Sabrina’s Choice

Int. Westbridge High School Hallway, Sabrina has put her books and homework into her book bag and it’s way too heavy to lug all the way home. As she tries to hook it on her shoulder she drops it

Sabrina- Great!

She looks around and sees that the halls are empty.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Friday afternoon! No-one around! Levitation spell!

She Points and the nap-sack rises up to float at shoulder height.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Follow me.

She sets off down the hallway, the bag obediently follows. As she approaches the corner Mr. Kraft comes round. Sabrina quickly turns, grabs the bag and pushes it down to the floor but Mr. Kraft has already seen what he thinks he’s seen. Sabrina hoists the heavy book bag onto her shoulder.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Heavy reading.

Mr. Kraft- It looked like your book bag was just floating behind you.

Sabrina laughs.

Sabrina- Wouldn’t I love that?

She dashes off round the corner.

Mr. Kraft- But I... All right, that’s the last time I buy Monoxadol out of somebody’s trunk.

Run opening credits.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina carries her heavy school bag, Harvey runs to catch her up.

Harvey- Sabrina, guess what? I was the twenty-third caller to the radio station and I won two tickets to the Lisa Loeb concert this weekend.

Sabrina- You're kidding! I’ve devoted my life to being the twenty-third caller, but I’m a purist, I never use speed dial.

Harvey- So, you wanna go? They’re great seats.

Sabrina- You mean we could actually see the band? I can’t.

Harvey- Why?

Sabrina- Well I went out twice last week and I sort of promised my aunts I’d stay in and do some school work.

She shifts the weight of her bag on her shoulder uncomfortably.

Sabrina- (Cont.) It’s not like I have a lot.

Harvey- The seats are right next to the speakers.

Sabrina- Oh man, that’s where the fights usually break out.

Int. Spellman living room. The place is a tip, clothes, empty mugs and plates left everywhere. Zelda moves about tidying.

Zelda- Never puts anything away, leaves mail everywhere.

Sabrina enters and stands watching and listening. Zelda picks up a half cup bra from beside the settee.

Zelda- (Cont.) I don’t want to know.

It’s clear Zelda’s not in the best of moods, Sabrina decides now isn’t the best time and starts to sneak out to the kitchen but Zelda’s witch sense tells her she’s there without having to turn round.

Zelda- You need something?

Sabrina- You, in a better mood.

Zelda- Oh, just irritated with Hilda. Sometimes I feel like I’m living with a small child, except this child can reach the high cabinet.

She takes a plate from the top of the high cabinet with orange peel on it.

Sabrina- You know maybe you should talk to her, Erm and I think it would be best if I wasn’t around and amazingly enough Harvey’s willing to take me away to a concert.

Zelda gives Sabrina a stern look.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh, you want to know the time? Friday at nine.

Zelda- Didn’t you say you were going to stay home and work this weekend?

Sabrina- Possibly.

Zelda- And didn’t you say you had a lot of work to do?

Sabrina- You're paraphrasing, but yes.

Zelda- And didn’t you promise not to even ask permission to go somewhere?

Sabrina- That aunt Hilda’s a real pain, huh?

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina paces as Salem hears about all her troubles.

Sabrina- I went to a bad movie and a ninety-nine cent store with Valerie and for that I have to miss a free concert?

Salem- Oh, I’ll feel sorry for you tonight when I’m sleeping in my wicker basket by those old paint cans.

Sabrina- I can’t believe aunt Zelda, I mean where does she get off holding me to what I agreed to?

Salem- What’s that famous expression? If at first you don’t succeed try another aunt.

Sabrina- It doesn’t sound very honest.

Salem- Do you want honest, or do you wanna go out and bleed from your ears with Harvey?

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda’s looking for something, Sabrina comes down the stairs.

Sabrina- Lose something?

Hilda- My mind possibly. I bought a new pair of shoes, I just left them on this table for ten seconds and now they’re gone.

Sabrina- Well I’d say they didn’t walk off by themselves, but in this house it could happen.

Hilda- I know what happened, Zelda! She’s a compulsive neat freak. Back during the plague she used to get upset if people didn’t leave their dead in neat, tidy rows.

Sabrina- Speaking of neat, Harvey won these incredible concert tickets.

Hilda- Wow!

Sabrina- But I thought I should ask permission.

Hilda- Hey, you know my motto. Life’s short en... Wait a minute! Did you talk to the queen of clean about this?

