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Sabrina The Teenage Witch - View Transcript

My Best Shot

Written By - Suzanne Gangursky
Transcribed By - Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda - Caroline Rhea
Zelda - Beth Broderick
Salem - Nick Bakay
Josh - David Lascher
Miles - Trevor Lissauer
Mrs. Scott - Morgan Brittany
Ethan - James Michael Tyler
Casting Director - Elayn Taylor
Director - Danny Goldman
Garth - Devlin Elliott
Customer #1 - Mari Weiss
Customer #2 - Neal Matarazzo
Customer #3 - John C. Mooney
Customer #4 - Todd Eckert
Guy #1 - Stephen Fuller
Girl #1 - Lisa Poff

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the Warner Brothers Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

 

Int. Hilda’s Coffee House. Sabrina and Hilda are on shift as Josh enters with his camera slung round his neck. He spots Sabrina clearing a table.

Josh- Ooo! Hold it right there.

He takes her picture just as she turns holding a couple of empty cups.

Josh- (Cont.) Ah beautiful.

Sabrina- Easy for you to say. (Holding up a coffee cup) You can’t see what’s floating in the bottom of this.

Josh- I think I’ll call that one ‘Girl with cup’

He takes another photo and this time Sabrina smiles and poses with the cup as Hilda arrives and hands Sabrina a pot of coffee.

Hilda- I’ve got a better picture for you. ‘Girl doing job’

Hilda goes back to the counter.

Josh- You know I could do a whole series on this. ‘A day in the life of a minimum wage slave’

Sabrina- I’m flattered... yet oddly put off. You must be pretty jazzed about this whole photography thing.

Josh- I’m loving it. After three years of just bouncing around and shelling out tuition, I’ve finally found the secret to enjoying a major.

Sabrina- Not changing it every two weeks?

Josh- Picking something you’re totally excited about. I mean this is the first class where I actually enjoy doing the assignments.

Sabrina- Oh. Maybe you’d enjoy doing mine?

Josh- I’m serious. I really think I could turn this into a career.

Sabrina- That’s great! It’s awesome. It’s amazing that you’ve found something you can be passionate about.

Josh- Yeah. For a while I was afraid I’d be making espressos and scrubbing coffee pots the rest of my life.

He scans the coffee shop through his view-finder till his vision fills with Hilda.

Hilda- I’d be happy if you just did it the rest of the day.

He takes the snap.

Josh- Yikes! I wonder what I should call that photo?

Sabrina- Oh. How about er ‘Bosses brilliance eclipsed only by her beauty’?

Hilda- Make me double prints.

Sabrina and Josh share a ‘Phew! Got out of that one’ look.

Run opening credits.

Int. College house. Sabrina’s sat at the table studying. Miles is in the kitchen as they both finish off a Chinese takeaway. The doorbell rings.

Sabrina- It can’t be the Avon lady, she’s gone dot-com. Are you expecting anyone?

Miles- (Nervous) No but if it’s G-men, last you heard, Miles Goodman is a towel-boy at Club Med, Pakistan.

He runs to his room as Sabrina answers the door shaking her head.

Sabrina- Well, no G-man but we’ve got the J-man. What’s going on Josh?

Josh- Oh nothing major, just my whole world crumbling.

Sabrina- Oh that doesn’t sound very good. Come on in.

Josh enters

Josh- (Taking off his coat) Thanks Sabrina. You know it’s a good thing I have someone who’s sensitive, caring and always there for me.

Sabrina- Thanks.

Josh- I meant Morgan. Could you go tell her I’m here?

Sabrina- I would but she’s in New York shopping. Apparently your sensitive, caring girlfriend forgot to tell you.

Josh- Oh man! Why does Morgan have to be gone on the same day I find out I have no talent.

Sabrina- Who said you have no talent?

Josh- My Professor. I showed him some of the photographs I took and he said they were ‘Ho-hum’

Sabrina- Big deal. What does that bozo know anyway?

Josh- That ‘bozo’ spent twenty years at Life magazine and shot over fifty covers.

Sabrina- So? Who reads Life magazine? I mean people only look at it for the...

Josh- The pictures! Obviously I don’t have what it takes to be a photographer.

Sabrina- You know, I can’t believe you’re ready to call it quits after one, of the cuff, comment. He must have said something encouraging about your work?

