Sabrina's Pen Pal

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina and her aunts come down stairs in the morning to find Salem on the counter along with a bulging toaster.

Hilda- Hey! Look at all the stuff from the Other Realm.

Sabrina- Hey I got a letter from my pen-pal, Martha.

She opens her envelope while Hilda goes through the other mail.

Hilda- (To Zelda) Oh this is for you from the Witches Council accounting office and our Christmas presents from mom.

Sabrina- But Christmas was four months ago.

Zelda- Yes, she’s early this year.

Salem- This is wonderful, they made a clerical error. I thought I had six lives left but it turns out I have nine.

Sabrina- That seems fair. You have nine, Mother Theresa got the one.

Salem- This means I can start living more dangerously. Hello X-games.

Hilda- (To Zelda) What did you get?

Zelda- A locket with a tiny nuclear reactor inside. What did you get?

Hilda- A gift certificate for ball-bearings.

Zelda- Really?

Hilda- Oh yeah, but it’s actually quite personal. She filled it in herself in her lovely chicken scratch.

Sabrina- Hey, Martha want’s me to visit her. Would that be okay?

Hilda- No!

They all look at her surprised.

Hilda- (Cont.) I don’t wanna be the only miserable person in the room.

Run opening credits.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina and Harvey walk together past the vice-principles office and notice that yellow police crime scene tape covers the doorway.

Sabrina- What happened to Mr. Kraft’s office?

Harvey- Some kids filled his desk up with manure again.

Sabrina- Oh.

They carry on their way but as they pass by the algebra classroom, Harvey takes Sabrina by the arm and bustles her inside. It’s empty and she looks at him oddly. He reaches into his back pocket, pulls out a small gold coloured box and hands it to her.

Harvey- Happy anniversary.

Sabrina- What?!

Harvey- Well it was two years ago today when I saw you across a crowded hallway and felt a twinge in my heart.

Sabrina- And then you hit me on the head with a football.

Excitedly she opens the box as she recalls that happy day.

Harvey- I wasn’t as smooth when I was a freshman.

Sabrina- Is this a...?

Harvey- Yep! It’s a genuine diamond chip. Pretty smooth huh?

Her heart leaps with joy as she holds the fine chain to her throat. The chip spars. (Well it’s not really big enough for a full blown sparkle.) But it spars beautifully and her delighted smile makes Harvey feel that his hard earned money was well spent.

Sabrina- Oh I’ll keep it forever!

He helps her fasten it behind her neck and it inconsiderable weight nestles against her collar-bone. Mr. Kraft walks in wearing shades.

Mr. Kraft- Spellman, Kinkle, into the cafeteria for fingerprinting.

Int. School cafeteria. Mr. Kraft shows how many police programmes he watches on TV by the professional way he presses Sabrina’s ink covered thumb onto the card and rolls it from side to side. He hands her a paper towel and she tries valiantly to rub the ink off her fingers. Harvey’s been at it for a while without much success.

Harvey- Are you sure you know how to fingerprint?

Sabrina- Yeah, should ink burn?

Mr. Kraft- Just last night I completed a private detective course, as evidenced by the emerald graduation tie-clip.

He shows it off to them.

Harvey- (Reading) ‘DICK’

Mr. Kraft- That’s right mister and I’m using my new found techniques to get to the bottom of this schools vandalism problem. From now on nothing gets by Willard Kraft PI.

He straightens his jacket and walks off displaying the two paper signs fastened to the back of his jacket. The first reads ‘Pinch me hard’ the second ‘No really’

Int. The Library. The Other Realm. Sabrina walks amongst the high shelves of books.

Sabrina- Wow Martha, what a beautiful library you've got here.

But when she looks round her friend is gone and she suddenly feels a little lost among the stacks.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Martha?

A dowdy looking girl comes round the corner pushing her spectacles up her nose and carrying an arm-full of books. Her brown hair is pulled back in a severe bun.

Martha- Well Um actually the library belongs to the Association of Other Realm Book Borrowers. I’m-I’m just merely one of the minions.

Sabrina- Boy, brag! Brag! Brag!

Martha laughs silently covering her mouth with her hand.

Martha- You know, you are so funny. When I read your letters sometimes I laugh so hard I make a sound.

