Do You See What I See?

Int. College house. Sabrina and Roxie look for something for dinner. Their choices are limited as they delve into the deepest, darkest recesses on the refrigerator and the cupboards. The phone rings and Sabrina answers.

Sabrina- Hello? Hello? (To Roxie) That’s weird, they hung up. That’s the second time that’s happened today.

Roxie- Did you hear a cell door clanging in the background?

Sabrina- No.

Roxie- Then it wasn’t my mom. Hey look! I’ve found an old box of macaroni for dinner.

Sabrina- Whoa-whoa! Let me see the expiration date on that. (She reads it) I think it’s in Roman numerals.

Roxie- Anything better?

Sabrina- Tater-tots, a freezer burned pot-pie and a UFO. Unidentified foiled object.

Roxie- (Holding the pot-pie) Do you realise, in the fifties they thought this was a well balanced meal?

Miles enters carrying a paper carrier bag.

Sabrina- Well in the fifties they also thought that hiding underneath your desk would save you from a nuclear attack.

Miles- That only works if the desk is eighty feet underground and made of a titanium alloy. And speaking of nuclear fall-out, I survived another dinner with my parents.

Sabrina- (Eyeing up the carrier bag) Ooh and saved us from fossilised macaroni. Hand over the left-overs.

He hands her the bag and the girls greedily dig in.

Miles- The entire evening was a nightmare. They maligned every aspect of my character and my life.

Sabrina- That’s awful. (Excited) Oh your mom put raisins in the kugel!

Miles- I don’t even know why I continue going? These Sunday night dinners are becoming a sadistic ritual.

Roxie- Well it’s important to have family traditions. (To Sabrina) Did you taste this kishka? It’s to die for.

Miles- It’s the same thing every time I go home! My father talks to me about forgetting this paranormal nonsense and switching my major to accounting, while my mother shovels food onto my plate and says ‘Why don’t you come home more often?’

Roxie- (With her mouth full) It wouldn’t hurt.

Miles- And you’d think my father would realise that I’d rather stick needles in my eyes than join the family business.

Sabrina- Well what are you saying? There’s no room for a paranormal researcher at a CPA firm?

Miles- That’s about as good as my fathers latest joke. Changing the companies name to ‘Goodman, Goodman... and not so Goodman’

Sabrina- Ha-ha-ha-ha! That’s funny... (On his look) Or cruel. Y’know, it depends on your point of view.

Run credits.

Int. Adams College, Astronomy class. Professor Hutchins sets her assignment.

Professor Hutchins- For your next astronomy paper you’re free to choose your own topic.

Sabrina raises her hand.

Professor Hutchins- (Cont.) It should be double space, ten pages, due next week and no, there is no bonus assignment for extra credit.

Sabrina lowers her hand.

Sabrina- (Aside to Roxie) It never hurts to ask.

Roxie- (Aside to Miles) This should be a breeze, I can spit out ten pages just downloading NASA’s website.

Professor Hutchins- And one other thing, no downloading NASA’s website or any other scientific mumbo-jumbo that you get off the Internet. I want it totally understandable, simple, in layman’s terms, which is why you’ll be presenting it orally to the class.

The class is dismissed.

Roxie- (To Miles) I don’t believe this. First we can’t download our reports, then she expects us to actually understand them? What kind of whacko approach to teaching is this anyway?

Miles- This is quite a quandary. We have to intelligently discuss a complicated topic, yet it has to be understandable to the lowest common denominator. How do we do that?

They exit into the hallway. Sabrina who has been following and listening to their conversation stops, having an idea.

Sabrina- (To herself) I just thought of a way.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina enters with her book bag.

Sabrina- Is aunt Hilda here? I’ve got to run my astronomy report by her.

Zelda- You wanna talk to Hilda about science? Dear, that’s like asking Hirohito where to get a good pizza. I, on the other hand, have three doctorates in intergalactic studies and am personally credited with discovering seventeen moons.

As her aunt blows her own trumpet, Sabrina takes some plastic containers from her bag and puts them on the counter.

Sabrina- Well my professor says that my report has to be so clear that even the simplest person can understand it.

Zelda- Better wait for Hilda. She’s on a date with a witch from Venus.

