Sandman

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina enters. Her aunts are surprised to see her.

Hilda- Sabrina, what are you doing home? I thought your new job at ‘Pork on a pole’ started this afternoon?

Sabrina- It did, I quit.

Zelda- Why? Were the working conditions unsafe?

Sabrina- No.

Hilda- Was your boss a total monster?

Sabrina- No.

Salem- You got caught with your hand in the till, didn’t ya?

Sabrina- No!

Zelda- Sabrina, no matter what happened, no matter how horrible, we’ll understand.

Reluctantly Sabrina points at herself and shows off the nauseating orange, black and yellow uniform that employees of ‘Pork on a pole’ are forced to wear. It comprises a three-quarter length smock and a large peeked hat that she’s expected to keep her hair stuffed up under. It’s gross.

Hilda- Within reason! Where’s your dignity?

Sabrina- The worst part is... I had to buy it.

Run opening credits.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Libby walks down surrounded by her entourage of fawning cheerleaders as she shows off her latest acquisition. She makes sure everyone within a twenty yard radius hears her boast.

Libby- Yes, I am the first junior to get our class ring. Daddy bought it for me after I gave him the silent treatment for a week.

She flashes the ring and one of the girls dares to try and touch it. Libby snatches her hand away.

Libby- (Cont.) Don’t touch!

They leave.

Sabrina- I think class rings are so ugly... I’ve gotta have one.

Valerie- Any luck on the job front?

Sabrina- Nothing that doesn’t involve polyester and public humiliation.

Valerie- Yeah, same here, and let me be the first to tell you. Chicken suits don’t breath.

They stop to find Mr. Kraft stood right behind them having overheard their conversation.

Mr. Kraft- Oh, if you ladies are strapped for cash, I know a place where you could make top-dollar.

Sabrina- Really? Where?

Mr. Kraft- My house, I’m looking for some enterprising young person to scrape the guano off my bat-house and the entire seventy-five cents and hour is er...

He glances around to make sure there are no IRS spy’s lurking close by.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) ...under the table.

He nods encouragement and leaves.

Sabrina- D’ya know the scariest thing about his offer?

Valerie- No.

Sabrina- I’m thinking about taking it.

Int. School classroom. Harvey sits talking to a student friend. They don’t see the door open and Sabrina and Valerie overhear.

Harvey- I don’t know what I’ll do if Sabrina ever finds out.

Student- Man, you’re in a tough spot.

Int. Hallway. Valerie pulls Sabrina away from the door.

Valerie- Sabrina, a girlfriend should not eavesdrop on her boyfriend. Let me do it.

Sabrina- No, it’s not eavesdropping. They’re talking so loud that it’s impossible not to overhear. Now pipe-down.

She turns back to the door just as Harvey walks out.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Harvey!

Harvey- Sabrina!

Sabrina- Er we were just listening... looking for you. So um, d’ya wanna go job hunting after school today?

Harvey- No! I mean I can’t, I already have plans. I have to... take care of my plans. Are we done with the third degree here?

He edges past her and hurries off.

Valerie- Don’t worry, I’m sure he’s not seeing someone else.

Sabrina- I wasn’t even thinking that... until now!

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda and Zelda pass the time with one of their favourite hobbies. A jig-saw puzzle.

Zelda- You know, I’m starting to get a little worried that Sabrina hasn’t solved the families secret yet.

The door to the dining room opens and Sabrina is about to enter when she overhears.

Hilda- I can’t wait to see the look on her face when she gets it. I wish we could just tell her.

Zelda- And ruin the surprise?

Int. Spellman dining room. Salem has jumped up onto the table.

Salem- Sabrina! You’re eavesdropping!

Sabrina- It’s not eavesdropping, it’s controlled overhearing.

Salem- I was gonna say, you can hear better through the air-vent in the laundry room.

Sabrina- Do you think my aunts are going to get me my class ring as a surprise?

Hilda and Zelda- (together) No!

It was a surprise but not the one she hoped for. She gives a little scream as she turns back to the doorway to find them both stood there.

Int. Spellman kitchen. The aunts stand over the seated Sabrina who awaits yet another telling off with resignation.

Hilda- You know it’s very rude to eavesdrop on people.

Sabrina- I know, I overheard someone say that.

Zelda- When you eavesdrop, you never get the entire story

They stare off into space and the kitchen wavers having a flashback. A tavern in the seventeen hundreds. Hilda the tavern girl overhears a conversation.

