Spellmanian Slip

Written By - Bill Rosenthal & Andrew Borakove
Transcribed By - Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Salem - Nick Bakay
Morgan - Elisa Donovan
Roxie - Soleil Moon Frye
Harvey - Nate Richert
Aaron - Dylan Neal
Shirley Jacobs - Faith Prince
Bob Jacobs - Robert Picardo
Curator - Terry Sweeney
Billy Johnson - Dylan Cash

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the Warner Brothers Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Salem inspects Sabrina’s huge sparkly diamond ring threw a magnifier that Sabrina holds for him.

Salem- Cut. Clarity. Carat. Ca-ching! I could hawk this rock for a fortune!

Sabrina- Paws off my engagement ring, cat. I’m never removing this beautiful, sparkly... plastictwisttie! Freeze, cat burglar!

She points and her bedroom door slams shut just in time to stop the quick black cat from getting out, Bars lam down covering the door and a small steel box drops onto Salem trapping him inside. It has a few air holes but lots of chains.

Salem- <Sob! Sob!>

Sabrina- Now, we can do this one of two ways. The hard way or the really hard way?

Salem- Don’t I at least get a phone call?

Sabrina- No, not in Sabrina Spellman’s America.

Salem- <Sob! Grr! Sob!>

A black paw pokes out through one of the air holes holding the diamond ring. Sabrina takes it and lovingly replaces it onto the third finger of her left hand.

Sabrina- (To her ring) Oh, did the mean old cat hurt you?

Salem- (Chanting) Cattica! Cattica! Cattica!

Sabrina gives Salem’s new solid steel kitty cage a kick. Salem shuts up.

Run opening credits.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina has her apron on working at the cooker with a large pile of ingredients and pots on the counter. She believes, like we all should, in safe eating because she uses condiments. Roxie and Morgan are preparing to leave but Roxie has to ask the question again.

Roxie- Are you sure you don’t need any help?

Sabrina- I’m fine. I’m just meeting Aaron’s parents.

Morgan- They’re not just your boyfriend’s parents! They are your future in-laws and whatever they think about this first dinner is what they are going to think about you for the rest of your life.

Sabrina- That I’m dry but well seasoned?

The front doorbell rings.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Unless that’s them and they’re forty minutes early in which case they’ll be calling me bland and half baked.

Roxie- We can stay here if you want?

Sabrina- No, go enjoy your evening. I’ve got everything under control.

She heads for the front door while Roxie and Morgan make for the back one.

Roxie- (To Morgan) Where is it written that you have to start cooking once you get engaged?

Morgan- Probably the same stupid book that says you have to stop dating other people.

They leave.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina answers the front door to find Aaron standing on the step with to large paper grocery bags.

Aaron- Oh, here.

He puts the two large bags into Sabrina’s arms.

Aaron- (Cont.) I’m on my way to pick up my folks at the train station.

Sabrina- What’s all this?

Aaron- Oh, just a couple of things I know my dad’s gonna want for dinner. Pepper corns, mustard, ice cream.

Sabrina- Like, all together in the same bowl?

Aaron- He’s a little detail oriented. Most nuclear engineers are.

Sabrina- Nuclear engineer? Okay, that’s a nine on the intimidating meter. Anything I should know about mom?

Aaron- She’s an expert on relationships.

Sabrina- Well what woman isn’t?

Aaron- No, my mom really is. She’s even written a book on the subject.

There’s a copy of it conveniently placed in the grocery bags. Aaron takes it out to show Sabrina. It has, in bold print, ‘Shirley Jacobs’ and the title is:-

Sabrina- (Reading) ‘Not with my son you don’t’

Aaron- (Putting it back in the bag.) Skim it. (Checking his watch) Okay, I’m running late. Don’t be nervous, this is gonna be fun.

He gives her a kiss on the forehead and leaves.

Sabrina- (To herself) Nervous? I’m not nervous. I am way passed nervous! (Calling) Roxie! Morgan! (To herself) Oh, right.

She points up at the heavens.

Ext. Morgan’s car. Downtown Westbridge. Morgan and Roxie sit and stare in awe and wonder.

Roxie- I have never seen so many cows in my whole life.

Morgan- Has there always been a farm here?

