray watched by Salem.

Sabrina- Well Salem, you doubting tomcat. I just got Irma’s blessing to marry my witch fiancé. Now I can just relax and enjoy... Ah, no, you guys can’t be here!

Roxie leads Betty and Morgan into the kitchen.

Roxie- And yet, we are. Sabrina, Betty.

Morgan- Betrina.

Betty- (To Morgan) Okay, the name is Betty.

Morgan- Oh my gosh! Seeing the two of you next to each other, it’s uncanny.

Roxie- We’re giving her a house tour.

Sabrina- Fine! Great! Start upstairs and show Betty every square inch of everything and remember... (To Betty) You can’t make a decision about a place until you’ve slept there, so don’t come down until you’ve had a good nights sleep.

Morgan- (To Roxie) Whoa! I am having a Mary Kate and Ashley moment. (To Betty) Have you ever thought about dyeing your hair blonde?

Betty- This better be some room.

They all go off upstairs. Sabrina puts the tray of desserts on the table with Salem.

Sabrina- Here, don’t say I never give you anything.

She goes into the dining room.

Int. Spellman dining room. Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- It looks like we’re going to have to call it an early night. The cat got into the...

Aaron is sat on his own.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Where’s aunt Irma? <Gasp!> Did she violate the immutable laws of physics and do something completely inexplicable because if she did, I can explain?

Aaron- Maybe you can explain what he’s doing here?

Sabrina- He? He who?

Aaron- He Harvey? Your aunts fawning over him in the living room.

Sabrina goes to see.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina rushes in to catch.

Harvey- ...What are you talking about? Aaron’s not a witch...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) No wait! What he means is Aaron is not a witch that you can take lightly. I mean, he is all powerful in his witchy witchy ways.

Harvey- Witchy ways? (On Sabrina’s look) Yeah, what she said.

Irma- (Cottoning on) You lied to me!

Sabrina- Lied? No, all I did was deliberately mislead you at every possible turn... but, in my defence, you did say that Aaron was quite a catch.

Irma- That’s true, I did.

She points into the dining room and a crackle of lightning does its dastardly deed. What Sabrina had feared earlier has come to pass. Aaron, the human being is now Aaron, the goldfish circling round his little fish bowl.

Irma- (Cont.) And now, he’s the catch of the day.

Int. Aaron, the goldfishes bowl. He has a little castle to swim around and Sabrina, in a deep sea divers suit and helmet has shrunk herself down to go and have a word with him.

Sabrina- I know we always talked about a house in the country but a little castle on pea gravel wouldn’t be so bad.

Aaron just nudges her opening and closing his mouth.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Are you trying to kiss me? Talk to me? Or is none of this making sense because you’re a fish? Aaron, I’m... <Gasp! Gasp!>

She pulls frantically on her air hose to signal that she’s getting no oxygen.

Int. Spellman living room. Aunt Irma and Harvey lean over the bowl watching

Harvey- Irma, please be reasonable.

Irma- Well, she should know better than to try and make a fool out of me.

Sabrina materialises in a swirl of sparkles chocking and gasping for breath and without the diving suit.

Harvey- Sabrina, don’t worry. Everything’s gonna be okay.

Sabrina- Yeah, it will now. You were standing on my air hose!

Harvey- Oops! My bad.

Sabrina- Yeah, no kidding your bad. You’re, single headedly, destroying my relationship!

Irma- Don’t be angry with Harvey. You have no one to blame but yourself!

Sabrina- I’m sorry my choices don’t fit with your warped view of the world but it doesn’t give you the right to do this!

Irma- Ha! Sabrina, the one with the biggest magic makes the rules.

Sabrina- (Furious) Look, you mean, vindictive, crone! You’re not going to get away with this. Okay, I’m going to do whatever it takes to walk down the isle with Aaron! Or swim, as the case may be.

She picks up Aaron’s bowl and dashes off to the kitchen on the edge of tears.

Irma- Did she just call me a crone?

Harvey- (Helpfully) Actually, it was vindictive crone. (On Irma’s look) I’m not helping, am I?

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina puts Aaron’s bowl on the counter beside Salem.

Salem- Oh boy, a goldfish! Can I eat him?

Sabrina- That’s Aaron!

Salem- So... is that a yes or a no?

Harvey enters.