British Merchant- Five hundred red-coats will be landing tomorrow at Boston harbour.

Hilda excitedly slips over to the window and gives the news to a passerby.

Hilda- Give the signal, the British attack at dawn.

The man leaves to rally the troops as Hilda saunters back to the customers at the table. The man who had let slip the information is holding up a red coat for his friends inspection.

British Merchant- And at twelve shillings apiece, these babies should fly off the shelves.

Passerby- (Calling out) The British are coming!

Hilda- (To herself) No, they’re not.

Passerby- (Calling out) The British are coming!

Hilda- No, they’re not.

Int. Spellman kitchen.

Zelda- And that’s how Hilda came to start a little thing we like to call the American Revolution.

Sabrina- Yeah well, it’s not like things have gone bad for Britain since then.

Hilda- Hey! Things turned out okay... for the people who lived. Look, if you really want enough money to buy that class ring, you should call the Other Realm Employment Agency. I remember this one job they got me once...

They stare off into space having a flashback but reality only wavers for a second before snapping back into place.

Sabrina- Can’t you guys ever tell a story without the whole room going fuzzy? Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go call and make an appointment.

She leaves to make her call and as soon as she’s out of site reality starts having a new problem in the form of a wailing siren and a large, fluorescent cone. Or rather a man wearing a large, fluorescent cone.

Warning Man- Warning! Warning! Danger! Danger!

Hilda- Don’t tell me, Will Robinson’s in trouble?

Warning Man- I’ve been sent by the Witches Council to give you a warning. If Sabrina doesn’t solve the family secret soon, the consequences will be dire and baby, I mean dire.

Zelda- For Sabrina?

Warning Man- No, for you. I love that mislead.

He laughs as he vanishes just as Sabrina comes back in.

Sabrina- Well I called and made an appointment at the Other Realm Employment Agency.

Hilda- No! You are not leaving this house until you solve the family secret!

Sabrina- But...!

Zelda- That’s final young lady! And you know when I call you ‘young lady’ I mean business.

The aunts leave Sabrina feeling a little confused.

Sabrina- (To herself) Okay, from now on I’m going to have to video-tape all my transaction’s with them.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda and Hilda enter and nearly run into the warning man who’s eating from a bowl of nuts..

Warning Man- Warning! Warning! Danger! Danger!

Hilda- Well if you’d asked we would have told you those nuts were stale.

Zelda- Why are you here? Sabrina’s hard at work on the family secret.

Warning Man- But only because you’re forcing her to, not because she wants to.

Hilda- How do you know so much about us? It’s creepy!

Warning Man- Be that as it may, you have to motivate her without preventing her from leading a normal life. You’re breaking the rules.

Zelda- <Gasp!> I never break rules! I’m not even comfortable making a right turn on red.

Warning Man- Well you’re breaking the rules for helping your teen solve the families secret.

He points at the coffee table and a projector along with rolls and rolls of film appears.

Warning Man- (Cont.) They’re all right there.

Zelda- Film strips?

Warning Man- We’re hoping to get it on microfiche by the end of the year... and don’t forget, the consequences will be...

Hilda and Zelda- (Interrupting) Dire.

Warning Man- But nothing compared to the consequences if you don’t return these rewound.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina paces still trying to figure out what happened as the aunts enter.

Sabrina- Okay, first you tell me to get a job to pay for the class ring. Second, I’ve been trying to solve that family secret for months. Third...

Zelda- (Interrupting) Honey, we think it’s wonderful that you’re getting a job.

Hilda- And aren’t you late for an interview? You know sometimes the first impression is the only impression.

They leave poor Sabrina not knowing if she’s coming or going.

Sabrina- (To herself) Okay, now I’ve got to get a job, solve the families secret and find out if senility is hereditary.

Int. The office of the OREA. Sabrina’s interview gets underway.

Sylvia- Okay honey, let’s take a look at your resume.

Sabrina hands over the carefully typed out CV.

Sabrina- I really hope you can help me.

Sylvia- Doll, I once got Paulie Shaw his own series. I can help you.

She has a quick look at the resume and tosses it back.

Sylvia- (Cont.) I can’t help you.

Sabrina- Please! I’m desperate. Don’t you have anything?

Sylvia- But you have no experience, no skills and Congress isn’t in session right now so... Oh wait! I know, you could be a sandman.

Sabrina- I could be the sandman?