Sabrina- Aunt Zelda? well sort of, she was busy complaining about how messy you are.

Hilda- That woman, I bet she said no.

Sabrina- No! She did not say no.

Hilda- Well then, mark your exits and bring me a T-shirt.

Sabrina- Alright, thanks aunt Hilda.

Int. The Lisa Loeb concert, Sabrina and Harvey a rocking with the rest, The music thumps and pounds as they dance in the packed crowd. It’s very loud.

Harvey- CAN YOU HEAR?

Sabrina- WHAT?

Harvey- CAN YOU HEAR?

Sabrina- I ONLY BROUGHT A DOLLAR.

Harvey- WHAT?

Sabrina gives him a thumbs up and carries on enjoying the show.

Ext. Spellman front porch. Sabrina tip toes up to the door, Harvey yells from his car on the street.

Harvey- GOODNIGHT SABRINA.

He gives her a blast on his horn as he drives off. Sabrina waves and wishes he’d keep the noise down. Once he’s gone she does the pointing thing on herself and vanishes.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Salem’s alone asleep on Sabrina’s bed but not for long, Sabrina magically appears beside him. She opens her wardrobe door just as someone else magically appears in the room.

Zelda- Sabrina!

Sabrina- Still up?

Zelda shows her displeasure with a wave of her hand. A flash of lightning fills the night sky and the crash of thunder is right above Sabrina’s room. Once again the Westbridge weather service have got it wrong.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I’ll take that as a 'Yes'

Hilda appears unmagically at the door.

Hilda- Who earned the storm?

She sees that Sabrina is back from the concert.

Hilda- (Cont.) Hey, how was the concert?

Zelda- You knew she was going?

Hilda- Yeah, I told her that she could go, should I not have? (To Sabrina) You said she didn’t say no.

Sabrina- Which was true... technically.

Zelda- I see what happened here, you didn’t like my answer so you went behind my back to my irresponsible sister.

Hilda- What! I am just as responsible as you are.

Salem- Hey, I’m trying to sleep! Why can’t you act like a normal family and argue on the front lawn?

Zelda- Hilda, if you were really responsible Sabrina would not have gone to that concert.

Sabrina starts to edge towards the open bedroom door.

Hilda- Well if you weren’t such a stick in the mud she wouldn’t have had to come to me.

Zelda- If I’m stuck in the mud it’s because of the mess you make.

Sabrina continues to edge closer seeing a chance to escape while her aunts argue but once again Zelda’s witch sense kicks in and without turning round she points over her shoulder.

Zelda- (Cont.) Door!

The door Sabrina’s about to nip out through closes.

Sabrina- Thanks, I was just going to get that.

Int. Westbridge High School, Science Club meeting. Gordie, the club president, is just closing proceedings for the day.

Gordie- So if there’s no new business that concludes this meeting of the Science Club.

He bangs a gavel on the bench beside him, then seeing the mark it left he licks his finger and rubs it as everyone grabs their stuff and start to file out.

Gordie- Oh er, um, I know this is not Science Club business but um, I was just wondering. My parents are going away for the weekend and you know we have that big screen TV, and indoor pool...

Int. School Hallway. The word ‘Party’ travels faster than light round any High School, Westbridge is no exception. Gordie’s the centre of everyone’s attention, even the jocks who spent the last couple of years giving him stick for being a geek are his best buds all of a sudden.

Student- Empty house party!

Everyone’s eagerly looking forward to the party except Sabrina.

Sabrina- Great! Why can’t Gordie’s parents have a couples therapy weekend when I’m not grounded?

She walks on down the hallway, Harvey joins her.

Harvey- Hey, did you hear about Gordie’s party? I bet the cops’ll be there before ten.

Sabrina- I can’t go.

Harvey- You have to go! You’ll have nothing in common with the entire student body if you don’t go. I mean, I’ll still like you but I don’t think we’ll have anything to talk about.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda comes through the back door with a bag of groceries and Sabrina dogging her heals.

Hilda- No!

Sabrina- Oh but everyone’s going. I even think the custodial staff is coming.

Hilda- No! No fun!

Sabrina- But this isn’t fun, it’s a matter of survival. If I don’t go I’ll be president of the geek’s anonymous, only I wont be anonymous.

Hilda- Then I hope God grants you the serenity to know that my answer is something you can’t change.