Harvey- Sabrina, I am so sorry. I didn’t do it on purpose, I swear. Besides, you know I always thought there was something fishy about him.

Sabrina isn’t cheered up by his bad taste in jokes or his timing.

Harvey- Sorry.

Sabrina- Well if you want to redeem yourself, here.

She gives him Aaron’s bowl.

Sabrina- (Cont.) You watch Aaron. I’m going to go and try to make a man out of him. (On his look) You know what I mean.

She goes off upstairs.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Sabrina runs up the stairs just as Betty’s house tour was about to take in, the always popular, Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina blocks their way to the door.

Sabrina- Wait! No, you can’t go in there!

Roxie- (To Betty) Ah well, tours over. Thanks for stopping by.

Morgan- No. No, not over. That room’s perfect for Betrina.

Betty- Please stop calling me that!

Sabrina- Er four walls, closet, ceiling, a window or two. Ha-ha. Yeah but the real excitement is in the cellar. Why don’t you guys show her that... but don’t go in the living room. (Pointing at Betty) Is that my sweater?

Morgan- Yeah, doesn’t it look great on her?

It would have if it hadn’t been two sizes too small. Sabrina goes into her room and closes the door without another word.

Morgan- (Cont.) You guys are gonna need nametags for me to tell you apart.

Betty forces a smile at Morgan as she goes down stairs ahead of them.

Betty- (Aside to Roxie) Is she part of the deal?

Roxie- It’s negotiable.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina’s using the latest witch communication technology from her magic book. The steady tapati-tapa-tapa of a telegraph tapper. Morse code isn’t dead, it’s just resting.

Sabrina- Spellman family alert –Stop- Emergency –Stop- Aunt Irma must be stopped –Stop. Oh, I’ve gotta stop stopping.

Harvey enters with his arms behind his back.

Harvey- Sabrina, I swear it wasn’t my fault.

Sabrina- I know. It's okay, I’m sending out a distress call.

Harvey- No. This new thing that’s not my fault is also not my fault

He brings out a cute little tortoise shell kitty.

Harvey- (Cont.) Say hello to Roxie...

Then a little ginger tabby.

Harvey- (Cont.) And Morgan.

Sabrina- Nooo!

Harvey- They startled aunt Irma. She doesn’t have much of a safety on that ping finger.

Sabrina- Okay, I’m going to have to add this to the charges that I’m presenting to the witches council. I’m arming myself with every possible spell... Where’s Aaron?

Harvey- It’s okay. Betty’s watching him.

Sabrina- What?! You left a strange woman and a hungry cat with my fish? I mean, fiancé?

Int. Spellman kitchen. Betty has her jammed deep down the waste disposal in the sink with a goldfishless goldfish bowl beside her.

Betty- (To Herself) Okay, there he is... No, that’s just a piece of pasta.

Sabrina, Harvey and Morgan and Roxie, the kitty twins arrive.

Sabrina- Oh my gosh! What have you done?

Betty- (Jumping back) Sorry! I thought Goldie looked like he could use a little more water and...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) You flushed my fianc... I mean, my fish down the drain?

Betty- Honey, calm down. They’re twenty-five cents at any school carnival.

Sabrina- (Gesturing to the kitties) Here, watch these.

Betty- Oh no. I hate cats. I can’t...

Sabrina zaps her.

Betty- (Cont.) ... Get enough of these furry little creatures.

She takes them from Harvey.

Betty- (Cont.) Let’s see if we can find a box for you in the garage.

She leaves and Sabrina grabs a handful of Harvey’s sweater, and one or two chest hairs along with it, and pulls him close.

Sabrina- You and I are goin’ fishin’

She flicks her finger and a trail of sparkles that used to Harvey and her swoops down into the drain.

Int. Spellman drain. They plummet along the narrow pipes.

Sabrina- Hang on, Aaron, I’m coming... Oh! I’ve a whole new respect for my plumbing.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem sits on the counter gazing down into the waste disposal listening to Sabrina’s echoing voice.

Salem- Yuck! That is so disgusting. Even I wouldn’t go down there.

Yep, you know it.

Salem- (Cont.) Yaaaa!

He’s sucked down after them.

Int. The Westbridge sewage system. Sabrina and Harvey walk out of a large pipe into a dark chamber. Sabrina keeps her torch aimed at the stream of filthy water with her little net ready while Harvey looks around with his.