Sylvia- No, a sandman. Am I talking too fast for you dear? It’s like a paper-route, you put the people in your neighbourhood to sleep at night. Any idiot can do it, so you’re qualified.

Sabrina- I’ll take it. Wait! Is there a uniform involved?

Sylvia waves her hand and Sabrina finds herself clad in a long white night-shirt and a tasselled bed-cap.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Let me guess, I have to buy it?

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda and Hilda are working their way through the mountain of celluloid.

Presenter- ...Nor is it permissible to strike your teen with lightning to motivate them.

Zelda- Oh finally, that’s the last one.

Hilda- So I was right.

Zelda- Yes, you were right.

Hilda- I knew there wasn’t a rule against using rabid Packer fans to motivate your teen.

And to make her point she has eight of the beer swilling loonies in the room with them. Each has a green and yellow letter painted on the bare bear-bellies spelling out ‘Solve it!' They whoop and cheer.

Int. A little kids bedroom. Sabrina’s on the job as she appears but the boy in the bed doesn’t see her. Neither does he feel at all sleepy.

Little Kid- BUT I WANNA GLASS OF WATER!

He nearly deafens Sabrina who’s stood beside him as he yells down stairs. His mothers answering yell comes up.

Mother- You’ve already had twelve glasses of water! Go to sleep!

Little Kid- BUT I HAVE TO GO TO THE...

Sabrina is relieved as the sprinkle of sand from her pouch silences the child in mid yell. He sinks back onto his pillow and sleeps.

Sabrina- Oh, when you’re not whining, you’re actually kinda cute.

She leans down to tuck him in and her hand brushes against the boys.

Int. The little kids dream. A large play pen full of plastic balls. The kid tosses them about while Sabrina looks around herself.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Okay, I’ve lost my mind. Well this kinda breaks up the day.

She moves her hand off the boy.

Int. A little kids bedroom. Sabrina is back.

Sabrina- (To herself) Hey, when I touch him I go into his dream. Cool!

She touches him again.

Int. The little kids dream. Sabrina joins him back in the play pen. The kid picks up one of the balls and starts chewing on it.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Ew! Don’t put that in your mouth!

Little Kid- But it’s candy!

She picks one up and takes a bite.

Sabrina- Hey you’re right, it is candy... Not very good candy, but it’s your dream.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Hilda finishes off with the oil-can.

Hilda- There, give it a try.

Zelda takes hold of Sabrina’s bedroom door and pulls it closed. The squeak is still there only now it has something to say.

Door- Solve the family secret.

She opens it again.

Door- Solve the family secret.

Zelda- Perfect, now let’s work on that fresco over her bed.

Int. Valerie’s bedroom. Sabrina’s just done her sandman thing and Valerie sleeps. Sabrina crosses her name from her list.

Sabrina- (To Herself) Well she was hard to get to sleep. I had to use so much sand on her she could be used as a bank ash-tray.

Valerie tosses and turns in her sleep muttering and mumbling.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I wonder what she’s dreaming.

Valerie mumbles some more.

Sabrina- (Cont.) What was that? Come into my dream Sabrina? If you insist.

She touches her friend.

Int. Valerie’s dream. They’re in the creative writing class and the teacher hands out papers.

Valerie- A test?! I hav-I haven’t studied! I haven’t even opened the book! My whole grade depends on this! The rest of my life depends on passing this class!!

Sabrina sits watching her friends growing distress then her eyes fly wide with surprise. Valerie screams in horror.

Valerie- (Cont.) Where are my clothes?!!

She tries to cover her nakedness as the rest of the class laugh and point.

Int. Mr. Kraft’s dream. Sabrina stands against the wall of ‘Green Giant Pea’ boxes while Mr. Kraft sits in his pyjamas before a table.

Mr. Kraft- Twenty-three thousand four hundred and fifty-one. Twenty-three thousand four hundred and fifty-two.

He takes a brief rest from counting peas and puts his chop-stick’s down.

Mr. Kraft- The Jolly Green Giant is a cruel task-master.

Sabrina- (To Herself) Mr. Kraft is a deeply tormented man... Cool!

Int. Salem’s dream. He sits at the head of the dining room table in a sharp suit and a trilby hat. He’s surrounded by his hero’s

Salem- It’s such a gasser to be named a member of the rat-pack baby.

Sinatra pours him a martini.

Salem- (Cont.) Now that it’s official, how do we ditch Lawford?

