Double Time

Int. College house. Sabrina’s putting the waffle iron to good use making breakfast. The plateful of burnt and blackened waffles is testament to her novice status in mortal cooking techniques. She lifts the iron’s lid to reveal four lovely, golden brown, toasted waffles.

Sabrina- Yes! Evil waffle iron, you have finally met you match.

She uses the tongues to lift the first of them out and flips them onto the plate with the other.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Your reign of tyranny is finally...

The underside of the waffle is as blacken and burned as the rest on the plate.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Well the jokes on you because that’s the way I like them. (Calling out) Breakfast is ready! Miles! Morgan! Roxie! Breakfast!

She takes the burnt waffles to the laid out table.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Come on people! (Ringing a bell) Free food!

Three bedroom doors remain firmly shut.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Fine, have it your way.

She points and a rooster materialises on the breakfast table and crows. Having served it’s purpose, Sabrina zaps it back to the farm yard. Roxie’s the first one out.

Roxie- I heard crowing!

Followed by...

Morgan- Is my mother here?

And then...

Miles- (Clutching two rolls of film) The Feds! Illegal search and seizure! Quick, help me hide this film!

Sabrina- Sorry. Sorry, it was just me practising my barn yard calls. Suuuo-weee! Look, I made us a ‘first day of college, life doesn’t get any better than this’ breakfast.

Roxie- Look, Old MacDonald, I worked very hard to make sure my first class isn’t until three. Good-day and good-night.

She goes back to her room.

Sabrina- Oh that’s funny because I totally had you pegged as a morning person.

Door slams. Miles pours ‘Sugar Bombs’ into a cereal bowl on the counter.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Miles, what are you doing? I made us waffles and bacon and eggs.

Miles- Do you have any idea where bacon and eggs come from?

Sabrina- Pigs and chicken butts?

Miles- The government subsidised farms. They’re fed chemicals and hormones, it’s not natural!

He pours milk over his cereal.

Miles- (Cont.) I’m sorry Sabrina, but my body is my temple.

Sabrina- So you’re filling it with sacred ‘Sugar Bombs’?

Miles- But they turn the milk purple.

Well at least one person appreciates Sabrina’s efforts. Morgan tucks into a large plate of scrambled eggs on burnt waffle.

Morgan- (Pouring syrup) Don’t let them bother you Sabrina. You’re enthusiasm for college is exactly what we need around here.

Sabrina- Thank you Morgan. At least someone appreciates me.

Morgan picks up her plate and utensils and heads back upstairs.

Morgan- Put me down for French-toast tomorrow.

Sabrina- Put me down for ‘Yeah right!’

Left alone with her breakfast, Sabrina makes her own company. The rooster pecks at a piece of waffle.

Sabrina- Well Foghorn, I guess it’s just you and me.

Run opening credits.

Int. Spellman kitchen. It’s time for Salem’s claws to be done. Hilda has her manicure set out.

Hilda- You know, as sad as I am about Sabrina being off at college, I love having time to fill my life with new meaning. What do you think about acrylics?

Salem- Oh I like 'em... but I’m prone to fungus. Hey-hey-hey! Watch the dew-claw!

Hilda- Too bad Zelda’s not coping like I am. For her the world begins, middles and ends with Sabrina.

Salem- Sabrina? Where’ve I heard that name? Ah yes, Audrey Hepburn, wonderful film.

Hilda- Knowing Zelda, she’ll be moping around here for weeks.

Zelda enters with exciting news.

Zelda- I got it! I got it! You are looking at a new associate professor of quantum physics!

Salem- Yeah, she’s a wreck all right.

Hilda- Where are you gonna be teaching?

Zelda- Adams College.

Hilda- Adams College? Now why does that sound familiar? Oh I know, that’s Sabrina’s college! How pathetic is that?

Zelda- I know it looks like I took this job to be near Sabrina but I’ve always dreamed of being a teacher. I’m moving on with my life Hilda, and so should you.

Hilda- Already way ahead of you.

Zelda- Really? So tell me, how do you plan to spend your time now that the clock shops gone under?

Hilda- (Brushing Salem) Oh please, there aren’t enough hours in the day. I’m more productive now than I’ve ever been. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to draw Salem a bath.

She points and Salem is sat in a miniature tub with a shower. He’s wearing a shower cap to keep his freshly groomed head dry.

Salem- Ghe? Are you insane woman? My nails aren’t dry.