Harvey- Wow! This place is filthy. I’m calling my city councilman.

Sabrina- I can’t believe this. Most marriages end up in a sewer, mines starting out there.

They reach where Salem is sat on a ledge with his fishing rod out over the sewer. He sports a fisherman’s hat festooned with flies.

Salem- The lighting is surprisingly good down here, which isn’t too... good.

Sabrina- This is so hard!

Harvey- Sabrina, come on. We’ve got, like, fifteen miles of sewer to cover. We’ve just started looking.

Sabrina- No, this, me and Aaron. Why is it so hard? It seems like the entire universe is conspiring against us. I just wish everyone would leave us alone and let us get married.

Harvey- I’m sorry. I know I haven’t made things any easier.

Sabrina- Harvey, I didn’t mean... I know this has been hard on you too but... <Gasp!> Goldfish! That’s him.

She scoops him up in her net.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh, it’s just an orange sock. What if I never find him?

Harvey- (Under his breath) Yeah, what if?

Salem’s rod suddenly bends and line is pulled from his reel.

Salem- Oh, ho-ho-ho! I think I got somethin’

Sabrina- Careful. Give him some play or he’ll snap the line.

Salem- Wha?

Sabrina- What? My dentist has a lot of fishing magazines.

Harvey bends down on the other side of the sewer and, unnoticed, scoops up a goldfish in his net.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Okay, reel him in.

Salem- Right. Get ready to hit him with a hammer.

Sabrina- There will be no hammering of fish!

Harvey glances across at Sabrina and Salem and frowns. Slowly he starts to lower his net back down to the murky water but his torchlight flashes on Aaron’s gold scales and Sabrina quickly jumps across to join him.

Sabrina- Harvey! You’ve found him!

Harvey- ...Yeah. Yeah, I did.

Sabrina- (hugging Harvey) Oh thank-you-thank you-thank you! I don’t know what I’d do without you.

Harvey- I’m sure you’d do just fine.

Salem- Wait a minute. If you’ve got Aaron then... what have I got?

He’s suddenly yanked from his ledge with a scream into the fetid water.

Sabrina- A long bath comin’

Int. Spellman dining room. Sabrina, Harvey, Salem and Aaron, in a plastic bag full of water, ping into being behind aunt Irma who’s playing with the three little kitties on the table.

Sabrina- Okay, aunt Irma, we’re going to settle this once and for all. Put down those three kittens... Three?

Harvey- Betty. It was inevitable.

Salem- Ah, the odds have shifted. Advantage: cats.

Irma- I see you’ve found your fishy friend... and I heard the relationship had gone down the drain.

Sabrina- I’m gonna ask you for the last time and please, note the prominent use of the word ‘please’, Please turn Aaron back into a man!

Irma- And I’m telling you for the last time, I will not let you marry this mortal.

Sabrina- Fine. Then you leave me no choice.

She gives Aaron to Harvey to hold and takes some flowers from a vase on the sideboard.

Irma- What are you doing?

She holds her pointing finger over the vase and lets the fluorescent green goo that is her magic pour into the vase.

Sabrina- Giving up my magic!

Harvey- Sabrina, are you sure you really wanna do that?

Sabrina- If this is the only way that Aaron and I can be married, then yes, it’s exactly what I wanna do.

Irma- Ha-ha-ha. So you think just because you made this sacrifice, I’m going to be all boo-hoo and your beloved would be a biped?

Sabrina- Well I can live without the boo-hoo but you can’t object to two mortals getting married.

Irma- Oh, well guess what? I can and I do. So you can give up your magic, stomp your foot, slam your door but I am not turning him back.

Sabrina- (Stomping her foot) You are the meanest aunt ever!

Irma- It’s too late to kiss up to me.

Sabrina- We are not done! If it takes me the rest of my life, I am gonna marry this fish!... Man! Urgh, I keep doing that!

She takes Aaron and storms off up stairs.

Harvey- Irma, why are you doing this?

Irma- Hm, I have my reasons. (Putting her hand on his shoulder) Harvey, how would you like to be an all powerful being?

Harvey- Hey, I work out.

Irma- What would you say if I offered you Sabrina’s magic?

Harvey- Thanks, I’m good.

Irma- (Holding out the glowing vase) Oh, come on now, Harvey. Don’t tell me there isn’t something or someone you desire?

Harvey glances at the stairs to where Sabrina is.