The mooing is very loud as the huge herd block the road.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem sits on the counter watching Sabrina chop vegetables.

Salem- This is dinner, huh? So you’re assuming they’ll have already eaten?

Sabrina- Salem, just once could you say something supportive and helpful?

Salem- I... wish you were marrying Harvey?

Sabrina- Errgh! You know, I wonder if I could find a recipe that calls for a dead cat?

Salem- But I like Harvey. He’s the only one of your boyfriends who ever treated me like a person.

Sabrina- He’s the only one who ever knew you were a person!

Salem- Why are you so ashamed of me?

Sabrina glares at him as Morgan and Roxie arrive back from their aborted night out.

Morgan- Did you know there’s a farm where that middle school used to be?

Sabrina- Yeah-yeah. I think I heard that at the block meeting. Er, thank goodness you are home. I’m having judgemental geniuses for dinner.

Morgan- Oh, you’ll feel better once you’ve changed and done your hair.

Sabrina- (Looking down at herself) I changed. I did my hair.

Roxie- What can we do to help?

Sabrina- Everything. Set the table, shine the silver, fluff the pillows. Go!

The front doorbell rings.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Don’t go! Er, greet them at the door, make small talk, be charming but not more charming than me. Go!

Roxie and Morgan head for the living room while Sabrina takes off her apron.

Sabrina- Okay, calm down. A couple of deep breaths, everything will be fine.

Salem- Know what else I like about Harvey?

Sabrina- (Interrupting sharply) Salem! Aaron and I are getting married. That’s that!

She straightens her hair and heads for the living room.

Salem- (Calling after) Maybe I’ll marry Harvey! (To himself) I think it’s legal in Vermont.

Int. Spellman living room. Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs are being greeted by Roxie and Morgan who is getting a hug from Mrs. Jacobs.

Shirley- Thank you both for welcoming us into your home.

Morgan- Oh, not really our home or our idea but come on in anyway.

Sabrina arrives from the kitchen.

Aaron- Ah, there she is. Sabrina, these are my parents, Shirley, Bob. Mom, dad, this is the girl that I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.

They smile at each other unconvincingly.

Sabrina- I’m so happy to meet you.

She holds out her arms to Mrs. Jacobs but there is no welcoming hug forthcoming.

Shirley- You’re just like Aaron described.

She walks passed Sabrina into the living room. Morgan gives Sabrina a raised eyebrow look as she follows to see if they need anything.

Sabrina- Good, no hug. ‘Cause I’ve got a lot of personal space issues. (To Aaron) Yeah, except with you. (Taking his arm) Don’t leave my side. (To Mr. Jacobs) So, um Aaron’s told me a lot about you.

Bob- Well obviously he didn’t tell you I hate small talk.

He follows Mrs. Jacobs into the living room.

Sabrina- (To Aaron) I like them.

Later. Hors d’ouvres have been laid out and drinks passed round. Aaron sits on the settee with his mom and Roxie entertains dad while Morgan lends moral support to Sabrina.

Roxie- So, Sabrina tells me you’re a nuclear engineer?

Bob- Fifteen years, bringing cheep energy to the masses.

Roxie- Cheep and deadly. Do you realise you’re slowly ruining the global ecosystem?

Bob- We’re working as fast as we can.

Sabrina- (To Morgan) Morgan, quick, run interference.

Morgan- No problem.

She hurries over.

Morgan- (Cont.) (To Bob) Er so, you’re in the nuclear biz, huh? I once dated a guy named Atom, but then we split! Ha-ha!

He looks at her with a deadpan expression that shows a total lack of humour. Sabrina joins Aaron and his mom.

Shirley- So, you have no contact with your parents whatsoever?

Sabrina- No, well it’s not like it’s our choice. It’s er... th-they’re very busy and er they travel a lot. Yeah, town to town. It’s not like they’re carnies or anything, it’s... complicated.

Aaron- Mom, can we do this without the grilling?

Shirley- Aaron honey, I am not grilling her. (To Sabrina) So how many serious relationships have you been in?

Sabrina- Well that depends on what you mean by serious? Y’know, I’ve had a lot of relation... well I don’t mean a lot. I-I just um... Y’know, I-I-I never took any of them seriously. (On Shirley’s look) Have I told you about my parents?