Int. Libby’s dream. She walks the hallways of school in her cheerleader uniform tagging everyone she passes.

Libby- Freak! Loser! Loser freak! Geek cluster! I told you to stay home today.

Sabrina- This is just a normal day at school? Oh I get it! Every day in high school is a dream come true for Libby.

Libby come to a stop.

Libby- There’s a spill.

Immediately two boys throw themselves down before her covering the spill. She walks all over them.

Sabrina- Yep! That happened today.

Int. Zelda’s dream. A long time passes before they break their kiss. Both Zelda and her bo, George Washington, are in the powdered wigs of the period. Zelda dabs her lip

Zelda- Oh! Ah! George, watch the splinters.

She spots Sabrina.

Zelda- (Cont.) Hey! Get out o’ my dream!

Int. Spellman kitchen. Once again Sabrina sits before her aunts as they scold her.

Zelda- Sabrina, I can’t believe you dream-dropped.

Sabrina- I can’t believe there’s a word for it.

Hilda- Dreams reveal a persons innermost thoughts, feelings and desires.

Salem- George Washington? Ha-ha-ha!

Zelda- And your presence in them can influence the course of events in that persons life!

Sabrina- I’m sorry! I’ll never drop into one of your dreams again, but I think I’m the one who suffered the most.

Hilda- Even though you’re in big big trouble young lady, there’s no reason you can’t have some hot cocoa.

She puts a mug down in front of her niece. Floating on top of it are small mallows arranged to read ‘Solve it!’

Sabrina- Does this have anything to do with the two dozen cheese-heads passed out in the living room?

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina runs to catch up with her friend.

Sabrina- Valerie! Listen, I know you tend to worry a lot about school but you’re really smart. So I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t be such a worry-wart.

Valerie- As strange a greeting as that was, I suddenly feel incredibly relieved. Thanks Sabrina.

She leaves.

Sabrina- (To herself) And my aunts said nothing good would come of dropping in on peoples dreams.

Mr. Kraft comes by.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh Mr. Kraft!

Mr. Kraft- Not now Spellman, there’s a situation in the teachers lounge. The school nurse fell asleep smoking and set fire to the couch... again.

Sabrina- Oh wait! I just wanted to ask you um what would you call the colour of your tie? Pea green?

Mr. Kraft- Well actually no, it’s Kelly green.

Sabrina- Oh well I guess I’ll see you at lunch today. I hear the soup is er split-pea.

Mr. Kraft begins to match the colour of his tie.

Mr. Kraft- Oh, I need some air.

He reaches for his handkerchief to mop the cold sweat beginning on his brow as Sabrina discreetly points in his direction. The hanky comes out dragging a pocket full of peas with it sending them scattering over the floor.

Mr. Kraft- Peas!!

He runs off down the hallway in a flap while Sabrina doubles over with laughter.

Sabrina- (To herself) Okay, that’s the last time I ever use dream-dropping for my personal amusement again.

She opens her locker as Libby rounds the corner. She walks down the line of students by the lockers.

Libby- Geek! Loser! (To Sabrina) Freak!

Sabrina- Libby! Congratulations. You know, I-I hear you have enough credits to graduate now. No more high school! Whoo-hoo!

She holds her hand up for a high-five but Libby doesn’t join in.

Libby- What? That can’t be true! I have to talk to Mr. Kraft!

Sabrina- Oh I think he’s in the teachers lounge.

Libby heads for the lounge.

Sabrina- (To herself) Okay, there, out of my system.

She spots a familiar figure walking past with his face shielded from her by his sweater.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Harvey?

Harvey- (Caught) Oh hey Sabrina, I didn’t see ya there.

Sabrina- Is everything okay? I mean I called you yesterday and...

Harvey- (Interrupting) Yeah well, I had to do this thing... at the place with... some people. I’ll call you later.

He leaves.

Sabrina- (To herself) Okay, he’s acting weird. I wonder if the sandman can find out why?

She looks down the hallway and sees him at his locker. No-one else is around so she works a little magic as he opens the locker.

Harvey- (To himself) Whoa! What’s this?

He takes the large flask from his locker and twists of the cap. He takes a deep breath smelling the coffee.

Harvey- (Cont.) It smells like espresso.

He takes a big swig.

Int. Harvey’s bedroom. Late that night. The caffeine is doing it’s thing. He lies in bed with his eyes wide open, his mind hyper-active. Sabrina the sandman appears beside him and sprinkles the sleepy-time sand in his eyes. They close.