Josh- Yeah sure, he said I had some potential but he called my pictures ‘Pedestrian’

Sabrina- Well potential is good... and pedestrian isn’t so bad either. I mean whenever I cross the street, I am proud to be a pedestrian. Whoo-hoo!

Josh- Nice try but I am seeing a lot of latte’s in my future.

Sabrina- Y’know Josh, nobody’s an expert when they start out at something. You think Mozart just plopped himself down in front of a piano and started playing concertos? (On Josh’s look) Okay, bad example. The point is it takes years to develop a craft. I mean look at my aunts Hilda and Zelda.

Josh- Which craft did they develop?

Sabrina- Witchcraft? Who said anything about witchcraft? I happen to like your pictures.

Josh- Some of the students did say nice things about ‘Bird on stoop’

Sabrina- Well then get out there, shoot more birds, more stoops. This is your passion, you have to go after it.

Josh- You really think so?

Sabrina- I know so, and you heard it from one of the worlds greatest pedestrians.

Int. Hilda’s Coffee House. Hilda and Sabrina come out of the back rooms into a deserted shop.

Sabrina- Hey aunt Hilda, you know how you’re always looking for new ways to bring in people to the Coffee House?

Hilda- You mean like last week when I started that rumour that Brad Pitt had been spotted here?

Sabrina- That was a rumour?! I worked extra shifts!

Hilda- Wow! There really is one born every minute.

Sabrina- Anyway, I’ve thought of a great, new idea to bring in business. Let local artists display their work here.

Hilda- I’m not exactly bouncing off the walls.

Sabrina- You get a percentage of whatever they sell.

Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! Hilda hits all four walls and the ceiling for good measure before landing on the floor back beside Sabrina. She staggers dizzily and holds her head.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I’ll take that as a ‘Yes’ and you know it’s not just about money. The Coffee House could become a famous watering hole for artists.

Hilda- Like the great salons of gay Paris. I could be a patron of the arts. An inspiration to young talent.

She looks off into space as a daydream takes her. Sabrina looks at it too with a smile as accordion music plays in ‘La Cafe D’Hilda’ Hilda, dressed in Parisian finery complete with feather boa, walks up to a red bearded painter in a straw hat and admires his work.

Hilda- Vincent, mon cher. ‘Starry, Starry Night’? Hello, redundant.

She spots a little chap flirting with the staff.

Hilda- (Cont.) Uncle Toulouse! Put down that can-can girl! And lay off the sauce!

She picks up some litter from one of the tables.

Hilda- (Cont.) Which one of you sissies lost an ear?

She comes back to Hilda’s Coffee House.

Hilda- Great! So where do we find our first artist to sponge off?

Josh enters.

Sabrina- What a coincidence, I think I see one now.

Hilda- Josh? He can’t even draw the blinds.

Sabrina- He’s a really talented photographer. (To Josh) Hey guess what? My aunt wants you to display some of your photographs around here.

Josh- (To Hilda) Are you serious?!

Hilda- Absolutely. My raison d’être is to encourage creativity, enlightenment, vision. Cash only, all sales are final.

Later. The Coffee House is busy but no-one has been taking much notice of the black and white photo’s that are on display around the place. Finally a woman takes an interest and stands staring at one of Josh’s masterpieces. He goes over and joins her.

Customer #1- Very powerful imagery.

Josh- Thank you.

Customer #1- I love the way the oak trees beauty is juxtaposed against the hideousness of acid-rain.

Josh- Oh that’s an iced mocha someone splashed on it.

He wipes it off with his dish cloth.

Customer #1- Oh.

She walks off as Sabrina comes over and watches him wiping his picture.

Sabrina- I love it, the perfect melding of art and menial labour.

Josh- Oh Sabrina, nobody’s liking my stuff. I think this whole idea was a bust.

Sabrina- Oh that’s not true! It’s going great! I mean look! That woman is totally checking out your work.

He looks across at a woman standing very close to one of the framed pictures on the wall.

Josh- She’s checking for spinach in her teeth!

The woman gives her gnashers a final pick, inspects them in the reflection of the glass covering the photo. Josh goes over to her with a sigh as Hilda takes Sabrina by the arm.

Hilda- (Clears her throat) Remind me again. What is ten percent of nothing?