Sabrina- Well then you’re gonna love my syndicated column.

Martha claps her hand over her mouth again doubling up with silence.

Sabrina- (Cont.) You’ve gotta come visit me. You’ve gotta meet my friends and family and teach them a thing or two about appreciating my jokes.

Martha- Oh I’m not allowed in the mortal realm, I’m a magic free witch. I was too timid to use my powers and so the Witches Council took them away.

Sabrina- Oh the old ‘use ‘em or lose ‘em’ law?

Martha- And if I tried to go back with you then they would just stop us at the border. You know you-you could turn me into something small and them smuggle me back. I mean they never check carry-ons, but that-that would be too much trouble.

Sabrina- No, no trouble at all. Would you rather be a duty-free bottle scotch or a pet?

Martha- Oh could I be a cat?

Sabrina- Hey, you’re the one riding in the bag.

Martha chuckles silently.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda reading a magazine at the table as Zelda comes through from the dining room with the magic book.

Zelda- Hilda look, with the added power of mothers nuclear necklace I’ll finally be able to save time in a bottle.

Hilda- Oh that’s great. I’ve found a use for my gift too.

She lifts up her glass of orange juice.

Hilda- (Cont.) Coaster.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. She’s back from the Other realm and puts her bag carefully down on her bed. Salem, like any household pet, is sat enjoying the evening air by the open window with a rocket strapped to his back.

Salem- Okay Sabrina, light my fire!

Sabrina- Salem! I’m not gonna launch you. The neighbours think we’re weird enough already.

She takes the rocket off him.

Salem- How am I gonna use up some lives if you people continue to be hung up on this ‘thou shalt not kill’ kick?

Sabrina- Say hi to my pen-pal, Martha.

She lifts a beautiful long hair grey-toned tabby from her bag.

Salem- Oh sharing your secrets with a cat? What a change of pace for you.

She points at Martha to turn her back to her human form but nothing happens.

Sabrina- Hey?!

Salem- You’re fingers suffering a little jet-lag, it’ll be fine in a few hours. Now, if you don’t mind, expose me to a virus!

Sabrina- Sorry Martha, we’ll try again in the morning.

Salem- I’m not coughing up blood!

Sabrina glares at him but unfortunately for Salem looks really can’t kill.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Morning. Sabrina gets up and finds Martha curled up comfortably on a cushion on her chaise lounge.

Sabrina- Oh you look so comfortable there and you didn’t attack my feet at all during the night.

She points at the cat and this time the fingers in full working order. In a swirl of sparkles Martha appears curled up comfortably on the cushion. Her hair has fallen loose from her bun, her skirt has shortened, her shoes have grown heels and her dowdy sweater has gone. Martha’s a babe.

Sabrina- Wow! Talk about your good nights sleep.

Martha gets up and looks at herself in Sabrina’s mirror.

Martha- Oh. Oh my. Oh well, it must be all that-that nervous grooming that I did. That black cat kept trying to goad me into a knife-fight.

Sabrina- Well what d’you say I get dressed and we go see a mortal high school?

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina leads a very edgy Martha through the crowded hallway.

Martha- Oh, you didn’t tell me there were going to be other people here.

Sabrina- Oh well, I thought the term ‘public high school’ implied that.

They run into Harvey.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh Harvey! Meet Martha, my pen-pal.

Harvey- Nice to meet you Martha. Where are you from?

Martha- Er the Other Realm.

Sabrina- (Quickly) Drive. The Other Realm Drive. It’s in Virginia.

Harvey- Did you show her the necklace?

Sabrina- Oh right, Martha look what Harvey gave me.

She reaches up to her neck and feels around. Her search becomes more desperate as she realises it’s not there.

Harvey- Where is it?

Sabrina- It’s right um... Freeze!

She casts the spell from page 201 in the magic handbook stopping time dead in it’s tracks.

Sabrina- gotta find it.

She points at herself and molecularly transfers herself.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Discarded clothing and laundry fly about the room as if by magic until Sabrina’s head pops up from beyond the bed.

Sabrina- I can’t find that necklace anywhere! What am I gonna tell Harvey?