Shirley- (To Aaron) I like her. I like her a lot.

Sabrina smile slips from strained to happy in that moment.

Shirley- (Cont.) Even more than Brenda.

Sabrina- Thank you. (To Aaron) Who’s Brenda?

Aaron- Oh, no one. No one important.

Shirley- His last fiancé.

Sabrina- (Jumping to her feet in surprise) What?! You were engaged before?

Aaron- Y-You know, honestly, that was be...

Shirley- (Interrupting) Communication is the cornerstone of every successful relationship.

Sabrina- Yes. (To Aaron) And you and I need to communicate right now!

She grabs his arm and drags him aside. He glares daggers at his mother over his shoulder. They pass Morgan on the way.

Sabrina- Morgan - Shirley - Distract - Now.

Morgan- I’m on it. (To Shirley) Er so, you’re a relationship expert. I once dated a guy named Atom, but then we split! Ha-ha!

Bob mouths Morgan’s punch line in the background and it gets the same lack of response from Shirley that it did from Bob. Meanwhile it’s Aaron who is getting grilled.

Sabrina- So, when were you going to tell me about Brenda?

Aaron- Sabrina, that was so long ago. Honestly, I haven’t spoken to her in years. She’s ancient history!

The front door opens behind Aaron and Harvey wonders in.

Harvey- Hey Sabrina, hope I’m not late.

Aaron- Unlike your ex who just lives on and on! I can’t believe you invited him to dinner with my parents!

Sabrina- I didn’t invite him!

Aaron raises his arms and goes back to join his folks.

Sabrina- (Cont.)(To Harvey) I didn’t invite you!

Harvey- I know, Salem did. He said there’d be dinner, fireworks.

Int. Spellman dining room. Salem sits as the centrepiece of the lavishly laid out dinner table.

Salem- (To Himself) I’ve lit the fuse, now I just wait for the ka-bloowie! Mwa-ha-ha-ha! Ma-ha-ha... <Cough! Cough!>

Int. Spellman living room.

Sabrina- (To Harvey) Well, you can’t stay. This night is already a minefield.

Shirley- (Walking over) So, Mr. Kinkle, I understand you’re the ex. If anyone can give me some insights into my future daughter-in-law, it’s you. Come, sit next to me. Ha-ha.

She drags him to a settee and sits beside him. Harvey looks quite pleased about it.

Sabrina- (Signalling) Harvey, no. (To Morgan) Cheerleader, go tell Aaron that you invited Harvey.

Morgan- Did I?

Sabrina- You did now.

She gets up and goes to Aaron passing Roxie and Mr. Jacobs on her way.

Roxie- It’s people like you who’re destroying the planet!

Bob- And it’s people like you who make me want to.

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Guys, it’s a party, let’s not talk politics!

She shoves a bowl of snacks between them. Bob goes to take one but Sabrina cannot bear to be to far from Shirley’s ongoing interrogation of Harvey. She walks back across the room leaving Mr. Jacobs snackless.

Shirley- (To Harvey) Why, exactly, did Sabrina break up with you?

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Guys, it’s a party, let’s not talk relationships!

Harvey manages to snatch a snack before Sabrina’s off to the other worrying couple.

Morgan- (To Aaron) I have no idea why I invited him.

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Guys, it’s a party, let’s not talk... Let’s... just not talk!

Roxie- I smell smoke, is something on fire?

Sabrina- Oh, wouldn’t it be great?

She shoves her plate of snacks into Roxie’s arms and runs for the kitchen.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem sits on the table and watches Sabrina run in and head to the cooker.

Salem- I see good old Harvey’s stopped by. How serendipitous.

She drags a smoking pot of the hob onto the counter.

Sabrina- I’ll serendip you! (Wafting the smoke) Oh, this is a complete disaster. I wanted this evening to be perfect! You know, we should be laughing, clinking glasses. Everything should be harmonious. <Gasp!> That’s it! ‘My guests are angry as can be, bring this night some harmony’

She points and from a small tornado of sparkles comes a new type of condiment. A shaker of ‘Harmony Salt’

Sabrina- (Reading the label) ‘Harmony Salt. Helping people get along since eighteen ninety-two’ Excellent. Well I will just season this evening to perfection.