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda, you’ve gotta have a little patience. I mean you know the saying ‘Moulin Rouge wasn’t built in a day’

Hilda- That was Rome... and if they’d listened to me instead of that dufus Caesar, it would have been done by noon.

Hilda goes back to work not pleased and a despondent Josh comes over to Sabrina.

Josh- Look Sabrina, I know you meant well but the public has spoken. My photos stink.

Sabrina- Wait. Josh wait.

Sabrina points at a customer who is sat quietly in an arm-chair reading. The man glances up and spots a picture of a black cat beside the counter. His eyes open wide and he leaps up from his seat for a closer look.

Customer #2- Brilliant!

Sabrina- (To Josh) Look over there.

Customer #2- (To Hilda at the counter) Excuse me. Who do I talk to about buying this?

Hilda- Me.

Josh- (To Sabrina) Did you hear that? Someone wants to buy my photo!

Sabrina- No kidding! That’s great.

While Josh is distracted she points at a couple sat on the settee. They both jump up and go to the same photo of the small black cat.

Customer #3- Exquisite isn’t it. (To Hilda) We’d like to purchase this piece.

Hilda- Sorry, this gentleman already asked about it.

Customer #3- I’ll give you eight hundred dollars for it.

Hilda- However, no deal is final until the cheque clears.

Josh- (To Sabrina) Eight hundred dollars? Did you hear that?

Customer #2- I’m willing to pay a thousand.

He reaches into his breast pocket and pulls out cash. Josh hurries over to them.

Josh- A thousand dollars for that?!

Hilda- (Snatching the money) He’ll take it!

Sabrina- (To Customer #2) Congratulations. You are now the proud owner of ‘Cat without shame’

Customer #2- Yeah. My wife is gonna love it.

He takes the picture and leaves.

Hilda- (Aside to Sabrina) Apparently he’s married to ‘Wife without taste’

Sabrina- (To Josh) Whoo-hoo! You sold your first photograph.

They high five.

Josh- Yeah! For a thousand bucks.

He takes the money from Hilda.

Hilda- Er. Not so fast Ansel Adams. One of those C-notes... (Snatches one back from him) ...is mine.

She tucks it down the front of her blouse.

Int. Spellman kitchen. The news has spread quickly.

Zelda- Someone actually paid money for a picture of you?

Salem- That’s right toots. A thousand smack-a-roos for Saberhagen in the buff.

Zelda- You’re sure it wasn’t pesos? Or lira?

Salem- Face it, I’m a natural born star. Zellie, I’m ready for my close-up.

Zelda- Trust me, you have no future in show business.

Salem- I’ve already got one paw in the door. Read this.

He pushes the paper in front of him towards Zelda.

Zelda- (Reading) Hm. ‘Open auditions for Little Wussies cat food commercial’

Salem- I faxed my head shot this morning. The one with the ‘Come hither’ look.

Zelda- Just how do you plan to get to this audition?

Salem- (Rubbing his head against her arm) Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Zelda- I assure you that is not helping your case.

Salem- Please Zelda, let me follow my dream!

Zelda- I’m a college professor. I don’t have time to be your chauffeur.

Salem- How about my co-star? They want real pets and real owners in the commercial.

Zelda- Salem, I’m not an actress.

Salem- Are you interested in what is or what could be? Just look at that face.

Zelda looks at her reflection in the base of a pan letting the streak of vanity get the better of her.

Zelda- Well... it is uncommonly symmetrical.

Salem- You wanna hide those perfect cheek-bones behind a physics book? Or share them with those who weren’t as blessed?

Zelda- Well I wouldn’t wanna be selfish.

Salem- That’s my girl.

Temptation complete and successful.

Int. Hilda’s Coffee House. Josh walks around the shop straightening a picture here, admiring a snapshot there.

Josh- Oh I’m good, I’m real good.

Sabrina- Josh, didn’t my aunt tell you to clean up the back?

Josh- Ah yeah, I’ll get to it. Hey, I’m thinking of shooting a whole series on asphalt driveways. Wouldn’t that be a huge seller?

Sabrina- Me, I’m more of a cement kind o’ gal, but let’s face it. Y’know, selling art is a hit or miss kind o’ thing. Some artists go years between sales.

Josh- Oh maybe you didn’t hear me. I said asphalt.

Hilda comes over with a sweeping brush.