Sabrina- You wont tell me what’s bothering you but maybe your subconscious will.

She reaches out a hand to touch him but holds up as a sneeze erupts from her sand pouch.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Salem! What are you doing in my bag? And it better not be what I saw you doing in the Flannigan’s sand-box.

Salem- No! Your aunts asked my to tag along to make sure you don’t... Phew, what was it again? I’m supossed to stop you from... Wait, it’ll come to me... Nope. Never tell me anything when I’m watching VIP.

Sabrina- Well since you’re here, do you wanna pop into Harvey’s dream with me?

Salem- Sure, maybe I’ll think of it while we’re there.

Sabrina reaches out a touches Harvey’s shoulder.

Int. Harvey’s dream. He’s running down the school hallway but getting nowhere. At the far end of the hallway floats a book. Sabrina leans against the wall watching.

Sabrina- This is his dream?

Salem- I was a teenage boy once and let me tell ya. He’s wasted a dream!

Sabrina- Hey! That’s our French book. I get it! We have a huge French test tomorrow and Harvey’s probably afraid he’s gonna fail. That’s why he’s been acting so weird lately, it has nothing to do with me.

Salem- And denial is a river in Egypt. He-he-he! I just made that one up.

Sabrina dreams up a little magic and suddenly Harvey’s not stuck in the molasses of his dream but running down the hallway to triumphantly snatch the French book from mid air.

Harvey- Mon petite leavre! Jer sui trei, trei charouse!

He clutches the book to his chest as he leaves.

Sabrina- I think that means he’s happy he has his book back... Or he lost his Slinky. Maybe I should study.

Int. Harvey’s bedroom. Harvey now sleeps restfully with his thumb in his mouth.

Sabrina- See? Look how peacefully he’s sleeping now.

Salem- And I wouldn’t let that thumb sucking thing bother ya.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Harvey joins up with Sabrina coming out of the cafeteria.

Harvey- Hey Sabrina, guess what? I think I aced my French test.

Sabrina- I knew that was bothering you. I mean congratulations! So now that you have the stress of that test behind you, do you wanna go out after school? May...

Harvey- (Interrupting) Sabrina no!

Valerie’s head pokes round the door frame doing a little eavesdropping of her own.

Harvey- (Cont.) I can’t go out with you after school. You’ve gotta stop asking me that.

He leaves and Valerie joins a worried Sabrina.

Sabrina- I don’t think he’s seeing anyone else.

Valerie- Me neither... So who do you think it is?

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. She talks through the situation with her pet cat.

Sabrina- So the reason Harvey’s been acting so weird towards me lately has absolutely nothing to do with his French test!

Salem- Dreams have to be interpreted, they’re symbolic. Like when I’m dreaming of a thousand pound tuna, I’m really dreaming about salmon.

Sabrina- Well I don’t know how to interpret dreams!

Salem- You don’t but my old buddy Sigmund Freud does!

Sabrina- Salem! For once you might be on to something.

She points and the great psychologist is transported through time to a teenage girls bedroom. It completely puts him off his meat filled phallic symbol, so he puts the sausage down.

Freud- Where am I? I was just grabbing a quick bite between patients und...

Salem- (Interrupting) Hello Sigmund.

Freud- I know zat voice. Saberhagen?! How’s my wife?

Salem- Oh that’s right, we weren’t really friends.

There’s a knock at the door.

Salem- (Cont.) The cops! Get rid of him!

Sabrina jumps up and pushes Freud into her wardrobe

Sabrina- Erm why don’t you hide in here for just a few minutes and um try not to get mustard on anything, okay.

She jumps onto her bed while calling.

Sabrina- Yes!

The door opens.

Door- Solve the family secret!

And Zelda enters and pushes the door closed behind her.

Door- Solve the family secret!

Zelda- What are you two doing?

Sabrina and Salem look at one another innocently.

Sabrina- What do you think we’re doing? I’m just sitting here trying to solve the family secret.

She jumps up to pull down the curtain of laundry that’s obscuring the puzzle-board.

Salem- And I’m just batting at dust particles because I think they’re real.

Zelda- U-hu! Well this should help.

She puts a box down on Sabrina’s bed.

Zelda- (Cont.) I managed to track down your cousin Stanislav, he’s sent you another clue.

Sabrina- Oh great! Well I’d better get back to solving this thing.

She pushes her aunt firmly towards the door while tossing the un-opened box with the clue in it into a corner.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Thanks for the clue and we’ll see you later.