She sprinkles a liberal amount over a plate of crab cakes.

Int. Spellman living room. Well all hell done broke loose. Roxie’s still rowing with Mr. Jacobs, Aaron’s yelling at his mom, who yells back while Harvey and Morgan go at it like they’re still courting. Sabrina enters the mayhem with her plate.

Sabrina- Hey, look everyone, crab cakes!

Harvey- Oh, my favourite!

Aaron- Oh, wonderful. You made Harvey’s favourite.

Sabrina- Just eat this Mr. Previously Engaged!

Everyone tuck in.

Sabrina- (Cont.) So, do we like the crab cakes?

Everyone- (With their mouths full) Hmmm.

Sabrina- Good. So, crazy weather we’ve been havin’, huh?

There’s a distinct clunk as Sabrina is lit up in the bright glare of a super trooper spotlight. A trill of piano signals an end to the arguing and the start of the chorus. Aaron, Bob, Harvey, Morgan, Roxie and Shirley move round to flank Sabrina and sing the overture.

Aaron, Bob, Harvey, Morgan, Roxie and Shirley- (Singing) Harmony! Harmony!
Gosh we’re feelin' swell.

Sabrina- (Frowning) I guess the musical notes on the label should have tipped me of. Oh well, at least we’re not arguing anymore.

The orchestra start up again.

Aaron, Bob, Harvey, Morgan, Roxie and Shirley- (Singing and dancing) Harmony! Harmony!
Gosh we’re feelin' swell.
Harmony! Harmony!
This is going oh so well.

They all spread out except for Shirley who twirls in to dance round Sabrina.

Shirley- (Singing) Imagine my delight
To meet you here tonight
And endlessly enumerate the reasons you’re not right!

Sabrina- Excuse me?

Shirley- (Singing) My boy says you’re the one.
When all is said and done
You simply are not good enough to wed my perfect son!

The spots light falls on Aaron who dances in sweeping Sabrina in his arms. He guides her into the dining room.

Aaron- (Singing) It stings me seeing Harvey standing next to you.
It seems that Harvey’s more than just an ex to you.

He swoops off to the other side of the table.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Oh yeah?

She takes a quick bite of one of the crab cakes on the plate she’s still holding, puts the plate down and reaches across the table for Aaron’s outstretch hand.

Sabrina- (Cont.)(Singing) I love the dream but hey,
I’d love to hear you say
How many other fiancés you’ve dumped along the way.

Morgan quickly gets between them and instigates a little dance routine.

Morgan- (Singing) Harmony! Harmony!
Can’t conceal the bile.
Harmony! Harmony!
This is gonna take a while.

Roxie turns Bob around and they take up a classic waltz pose.

Roxie- (Singing) Your power plants and toxic dumps are perilous.

Sabrina ducks in between them.

Bob- (Singing to Sabrina) Your roommates confrontational and querulous!

Sabrina- (Singing to Roxie) Perhaps it would be best
To not offend our guest.
So zip you lip and give your hippy politics a rest!

She ducks out as Roxie and Bob dance round behind a settee.

Sabrina- Morgan, help!

Morgan joins her in the middle of the floor and they dance a stanza. Then Morgan jumps up onto the coffee table for a sexy little solo piece.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Everybody, look at Morgan.

As Morgan dances, Harvey moves in on one side of Sabrina while Aaron sets himself at the other. She’s pulled from one to the other.

Sabrina- (Singing) Harmony! Harmony!
This was not my plan.
Now we’re all meaner than
When this stupid song began.

Both Harvey and Aaron lift her and place her down before Shirley. Sabrina pulls her up into the circle with everyone else for the finally.

Everyone- (Singing) There’s nothing like a good old fashioned melody
To put a little gloss on animosity.

They all get in line for a little kick dancing.

Everyone- (Singing) Sling mud with effervescent charm.
Draw blood while singing arm in arm
And all in perfect har-mo-ny

Bob- (Singing) In case they didn’t hear you!

Everyone- (Singing) Knock down, drag out har-mo-ny!

They all finish in their final poses flushed and panting.

Shirley- One more time! A-five-six...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) No! No more time! Enough music!