Hilda- Josh, I don’t mean to be um, - Oh what is it called, - your boss, but would you mind reacquainting yourself with a broom?

Josh- Hilda relax, I’m the guy that’s turning your coffee house into one of the worlds great salons.

Sabrina- (Handing him the broom) And everybody loves a clean salon.

Int. Casting call waiting room. Zelda sits with Salem and another woman, Mrs. Scott, and her fluffy, white kitty who sports a rather fetching diamond collar... That’s the cat, not Mrs. Scott. Zelda decides to break the ice.

Zelda- That’s a beautiful cat.

Mrs. Scott- Oh thanks, we just had Mandy’s highlights done.

Zelda- Your cat gets highlights?

Mrs. Scott- Oh they’re worth every penny. Mandy’s been raking in the magazine work since we gave her the silver weave. Y’know you might wanna do something with your little alley-cat. It’s coat does look a bit dull.

Zelda gets a grip of Salem as he spits at Mrs. Scott. The door opening prevents any further conflict.

Casting Director- Miss. Spellman, we’re ready for you and Salem.

Zelda- Well come on Salem... I mean er Here kitty kitty. Here kitty kitty.

They enter the directors office. Mrs. Scott picks up Mandy.

Mrs. Scott- Mandy, what happened to your diamond collar?!

Int. Directors office. Zelda enters and Salem pads in behind her wearing a rather fetching diamond collar. The director is behind his desk and there’s a cameraman set up to one side.

Casting Director- This is Zelda Spellman and Salem.

Director- Simply beautiful. Cats a little scruffy.

Zelda preens. Salem bares his teeth.

Casting Director- (Handing Zelda a script) Now Zelda, say your lines and you put down the bowl of Little Wussies and Salem will come running to eat it.

Zelda- Got it.

Director- Ready, and action.

The light on the camera comes on as they start recording.

Zelda- (Reading) ‘Fluffy is such a picky eater... (Salem nods his head) ...I’ve tried forty kinds of cat food... (Salem shakes his head in amazement) ...and he’s turned up his nose at all of them... (Salem turns up his nose) ...I sure hope he likes Little Wussies’

She puts down the bowl and Salem dives in nose first.

Director- Excellent! We’ll see you at call-backs on Friday.

Zelda- (Aside to Salem) Did you hear that Salem? We made the final cut.

Director- But you’ll need to work with the cat, he’s way over the top.

Salem glares.

Zelda- I’m sure he’ll get it right next time. After all, he is a natural born star.

She picks up Salem and heads for the door.

Zelda- (Cont.)(Aside to Salem) And a diamond thief.

Int. Hilda’s Coffee House. Sabrina passes a customer examining Josh’s photo of a cat and a dog.

Customer #4- Excuse me miss, how much is this photo?

Sabrina- You mean you wanna buy it? Like... of your own free will?

Customer #4- It is for sale isn’t it?

Sabrina- You bet it is. Let’s go talk to the artist.

She leads him across to the counter.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Hey Josh, great news. This customer is interested in ‘Dog on credenza with cat’

Customer #4- I work for a vet and it’d be perfect in the office. I’ll give ya fifty dollars for it.

Josh- (Laughing) Fifty dollars? Buddy that won’t even cover the sales tax.

He walks off still chuckling to himself. Sabrina scurries after him.

Sabrina- Josh, that’s more than you make in a days tips and more important, he appreciates your work.

Josh- Sabrina, my photograph of your cat sold for a thousand dollars. This shot has a cat and a dog, so it’s worth at least two thousand.

Customer #4- That’s too rich for my blood.

He leaves as Hilda comes over.

Hilda- Y’know, they say an artists body of work actually quadruples after he’s dead.

Josh- Your point being?

Hilda- If you’re not behind that counter in thirty seconds you’re gonna be one rich stiff!

Josh- Look, don’t talk to me like that! You’re a hundred dollars richer because of me.

Hilda- A hundred dollars! I’m going to Prada.

Sabrina- Okay, I think we all need to take a deep breath, calm down and remember why we’re here. To get America hopped-up on caffeine.

Hilda- Thank you. (To Josh) Maybe you’ll listen to her.

Josh- Oh okay, all right. I think I see what’s going on here and Hilda, I’m sorry.

Hilda- Thank you. What are you sorry for?