Door- Solve the family secret!

Sabrina- Good bye.

Door- Solve the family secret!

Sabrina- (To Salem) All right! Let's get the shrink and go to Harvey’s.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Hilda comes up to Zelda by Sabrina’s door.

Hilda- Is she working on it?

Zelda- Probably not. She has Freud hiding in the closet.

Hilda- Freud?! Huh, that man will do anything to see me again. You know he might have a brilliant mind but with me he was all hands.

Int. Harvey’s bedroom. Sabrina, the sandman, is there accompanied by Salem and Freud. Harvey tosses in his sleep.

Sabrina- See? Something’s obviously bothering him.

Salem- It couldn’t be the crowd of people standing around him every night, could...?

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Shhh!

Freud- He’s clearly having a very disturbing dream. Zo not as disturbing as the one I am having.

Sabrina- Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Tell it to Jung.

She reaches out and lays her hand on Harvey’s shoulder.

Int. Harvey’s dream. They are in the school cafeteria. Clowns and other bizarre characters dance around with white powdered faces and strange costumes.

Salem- I think you accidentally zapped us into a Calvin Kline commercial.

Sabrina- Hey, there’s Harvey.

He staggers under the weight of all the suit-bags and cases he’s carried in as all good bell-boys do. He’s dressed the part on a grey uniform.

Freud- Ah! But zis is so easy to interpret. That is Harvey’s emotional baggage which he is struggling wiz.

A little boy runs around Harvey and crouches in a corner crying his eyes out.

Freud- (Cont.) Ah, and zat-zat is his inner-child. He is usually at zer table next to me in fine restaurants.

Sabrina- What’s that?

Freud- Zat’s a giant floating banana. Clearly Harvey’s problem is that he is overwhelmed by all the pressure in his life. Nothing that a lifetime of therapy wont take care of.

Sabrina- I don’t have a lifetime.

She points and suddenly all of Harvey’s excess baggage is neatly stacked on a luggage trolley. Harvey’s face lights up and he wheels his troubles away while his inner-child tucks into the five flavour ice-cream cone of contentment.

Freud- How come he got a cone and I didn’t?

Int. Harvey’s bedroom. Sabrina and her companions come out of Harvey’s dream and look down on his peaceful form.

Sabrina- See? It worked! Sleeping like a baby.

Freud- Zough I might be a little concerned with zat thumb sucking.

Sabrina reaches out and pulls Harvey’s thumb from his mouth with a pop, while Freud sucks at his ice-cream cone.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina returns from work to find her aunts waiting up for her.

Hilda- What happened to Freud?

Sabrina- Er, why do we still have daylight-savings? Your turn.

Zelda- Well my category is dream-dropping.

Sabrina- Oh I’m sorry, it wasn’t in the form of a question. You’re disqualified. Good night.

Zelda- Sabrina!

Sabrina- Okay! I know, I’m not supposed to do it anymore but I was just trying to help Harvey out and I’m sure I didn’t hurt anyone.

Zelda- You obviously know better Sabrina.

Hilda- So you’ll just have to live with the consequences.

Sabrina- Fine, now if you’ll excuse me, it’s a school night.

They get up to leave as Sabrina climbs into bed and sprinkles sand from her bag over her head to get a good nights sleep.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Wait a minute! What consequ...? Zzzzzzz! Zzzzzzz!

She slips into the land of nod and her aunts stand for a moment listening to her snore.

Hilda- Sounds just like you before the surgery.

They leave.

Sabrina- Zzzzzzz! Zzzzzzz!

Int. School hallway. Sabrina finds Valerie.

Sabrina- Hey Valerie, how’d you do on the math homework last night? I-I spent two hours on it this morning.

Valerie- I didn’t do it.

Sabrina- Why not?

Valerie- Don’t know, don’t really care. You know you should take your own advice Sabrina and stop being such a worry-wart.

Sabrina- Wait! Wait! I use the term ‘worry-wart’ and you actually listen to me?

There’s a disturbance down the hallway.

Sabrina- (Cont.) What’s going on?

Mr. Kraft is wheeled down the hallway on a gurney by two burly hospital orderlies. He resembles Hannibal Lector in his strait-jacket but the hockey-mask is missing.

Valerie- They’re committing Mr. Kraft. The drama-club wanted to put on ‘The Princess and the pea’ and he totally lost it.