She raises her finger and with a ping everyone gets back to arguing and quarrelling as though nothing unusual had just happened.

Sabrina- (Yelling) Everybody listen!

They all quiet down.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I think we’re all getting a little out of control here.

Morgan- I’m fine... although I have a strange urge to do jazz hands.

Sabrina- Look, we’re arguing and insulting each other and we’re losing sight of what’s really important.

She slips her arm around Aaron’s waist.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Aaron and I are about to embark on the most significant journey of our lives and we’ll need all the support we can get. At the end of the day, the most important thing to remember is that Aaron loves me and I love Harvey.

Five sets of eyes travel in shocked silence from Sabrina to Harvey who’s sat looking equally shocked but extremely pleased on the settee.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Did I just say Harvey?

Aaron’s arm, that had been around Sabrina drops away.

Aaron- Harvey? You love... Harvey?

Sabrina takes Aaron’s limp arm and drapes it round her shoulders.

Sabrina- No, not Harvey, Aaron! You!

His arm begins to slip again and she has to hold it in place.

Shirley- Well you said Harvey!

Roxie- You did.

Morgan- Yep.

Bob- She did.

Harvey- (Grinning from ear to ear) I know.

Sabrina- (Having given up on Aaron’s arm) Okay, I know I said it. I don’t deny that I said it but I didn’t mean to say it. I-I don’t even know what I was thinking. I guess Harvey’s just been on my mind a lot lately.

Aaron- Oh well, that makes me, Aaron, feel so much better.

Shirley- Sounds to me like a certain young lady has some serious issues.

Sabrina- Issues? I don’t have issues! (To Aaron) Aaron, honey, tell her I love you.

He looks down at his feet.

Sabrina- (Cont.)(Sharply) Tell her!

Aaron- Sabrina, I think I have to agree with my mother on this.

Bob- No, don’t start now son; it’s a slippery slope.

Shirley- (Glaring at Bob) And here I thought things were going so well.

Shirley and Bob head for the door.

Sabrina- No, please don’t go. We haven’t even had dinner yet.

Aaron- Oh, and who do you think has an appetite right now?

Harvey- (With his mouth full) I do.

Everyone turns and glares at Harvey who shrugs and helps himself to more hors d’ouvres. Aaron follows his parents out of the door.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina sits at the table in utter desolation while her two roomies lend support.

Sabrina- How could I have been so stupid? I’ve ruined everything!... Except for the chicken which is like a little slice of heaven.

Morgan- I think you’re overreacting. Harvey will be fine! I tell guys that I love them all the time and don’t mean it. They’re surprisingly resilient.

Roxie- Is it possible you still have feelings for Harvey?

Sabrina- (Emphatic) No! Not possible. It was a slip o’ the tongue. Y’know, tongues get slippery. They-they’re like a waterslide for words.

Roxie- I don’t think this was just a slip of the tongue. I think it was a Freudian slip and as Freud said, there are no accidents.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina is lay on the couch opening her innermost secrets to the good doctor.

Doctor Saberhagen- (In a strong German accent) Perhaps zer root of zer problem lies somevere een your subconscious desires, no?

Sabrina- No. The root of my problem is that I’m talking to a cat. Why wont Aaron call me back?

Salem looks at her over the top of the glasses that set off the eighteenth century suit he’s wearing.

Salem- Maybe because you called him Harvey?

Sabrina- Thank you doctor Duh! Why did I say that? Maybe Roxie’s right. Maybe I should talk to somebody.

Salem- What am I, chopped liver?... Hmm, liver. I think our time is up.

Sabrina- Yeah, I’ll say. ‘I need to get some things off my chest, help me find the shrink who is the best’

With a wave of her finger she vanishes amidst a swirl of sparkles.

Int. A doctors office. Lots of black leather and chrome, a glass topped desk and crammed maple book shelves. Sabrina materialises sitting in one of the polished leather chairs and looks around.

Sabrina- Hey, swanky. Ooh look, there’s even lemon in the water.

She pours herself a glass and takes a refreshing mouthful just as the door opens and the doctor enters.

Shirley- Hello, I’m doctor Jacobs.

A mouthful of lemon flavoured water is sprayed all over the polished black leather foot rest.