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Nothing has changed. The only thing or person who has moved is Sabrina. She appears back in the same spot with a swirl of sparkles before setting time back into motion.

Sabrina- It’s at home.

Mr. Kraft wanders down the hallway.

Mr. Kraft- Ah Miss Spellman. Let me guess, your friend doesn’t have a visitors pass.

Sabrina- No, but before society breaks down completely, I can go get one. Come on Martha.

Martha- Oh no-no I-I’m just feeling a little bit overwhelmed. I’m going to huddle by the water-fountain if you don’t mind.

She dashes to the wall and starts to huddle.

Harvey- Virginian’s don’t get out much do they?

Mr. Kraft- Go on to class and I will escort your guest to the office.

Sabrina- But...

Mr. Kraft lifts his nose sniffing.

Mr. Kraft- Smell that? It’s the odour of detention.

Sabrina reluctantly waves to Martha and leaves with Harvey. Mr. Kraft walks over to Martha who’s stood with her nose touching the notice board on the wall.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Are we er near-sighted miss?

She turns to face him, her whole demeanour changing in a heart-beat and in a sexy, husky tone.

Martha- Oh my my.

She looks admiringly at Mr. Kraft, removes her gasses and flicks her hair back.

Martha- (Cont.) Is that an emerald tie-clip or am I just fixating on your eyes.

Mr. Kraft is smitten.

Int. Spellman living room.

Salem- Please!

He’s sat on the couch in a gold leotard. Zelda stands over him holding a strong lead.

Zelda- No! You are not alligator wrestling in my living room.

The six feet long toothy reptile on the other end of the leach twists and snaps it’s powerful jaws.

Zelda- (Cont.) I don’t care how many lives you have, I don’t have time to pick up cat entrails out of the carpet.

Hilda enters from the kitchen.

Hilda- Well I did it, I finally settled things with mother.

Zelda- Oh Hilda, I’m so glad you talked to her.

Hilda- Who talked? I filled her living room with two tons of cracked-corn.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Mr. Kraft marches down the corridor looking agitated and determined. A couple of students are dumb enough to block his path.

Mr. Kraft- Out of my way!

He passes Sabrina at her locker.

Sabrina- Mr. Kraft, where’s Martha?

Mr. Kraft- Oh that’s a very good question. We were enjoying a skimmed-milk in my office and she stepped out to freshen up. Next thing I know the door is locked, no-one is heeding my screams for help and I had to crawl out through an air-duct.

Sabrina- Oh well, I’d better go and find her, she’s not very good at new places. In case you hadn’t noticed, she’s very shy.

Sabrina slams shut her locker and hurries off.

Mr. Kraft- (Calling after) Shy! Ha! That woman is a brazen...

As he turns to follow the retreating Sabrina he’s almost strangled by his tie being caught in the locker door. He looks down and notices something is missing.

Mr. Kraft- (To himself) Wait a minute. My emerald tie-pin, it’s gone! (Calling out) Call the police! Argh!

He almost strangles himself again as he tries to head to his office. Meanwhile in another part of the school Martha has a cunning plan. Smiling she set off the fire-alarm. As students file out of class in an orderly fashion Martha slips in and goes through their book-bags helping herself to anything worth pinching. Sabrina’s one step behind as Martha leaves by one door she enters by another.

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda has an afternoon nap on the settee and the stealthy thief slips by without waking her. With or without magic Martha makes unerringly for the picture that hides the Spellman safe. In seconds her deft fingers have it open and she scoops up the jewels within. On her way out she’s even daring enough to steal the ear-rings off Hilda’s ears.

Later. Sabrina’s still a step or two behind as she comes through the front door.

Sabrina- Martha? Martha, did you come home?

There’s a series of thump from upstairs like someone’s hammering.

Sabrina- (Cont.) And are you re-shingling our roof?

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Zelda is doing the hammering while Hilda watches her nail planks across the closet door.

Zelda- There.

She slips the hammer in the pouch on her tool belt.

Hilda- I still say we should have gone for a good old fashioned moat.

Sabrina comes upstairs.

Sabrina- Re-decorating?

Zelda- No, a dangerous jewel thief has escaped from the Other Realm.

There’s a crash of thunder as the linen closet activates. A sheet of paper slips under the door and Zelda picks it up.