Salem- She met him through that dating service, ‘Great Hexspectations’

Zelda- (Picking up a container) What is all this?

Sabrina- Oh extra food Miles brought home from dinner with his family. They torture him about becoming an accountant but they send him home with gold.

Zelda sticks a fork into one of the containers and pulls out a large ball of something.

Zelda- This is unusual?

Salem- Yurgh! And not unlike my uncle Goliath’s kidney-stone.

Sabrina- It’s matzah ball soup, so good you just want to say ‘Oy!’ (On their looks) That’s Yiddish for ‘Yum!’

Zelda takes a bite and her eyes widen.

Zelda- Oy!

Beam me up Scotty, or rather beam me down. Hilda is beamed down from her date with Elliot, the Venutian.

Hilda- Oh, that was the most incredible experience of my life!

Zelda- So Elliot was nice?

Hilda- Beats me, I was talking about his car. That thing really flies... literally! He’s got a flying car Zellie!

They hear the cars engines rev up above their heads and look up... but only see the kitchen ceiling.

Ext. The College house roof. Miles is looking up through his Argonaut XR-9, eight inch parabolic primary mirror, eight hundred millimetre focal length telescope and sees something a little more unusual.

Miles- A UFO! It looks just like a Cadillac.

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda comes from the kitchen taking off her coat and followed by Sabrina and Zelda.

Sabrina- So, tell us about your date? Give us details.

Hilda- It's a thousand cylinder, hydrogen fuelled turbo with the coolest chrome fins on the after-burners. (On their look) Oh, you mean Elliot. Well let me just say this, it’s true what they say about men from Venus, they have great suspension.

Zelda- As opposed to those cads from Mars who leave the toilet seat up and drink out of the milk carton.

Salem- I did it once! Let it go.

Sabrina- Well now we’ve gotten a report on your date and his car, I wanna run my astronomy report by you.

Hilda- Of course. (To Zelda) See? You’re not the only one Sabrina values for her intelligence. (To Sabrina) Shoot!

Sabrina- (Reading) ‘The speed of light is the speed at which light travels in a...’

Hilda- (Interrupting) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Back up Einstein, you lost me.

Sabrina- Maybe I should just give my report with finger-puppets?

Hilda- Oh I love finger-puppets.

Int. Adams College hallways. Sabrina walks with Miles.

Sabrina- So, you’re ready to give your presentation?

Miles- Actually I’m ready to give two presentations. One is my standard, ten minute, cocktail party ice-breaker about the molecular composition of sun-spots, the other is really... going out on a limb. I’d better go with the safe choice.

Sabrina- Safe choice? That doesn’t sound like you?

Miles- Then I know I’m on the right track.

Sabrina- Miles come on, you’ve gotta go out on a limb. I mean that’s what I love about you, you’re not afraid to take risks.

Miles- Really?

Sabrina- Yeah! I mean look at what you’re wearing.

Int. Professor Hutchins astronomy class. Roxie finishes reading her report to the class.

Roxie- ...And, therefore, it is hypothesised that quasars are optical illusions created by gravitational lensing of the photons emanating from a large mass at the centre of an active galaxy. (Takes a deep and much needed breath) The end.

She takes her seat.

Sabrina- (Aside to Roxie) Wow! Who knew you could deliver a ten page report without ever taking a breath?

Miles- Although towards the end, the lack of oxygen was causing your left eye to wander.

Roxie- I’m just happy it’s over and I never have to think about quasars again.

Professor Hutchins- Thank you Roxie... Or should I be thanking your Internet service provider? Sabrina, you're next.

She gets up to the podium.

Sabrina- Er my report is on the speed of light. The speed of light is fast. It’s really fast. It’s like er, y’know how the cheetah’s like the fasted land animal? It’s like way-way-way-way-way faster than that. (On the professors look) You said to keep it simple.

Later. It's Miles’ turn.

Miles- I was all set to present my report on sun-spots, including my hypothesis that the disco era was influenced by a minor solar flair, but then a good friend convinced me to go out on a limb. Last night I, Miles Goodman, witnessed an alien spacecraft traverse the night sky.

The students laugh.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Oy! Not in the ‘Yum’ sense of the word.