Shirley- (Cont.) Sabrina?

Sabrina- (Wiping her mouth) Shirley? You’re the best psychologist in Boston? (Under her breath) I’ve got to be more specific with my incantations.

Shirley- What are you doing here, besides spitting citric acid all over the leather?

Sabrina- I er, well I-I thought I was gonna bare my soul and fix my relationship but er best laid plans. I should probably go.

Shirley- Probably. I don’t think ‘Conflict of interests’ even begins to cover this.

Sabrina- Look Shirley... doctor Jacobs, I know you probably don’t believe this but Freudian slip or not, I love Aaron... Jacobs, your son, very much. See ya.

She heads dejectedly to the door.

Shirley- I’ve got to say I am impressed how forcefully and directly you’re addressing this problem.

Sabrina- You are? I mean, that’s me! Sabrina - always addressing things forcefully - Spellman.

Shirley- Sabrina, can I talk to you as a professional?

Sabrina- Suppose you just talk to me as my future mother-in-law?

Shirley- Stay away from my son!

Sabrina- Professional, it is.

Shirley- Good choice. Sabrina, I don’t think you know what you want. I don’t think you know your own heart.

Sabrina- I think I’d know my own heart... I mean, not that I’d recognise it walking down the street but... (On Shirley’s look) You’re not really one for the witty aside, are you?

Shirley- I think you have to look deep within your heart and figure out what’s really going on, and once you’ve done that, we’ll have dinner again.

She pats Sabrina’s arm and smiles.

Sabrina- That’s it? Easy.

She heads for the door again.

Shirley- See you in about four years.

Sabrina- (Turning) Four years?!

Shirley- At least. There are no shortcuts in mental health.

Sabrina- So... I’m guessing it’s too soon to start calling you mom?... (On Shirley’s look) See, now you don’t smile.

She leaves.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Harvey is making himself a man-sized sandwich watches by Salem.

Harvey- (Singing) Harmony! Harmony!
Gosh we’re feelin’ swell.

He takes the sandwich over to the table and puts in front of Salem.

Harvey- Do you ever have a song you just can’t get out of your head?

Salem- The Meow Mix jingle comes to mind... Oh thanks! There it is again.

Sabrina enters via the back door.

Sabrina- Why does it seem like you’re here more than I am?

Harvey- I figure I should be around. Seeing as...(Grinning) you love me.

Sabrina- Look, that was a mistake! An awful, horrible mistake that should never have happened.

Harvey- Is that any way to talk to the man you love?

Sabrina- Harvey, please, I don’t have time for this. I have to look deep within my heart and find out why I said it in the first place.

She heads for the stairs

Harvey- (Calling after) I’m guessing this is going to involve a lot of pinging and pointing?

Sabrina- Good guess.

She goes upstairs.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina delves into her old faithful; the magic book.

Sabrina- Let’s see. (Reading) Heart! ‘Lonely...’, ‘Be still my beating...’, ‘Lost in San Francisco...’, ‘Maps of...’ That’s it! A map of my heart, what could be easier?

She points and in the middle of her bedroom a large wall map appears, the type you get in shopping malls with a ‘You are here’ arrow. The are four main blocks on the map: the left and right ventricles and the left and right atriums.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Just about anything. Why are these thing always so confusing? Oh good, there’s an information booth.

She presses the large red button and is instantly turned to light and sucked into the map.

Int. Sabrina’s heart. The information booth. The steady bum-bum bum-bum of the pumping organ can be heard as a man in a maroon uniform dusts behind the blood red reception desk. Behind him is a huge portrait of Sabrina. The lady herself arrives in a swirl of sparkles unnoticed by the curator.

Sabrina- Excuse me.

Curator- (Turning) Oh, hello. Welcome to Sabrina’s heart. Are you here to become a patron of the hearts?

Sabrina- No. Actually, I’m here to look deep within it.

Curator- Oh, well excellent. There’s a map and...

His eye catches sight of the portrait on the wall and he does a double take.

Curator- (Cont.) Oh my gosh! You’re her! It’s you! I’ve always wanted to meet you.

Sabrina- Oh, well you almost came through my throat the last time a rode a roller coaster.