Zelda- (Cont.) Oh a wanted poster

Hilda- Oh I hate artist’s renderings, they always look like Doodles Weaver in a stocking cap.

Sabrina- If you squint this guy kinda looks like my pen-pal.

Zelda- Really?

Sabrina- Yeah, but it can’t be Martha, she’s way to nice.

She opens her bedroom door to reveal a pile of stolen jewellery along with assorted school books and other goodies.

Sabrina- For an extremely dangerous criminal.

Later. Sabrina finishes telling her aunts about her pen-pal.

Sabrina- ...So then I sort of turned her into a cat and brought her home.

Hilda- And having to smuggle her didn’t strike you as odd?

Sabrina- When you say ‘Smuggle’ it just sounds bad.

Zelda- You signed up for a Pen-pal with a capital ‘P’ A Pen-pal with a capital ‘P’ means a pal in the Penitentiary. Everyone knows that.

Sabrina- I bet I could write up a few people that don’t! She was working in the library!

Zelda- The most dangerous criminals are always forced to shelve books.

Hilda- It keeps blood-shed to a minimum.

A terrific howl comes from down stairs.

Zelda- She’s got Salem!

All three of them rush for the stairs to rescue their pet.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem’s in deadly peril... of looking silly in a chefs hat on the counter as he prepares sushi accompanied by the kung fu yells that add taste. A Japanese cookery programme on the portable TV shows him how. The three witches arrive.

Sabrina- What are you doing?

Salem- Expressing shear delight. I’m making a type of sushi known as fugu. If it’s not prepared exactly right it can be lethal. Ho-ho.

TV Announcer- We interrupt ‘Hey! Let’s wrap things in sea-weed’ for a special bulletin.

Salem- Hot-dog! I’m gonna miss how to de-vein the poison-sack.

TV Reporter- There have been a rash of jewel robberies reported in the Westbridge area.

The TV picture cuts to Westbridge High School where Mr. Kraft is being interviewed by the reporter.

Mr. Kraft- That’s right, it was an emerald tie-clip and-and beware, the thief may be trying to pass himself off as a licensed private eye or a member of the Lions Club.

TV Reporter- She’s been seen talking to a blonde accomplice.

Sabrina- A blonde accomplice? Oh-no!

TV Reporter- This is Emily Dart reporting live from Westbridge High School.

There’s a thunk from upstairs and once again the three witches run off to check it out.

Salem- (To himself) Those three run way too much.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. The sneaky thief has made good her escape by rigging a rope out of Sabrina’s bedroom window.

Zelda- Oh too late! Your Pen-pals gone with the goods.

Sabrina- Okay, I admit it, I misjudged her.

Hilda- More bad news. I just check, all our jewels are missing from our safe.

Sabrina- Oh-no...! We have jewels?

Zelda- Of course.

Sabrina- Oh... We have a safe?

Zelda- Let’s think. Since Martha has no magic of her own, she probably wanted the jewels so that she can buy potions on the magic black-market.

Hilda- So she can have her own magic back, continue her evil ways and wreak havoc on an unsuspecting world.

Sabrina- Where’s the safe?

Her aunts glare at her.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I’m in denial here.

Zelda- We’ve gotta find her. Let’s see, the book and the rope came from school. (To Sabrina) You’d better go back there in case she thinks of anything else she needs.

Hilda- And I’ll call the Other Realm Police.

Zelda- Good, and I’ll see if there’s any information on Martha on the witch wide web.

Hilda and Zelda set off to their appointed tasks.

Sabrina- (Calling after) She had lovely penmanship!

Int. Westbridge High School. Schools out and the halls and classes are deserted. That’s why both Sabrina and Harvey give little yelps of surprise when they almost bump into each other at a corner.

Sabrina- What are you doing here?

Harvey- Just getting out of wrestling practice. What are you doing here?

Sabrina- Oh I er I er I forgot my chemistry book.

She goes to her locker and opens it. A chemistry book doesn’t fall out but the tinkle of jewellery on the floor looks a little suspicious.

Harvey- Jewels?

Sabrina- Oh Ha-ha-ha, that’s right. They’re the props from er... the school production of... rich people that hasn’t been announced yet that I’m staring in that I haven’t told anyone about yet.