Ext. Adams College campus. Sabrina walks along the sun dappled paths that had looked so sun dappled in the excellent brochure. She’s accompanied by Morgan.

Sabrina- I can’t believe I’m actually here. Sabrina Spellman, college student, co-ed, independent woman of the world. I feel a celebratory ‘Whoo-hoo’ coming on. Whoo-Hoo!

Morgan- Sabrina, you are a very lucky freshman. You have at your disposal this schools most knowledgeable tour guide.

Sabrina- Well until she shows up, why don’t you give me the tour? (Reading from her time-table) Um do you know where the psychology building is?

Morgan- No idea.

Sabrina- What about history?

Morgan- Oh, got me again.

Sabrina- Do you know where anything is on this campus?

Morgan- I know that the mens swim-team has lunch on the quad every afternoon, but you have got to get there early ‘cause the good seats fill up fast.

With a bright smile and a toss of her red hair she strolls off.

Sabrina- (To herself) I don’t know where my classes are but I know where I’ll eat lunch.

Int. Adams College hallways. Sabrina walks down the hallway looking for her class and spots a group of lecturers up ahead. She slowly comes to a halt as she sees that it is one woman surrounded by admiring men.

Professor- I can’t tell you how excited we are to have you on the faculty professor.

Zelda- Yet that’s what you’ve been doing for the last twenty minutes.

Sabrina- Aunt Zelda?!

Zelda- Oh Sabrina! (To the lecturers) Will you excuse me gentlemen?

They leave, a little reluctantly.

Zelda- (To Sabrina) Hi.

Sabrina- Sorry to interrupt your little singles mixer but er what’s going on here?

Zelda- Men? You can take the Nobel Laureate out of the boy but you can’t take the boy...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) No, I mean what are you doing here? And please tell me ‘Professor’ is just an exotic nick-name you’re trying out.

Zelda- Sabrina, I know how this must look

Sabrina- Like exactly what it is. I’m supposed to be embarking on a journey of independent self-discovery, but there’s no ‘Aunt’ in ‘independent’ There’s an ‘ent’ but that’s another story.

Zelda- Honestly honey, my new job has nothing to do with you.

Sabrina- Yeah right! Here I am trying to go to college like a regular mortal but my Other Realm aunt doesn’t think that I can handle it alone. Well I got news for you, I can and I will.

Zelda- Sabrina...!

Sabrina- And while we’re at school, we don’t know each other. Is that clear aunt Zelda?

Zelda- Very clear!

They both turn away in different directions angry. Zelda turns back.

Zelda- (Cont.) And it’s Professor Spellman to you.

Sabrina- Good, and it’s... Sabrina to you. (Smiling) Hey, and congratulations on the new job.

Zelda- (Excited) Thanks, I’m really excited.

They resume their angry looks and go their separate ways.

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Sabrina comes in and spots Roxie alone at a table. She goes over.

Sabrina- I’ve gotta get one of those book-bags with wheels.

She dumps the heavy bag beside her chair.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Or maybe a pack mule.

Roxie- What’s wrong Perky? First day of Sabrina’s wonderful life hitting a brick wall?

Sabrina- No, not at all, it’s very wonderful. I’ve only been at college for three hours and already I get to read four chapters of Plato, write a ten page essay and catch a small anthropoid to dissect. Maybe I ought to rethink my definition of the word ‘wonderful’

Josh arrives at their table.

Josh- Hey college girl, how was the big first day?

Sabrina- Bigger than I expected... (To Roxie) But still wonderful. Josh, this is my room-mate, Roxie.

Josh- Hey Roxie, great name. You know we had this girl at school named Roxie, I used to call her Foxy Roxie.

Roxie- And today you’re wiping tables for a living, I’m shocked.

Josh- Nice to meet you too.

Sabrina- Don’t mind her, she’s always a little cranky before... She’s just cranky.

Josh- (Handing Sabrina a flyer) Sabrina, Emerson’s having a huge kick-off party tonight.

Sabrina- They have parties on Monday night?

Josh- This is college, they have parties every night. I could leave your names at the door?

Roxie- Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! A college party! I’m so excited! Whatever will I wear?!

She squeals like a schoolgirl and runs from the coffee house clutching the flyer.

Sabrina- (To Josh) I-I think she was being sarcastic.

Josh- Yeah, I got that. Anyway, you’ll be there right?