Mr. Kraft- (To himself) Too many peas. Who’s gonna count them all. There’s too many, there's just too many peas.

Sabrina- (To herself) Weird! This can’t be the consequences my aunts talked about. This is a coincidence. The man was a time-bomb.

Harvey- Hey Sabrina.

She turns from watching Mr. Kraft being wheeled away and is surprised to see him.

Sabrina- Harvey, you’re talking to me?

Harvey- Yeah well, I’ve been a little preoccupied lately but last night I had this dream and when I woke up this morning everything was as clear as day. Partially because it was day.

Sabrina- I knew you’d work it all out.

Harvey- Sabrina, we’ve been going out for a long time and I feel like there’s something I need to say to you.

Sabrina- Oh well you know you can tell me anything.

Harvey- I wanna break-up with you.

Sabrina- WHAT?!

Harvey- I knew you’d make a scene.

He walks off as everyone in the hallway turns to watch.

Sabrina- (Calling after) I’M NOT MAKING A SCENE! THIS IS NOT A SCENE!

She looks around at the audience she has.

Sabrina- (Cont.) WHAT! HAVEN’T YOU EVER SEEN ANYONE MAKE A SCENE BEFORE?!

She stamps her foot and storms off.

Int. Spellman kitchen.

Sabrina- ...So now, for no reason, my boyfriend want’s to break-up with me. Okay, I admit it! You were right, I was wrong. You smart, me dumb. Now please! Please! Please help me fix it.

Zelda- I’m sorry honey but there’s nothing we can do. You manipulated his subconscious. We warned you this could happen.

Sabrina- Really? ‘cause I don’t remember you warning me.

Sirens sound.

Warning Man- Warning! Warning! Danger! Danger!

Sabrina- See? Now maybe if you’d worn something like that, I would have paid attention.

Warning Man- Your time to solve the family secret has expired.

Sabrina- What?! (To her aunts) Why didn’t you tell me to work on the family secret?

Hilda and Zelda give up and start banging there heads against the table top.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Okay, er well just give me two seconds and I’ll-I’ll figure it out right now.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. She pulls the box from where she’d shoved it, under her bed.

Sabrina- Okay, I just got another clue yesterday. Here it is.

She opens the box up.

Sabrina- (Cont.) It’s a picture of... Me?

Hilda- In a very cheap frame.

She tosses it towards the puzzle board where it sticks with a ‘+’ sign before and after, in front of the picture of General Lee.

Sabrina- Okay, let’s see. Um. Every member of the Spellman’s...

Hilda and Zelda- (Excited) Yes!... Yes!

Sabrina- ...are related to me!

Warning Man- Wrong.

Sabrina- Oh, who is this guy?

Warning Man- And now for the consequences.

Sabrina- I know! I know! I don’t get my witches licence.

Zelda- No honey, it’s worse than that. You’re now no longer a witch.

Sabrina- Wha... I lost my boyfriend and my magic all in one day?!

Warning Man- Don’t forget your home.

Sabrina, Hilda and Zelda- What?!

Warning Man- I said the consequences were going to be dire. It’s the suit isn’t it? That’s why no-one takes me seriously.

Hilda puts a protective arm around a very upset Sabrina.

Hilda- Sabrina can stay here as long as she likes!

Zelda stands determined with arms crossed between her niece and the orange guy.

Hilda- (Cont.) We love her whether she has magic or not.

Warning Man- You can’t have a mortal living under your roof, but don’t worry, It’s not like we’re just gonna turn her out into the cold.

He reaches for something in the cleverly disguised pocket in his cone suit and hands it to Sabrina.

Sabrina- A twenty dollar bill?

Warning Man- Go easy, it has to last you the rest o' your life.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda, aunt Zelda!

On the verge of tears she goes to hug Zelda.

Int. A bus station. Somewhere. A man in an old sweater reading a paper suddenly finds a petite little blonde girl giving him a hug. Sabrina gives a scream of shock and the man backs away surprised.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda? Aunt Zelda?

But they’re not there. A bum in a leather coat passes and she hurries to stop him.

Sabrina- Wait a minute! Um I’m lost and I really need to get home. Can you help me?

Bum- Oh sure, d’you have any money?

Sabrina- Yeah, I have twenty dollars.

She holds up the bill and the bum snatches it from her smiling wickedly.

Bum- Not anymore!

He runs off.

Sabrina- Wait! Stop!