Harvey- Is that by Thornton Wilder?

Mr. Kraft comes round the corner and spots the two at the locker. He ducks back round the corner and peers out in trained PI fashion watching Sabrina scoop up the loot.

Mr. Kraft- So Sabrina Spellman is a jewel thief and future prison laundry employee.

Sabrina and Harvey leave and Martha slips out of the classroom she was hiding in. She heads straight for Sabrina’s locker, opening it without a problem and takes the jewels.

Mr. Kraft- A-ha! They’re in this together.

He follows after the departing Martha. While in another part of the hallway.

Sabrina- You know what? Er you go ahead, I’ve gotta find... something else.

She pushes Harvey away and she carries on scouting the Hallways for Martha alone. As she looks one way Martha slips out of a room behind her. She sneaks away but Sabrina turns and spots her. She follows unaware that Mr. Kraft is tailing both of them.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Zelda on her computer surfing the witch wide web.

Zelda- (Reading) Martha was once imprisoned for trying to steal the Star of Orion.

Hilda- The rarest gem in the universe?

Zelda- (Reading) Once owned by Elizabeth Taylor. Whoever possesses it can use it to steal power from other witches. (To Hilda) Isn’t it still on display at the Other Realm Museum of Cosmic Debris?

Hilda- Yes! Next to a chunk of Sky-lab.

Zelda- My guess is; we go there, we find Martha.

Salem- And now for the toxic fugu inexpertly prepared.

He tucks into his supper while Hilda and Zelda head upstairs to the Other Realm.

Salem- (Cont.)(Disappointed) Great! No death.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Getting into the Other Realm is proving a little difficult after they had nailed planks over the linen closet door. Zelda finally gets the last one loose with a grunt and tosses it aside. They enter and with a flash of lightning they’re on their way.

Int. Spellman living room. Martha comes through the front door and heads straight upstairs. Sabrina comes in and follows. PI Kraft is only a few steps behind.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Sabrina follows Martha through to the Other Realm. Mr. Kraft arrives at the top of the stairs and wonders where they’ve got to but his detectives intuition doesn’t fail him as he spots the closed closet door.

Mr. Kraft- Oh it’s going to be really hard to find you in there Spellman.

He opens the door and sticks his head into the closet.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Spellman?

There’s no sign of the girl but there is something odd in there.

Mr. Kraft- (To himself) Is that a black hole?

He steps forward for a closer look and the door swings shut behind him. There’s a flash of lightning.

Mr. Kraft- (OS) OH! MY EYES!!

Int. The Other Realm Museum of Cosmic Debris. The Star of Orion room. Sabrina enters and sees the large jewel on a four feet high plinth surrounded by lethal laser beams. The sign on the plinth is sure to deter even the most hardened of jewel thieves. It reads ‘Please do not steal or touch’

Sabrina- Okay Martha, where are you.

She spots a bottom sticking out from behind a pillar.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Ah, you may be a dangerous criminal but you’re not very good as a hider. Gotcha!

Hilda and Zelda jumps up with a scream making Sabrina jump back with a surprised scream.

Zelda- What are you doing here?

Sabrina- I just followed Martha here but I guess our screams have eliminated the element of surprise.

Zelda- So we were right! She is gonna steal the Star of Orion. We’ve come up with a plan.

Hilda- Well actually Zelda came up with a plan while I looked for gum. Cinnamon?

Sabrina shakes her head and Hilda puts the gum back in her bag.

Zelda- We’ll use a ‘Hand in the cookie-jar’ spell. See once Martha grabs the Star of Orion, a cookie-jar will appear around her hand.

Hilda- The only problem is we have to be next to the stone in order to enact it.

Sabrina- Oh what’s stopping you, I mean, besides the death rays.

Zelda- We’ve found the control box that turns the beams off but we can’t get into it because it’s magic proof.

Sabrina- Well why don’t you use your nuclear necklace to blow it open?

Zelda- That’s perfect! Once again mother comes through.

Hilda- Oh yeah, don’t we love her.

Zelda holds the pendent up to the control box on the wall and activates it. Nothing happens.

Zelda- Nothing.