Josh- I feel bad that I have the talent to develop this exciting, new career and you’re gonna be stuck grinding beans for the rest of your life.

Sabrina- Josh!!

Hilda- Actually, grinding beans is the employees job which, at this point, is hanging by a thread.

Josh- Is that a threat?

Hilda- Oooh, talented and smart.

Josh- Okay, you can save the witty repartee.

Sabrina- (To Hilda) Oh did you hear that? He called you witty.

Josh- I quit.

He takes off his apron and heads for the door.

Sabrina- Josh wait!

He doesn’t.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Look aunt Hilda, it’s not his fault.

Hilda- Of course it’s his fault. Who else inflated his ego? Thought he was gods gift to photography? Made him think he was too good to do his job?

Sabrina- (Guiltily) Can I get back to you on that?

Hilda- It is still inconceivable to me to think that someone paid Josh a thousand bucks for a picture of Salem.

Sabrina- Would it be more conceivable if that someone were under a spell?

Hilda- (Gasp!) You didn’t?

Sabrina- Well Josh just seemed so depressed when he wasn’t selling any pictures so I thought I’d give him a little confidence booster.

Hilda- You boosted his confidence alright. It’s amazing his body can still support that beach-ball of a head.

Sabrina- Hey, do you know of any spells that can help deflate a guys ego?

Hilda- Only mother natures remedy, male pattern baldness.

Sabrina- Great. Now what am I gonna do?

Hilda- Oh you wont have to do anything. The real world will pummel that poor kid down to size. Before you know it he’ll come crawling through those doors. I’ll save a space for that picture right here.(Tapping a bare patch of wall) I’ll call it ‘Employee comes back with tail between legs begging for job while boss tries to find shorter name for picture’ Titles are tough.

Int. College house. Miles, who’s not really there but somewhere soaking up the sun in Pakistan, moves around the house with his scanner. Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Hey Miles, did anyone call?

Miles- Yes! An unidentified source made contact on my gamma scanner.

Sabrina- No, I meant for me?

Miles- Oh. Josh called.

Sabrina- Oh great. Did he happen to say what a big mistake it was for him to just up and quit the Coffee House?

Miles- Close. He said he’s never setting foot in that java jail again.

Sabrina- Great.

Miles- And... Oh yeah. He took the money he made and rented gallery space to have a showing of his work on Friday.

Sabrina- He sold one photograph and he’s gonna give himself a gallery exhibition? Who’s gonna show up?

Miles- I’ll go. I think his stuff is pretty good.

Sabrina- You do?

Miles- Yeah, but I also like to lick the tops of nine volt batteries.

Sabrina- Well if you think he’s good and I think he’s good, there’s no reason we can’t get other people to come see his work. We just have to get out there and spread the word. Tell all your friends.

Miles- You already know and Roxie’s out of town at her family reunion. That was easy.

Sabrina- Miles, I’m desperate. Get anybody, your shrink, the head of your dungeons and dragons club... Wait. Your shrink is the head of your dungeons and dragons club.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda and Salem rehearse for the Little Wussies commercial. Salem seems to think that he's on the waterfront.

Salem- I could o’ bin someone, I could o’ had class, I could o’ bin a contender.

Zelda- Salem, what are you doing? You’re the cat. The cat doesn’t have lines.

Salem- I know, I’m getting into character. I’m a method actor.

Zelda- What you are is a bad actor.

Salem- Oh yeah? Have you ever tasted Little Wussies? I’m acting my tail off! If only I had someone decent feeding me lines.

Zelda- May I remind you that I’m the one the director complimented!

Salem- May I remind you that your skirt was hiked up to your nostrils!

Zelda- If that’s how my generosity is gonna be rewarded you can just find yourself another quantum physicist to help you push kibble!

She storms off to the kitchen.

Salem- (Calling after) Zelda! Don’t go! This is my process! I’m a temperamental actor! I have pictures of you with the Brothers Grim!

Zelda storms back blushing.

Zelda- Right, let’s take it from the top.

Int. Art Gallery. Friday. Sabrina and Miles enter to see all Josh’s photographs gracing the walls as people wander from one to the other but mostly wander by the table set up with cheese snacks and drinks. They walk up to a guy at the table.

Sabrina- Hey, thanks for coming.

Guy #1- Hey, free cheese and crackers and I’m there.

Josh comes over.

Josh- Hi guys.