Curator- I think I was more frightened than you that day.

A small fire erupts on the floor beside Sabrina. She skips back in alarm.

Sabrina- What’s that?

Curator- Oh, the jalapenos you had for lunch.

He uses a fire extinguisher to put out the flames. Sabrina blows a smoke ring and wafts it away.

Sabrina- <Cough!> Sorry.

Curator- Oh, not a problem. (Handing her a brochure) Now if you follow me, we’ll start in the left ventricle.

Sabrina- (Opens the brochure) Korean? How many Korean tourists do you actually get here?

Curator- You’d be surprised.

The curator guides her down a passage that has a large picture of powder blue on the wall.

Sabrina- Oh, I love blue.

Curator- I know, we’ve got scads of it.

Sabrina- Oh sweethearts! Oh, I love sweethearts!

She walks passed the display of romantic candy and on to the framed display of waffles pouring out of a toaster.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Toaster waffles! Oh, I...

Curator- (Interrupting) Love ‘em. I know. Strangely, one of our more popular exhibits.

Sabrina- You know, I was worried that my heart would reveal all these deep dark secrets but it’s really very... cracked?

The last part of that comment is caused by the huge crack in the blood red plaster of the wall that she’s just passed.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I don’t get it? I work out! I eat right!

Curator- Oh, you’re fine. Every heart gets broken. This is where Harvey broke yours. As they say, time and a couple of day labourers heal all wounds.

Further down the hallway she spots...

Sabrina- Aaron!

She hurries down to where he’s sitting cross legged on a pedestal against the wall.

Sabrina- (Cont.) See, I knew it. I love Aaron.

Curator- Yeah, again, I know.

Sabrina- I mean, not only is he in my heart but I’ve got him on a pedestal... which may not be the healthiest thing but I’ll work on that later.

Curator- Later, yeah, yeah.

Sabrina- Y’know, so I guess that comment about Harvey really was just a slip of the tongue.

He guides her away across the hall and into a room. The walls are covered with posters of ice hockey stars and pennants. An old guitar is propped against a table and along one wall is a shelf with stereo and many sports trophies. A coffee table loaded down with snacks is beside a leather easy-boy chair and sitting in it playing on his Playstation 2 is Harvey.

Sabrina- Hey, Harvey... Harvey?! What’s Harvey doing here?... In his own room?... with a plasma screen TV? Is that real plasma?

Curator- Harvey obviously occupies a very special place in your heart.

Sabrina- But why’s Aaron out in the hallway on a crumby pedestal?

Curator- Well, Harvey’s part of our permanent collection and things in the hallway are just... temporary.

Sabrina- Temporary?

Curator- Oh, don’t you remember two years ago when you "loved" orange? It was the new black or something. If I never see that colour again...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Now look, Aaron is not temporary! We’re getting married! Till death do us part! Y’know, you can’t get more permanent than that!

Curator- Well, you really haven’t known him that long. I’ll take it up with the people upstairs.

Sabrina- The ‘people upstairs’ are me! No wonder I’ve been blurting out Harvey’s name. We’ve gotta find a room for Aaron.

She storms out back into the hallway with the curator traipsing behind her.

Curator- Oh no-no-no! Please don’t. No-no. Don’t. That one...!

But it’s too late. She opens the first door she comes to. In it is a sunny garden with a ginger haired young boy draped through a tyre swing. The boy waves to her.

Sabrina- (To the curator) Billy Johnson! Oh, he was my first crush. He ate a caterpillar just to impress me.

Curator- Yuck!

He looks in on Billy with a look of disgust and misses the fact that Sabrina has crossed to another door. When he sees.

Curator- (Cont.) Oh, don’t open that door!

But it’s too late. His worst fear has come to pass. She’s let the dogs out.

Sabrina- (Delighted) Oh, puppies! I love puppies!

She picks one of the pack of golden Labrador pups up and gets all smoochy with it.

Curator- Yeah, but you don’t have to clean up after them.

Sabrina- Look, Aaron is here to stay. He needs a room and he needs it now! Somebody’s got to go. Billy, pack it up!

The young boy who was leaning against his door jam watching quickly ducks back into his room and slams the door shut.

Curator- The Heart has an infinite capacity for love. Rooms get built over time.