Int. Museum hallways. Plinths line the walls showing off remarkable and dramatic pieces of debris gleaned from across the cosmos. One of the pieces of debris walks on two legs.

Mr. Kraft- Okay, I was just transported by a closet to another dimension.

Int. The Star or Orion room. Zelda inspects the pendant trying to figure out why it wouldn’t work.

Zelda- I see the problem. Mother didn’t include a battery with it.

Hilda- I know we’re doomed but I feel an incredible sense of justice.

Sabrina- Okay, well one of us is going to have to crawl under those deadly beams and these are new pants so you two can duke it out.

Zelda- What we need is somebody who’s not afraid to die. I know!

She points and a new exhibit of cosmic debris appears sat in a kitty bath with a loufer

Salem- La-ta-te. La-ta-ta-deaah.

He spots them.

Salem- Do you mind?

Zelda- Salem, we need you to run through these security beams to see how dangerous they are.

Hilda- It’s your chance to cheat death.

Salem- Finally! I wont be thwarted this time. Stand back.

They do and Salem slips out of his bubble bath and approaches the beams.

Salem- (Cont.) Hmm. Warm. Warm. Hot! Hot-hot-hot! <Sob!>

He’s back in his bath tub to cool off.

Sabrina- Salem you big baby! The beams didn’t even touch you.

Salem- You don’t understand, I blister easy <Sob!> I need Aloe. Zap me home you mean mean women. <Sob!>

Zelda obliges if only to stop his whining.

Hilda- Why don’t we use your necklace Zelda? Oh that’s right, it doesn’t work.

Int. Museum hallways. Mr. Kraft still wonders through the exhibits.

Mr. Kraft- Hello? (To himself) Okay, be cool Kraft. You are either lost in a parallel universe or you’re being digested.

Martha slips by behind him. She’s changed into a black cat burglars cat-suit. As she passes she taps him on the shoulder. He spins but she’s gone in the other direction.

Int. The Star of Orion room. Zelda has an idea.

Zelda- Hilda! I need the coupon for those ball-bearings mother gave you.

Hilda- Just because your present stinks doesn’t mean you can have mine.

Zelda- The coupons shiny, perhaps we can use it to reflect one of the lasers onto the control box to open it.

Sabrina- Good thinking, McGuiver.

Zelda takes the coupon from Hilda and carefully kneels beside the beams. Painstakingly she moves the silvered coupon into the beam and redirects it at the lock on the control box. They all shield their eyes as the blast blows open the door. Zelda holds up the charred and blackened coupon. It has a hole clean through it.

Zelda- Oops!

Hilda- A-ha! Not only is my gift better than yours but now you owe me a whole bunch of ball-bearings.

Sabrina reaches into the control box and shuts off the security beams.

Zelda- Great! Okay, here goes. Whoever touches this stone from a star, Encase their hand in a cookie-jar.

With a wave of her hand the spell is enacted.

Zelda- The spells activated.

Footsteps can be heard approaching.

Sabrina- That must be Martha. Quick hide! I’ll turn the beams back on.

She does then rushes to join her aunts behind the pillar were three bottoms poke out now. It is Martha and she walks straight up to the beams.

Martha- (To herself) This potion better be worth a bag of stolen jewels.

She takes a small bottle from the top of her boot and tips it to her lips. She instantly turns into a column of fire and slips under the beams to come up beside the Star of Orion.

Hilda- (Whispering) Why didn’t we think of that?

Zelda shushes her as Martha stands poised for her greatest caper ever.

Martha- (To herself) There it is, all the power in the universe. It looked better in the catalogue but...

She takes the jewel from it’s plinth and a cookie-jar materialises round her hand.

Martha- (Cont.) Hey!

She looks around and hears footsteps.

Martha- (Cont.) Securities coming... I’m holding the Star of Orion... That might look suspicious.

She drinks some more of the potion, turns back into flame and vanishes leaving behind just a scorch mark on the floor, a broken cookie-jar and the Star of Orion.

Zelda- Maybe I should have encanted the unbreakable plastic cookie-jar spell.

Mr. Kraft- Hello?

Sabrina- As if it couldn’t get any worse. Ladies and gentlemen, my Vice-principle.

Mr. Kraft sees the burn mark and broken crockery on the floor and bends to clean it up.