Int. Westbridge High School Hallway, Sabrina walks sulking down the hallway accompanied by Harvey.

Harvey- So you went home during lunch?

She nods yes.

Harvey- (Cont.) Your aunt Hilda’s still saying no?

Sabrina- Now she’s moved on to ‘No way’ and ‘ask again and you’ll never see sun light’

Libby walks up.

Libby- Hi Harvey, Sabrina, I hear that Helen Healy can’t go to the party either, so she’s transferring to another school.

Sabrina- It’s just a dumb party.

Libby- Correct and new years eve nineteen ninety-nine will be just another night of hats and horns. But don’t worry, I’ll be there to keep Harvey company.

Libby walks off gloating.

Harvey- This party’ll be so big she’ll never find me.

Sabrina stamps her foot and walks off.

Int. Spellman dining room. Zelda is working with the lab-top.

Zelda- Where is that carbolic acid? Hilda!

Int. Spellman Kitchen. Sabrina stands pensively by the dinning room door, Salem sits on the table.

Sabrina- I can’t ask aunt Zelda to let me go to that party.

Salem- Do it! Do it!

Sabrina- Okay, I’m going in!

Int. Spellman dining room. Zelda’s still at work, Sabrina enters from the kitchen.

Sabrina- Aunt Zelda?

Zelda- Yes?

Sabrina- I’ll make this quick, ah, the president of the Science Club is having a...

Zelda’s distracted with her work.

Zelda- (Interrupting) What-what?

Sabrina- The Science Club.

Zelda- Oh, I love the Science Club. I wish your aunt Hilda had had more science, I think it makes a person organised.

Sabrina- Oh well, I tried to talk to her about this but...

Zelda- (Interrupting) She grew distracted by something shiny?

Sabrina- Ha-ha-ha-ha, that’s a good one aunt Zelda, you're pretty funny.

Zelda- Well you can tell me, I love science.

Sabrina- Okay. Well um, see this Saturday the Science Club is having a special...

Zelda- (Interrupting) Meeting?

Sabrina likes that idea

Sabrina- Yes, people will be meeting.

Zelda- Well you go then. Women in science Sabrina, that’s the future. You go, and you be the brightest one there.

Sabrina- Um... Okay!

Int. Gordie’s Party. The music pumps and pounds, the place is rocking, Sabrina and Harvey dance the night away.

Harvey- AREN’T YOU GLAD YOU DIDN’T MISS THIS PARTY?

Sabrina- WHAT?

Int. Spellman living room. All is dark as Sabrina quietly lets herself into the house. She carefully pushes the door closed to shut out the racket being made by the crickets and tip-toes towards the stairs. She’s on the third step when the lamp goes on beside the settee. Hilda and Zelda are sat up waiting.

Zelda- Hello Sabrina.

Sabrina- I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! But y’know, before you ground me again I think you should know that the trend these days is to factor in time served.

The look she gets from her aunts tell her that wise cracks aren’t such a good idea at the moment.

Sabrina- (Cont.) What are you gonna do to me?

Zelda- Under the circumstances.

Hilda- The only thing we can do.

Hilda points towards the settee and a packed bag appears there.

Sabrina- You're throwing me out!

Hilda- No, I’m moving out.

Sabrina- This is a very odd punishment. You guys can’t split up!

Hilda- Well look at what’s happened! We’re obviously not good parents together.

Sabrina- This is all my fault.

Zelda- Nonsense, you're just one of a multitude of thing we disagree on.

Hilda- I’ve already picked out a lovely town house.

Zelda- I loath town houses. See? We even disagree on that.

Hilda- You’ll come and stay with me this weekend.

Hilda picks up the bag.

Hilda- (Cont.) Well, see’ya Zeldy.

Zelda- Bye Hildy

They hug and without another word Hilda leaves.

Sabrina- I can’t believe this happened.

Zelda- I can’t believe you tricked me into letting you go to that party.

Sabrina- Well y’know, now that aunt Hilda’s gone why don’t we just blame it all on her and call it a night?

Sabrina laughs, Zelda doesn’t. Sabrina tries another hopeful little chuckle but it’s doomed to failure.

Int. Hilda’s living room. The town house has an uncanny familiarity about it, as Hilda answers the front door.

Hilda- Welcome to shay Hilda.

Sabrina enters with Salem in her arms and her overnight bag on her shoulder and looks around. Salem jumps down and claims his new favourite snooze spot, Hilda takes Sabrina’s bag.