Sabrina- I can’t, I’ve got tones of work to do and I’m falling further behind as we speak.

Josh- Oh so what? There’s always something due, you just have to learn how to juggle your priorities.

Int. Sabrina and Roxie’s room. Sabrina sits reading Plato while Roxie taps away on her laptop with heavy metal music blasting around the room. Roxie’s head nods in time to the pounding beat.

Sabrina- Hey Rox! Can you do something with that music?

Roxie- Oh sure.

She turns it up a notch.

Sabrina- Actually, by ‘do something’, I meant turn it off.

Roxie turns it off and stands.

Roxie- And again we’re at an impasse. Why are you always lookin’ to pick a fight?

Sabrina- (Standing, just in case) I’m not fighting, I just can’t study with the music on, that’s all.

Roxie- And I can’t study with it off.

Sabrina- So what are we gonna do?

Roxie- Well since you woke me up with some five course breakfast, I think you owe me.

Sabrina- Well I’m glad I didn’t make you lunch, I’d be in your dept forever.

She takes her book and heads for the door. Roxie smiles triumphantly, hits the play button on her tape deck and gets back to studying.

Int. College house. Sabrina comes out and joins Miles on the couch. He’s intently engrossed in the book he’s reading.

Sabrina- Hey, you’re slogging through Plato’s dialogues too? Have you any idea what the first one is about?

Miles- I’m not sure, but if you take the first word of each paragraph it makes the sentence. Mine enemy goeth in green shoes.

Sabrina- ...Maybe we should just read quietly to ourselves.

Int. Spellman living room. Salem lies on the table. He’s feeling a little too heavy to sit, as Hilda brings yet another plate off tasty goodies she’s prepared for him.

Hilda- For your gastrointestinal pleasure, another delicious Hilda Spellman original recipe. Guess what’s in it?

Salem- I don’t care. <Burp!> Yomp-yom-mmph-yum!

He dives in nose first. Hilda watches pleased.

Hilda- That’s what I like about you Salem, you’re a culinary adventurer.

Salem- So much nicer than big fat pig. Yom-mmph-yump!

Zelda enters from college.

Zelda- What an invigorating day. Filling eager young minds with knowledge, challenging debates and meeting the whole gang down at TGI Friday’s for margaritas and crazy-fries. Oh I feel so alive!

Salem- Hildie, make the big, scary lady go away.

Hilda- Zelda, would you mind taking your affected self-absorption for a walk?

Zelda- Hilda, what on earth are you doing? Don’t tell me you spent your entire day doting on this cat?

Hilda- I haven’t been doting, I simply gave him a few beauty treatments, read to him, cooked for him and put on a delightfully amusing puppet show.

Zelda- Hilda dear, sometimes when a person experiences a loss, say, a loved on goes away to college, they project their feelings onto someone else, say, a worthless cat.

Salem- Meanie!

Zelda- They do this as a way of sublimating anxiety. Do you understand what I’m saying?

Hilda- Your mouth moves, sound comes out and yet... nothing.

Int. College house. Sabrina’s still slogging through Plato on the couch. Miles has given it all up as government conspiracy to haddle his mind. She closes the book.

Sabrina- Okay, I’ve gone through ‘Understanding Plato’ And ‘Understanding, Understanding Plato’ Now what I need is ‘Plato for Dummies’ Or better yet, Plato.

She points and is joined by a bearded Greek gentleman in a bed-sheet. He looks around calmly.

Sabrina- Look Plato, I know you’re the foundation of western thought and stuff, but you seem to be talking in circles. Could you help me out here?

She hands him the book.

Plato- (Reading) Oh that! Now that, I-I wrote this to impress someone I was seeing. We met at the Olympics. A vestal virgin, yeah right! Do you have any nectar?

Sabrina- Greeks? Good souvlaki, bad explanations.

Plato- Oh you want an explanation? It’s all about reason. You’ve got the power of reason and a couple of drachma in your toga, you’re sitting pretty.

Sabrina- Oddly enough, that helps. Thanks Plato.

Later. Sabrina’s sat at the table with her laptop.

Sabrina- Okay, I’m done with Plato. Next up, my ten page essay on the Franco-Prussian war.

She starts to type as Morgan comes down with her breakfast left-overs.

Morgan- I was just going to throw these away, the syrup is hard as a rock, but then I thought they might hold some kitchy sentimental value for you.