Mr. Kraft- Oh what a mess and me without my whisk-broom.

Two security men burst in.

Security Man- Freeze!

Mr. Kraft- Oh finally! I was a... Hey! Hey!

They grab Mr. Kraft and Zelda leaps up to stop them.

Zelda- Hey don’t hurt him!

They grab Zelda and Hilda leaps up to stop them.

Hilda- Don’t hurt her!

They grab Hilda.

Mr. Kraft- Hilda?

Hilda- Oh! Oh I should have seen this coming. Hey, take it easy, I’m going, I’m going.

One of the security guards puts the jewel back on it’s plinth as the suspects are hustled away.

Sabrina- (Whispering from her hiding place) Don’t hurt them. (To herself) Oh shucks, they didn’t hear me.

The room is suddenly empty and a column of fire bursts forth from the ashes. Martha once again takes the Star of Orion from it’s plinth. Sabrina springs out.

Sabrina- Martha! So I guess when we agreed to be pen-pals, I was the only one who took the pal part seriously?

Martha- You’re right Sabrina, you’ve been so nice and I’ve taken advantage. Here, take this stone. Save me from myself.

She hands Sabrina the jewel.

Sabrina- (Smiling) See? You weren’t all bad. I knew I was a good judge of people.

The jewel suddenly glows a brilliant blue for a moment then fades once more. Martha snatches it back from her.

Martha- Now I have your magic. See ya!

She runs for it.

Sabrina- Whoa! I’m really glad no-one else was here to see that. (Calling after) You’re in for a world of hurt librarian!

She lets off after Martha.

Ext. The night sky above the Other Realm. The chase is on with Sabrina hot on Martha’s heals. Sparkling trails stream from the magic vacuum cleaners painting brilliant patterns through the dark sky as Martha jinx and swerves to try and shake Sabrina. But our heroine stays doggedly on her trail.

Sabrina- Gimme back my magic!

In reply Martha swoops upwards giving Sabrina a face full of sparkles.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Well at least give me back my necklace!

Int. Spellman dining room. Salem, the brave, shows just how courageous he is.

Salem- (To himself) <Sob!> I need more unguent. It hurts so very very bad. <Sob!> Oh they’re not here. That’s right, but that was a good rehearsal though.

Int. The Other Realm police station interrogation room. The suspects are grilled by a detective.

Detective- I’m not asking you again, where’s the stone?

Mr. Kraft- It’s... in my kidney?

The detective points his finger threateningly at Mr. Kraft and being a witch detective this has the result of smacking Mr. Kraft’s face back and forth. Very energy efficient. Zelda springs up from her chair to his defence.

Zelda- He’s innocent!

Detective- Sit down! We’ll get to you later Poindexter.

Zelda- Oh! Mean!

Detective- (To Mr. Kraft) Is she your accomplice?

Mr. Kraft- We date a little.

Once again the detective uses his finger to try and get the truth out of Mr. Kraft. His arm is twisted cruelly high up behind his back.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Aw!! Hurts!

Hilda- (Aside to Zelda) When he said ‘Get to you’ he meant just you right?

Detective- (Calling out) Boris!

The door opens and a bald man in a white gown enters carrying an electric drill with a long bit. He holds it up as the suspects eyes widen in horror and pulls the trigger. It whirs ominously.

Mr. Kraft- That’s to fix the wobble in the table, right?

The look Boris gives him answers his question in the negative. It looks like this interrogation is getting serious.

Ext. The sky above the Other Realm. Sabrina stubbornly sticks to Martha like superglue.

Martha- Back off witch girl! What are you doing still chasing me? You don’t have any magic.

Sabrina- But I still have my wits and...

She reaches into her pocket and pulls out.

Sabrina- (Cont.) ...a penny.

She throws the coin and her aim is good. Martha’s vacuum sucks it up making a grinding noise and the machine falters.

Martha- Nooo!

Sabrina- Whoo-hoo!

Martha- Mother of mercy, is this the end of my thought?

Her vacuum begins to descend as the small piece of metal chews up the works. Sabrina follows her down.

Int. The Other Realm police station interrogation room. Zelda, Hilda and Mr. Kraft sit at the table side by side with the arms handcuffed behind them as the detective and Boris stand over them with the wicked looking drill.