Angrily she points at the fleeing bum intent on turning him into a generous and caring citizen who would give a bum like him the leather coat off his back but the old magic engine is as dead as the proverbial dodo. Realising how defenceless she is without her powers the tears of fear and sadness flow. Hopelessly she sits on the bench beside her but she never noticed the feet sticking out from beneath the newspaper. Quickly she stands again.

Vagrant- Hey blondie, this is my place. If you wanna stretch out, use the grate by the wall.

She looks down at the dirty iron grate that looks like it’s some dogs favourite toilet.

Vagrant- (Cont.) It used to be Stinky’s but he’s dead.

Seeing no other future for herself other than a bag lady she sits miserably atop Stinky’s old stinky grate.

Sabrina- (To herself) I lost my magic, my boyfriend, my home, my family. All I have is a chicklet and Stinky’s grate.

Stinky’s friend- Hey!

Sabrina once again leaps back to her feet and peers down through the grating. A grey bearded, smelly old dosser glares back up at her.

Stinky’s Friend- Stinky left me this grate in his will! I’ll sell it ya for a chicklet.

Sabrina- Sorry, I didn’t know.

As she straightens up again she bangs her head against the giant floating banana.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Ouch! A giant floating banana? Wait a minute! I’m...

She pinches her arm really really hard.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina sits up in her bed still wearing her sandman uniform.

Sabrina- ...Dreaming! Tell me it was all a dream!

Fortunately her aunts are there waiting otherwise there would have been no-one to tell her.

Zelda- It was all a dream. Harvey didn’t break-up with you and you still have your magic.

Hilda- And your home. We did it to show you how destructive dream-dropping can really be.

Zelda- And to try and motivate you to SOLVE THE FAMILY SECRET!

Sabrina- Who did you guys punish before I moved in? I should have known it was all a dream when that annoying cone guy appeared.

Sirens sound.

Warning Man- Warning! Warning! Danger! Danger!

Zelda- Unfortunately he’s real. Don’t worry Sabrina, we’re not gonna let him take you away.

He pulls out a leather note-book, tears off a page and hands it to Hilda.

Hilda- What’s this?

Warning Man- A strongly worded citation.

Hilda- (Reading) ‘You have thirty days to help Sabrina solve the family secret or... there will be a twenty-five dollar fine.’

Zelda- This is your idea of dire?

Warning Man- Okay, maybe ‘dire’ was a little bit strong but hey, it really lit a fire under you gals.

Hilda and Zelda look at one another and in one of the all too rare moments of complete agreement between sisters they point. There’s a ‘whumph’ of combustion and a warning man with a circle of ashes round his feet, soot covered long-johns and an orange flashing light on his head.

Sabrina- He’ll learn. (To the Warning Man) They’re big on punishment.

Warning Man- I had to pay for that uniform.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina runs down the stairs to answer the front door. It’s Valerie.

Valerie- Hey.

Sabrina- Hey.

Valerie- Mysteries been solved, I’ve found out what Harvey’s been doing everyday after school and I really think he owes you an explanation.

Sabrina- (Worried) Oh-no, it is another girl.

Valerie- Brace yourself.

She steps round the corner and half drags, half pushes the guilty party forward to face Sabrina. Ashamed he stands before his girlfriend showing his sausage.

Harvey- Pork on a pole?

The grotesque orange, yellow and black uniform makes him look the complete dork and he knows it.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Another complete dork stands before her mirror in the same uniform... well not the same uniform, it’s a good few sizes smaller... except for the hat.

Sabrina- There’s no way I’m ever gonna look cute in this is there?

Salem- Er... no!

Run credits.

Salem- (Cont.) You would o’ thought the nightmare was punishment enough.

Sabrina- My aunts aren’t making me do this. I decided that a class ring is more important than my self-respect... and I got the same shift as Harvey.

Salem- I still think you should have kept your sandman job.

Sabrina- Well it was kinda hard once I heard the words ‘Your fired’ I guess they weren’t big on dream-dropping either.

Salem- I hope I can stay awake long enough to see who the new sandman is.

Sabrina- Yeah, I wonder who took over.

Int. Mr. Kraft’s dream. He’s having that recurring dream of his with the peas and the chop-sticks.

Sandman- Let the nightmare begin.

She lifts the pea-shooter to her lips and shoots. It stings him right behind his ear.

Mr. Kraft- Ow! Don’t-don't hurt me Sprout! I’ll count faster!

Smiling Hilda loads up the pea-shooter once more.