Sabrina- Do I look like I have time for dishes right now? I’m overwhelmed with work and it’s only my first day!

Morgan- Relax, every freshman goes through this. It’s just the college’s way of getting rid of the weak, culling the heard. (Spotting the flyer on the table) Whoa! You got invited to the Emerson party?

Sabrina- Yeah, but I can’t go.

Morgan- The guy I cheat off in ethics class has a brother who goes to Emerson.

Sabrina- My friend put me and Roxie on the guest list but I’ve got too much studying to do.

Morgan- Sabrina, as your resident advisor, I must tell you that Adams College values life experience as much as it does academics. I mean the last thing that you wanna do is neglect the social arena.

Sabrina- I’ve got a lot of work to get done but I don’t want the college to get mad at me for not partying enough.

Morgan- The key here is balance. Now it’s nine o’clock, why don’t you go for an hour? In fact, why don’t I go with you and then you’ll come back fresh, rejuvenated and ready to attack the academics.

Sabrina- You don’t think that’ll be too distracting?

Morgan- Sabrina, it’s my job to advise you. Would I steer you wrong?

Sabrina- Well as we college types like to say. Party!

Sabrina & Morgan- (Together) Party! Party!

They both dash off to their rooms to change.

Int. Emerson Party. Lights are down, music’s thumpin’ The keg is open and the kids are jumpin’ Sabrina and Morgan shake their whammy fanny’s among the hot and sweaty crowd. They have to speak up to be heard above the noise.

Sabrina- I can’t believe I almost missed this!

Morgan- I know, if you miss the Monday party, there is nothing to talk about at the Tuesday party.

Sabrina- And then by Wednesday you’ll never catch up.

A voice from across the room.

Josh- Sabrina!

He hurries over through the crowd.

Sabrina- Hey, finally. (They hug) I didn’t think you were gonna make it.

Josh- Yeah, I had to do some studying before I could cut loose.

Sabrina- Oh I’m going with party first, study later.

Josh- Wow, you’re an animal! It’s nearly two thirty.

Sabrina- Well you know me... Two thirty?! I’ve got a paper due in six hours. Gotta go!

Josh- (Holding her back) Whoa-whoa, I just got here!

Morgan- Sabrina, you can’t leave until you introduce me to your friend.

Sabrina- Morgan, Josh. Josh, Morgan. Everybody happy?

Josh- (Looking at Morgan) Yeah.

Morgan- (Looking at Josh) Very.

Sabrina dashes for the door.

Sabrina- (Yelling) Walking freshman coming through!

Int. College house. Sabrina enters, throws her jacket over the back of the chair and sits in front of her laptop.

Sabrina- Okay, I can do this. Just type up this bad boy and we’re in business.

Her fingers click on the keys.

Sabrina- (Cont.) No problem. Morgan was right, I do feel refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to attack......

As she speaks her eyelids slowly lower and her head slips forward gently onto the keyboard with her finger trapped on a single key. She types:-

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Fast asleep.

The next morning. Miles munches his ‘Sugar Bomb’ breakfast and stands over Sabrina’s sleeping form. He doesn’t think much of her essay so far. He gives her a poke in the arm.

Miles- Sabrina.

Sabrina- <Snore!>

Miles- (Leaning close to her ear) Sabrina!

Sabrina- (Waking startled) What’s going on? Have I finished?

Miles- I didn’t wanna wake you but drool tends to short out your keyboard.

Sabrina- No, I’m glad you did. I have a paper due in... (Checks her watch) thirty minutes and... (Looking at her laptop screen) all I’ve done is type my name?! Sardina Smellman?

Miles- It’s gettin’ there.

He retreats to his room with his breakfast. Sabrina attacks her keyboard.

Sabrina- (To herself) Focus. Okay, you can do this... No I can’t!

It’s purely instinct and reflex, but her finger comes up. It takes will power to stop it.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh I can’t zap a paper, that would be cheating, but maybe I could use a magical pick-me-up?

She points at herself. and vanishes in a swirl of sparkles.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina arrives in front of her magic book and immediately starts thumbing through it.

Sabrina- Faster. Speedy. Quick.

Salem- Glad your here.

She looks round a sees a large black cushion on her bed. It has a small black head that speaks.

Salem- (Cont.) I need you to role me over, I don’t wanna get bed sores.

Sabrina- Salem, what happened to you?!

Salem- The good life, la dolce vita baby!