Miles- Surprisingly, it looked like a Cadillac, yet it was stylishly adorned with chrome fins on the after-burners.

Sabrina- (To herself) Why can’t aunt Hilda take the bus like everyone else?

Miles- It was incredible. And there it flew, a flashing red light that I can only interpret as a left turn signal.

Student #1- I got another interpretation, you’re a nut-job!

Miles- I know what I saw. It was a flying car.

Student #2- Or maybe it was a rubber padded spaceship coming to take you away!

Miles- I’m sure it wasn’t a medical vehicle because there weren’t any international markings for red cross.

Roxie- You are so loopy Goodman.

Sabrina- (Trying to help) Maybe what you saw looked like a spacecraft but was really a weather balloon?

Miles- After burners on a weather balloon? Now who’s loopy?

Roxie- Still you.

Int. Hilda’s Coffee House. Sabrina confronts Hilda.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda, we need to talk.

Hilda- Nothing good ever comes after that sentence.

Sabrina- Miles saw your boyfriends flying car.

Hilda- See?

Sabrina- He gave a report on it in astronomy and was totally humiliated. I had to cover with some stupid story about a weather balloon.

Hilda- You called a top-of-the-line, fully loaded Venutian cruiser a weather balloon?

Sabrina- Look, the point is if you’re gonna date people from other planets you have to be discrete. Isn’t that what I’ve always taught you?...Wait a minute, that’s what you’ve always taught me.

Hilda- I’m sorry, I just got carried away. I’ve just never dated a guy with such cool wheels before.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda, you dated the guy who invented the wheel.

Int. Adams College hallway. Miles walks them alone until Professor Spellman spots him.

Zelda- Oh Miles, do you have a moment?

Miles- Er yes, but make it quick, I’m the target of mass mockery. Unless I’m fast on my feet I may never make it past.

Zelda- Well this wont take long. I just wanted to ask you for the recipe for your mothers delectable matzah ball soup?

Miles- I’d like to help you but my mother swore she’s taking it to the grave allong with my boby Esther’s antique broach, which I interpret as a direct slap to my aunt Celia.

Zelda- (Playing the crush card) Oh but I must have that recipe, surely you could get it for me?

Miles- Believe me Zelda, I would do anything for you but my mother keeps that secret recipe in her girdle drawer and no one goes in there. Unfortunately, not even my mother.

Ext. High Earth orbit. Hilda, on another date with Elliot, is behind the wheel of his venutian cruiser as it manouvers through the grid-lock of space junk. Elliot snuggles close across the bench seat and slips his arm around her shoulder.

Elliot- I’m really glad you decided to go out with me again. I-I wasn’t sure that you liked me.

Hilda- Don’t be ridiculous Elliot, I’m very fond of you. Now where’s the turbo?

Elliot- (Laughing) I don’t think you’re ready for that yet. Besides, I think we should wait until we reach a less congested area to kick it in.

Hilda- Or we could kick it in now and get out of this congestion faster. (On his look) I know, driving is a privilege, safety first, blah-blah-blah.

Elliot- Hilda, I’m beginning to think that the only reason you’re going out with me is because you like my vehicle?

Hilda- That’s not true! I think you’re a very sweet, sensitive guy and I’m lucky to have found you.

Elliot- I feel the same way about you.

She leans over to be kissed and as their lips touch she sees the big red button on the dash that says ‘Turbo Boost’ It doesn’t require the magic in her finger, just a push and they’re off way-way-way-way-way faster than a cheetah.

Int. College House. Sabrina makes herself a cup of tea while Roxie slogs over her books.

Roxie- I can’t believe I have to re-do my report. Sure it was a little factoid heavy but at least I didn’t go off like a crazy person about a flying Cadillac taking the car-pool lane to Pluto!

Sabrina- Miles isn’t crazy.

Roxie- Yes he is, and I’ll tell you who’s even crazier. His ‘Good friend’ who told him he should make a fool of himself.

Sabrina- His good friend had the best of intentions... I’m just guessing.

The phone rings. Sabrina answers.

Sabrina- (On the phone) Hello? Hello?! (Hangs up) Oh, another hang-up! This is getting a little freaky. I mean if the lights go out and someone walks in here with a knife...