Hilda- (Cont.) It didn’t look like this when I moved in, I did a little remodelling with magic.

Sabrina- You are aware that this looks exactly like aunt Zelda’s place?

Hilda- It’s the exact opposite.

Technically she’s correct, everything’s reversed like looking through a mirror.

Hilda- (Cont.) Plus I added a doily.

Salem- I hate it!

Hilda- Come on, I’ll show you your room.

Sabrina- (To Salem) How can you hate it? It’s just like home.

Salem- 'Cause I hate change and it smells like sweat and spit.

Sabrina- That’s you!

Salem- Oh boy.

Int. Sabrina’s new bedroom. It’s the ‘exact opposite’ of her old one and it contains the Quizmaster in a silk housecoat. Hilda and Sabrina enter.

Hilda- Oh hi!

Quizmaster- Hey.

Sabrina- What are you doing here?

Quizmaster- Just checking out your new digs. Can’t quiz you if I can’t find you. (To Hilda) Mind if I use your shower?

Hilda- Go ahead, just don’t use my razor again.

The Quizmaster leaves.

Hilda- Hurry up and unpack, I’ll take you to school and then I’ll get ready for the party this evening.

Sabrina- Party?

Hilda- Yeah, I’m having a house warming. I’ll need to zap in chips, decorations, guests... I’d better go and make a list.

She leaves.

Salem- (Calling after) Don’t forget the quinine water. (To Sabrina) Fun! Party! Could this get any worse?

Sabrina- Oh come on. Sure it’s a little weird but y’know moving between two houses has it’s up side. I hear travel broadens you.

Salem- <Sob> I’m a latch key kitty <Sob>

Sabrina holds a tissue for him to blow his nose into.

Int. Westbridge High School Hallway, Sabrina opens her locker to find the Quizmaster in her top shelf tucking in. He wears a sweat shirt, shorts and trainers.

Quizmaster- Hey.

Sabrina- Hey! That’s my lunch.

He points to an official looking notice beside him that’s as big as he is.

Quizmaster- I have a message for you. You're summoned to a meeting of the Witches Council.

Sabrina takes the message as Mr. Kraft comes down the Hallway, He’s intercepted by Libby but is intent on keeping an eye on that strange little Spellman girl.

Libby- Mr. Kraft, I wanted to run an idea by you.

Mr. Kraft- M-hm!

Libby- Reserved seating in the cafeteria but here’s the best part, only for cheerleaders.

As Libby was talking Mr. Kraft has been watching Sabrina apparently having an argument with her locker.

Sabrina- Now! But I’m at...

She loses her argument and is sucked bodily into her locker.

Sabrina- (Cont.) ...Schoooool!

Mr. Kraft- Fascinating, I’ll have to get back to you on that.

He walks down to Sabrina’s locker where one second she had been stood arguing and the next she was gone. He sees a school book on the floor and bends to pick it up, beside it is an official looking notice. He reaches for that too but before he can touch it, it screws itself into a ball and keeps screwing as it grows smaller and smaller before vanishing completely.

Mr. Kraft- My ex-wife is behind this, I just know it.

Ext. The Other Realm. The Witches Council cloud. The Quizmaster and Sabrina flash into being before the assembled witch dignitaries and the witch judge.

Sabrina- Why am I here?

Quizmaster- Oh, parking ticket, beheading, I didn’t ask.

Judge- This custody hearing regarding Sabrina Spellman will come to order.

He bangs his gavel.

Sabrina- But I’m already in custody. My parents turned my witch training over to my two aunts and I live with them.

Quizmaster- But your aunts are kaput.

Judge- The Witches Council insists you reside in only one household.

Sabrina- Why?

Judge- Check article twelve, section fifteen.

Sabrina opens the law book on the stand beside her.

Sabrina- (Reading) Because you say so?

Judge- Yep! You have to choose which aunt you wish to live with. This choice will affect the rest of your life so choose wisely... Okay, who’s it gonna be?

Sabrina- You want me to decide now?

Judge- You’ve lived with them for over a year. You must have a favourite by now, so spill it. I’ve got a squash game.

Sabrina- I don’t have a favourite, I love them both.

Judge- This is a court of law, this is not a greeting card company. We’ll reconvene later for your decision.

He bangs his gavel again to close the session and steps down from behind his bench, He also wears shorts and trainers and picks up two squash rackets.