Sabrina- Oh hey Josh, great turn out. I guess you got your moneys worth from that ‘Penny Saver’ ad.

Josh- Oh well it wasn’t just the ad. Obviously the guy who bought ‘Cat without shame’ was so blown away by my work that he’s spread the word to his friends in the art community.

Sabrina- Hu-huh, works for me.

Girl #1- (To Miles) Excuse me, are you the photographer?

Miles- Well I’ve taken a few photos but my subjects can’t be seen with the naked eye.

Sabrina- (Interrupting) I think this is the gentleman you'd like to speak to right here. (Indicating Josh) It’s his show.

Girl #1- Great, maybe you can help us settle a debate.

Josh- I’d love to.

Girl #1- Is this Longhorn cheddar or Vermont?

Sabrina- Oh I’ll look into that. Um Josh, why don’t you go introduce yourself to that person over there admiring that picture?

Josh goes over to the young man gazing intently at a photo of a rose bush.

Josh- Well I see I’m not the only one who likes to stop a smell the roses. Pretty cool huh?

Garth- Beyond cool. You can totally feel the vibe of the extraterrestrial hiding in this unopened bud.

Josh- A friend of Miles?

Garth- As far as I know, he’s still in Pakistan.

He slips away quietly as Sabrina comes over with a man in tow.

Sabrina- Josh, this is Ethan from ‘Photo Op’ magazine. He says they’re always looking for interesting new artists to publish.

Josh- Well I’m new and interesting. I think the real question is whether your magazine is hip and cutting edge enough for me?

Sabrina- (To Ethan) Oh, all that talent and a sense of humour. <Giggle>

Ethan- My pieces concentrate on the intent behind an artists work. Was ‘Bird on stoop’ a visual metaphor for mans isolation in a soulless, technology driven world?

Josh- Actually, I was just waiting for the bus and I wanted to get a picture of the bird before it flew away.

Ethan- And...?

Josh- And there’s the picture.

Ethan- So there was no aesthetic vision behind the piece?

Josh- Um, I just like the bird.

Sabrina shakes her head in dismay.

Ethan- Photography is more than just pointing a camera at whatever crosses your path. A good photographer should be trying to convey an emotion or a point of view through his pictures.

Josh- As opposed to me who’s just a ho-hum pedestrian.

Ethan- Excuse me?

Sabrina quickly takes a tray of cheesy snacks from a passing waiter.

Sabrina- Er cheese? We’ve been having an interesting debate, is this Longhorn cheddar or Vermont?

Ethan- I think that more thought went into the cheese platters than the photographs hanging on the wall.

He turns and walks away.

Sabrina- (Calling after) That’s not true. These came ready made from Cost-Co.

Int. Casting Call waiting room. Zelda sits waiting with Salem wearing a full length skirt.

Salem- Well you blew it! Not only did you race through your lines but on the day of our call-back you dressed like Bea Arthur!

Zelda- It’s a look! Would you quit panicking, I’m sure we did fine. Why else would they have asked us to stay?

Mrs. Scott comes out of the directors office with Mandy.

Zelda- Hello. Isn’t that skirt a little drafty for January?

Mrs. Scott- The director seemed to warm right up to it.

The casting director enters.

Casting Director- Congratulations Miss. Spellman, you’ve got the part.

Zelda- (Jumping to her feet excited) Really? Oh that’s fantastic. (To Mrs. Scott) I hope you saved the receipt for that skirt.

Mrs. Scott- Oh obviously they decided to go for the frumpy housewife look. You’d be perfect.

Casting Director- I’ve got some good news for you too Mrs. Scott. The role of the cat goes to Mandy.

Salem- Whymmfff!!

Thinking quick Zelda clamps her hand over Salem’s mouth.

Int. Art Gallery. Very few people are left in the room as Sabrina walks over and sits beside Josh.

Sabrina- Well it’s a good thing the party broke up, we’re all out of crackers and cheese.

Josh- Sabrina, that’s why the party broke up. It’s the only reason those people came. Let’s face it, I’m never going to sell another photograph. I’m a one trick pony.

Sabrina- Maybe you’re right, maybe you’re not cut out for this.

Josh- Is that what you really think?

Sabrina- Of course not, but it doesn’t matter what I think. (Indicating one of his photos) Do you like this picture?