The door opens. Both Sabrina and Roxie let out a scream of terror.

Miles- That’s the best reaction I’ve had all day.

Sabrina- Sorry, we thought you were the psychotic hang-up caller.

Miles- Yeah, I wish. Professor Hutchins just called me on the carpet. She said science has nothing to do with little green men in suped-up spaceships and she said I’m an embarrassment to the paranormal studies program.

Roxie- (Laughing) What’s embarrassing is that there is a paranormal studies program.

She takes her books and goes to her bedroom to continue studying.

Miles- The point is that when the head of the paranormal department calls you a ‘Freakin’ Fruitcake’ it’s time to re-evaluate the rest of your life.

Sabrina- Miles, you’re not crazy, you’re just as sane as anyone.

Miles- Well it’s not much comfort coming from you. You’re the one who told me to go out on a limb and then told the class I saw a weather balloon.

Sabrina- I was just trying to come up with a more plausible explanation.

Miles- In other words, I’m a freakin’ fruitcake!

Sabrina- Miles, I didn’t say that!

Miles- Well do you, or do you not believe that I saw a spaceship? Yes or no?

Sabrina- Well... I believe that... you think you saw one.

Miles- So you think I’m delusional?

Sabrina- No, I just think there are millions of possibilities.

Miles- No, there’s only one. I’m gonna forget all of this paranormal nonsense and become an accountant.

Sabrina- Miles, you can’t do that!

Miles- Watch me! My father will finally get his wish, from now on it’s gonna be ‘Goodman, Goodman... and Goodman’!

He stomps off to his room leaving Sabrina upset and frustrated.

Sabrina- (To herself) Oy!

Int. Hilda’s Coffee House.

Sabrina- I can’t believe Miles decided to become an accountant, he’s wanted to be a paranormal researcher all of his life! I mean, even as a toddler he was convinced that Bert and Ernie were visitors from another planet.

Hilda- I just wish that those two would come out and put that rumour to rest.

Sabrina’s eyes widen.

Hilda- (Cont.) Look Sabrina, I think this Miles thing is good news for you. Now he wont be nosing around looking for supernatural phenomena and you wont have to worry about being exposed as a witch.

Sabrina- No, I just have to worry about having killed a mans spirit.

Hilda- Oh please! Who hasn’t done that?

Sabrina- I just wish I could have looked Miles in the eye and told him that I know he saw that spacecraft, then maybe he’d still be following his dream.

Hilda- Sabrina, you had no choice. You couldn’t tell Miles the truth just like I can’t tell Elliot I’m only dating him for his big block. (On Sabrina’s look) What? Hey, it’s an engine!

Josh comes in.

Josh- Hey, great news. I just sold my freshman accounting books to Goodman.

Sabrina- That’s horrible.

Josh- (Holding up the money) Ha-ha, not for me, and frankly, changing his major’s the best decision Miles ever made.

Sabrina- Having your dreams crushed is your idea of a good time? Let me guess, in Peter Pan, when Tinkerbell dies, you’re the only guy not clapping to bring her back to life?

Josh- (Joking) That little fairy drove me nuts! Sabrina, you have to look at it from a pragmatic point of view. There’s not a lot of job opportunities for guys with a Bs in UFO’s.

Sabrina- That’s true. On career day you rarely see a paranormal recruiting booth.

Josh- And better Miles comes to this realisation now rather than spending eighty-thousand dollars on an education he’ll never use.

Sabrina- I guess you’re right.

Josh- College is a time that should be spent doing the thing that prepares you for your life ahead.

Hilda- We’re out of toilet paper in the mens room.

Josh- I’m on it!

He dashes to the supply room.

Int. College House. Roxie is checking out the left-overs of Miles’ left-overs while Sabrina and Miles sit at the table studying. The phone rings. Sabrina gets up and answers.

Sabrina- (On the phone) Hello? Hello?! (Hanging up) Oh, this is really getting old!

Roxie- Not unlike this kugel, it just doesn’t keep like the kishka.

She dumps the kugel in the trash and goes to her room.

Sabrina- So Miles, you seem to be really getting into those accounting books?