Detective- Okay, where’s this Martha who you claim took the Star of Orion?

A magical bright light shines into the face of Zelda.

Zelda- I don’t know!

It transfers to Hilda.

Hilda- I’m thinking!

Then onto Mr. Kraft.

Mr. Kraft- Hail Mary, full of grace...

Boris fires up the drill and moves forward. The three suspects scream in fear and horror.

Int. The Other Realm police station hallways. Sabrina drags Martha along with her.

Martha- I gave you back your magic and your teensy little diamond, what more do you want?

Sabrina- To turn you in and save my aunts... and that diamond was one twentieth of a quarter carat lady.

They reach the interrogation room and the sound of the drill can just be heard over the awful screams and howls of the suspects.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh-no! They’re torturing them.

She bursts into the room pulling Martha along with her. The scene she comes upon is from your deepest nightmare. That is if your deepest nightmare is to be handcuffed and tickled mercilessly by a big bald bloke with a feather on the end of a drill bit. Mr. Kraft has passed out from the exhaustion of laughter but Zelda and Hilda are made of sterner stuff

Sabrina- Odd.

Zelda- Oh Sabrina! Thank goodness you’re here. They’ve been tickling us mercilessly.

Hilda- Ha-ha-ha-ha! Zelda and Willard did it!

Boris shuts off the drill.

Hilda- (Cont.) Oh, we’re saved. Never mind... and they’re not communists.

Sabrina- This is the one you want.

Detective- That’s Martha, the notorious jewel thief! Grab her.

Boris does.

Detective- (Cont.) Wait a minute. She’s a jewel thief and that’s the Star of Orion in her purse. I’m gonna go with my gut and say these people are not guilty.

They drag Martha out into the hallway and reach for their handcuffs.

Sabrina- So who wants to tell me that’s a job well done Sabrina.

Zelda- Yes you did a nice job of smuggling in a dangerous criminal.

Hilda- Then got us arrested and tortured!

Sabrina- But look on the bright side.

She gestures towards Martha who is admiring the new shiny steel bracelets on her wrists.

Martha- I don’t suppose you could loosen these handcuffs seeing as how I’m already a prisoner... of your charms.

Sabrina- Martha’s really come out of her shell.

Int. Spellman living room. They are all back from their adventure including Mr. Kraft who is still out cold slumped on the settee.

Sabrina- He bumped his head and had some wild dream?

Zelda- No, we’ve used that one.

Hilda- Bad pork?

Sabrina- Did it twice.

He comes round with a start.

Mr. Kraft- Okay, what happened?

Sabrina- (Aside to her aunts) Just go with me. (To Mr. Kraft) Don’t you remember Mr. Kraft? The EPA found methane in your office and it’s known to cause hallucinations, so all you need to do is burn your clothes and take some more sulphur.

Hilda- (Aside to Zelda) Never leave the excuse to a teenager.

Mr. Kraft- Methane? Sulphur...? Oh holly day! I’m not crazy.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Later.

Sabrina- So Martha convinced me that she was a dull, nice librarian but I still think that she was sincere when she laughed at my jokes.

Zelda- Oh honey, everybody misjudges people. When Salem was busy trying to take over the world, your aunt Hilda was convinced he was just a workaholic.

The toaster pops up a message, Sabrina takes it.

Sabrina- (Reading) ‘Salem, a clerical error has been made on the clerical correction of your original clerical error. You don’t have nine lives left you’ve got... ONE!’

Run credits.

Salem- ONE?! Just one? Okay I wanna helmet, some body armour and a quiet corner where I can avoid all danger... and will someone move that spoon <Sob!>

Hilda enters.

Hilda- Well mother just called. Apperantly the gift certificate was for gold ear-rings, not ball-bearings. I misread her very bad hand-writing.

Zelda- See? She wasn’t being unfair.

Sabrina- So is everything okay with you two?

Hilda- I guess, although my bedroom is now filled with four tons of cracked-corn... and I’m not allowed to watch television for a week.

Salem- Cracked-corn! Isn’t that one of the signs of the apocalypse?

He jumps down from the counter and runs for the cat door.

Salem- (Cont.) Run away!!