Sabrina- Well, I don’t have time. I need a room now.

Curator- (Handing Sabrina a hammer) Knock yourself out.

He walks off down the hallway.

Sabrina- (Eyeing the hammer) I wonder how Aaron would feel about a lean-to and a sleeping bag?

Later. Sabrina’s in work clothes including a ‘Habitat for Aaron’ T-shirt and a blood red hard hat and is sawing a lat for Aaron’s new room. It’s coming along but still far from finished.

Sabrina- (Mopping her brow) Phew! If only Jimmy Carter could see me now.

She saws some more.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Phew! This has got to be good for my heart.

Int. Doctor Jacobs’ office. Aaron is paying a visit to mom. She sits at her desk watching him pace a hole into her carpet.

Aaron- It’s so frustrating! She says she loves me and yet I have this constant feeling that I’m just some guy passing through her life!

Shirley- I hate to tell you this, dear, but I really don’t think there’s anything Sabrina can do to change how you feel.

Int. Sabrina’s heart. She’s really working up a sweat now. The lattice is all done and the wall panelling is being nailed into place. She’s finally getting to use the hammer... or, at least someone is.

Sabrina- Come on! Come on! You’re hammering like a little boy!

Billy Johnson- You’re mean! I’m glad I took up with Suzy Gibson.

He turns back to his work while Sabrina pulls her tongue out at him.

Int. Doctor Jacobs’ office. Aaron’s still pacing and Shirley's still subtly egging him on to break the engagement off.

Aaron- Maybe you’re right! Maybe I should just call the whole thing off!

Shirley- Well, if you think that’s best?

Int. Sabrina’s heart, Aaron’s room. Aaron stands watching her paint the walls a nice blood red with his pedestal tucked under his arm. She finishes with the roller and stands back.

Sabrina- Vouela! You’re very own room. Rent stabilised, an unbreakable lease and a partial view of the lungs.

Aaron- I love it! I won’t be needing this anymore.

He tosses his pedestal out into the hallway. Sabrina clutches her chest in pain.

Sabrina- Aw! Well, welcome to your new home.

He leans down and kisses her.

Int. Doctor Jacobs’ office. The real Aaron has decisions to make.

Aaron- All right. All right, you’ve convinced me. I guess I’ll just call Sabrina and tell her...

Something that he can’t explain makes him think again.

Aaron- (Cont.) ...That I love her and I know that the other night was just a horrible mistake.

Shirley- What?!

Aaron- You just have to believe me when I tell you I know I have a special place in Sabrina’s heart, and I just have to remember that we all have pasts but Sabrina is definitely my future.

With a happy smile he walks to the office door and turns.

Aaron- (Cont.) Maybe you don’t know everything, mom.

He leaves.

Shirley- (To Herself) If only I could blame his mother.

Ext. Spellman back porch. Sabrina continues with the real Aaron what she started with the heart Aaron.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Morgan and Roxie watch the loved up pair locked at the lips through the French windows. They bring the large pile of sandwiches they’ve been making to the table.

Roxie- What I wouldn’t give for a guy that forgiving and understanding.

Morgan- Heck, I’d settle for his good looks and money.

Roxie- (Calling) Okay, lunch is ready.

Sabrina and Aaron come up for air and enter. They each take a sandwich.

Sabrina- Wow, this is great. Thanks.

Aaron- Thank you.

Everyone takes a bite and there’s a strange change to the lighting in the room.

Everyone- (Singing) Harmony! Harmony!
Gosh we’re feelin’ swell.

Aaron spins Sabrina out towards the counter where Salem is sitting next to a very magical saltshaker.

Sabrina- I’ll get you for this!

She’s pulled back into the dance.

Salem- He-he-he!

Everyone- (Singing) Harmony! Harmony!
This is going oh so well.

Ext. Spellman front porch. later. The song and dance spell has worn off and Sabrina comes out with Aaron to see him off. Aaron takes her hands in his.

Aaron- Well that was a tough couple of days but I’m glad everything worked out.

Sabrina- So am I.

They kiss again.

Aaron- I love you, Sabrina.

Sabrina- I love you, Billy... Did I just say ‘Billy’?!

Run credits.