Miles- You gotta love debits and credits. They’re all perfectly logical and spelled out in black and red.

Sabrina- Don’t you miss the thrill of the unexplainable?

Miles- What I don’t miss is the pain of being ridiculed. I mean when you tell people you see a seven they believe you instead of calling you a nut-job.

Sabrina- Y’know Miles, I know what you’re going through. I mean I know what it’s like to have people think you’re different.

Miles- Yeah right, what would you know about being different?

Sabrina- Well there happens to be a lot about me that you don’t know.

Miles- Like?

Sabrina- Like... I tend to talk too much about myself. Back to you.

Miles- Face it Sabrina, you know nothing about being different. You’re just a nice, normal, well adjusted person.

The phone rings. Sabrina picks it up angry at being called nice, normal and well adjusted.

Sabrina- (On the phone) Look, knock it off psycho! I don’t have time for y... Oh, sorry. (To Miles) Miles, it’s Garth. He wants to know if you wanna go to the Sci-Fi Club’s screening of Blade Runner tonight?

Miles- Tell him I’m busy.

Sabrina- He says they’re gonna watch it backwards and look for hidden meaning?

Miles reaches across and takes the phone from her.

Miles- (On the phone) Sorry Garth, but I’m joining the real world!

He hands it back to Sabrina who hangs up.

Sabrina- Are you sure you wanna do this? I mean you used to really enjoy going out with those...

Miles- (Interrupting) Freaks?! Sabrina, I-I, I know I’ve made the right decision. I-I can definitely see myself being an accountant for the next fifty years, forty-five if I go with my fathers extended work-day plan.

He grabs up his books and storms off to his room.

Sabrina- (Calling after) Well maybe you can but I can’t! (To herself) Wait a minute, of course I can. Err prove me wrong and allay my fears, show me Miles is... fifteen years.

She points at her astronomy book and activates her spell. The picture of earth from space zooms in through the clouds, down over the eastern seaboard of America, into a Boston office building and comes to a stop in the office of Miles Goodman. He is dressed in a conservative suit with his hair neatly trimmed and has a client with him.

Miles- Here’s your tax return Mr. Willoughby and you’ll be happy to know I was able to right off your entire safari to Africa and if the Feds ever ask, Mr. G. Raff and Mr. Elle Phant are your Serngetti sales reps.

Mr. Willoughby- Miles, you’re a genius. You saved me again.

Miles- Well it’s easy when you do what you love.

Int. College House. Sabrina watches the interplay of her spell.

Sabrina- (To herself) Great, I was wrong. Miles is happy being an accountant, and why not? I mean he’s successful, he’s got a nice office, big desk, picture of the wife and kids... Is that Roxie?!

Meanwhile the spell rolls on.

Miles- Just put you John Hancock on this.

Mr. Willoughby signs for the accounts.

Miles- Would you excuse me?

Mr. Willoughby- Sure.

Miles gets up from his desk and walks out of the office into.

Int. Stationary closet. Miles enters and carefully closes the door. He leans back against it and slowly starts to clench his fists while taking a few deep breaths, then screams at the top of his lungs and tears at his hair.

Int. Miles’ bedroom. He’s taking down his space posters when Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Sorry to barge in but I can’t let you ruin your life!

Miles- Sabrina, my life is just beginning. A new life enriched with the joy of long form deductions.

Sabrina- No-no-no! You’re gonna hate deductions, they’re gonna make you miserable. I know this for a fact.

Miles- How do you know? What d’ya do? Look into a crystal ball and see my future?

Sabrina- Something like that. Look, part of being Miles Goodman is... y’know, collecting stuff like this!

She holds up a piece of rock.

Miles- Radio-active isotope from a Russian war-head?

She quickly drops it and wipes her hand on her skirt.

Sabrina- Urgh! Are you insane?! Yes you are, and that is my point. See, anyone who collects stuff like this is not meant to be an accountant.

Miles slips on a lead lined rubber glove and pick up the dropped isotope.

Miles- That’s why I’m giving it away. By the way, I’d wash my hands if I were you, several thousand times.

Sabrina dashes off to the bathroom.

Int. Spellman dining room. Zelda and Salem are wearing lab-coats and safety goggles as they work with the lab-top.