Sabrina- Well apparently the good life doesn’t come in a low fat version.

Salem- I think I carry it well.

Sabrina- I don’t think you could carry it out of this room. (Turning back to the book) Okay, here’s something about a 'double time' spell. It helps you get your work done twice as fast.

Salem- Speaking of fast, I ordered tri-tiff fifteen minutes ago. (Yelling) Hilda!

Sabrina- Shhh! Be quiet! I don’t want them to think I can’t handle college because I can. It’s just the social and the academic part I’m having trouble with.

Ext. College house front porch. Sabrina materialises.

Sabrina- (To herself) Okay, here goes. ‘Step lively, step quick. Make me move lickety-split’

She points at her self and her shoes start to smoke slightly.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Gentlemen, start your engines.

There’s a blur and a few fall leaves float in the draft of her passage into the house.

Int. College house. The blur enters and stops at Sabrina’s laptop. Her fingers, however, don’t as they fly over the keyboard faster than the eye can follow.

Sabrina- Save and print!

The blur flies into the bathroom, then out of it wrapped in a towel and into Sabrina and Roxie’s room. A second later it shoots out again in a new outfit and flies to the printer. One page has printed.

Sabrina- I could chisel this thing faster, come on!

While waiting for the printer the blur makes and eats breakfast, whizzes the entire room and reads a very large book before the print is finished.

Sabrina- Excellent. I still have... (Checks her watch) twenty seconds to get to class.

The blur exits.

Int. Adams College hallways. Zelda walks down the hallway with a colleague.

Zelda- Of course professor Flannigan, I’d love to discuss your theories, but I just don’t think the Travelodge is an appropriate environment.

Something whizzes by them, the draft of it’s passage blowing Zelda’s papers from her hands.

Zelda- (Cont.) That blur looked strangely familiar.

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Josh serves a customer. He hands over the bag of beans.

Josh- All right, half a pound of hand picked, organic, pot-roasted Peruvian.

Hilda- You’re a lifesaver Josh. I’ve looked all over town for these.

Josh- Yeah well we’re the only ones. Unfortunately most people aren’t that picky about what they drink.

Hilda- Well Salem is not most people.

Josh- Isn’t Salem your cat?

Hilda- Your point being...?

Josh- No, I-I just think it’s a little weird to buy gourmet coffee for a cat.

Hilda- Any weirder than a full grown man in a little red apron grinding roasted seeds so strangers can catch a buzz? Don’t judge me Bean Boy!

She turns to leaves but before she reaches the door her hair is ruffled by a freak wind. She spins round.

Hilda- That blur looked strangely familiar.

She leaves as the blur comes to a stop in her little red apron beside Josh. He’s startled. He’s usually very aware of Sabrina from the second she enters the coffee house.

Josh- Whoa! Sabrina, you startled me. I didn’t see you come in.

Sabrina- What do you want me to do?

Josh- Oh I hate to ask, but the bathrooms could use a good once over.

He glances back at the filter he’s changing.

Josh- (Cont.) Anyway, what did you think of that party last night? I thought it was by far the most amazing party we’ve ever...

Sabrina- Done!

He looks round as she puts down the bucket, scrubbing brush and marigolds.

Josh- Also amazing. Whoa, I must just have zoned out there for a minute. I’m going on my break, can you cover for me?

He walks round the front of the counter past the queue of customers rubbing his eyes. When he stops he finds Sabrina stood in front of him.

Sabrina- Anything else?

Josh- Sabrina, there are a dozen people here waiting for...

He turns as he speaks and sees them all moving from the counter with their drinks.

Sabrina- And I had a little down time so I polished the espresso machine.

Josh- Well I guess if you want to cut-out early then...

He turns back to Sabrina but she’s gone. The door is slowly closing. Josh shakes his head and slumps down onto a settee.

Josh- (Cont.) Oh man, what I’d give to be eighteen again.

Int. Spellman living room. Salem the blimp is spread across a whole cushion of the settee watching TV when Hilda arrives home with his special coffee.

Hilda- Sorry I’m late, it took forever to find the beans and bad news, the video store was out of ‘Spaceballs’

Salem- Quit yammerin’, start cookin’ and get some quilts on the double wide litter-box.

Zelda enters.

Zelda- (Angry) All right, this has gone far enough!

Hilda- Sorry Zellie, I can’t talk right now, I don’t want Salem to get mad.