Irma- (Cont.) Magic can make many things happen.

She waves the vase enticingly under Harvey’s nose.

Int. Spellman bathroom. Aaron swims back and forth in the tub while Sabrina sits of the edge flicking through the magic book.

Sabrina- Don’t worry. I may not have my magic but I still know people. You know, I have to say, you’re really holding up well under the circumstances and you’re really a great swimmer.

A swirl of sparkles envelopes the bathtub and when it clears a fully dressed and very human Aaron is sat in the water. He spits out a long stream of it.

Sabrina- (Surprised and Delighted) Aaron?!

She gives him a big wet hug.

Aaron- <Cough!> What’s going on?

Sabrina- Ah, well you er... You fainted and your eyes rolled back, tongue came out, not pretty.

Aaron- So you put me in a bathtub with all my clothes on?

Sabrina- You’d have done the same for me. (Giving him a towel) Here, dry off. I’ll be back.

She leaves him too it.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina comes down to find aunt Irma putting her coat on.

Sabrina- Aunt Irma, I don’t know what made you change your mind but thank you for turning him back into a man.

Irma- Well, I obviously that boy loves you very much.

Sabrina- He really does, and if you’ll just give him a chance you’d see why I love Aaron, too.

Irma- Aaron? I was talking about Harvey. I gave him the powers of the universe... well, your magic, actually.

Sabrina- Wait, so Harvey changed Aaron back? Why couldn’t I do that?

Irma- You were trying to undo my spell. He was trying to make you happy. It turns out his was a much more powerful motive.

Sabrina- I can’t believe he did that for me.

Irma- <Sigh!> So marry a mortal. Don’t expect to see me at your wedding.

Sabrina- Oh, so this does have a happy ending. (On Irma’s glower) Bye, aunt Irma.

Irma starts to point at herself but Sabrina stops her.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh wait. What about our three furry friends?

She looks across at the three kittens on the table lapping at bowls of milk.

Irma- Oh fine! I’ll just right off the entire day.

With a single motion she returns the kittens to there original selves and vanishes. Morgan, Betty and Roxie look at one another as they kneel on all fours with milk around the mouths.

Roxie- Whoa! What’s going on?

Morgan- What are we doing?

Betty- I don’t know but you two are freaks.

Sabrina- Guys, if Aaron comes slogging down the stairs, tell him I’ll be right back. I’ve got a big ‘Thank you’ to deliver.

She leaves via the front door.

Morgan- (To Betty) I can’t believe I thought you were anything like Sabrina. What are you, some kind of a sorceress?

Betty- (Laughing) Yeah, watch me disappear.

She takes off Sabrina’s sweater, tosses it aside and leaves.

Morgan- I am so sorry, Roxie. You know, you were right. We are never going to find anyone to replace Sabrina.

Roxie- I told you.

Morgan- And for some reason, I feel like drowning my sorrows in a bowl of cream.

Roxie- I’m in a raw tuna kind of mood.

They dash to the kitchen.

Int. Harvey’s apartment building. Sabrina knocks on Harvey’s door.

Sabrina- (Calling out) Harvey, it’s me. I just wanna thank you.

She knocks again and the door springs off its latch and opens.

Int. Harvey’s apartment. Sabrina slowly swings the door open and finds that it’s been completely stripped. The only thing there is a cardboard box sitting in the middle of the floor.

Sabrina- Harvey?... Harvey?

There’s no answer. She squats down and opens the box and lifts out its contents. A glass vase full of fluorescent green magic. The magic leaps out and does a quick turn around the room before diving down Sabrina’s throat to beck were it belongs. Also in the box is a letter. She picks it up and reads it.

Harvey- (Voice over) "May your life be filled with happiness and with the magic only you can create. I’ll always love you. Harvey"

She looks around at the stark, empty place with a tear glistening in her eye.

Sabrina- Good bye, Harvey.

Int. Spellman living room. The girls are sat around with an air of sadness.

Roxie- I can’t believe Harvey’s really gone.

Sabrina- Neither can I.

Morgan- Oh, it’s just tragic.

Roxie- He was a great guy.

Sabrina- I know. We were so close.

Morgan- Tell me about it. We could have had him moved in here by the weekend.

Sabrina- Ah, it wouldn’t have worked anyway. He never would have worn the sweater.

Morgan- Oh, good point.

Run credits.