Zelda- Dipotasium phosphate.

Salem- Di-po-tasium phosphate.

She sprinkles some into the mix.

Zelda- Sodium silicaluminate.

Salem- Sodium silicaluminate.

She pours in a drop of two.

Zelda- And schmaltz.

Salem- Shhchmaltz!

Zelda- This should do it.

She pours her concoction over the prepared ingredients and gives it the old finger treatment.

Zelda- (Cont.) Voala!

It all twirls around and ends up as a white ball.

Zelda- (Cont.) If my calculations are right, I will have just replicated the exact molecular structure of Mrs. Goodman’s matzah balls. Prepare yourself for gastronomic nirvana.

She picks off a piece and feeds it to the cat.

Salem- (Spitting it out) Brolsh! If this is nirvana, I’m Hadasa Lieberman!

Sabrina enters from the kitchen.

Zelda- Oh Sabrina, good, you’re here. I need a second opinion, try this.

She picks off a piece and feeds it to the girl.

Zelda- What do you think?

Sabrina- Make ‘em smaller, have Tiger Woods autograph ‘em and you’ve got the hottest seller at the PGA tour.

Zelda- I don’t understand what went wrong! This matzah ball is a chemically perfect clone.

Salem- Zellie, you’re missing one key ingredient.

Zelda- What?

Salem- Something I learned about in my little village of Annetevka. Love.

Sabrina- Okay, before he breaks out into a chorus of ‘Sun rise: Sun set’ I need to talk to you about Miles. If only I could tell him I know he saw that spacecraft, he’d give up this crazy idea of being an accountant.

Zelda- But you can’t tell him, that would be admitting that you have special powers.

Sabrina- Exactly.

Zelda- Mmm, this is a conundrum.

Salem- Not to mention a confounding and perplexing problem.

Sabrina- I just wish there was some way I could validate Miles and let him know he’s not alone.

Hilda enters all dressed up.

Hilda- Well I’m off for my next flying lesson with Elliot. Tonight he’s gonna show me how to properly grip his throttle. (On their look) That’s what makes the big block fly! Don’t worry, we wont let anyone see us.

Zelda- (To Sabrina) Although, seeing is believing, if you catch my drift?

Sabrina- Caught it and already formulating a plan.

She dashes off. Hilda picks up Zelda’s matzah ball.

Hilda- Oh that’s great, you’re making us a new croquet set, just in time for the Summer.

She drops it on the table but it doesn’t bounce very high.

Ext. College house roof. Sabrina climbs up followed by Miles. The night sky is a mass of stars.

Miles- I should be practising my ledger entries, I’m really struggling with those European sevens.

Sabrina- Well Miles, you said you'd help me identify constellations for astronomy class. Besides, you can still do your accounting on the roof.

Miles- I’ll suggest that to my father, perhaps this year our firm can prepare tax returns in the steeple of the old north church.

Miles sits down and opens his book while Sabrina paces the roof staring up at the stars.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) It’s nine-ten, they should have been here by now.

Miles- (Overhearing) Who?

Sabrina- Er... Geese! Y’know they-er-they-they’re very punctual with their migration.

He buys it and turns back to his books using a flash light to read them by. Sabrina turns her attention back to the carpet of pin-prick lights.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh my God! (Tugging Miles’ arm) Oh my God! Look!

She tugs so hard at Miles that she nearly knocks him clean off the roof as we see a red Cadillac type vehicle with blue jet plumes streak erratically across the night sky.

Miles- Oh my God! Do you see that?!

Sabrina- Absolutely. Now that is the big dipper right?

Miles- Not the constellation, the-the spaceship! Please tell me you see that?

Sabrina- Wow! It is a spaceship! Unbelievable!

Miles- It’s beautiful! Er a technological miracle! Although the driver appears to be slightly inebriated.

Sabrina- Oh that’s probably just a problem with the big block. That’s an engine.

Miles- I know that.

Int. The Venutian cruiser. Elliot sits scratching his chin and looking very worried as Hilda crunches the gear-box.

Hilda- I can’t get it into fifth gear!

Elliot- Er that’s ‘cause this only has four.