Zelda- You don’t want to make Salem mad?

Salem- If you don’t leave immediately, I’ll be forced to sit on ya.

Zelda- (To Hilda) What you need is a healthy dose of reality.

She points at the coffee table and a metal bucket with ‘REALITY’ stencilled on it appears. Zelda reaches in for a handful of the yellow dust and throws it into Hilda’s face. Hilda coughs.

Hilda- What did you do that for? (Licking her lips) Mmm lemony.

Zelda- I had to make you realise that you have displaced your emotions for Sabrina onto Salem and that he’s taking horrible horrible advantage of you.

Hilda- You’re right! What’s become of me? I don’t even like being in the same room as him. Today I flossed his bicuspids.

Zelda- You just have to find something to fill the void left by Sabrina. Something that you’re passionate about... that’s legal in the state of Massachusetts.

Int. College house. A blur breezed in and stops.

Sabrina- ‘Step easy, step slow. Make me stop this go-go-go’

She points at herself and returns from fast-forward to play. She slips off one of her boots.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Great spell but...

She looks through the hole in its sole.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Tough on the high-tops.

There’s a grunt at the kitchen window.

Salem- Oh god! Humph! I little help for a bloated feline?

Sabrina rushes round to help Salem, the zeppelin up through the window. She carries him to the counter.

Sabrina- Okay, I had the most amazing day. I partied till two a.m, still managed to finish my paper, do all my reading for the week, work, go to the gym. Hint-hint. I think I’ve found the perfect spell.

Salem- <Gasp!> What’s with Slow and Mo?

Sabrina turns to see Roxie and Miles coming from their respective rooms. At the speed they're moving, they have probably been coming for the best part of the day. Someone has definitely pressed their slow-motion buttons. Sabrina goes over to them.

Sabrina- Miles? Miles, what’s wrong with you?

Miles- G....o....o....d........... m...o...r...n...i...n...g

Roxie- I’...m......... l...a...t...e........ f...o...r......... c...l...a...s...s.

Sabrina- You haven’t been to class yet?! Roxie, you’re just goofing around right?

Roxie ever so slowly pulls on her ripped denim waist-coat as Miles takes forever to sling his book-bag on his shoulder.

Salem- You didn’t do that ‘Double time’ spell did ya?

Sabrina- Of course I did. You were splayed out over the bed when I did it.

Salem- Sabrina, where do you think the extra time comes from? You sucked it right out o’ them.

Sabrina- Why couldn’t I have sucked out something useless like... a spleen or twenty pounds of cat fat?

Salem- Ghe!

Sabrina- I’ve got to try and get them back to normal.

Her magic finger as no effect on the two slow coaches.

Sabrina- (Cont.) It’s not working! Oh-no, if they don’t get to class then they’ll be on academic probation and it’s all my fault!

The door opens and Morgan enters.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Morgan er I can explain.

Morgan- (Looking Sabrina up and down) If you can explain that top with those pants, you’re a better woman than I am.

She goes straight upstairs without sparing the hardly moving Miles and Roxie a glance.

Sabrina- (To Salem) Stupid-stupid spell. I’ve got to find a way to speed them up.

First she tries pushing but Roxie’s fixed in time and space, it’s like trying to push Mt. Everest. She has the same problem when she resorts to pulling on Miles. The old clockwork technique doesn’t get Roxie ticking and besides, people might notice the key sticking out of her back. Neither does the lawn-mower engine on Miles’ back. They need a rocket under them but the two rockets fastened to their back shoot off leaving them behind. Roxie is taking a lifetime to tie her shoe laces and Miles wont go anywhere without his breakfast, so that should take up another four hours. Sabrina turns to Mr. Creosote

Sabrina- I am officially out of ideas.

Salem- I got one. Call your aunt Zelda and have her get you out of this mess.

Sabrina- I can’t, I told her I didn’t need her help. I told her I could handle everything on my own.

Salem- To quote the great philosopher, René Descart "Liar Liar, pants on fire"

Int. Physics class. Professor Spellman lectures her class.

Zelda- So if we take ‘A’ to be the atomic mass...

Student- (Interrupting) What if ‘A’ is unknown?

Zelda turns back to her equation on the chalkboard and sees a floating piece of chalk write. ‘Aunt Zelda help!’ She quickly rubs it out.

Zelda- Oh really, so now you want my help.

Student- That’s kinda what I look for in a teacher.