Josh- Well yeah, I do but other people don’t seem to...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Oh forget about other people. This isn’t about other people, this is about you believing in yourself and if you measure your talent based on other peoples approval, your self-esteem's going to go up and down faster than a jackrabbit on a pogo-stick.

Josh- Why are you suddenly talking like Jed Clampett?

Sabrina- I’m trying to make a point. You told me you love photography.

Josh- Yeah, I do.

Sabrina- Well then you’ve gotta stick with it! Persistence is everything. You’re never gonna get better unless you fail every now and then.

Hilda enters.

Hilda- Someone forgot to invite me to their gallery show. So when does the party start?

Josh- It’s over... and you’ll be happy to know I didn’t sell a thing.

Hilda- Josh, I didn’t come here because I wanted to see you fail and sure you neglected your responsibilities at work and treated me like dirt, but I wasn’t gonna miss your first exhibition. Now where’s that free cheese?

Josh- Hilda, I owe you a big apology. My behaviour at the Coffee Shop was totally out of line.

Hilda- It’s okay. Sometimes people get carried away and (To Sabrina) do things without thinking of the repercussions. Isn’t that right Sabrina?

Sabrina- Absolutely.

Hilda- (To Josh) Look, I don’t know what kind of photographer you are but when you pay attention you’re a heck of a manager. So waddya say?

Josh- I’d love to.

Hilda- Great, all right. Well I’m gonna look around for a while and er if you find any of that cheese, give me a holler.

She wanders off looking at Josh’s pictures... and she’s not alone.

Sabrina- Hey look! It’s that guy who wanted to buy the picture at the Coffee House.

Josh goes over to him.

Josh- Hey! I know you, you’re the guy who couldn’t afford ‘Dog on credenza with cat’

Customer #4- Yes. Just because I can’t afford your work doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it.

Josh- Ah who says you can’t afford it?

Customer #4- You did.

Josh- That was before.

Josh takes down the picture ‘Dog on credenza with cat’ and hands it to the guy.

Josh- (Cont.) Here you go. It’s yours, on the house.

Customer #4- I-I couldn’t just take it for free.

Josh- Well sure you can. Between you and me, I’ve still got a little work to do on my aesthetic vision.

Customer #4- At least let me give you that fifty I offered you before. (Hands over the money) Then I wouldn’t feel so guilty about the names I called you after I was laughed out of the Coffee House.

He leaves with his picture as Josh returns to Sabrina brandishing his fifty.

Sabrina- Wow! So you got your job back and sold a picture. Must be your lucky day.

Josh- Yes it is. Thanks Sabrina. If it weren’t for you I never would have had the courage to try this.

Sabrina- Well it’s the least I could do. Trust me on that.

Josh- Waddya say we take this fifty bucks, get crazy and blow it on a brick of Velvita?

Sabrina- Save your money, I saved us a private stash.

She pulls open a drawer at the end of the table and points inside before pulling out small platter with two crackers bearing cheese on them and offers one to Josh.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Monsieur.

Josh- Why thank you mademoiselle.

Sabrina- (Picking up Josh’s camera) Oh. Say cheese.

Hilda- Did I hear cheese?

Sabrina holds the camera at arms-length facing them and they all end up on the snap.

Int. Spellman living room. Salem and Zelda sit watching the TV. Zelda’s snoozing but is wakened by the theme music of the program that on.

Zelda- (Calling out) Oh Hilda! The commercials coming on. Hurry!

Hilda dashes into the room and joins her on the settee.

Hilda- Oh I can’t believe you’re going to be on television!

Salem- I can’t believe they hired that no talent, silver tipped fur-ball over me.

Zelda- That’s show biz. You tried, you lost, get over it.

Salem hisses at her as the commercial comes on.

Zelda- Shhh! Here come my big entrance.

TV Zelda- I’ve tried forty different kinds of cat foods and Fluffy has turned her nose up at all of them. I sure hope she likes Little Wussies.

Zelda- There’s my leg! My arms! My arms!

Hilda- Where’s your head?

TV Zelda- Little Wussies, you’re a lifesaver.

The commercial ends.

Zelda- That’s it? Three and a half hours in hair and make-up and they don’t even show my face?

Salem- That’s show biz babe. You tried, you lost, get over it!

Zelda hisses at him

Run Credits



Pic of the Week