The horrible crunching sound continues for a moment, then silence.

Hilda- Not any more.

Elliot- Hilda, I’ve been trying to find the right time to tell you something but maybe I should just er spit it out.

Hilda- Spit all you want, just don’t fog up the windshield.

Elliot- The truth is... I’m married.

Hilda- Wanna see me do a donut?

She yanks on the wheel putting the spaceship into a three-sixty spin.

Elliot- You’re taking this better than I thought, but you have nothing to worry about. I’m getting a divorce.

Hilda- That-just-stinks!

Elliot- I thought you’d be happy?

Hilda- The Pluto highways closed, how am I supposed to open up this puppy if I have to take surface streets?

Elliot- Hilda, I am trying to talk about us. Are you listening to anything I’m saying?

Hilda- Of course I’m listening. (Yelling at passing spaceship) Way to signal Dip-wad!

Elliot- Well the good news is that I’m coming out of this marriage in great shape. I get the house and everything in it, all she gets is this car.

Hilda slams on the breaks almost sending Elliot through the windshield.

Ext. College house roof. Miles and Sabrina sit side by side gazing at the sky.

Miles- Sabrina, seeing that spaceship confirms everything I’ve ever believed in and I know I’m not deluding myself because you saw it too, right?

Sabrina- Of course.

Miles- I can’t wait to tell Professor Hutchins a-and this time I have a witness.

Sabrina- Miles, you know maybe we’d better keep this between the two of us. Y’know what they say, double your siting; double your scorn.

Miles- Perhaps you’re right, and all that really matters is that someone else in the world knows I’m not crazy.

Sabrina- As long as you don’t go into accounting.

Miles- I could never do that, my passion for the paranormal is too strong.

Sabrina- Oh I’m glad to hear you say that. So are you ready to go inside?

Miles- Not yet. Do you remember the other day when you said you were different from everybody else?

Sabrina- Did I say that? Ah I was probably just trying to make you feel better.

Miles- No Sabrina, I finally figured out how you’re different.

Sabrina looks worried.

Miles- (Cont.) I mean I was shocked at first but then I realised that all the clues were there from the very beginning.

O-oh! He’s guessed her secret.

Sabrina- Miles look, you’ve got to promise not to tell anyone okay? You could really put my life in jeopardy.

Miles- Don’t worry Sabrina, I’m not going to tell everybody that you have a crush on me.

Sabrina- (Confused) I have a crush on you? Oh! Yeah, I have a crush on you. Big time, but er as long as we are room-mates we must never act upon it.

Miles- I understand. I’ll do whatever I can to be a little less desirable.

Sabrina- It’s working already.

Miles goes down the ladder from the roof.

Sabrina- (To herself) Oy!... What a great word.

She follows after.

Int. College house. The phone rings. Sabrina answers.

Sabrina- (On the phone) Hello? (No one answers) Oh good, it’s you. I just want you to know that I’m contacting the FBI, they’re gonna track you down. You’re gonna be sorry you ever dialled this number!

Int. A mens dorm-room at Emerson College. Harvey Dwight Kinkle sits at his desk by the window with his phone to his ear.

Harvey- (On the phone) Sabrina?

Sabrina- ...Harvey? You’re the one who’s been calling here and hanging up?

Harvey- Sorry about that. Every time I heard your voice I froze up.

Sabrina- Well I’m glad you finally thawed out.

Harvey- Look, ever since I saw you in Florida you’ve been on my mind. I really feel bad about the way I acted after I found out you were a...

Sabrina- A witch?

Harvey- Yeah, that, but in my defence, you did turn me into a frog and a beast and a Canadian Mountie.

Sabrina- Don’t forget about the time I made you pregnant.

Harvey- How can I? I still have stretch marks. Y’know, but even considering all that you’ve always been a really good friend to me and the reason I’m calling is that I want to apologise.

Sabrina- Thanks, that really means a lot to me.

Harvey- Yeah well, that’s pretty much what I called to say and... now I’ve pretty much said it so...

He glances out of his dorm room window.

Harvey- (Cont.) Is that a Cadillac flying through the sky?!

Sabrina- (Under her breath) I’m gonna kill aunt Hilda!

Run credits.