Another message is written on the board. ‘Please!’

Zelda- I thought you could handle everything on your own?

Student- I admit I have a cocky side, but I never said I knew everything.

A third message appears. ‘I’m sorry’

Zelda- All right, apology accepted.

Student- Thanks, I’ll be more careful next time.

Int. College house. Zelda’s on the case and stirring the pot... on the stove.

Zelda- I think I put too much supersonic-tonic in that last batch.

Sabrina and Hilda have their work cut out hanging onto Miles and Roxie whose feet are now a blur. They manage to hold them back.

Zelda- (Cont.) A few drops of ‘Where’s the fire’ should bring them back to normal.

Sabrina- Quick, I think they’re carving a rut in my floor.

Zelda comes over with a spoonful of her mixture and gives each of them a sip. And they’re back to... where they started. S...l...o...w!

Hilda- (Picking up her coffee from the counter) Don’t you have anything between Road Runner and Yurdle the turtle?

Zelda- Time spells can be very complicated, they require very precise measurements. This could take days.

Sabrina- I don’t have days. By then they’ll be... right where they are now.

Hilda- (To Zelda) Oh for crying out loud, why must you always make such a production out of everything? A small sip of espresso...

She gives them both a sip from her cup.

Hilda- (Cont.) ...and a magical thump to the heart...

Thump. Thump.

Hilda- (Cont.) ...usually does the trick.

Roxie- What’s going on? How did I get out here?

Miles- Who are you people? This better not involve a probing.

Sabrina- I can explain everything? (Aside to her aunts) Which do you like better, overslept or alarm clock didn’t go off?

Hilda- Hmm, both classics.

Zelda- Can’t go wrong either way.

Sabrina points at her two startled house-mates and they vanish.

Roxie- (OS from her room) Oh my god! I overslept!

Miles- (OS from his room) Aaargh! My alarm clock didn’t go off!

Sabrina- I thought I’d split the difference.

Hilda- Nice touch.

Sabrina- Yeah.

Roxie and Miles both come flying out of their rooms and make a dive for the bathroom fighting each other to be first.

Miles- Out of my way, I’ve got a paper to turn in!

Roxie- Wait your turn alien-breath! I just slept away my future!

Miles wins the struggle and Roxie storms back into her room.

Sabrina- Maybe I could use a little magic to help them with their late assignments.

She raises her finger but Zelda stops her.

Zelda- No need, I’m sure I can work some of my own magic on their professors... and I wont have to point.

Sabrina- Thank you guys for helping them out... and for getting me out of this mess... and for not gloating... much.

Hilda- Well you’ve only been in college for two days. It takes awhile to learn how to balance your time.

Zelda- She speaks from experience, and I have to admit, it’s nice to know you haven’t outgrown your aunties.

Sabrina- Well at first I was a little annoyed when you got the job at the university but now I’m glad you’ll be so close by.

Zelda- Oh you really mean that?

Sabrina- Yeah.

Hilda- Well then you’re going to be doubly glad.

Sabrina- Why, you didn’t get a job there too did you?! Seeing you both at school might force me to join the army.

Hilda- No I didn’t get a job at school.

Sabrina relaxes, relieved.

Hilda- (Cont.) I bought the coffee house. I’ll see you at work.

They both get up and leave. Sabrina remains seated, horrified and gob-smacked..

Sabrina- Maybe I should join the navy? I do look better in blue.

Int. Sabrina and Roxie’s room. Sabrina closed her laptop and checks her watch.

Sabrina- Nine twenty-eight, all studied up and lots of places to go.

She’d spoken to Roxie but might as well have not bothered. They’ve come to a compromise over Roxie’s music. Headphones. Sabrina goes over to her room-mate and removes them from her head.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Hey, guess what? I finished all my work, I understood at least half of it and now I’m free to party with you. Whoo-hoo!

Roxie- Great, put up some streamers, pull up a chair and watch me do logarithms. The first twenty should take us to the wee hours of the morning. Hoo-whoo!

Sabrina- Just so you’re clear, It’s ‘Whoo-hoo’ Whoo-hoo!

Roxie- Ah. Have fun at your party.

Sabrina- Oh I wasn’t invited to a party. I was just trying to find something fun to do and... hey, what’s more fun than logarithms?

Roxie- (Laughing) You’re a wild one Spellman.

Sabrina- La dolce vita baby.

Run credits.