Judge- (To the Quizmaster) Ready?

Quizmaster- You're going down this time man!

Judge- Come on.

Quizmaster- Come on then!

They both leave.

Sabrina- Oh that’s it? No help? I hope you both get... squash elbow.

Int. Zelda’s dining room. Zelda and Sabrina are both in lab coats and safety goggles as they work with the lab-top, carefully carrying out a highly risky and tricky concoction. It goes perfectly and two sparklers appear on the table. They both wave them around happily.

Int. Hilda’s dining room. There’s no lab-top but there’s plenty of dining going on with chicken drum sticks while they watch a juggler perform.

Int. Zelda’s living room. Zelda answers the front door, it’s Mr. Kraft with Sabrina’s school book. He sees both Zelda and Sabrina still in their lab coats but the sparklers they wave now are industrial strength and they both have soot blackened faces and hair sticking up everywhere.

Mr. Kraft- Oh my, that’s...! you...!

Zelda closes the door on him and they both laugh.

Ext. Hilda’s town house. Mr. Kraft stands outside the front door. No one answers so he pushes it open to see that they have rigged a slide down the stairs. Hilda comes down first with Salem in her lap, Sabrina follows.

Int. Zelda’s dining room. The doors slide open to reveal the table set for a sumptuous meal with a smartly dressed waiter standing by. Zelda and Sabrina enter and the Waiter holds their seats for them.

Int. Hilda’s living room. They have rigged up rope swings around the room and swing back and forth like Tarzan.

Int. Zelda’s living room. It’s like the reading room at the library, Zelda, Sabrina and Salem all sit with books open reading as a pianist plays in the background.

Int. Hilda’s living room. Sabrina and Salem still sit reading but Hilda’s having a few ups and downs on a trampoline beside them.

Ext. The Other Realm, Witches Council Cloud. It’s decision time.

Judge- So Sabrina, I trust you’ve made up your mind which aunt to live with?

Sabrina- I can’t decide, I guess we’ll just have to forget the whole thing.

Judge- Perhaps we should grant you a ‘What if’ spell.

Sabrina- What’s a 'What if'?

The judge lifts the cover on a large crystal ball.

Judge- It allows you to look into the future and see what might happen if say... you never brushed your teeth, or if dogs took short-hand.

Sabrina- I see, like what if Kenan and Kel won the lottery.

Sabrina places her hand over the crystal and an image appears within it.

Int. Kenan’s kitchen. Kenan and Kel hunt frantically, emptying cupboards, rooting through the pots in the sink, searching everywhere. Kenan grabs Kel by his lapels and pulls him close.

Kenan- Where did you put the ticket?!

Kel- Ow!

Later, the kitchens trashed, Kel makes himself a ham sandwich

Kenan- What are you doing?

Kel- I got hungry.

Kenan- Keep looking!

Kel goes off to look some more. Kenan searches the table and finds the lottery ticket.

Kenan- Oh! Oh! Now yes! Hey Kel! Kel I’ve found the winning ticket.

He puts the ticket down on the half made sandwich and goes to find Kel who comes in through another door. He slaps a bit of lettuce on his sandwich and bites into it as Kenan comes back in.

Kenan- Hey Kel, man I found it!

He sees what Kel is doing and starts to cry.

Kel- Bite?

The image fades.

Sabrina- Okay, let me try a what if. What if...

Judge- (Interrupting) Excuse me, this is the remote, we’ve gone digital.

He places his hand on the crystal and a wide screen digital TV rises out of the table.

Sabrina- Okay, let me try again. Er, what if I went to live with aunt Hilda.

The image appears on the screen.

Int. Hilda’s living room. The place looks like a bomb has gone off, Debris everywhere, clothes, fast food cartons, litter the furniture and floors. Sabrina rides round the room on a mountain bike in scruffy jeans and T-shirt. The door bell rings. Sabrina stops as Harvey lets himself in wearing a suit and with slicked down hair and a neat mustache.

Sabrina- Harvey! Hey, grab some wheels out of the dining room and let's go mountain biking up the stairs.

Harvey- No thanks, I just wondered what happened to you.

Sabrina- Oh, trial runs to get married right?

Harvey- I figured you’d forgot.

Sabrina- No-no-no-no. You gave me a licence to sign, it’s right around here somewhere.

She starts to look through all the mess shifting piles and piles of clothing until she eventually comes up with a crumpled old piece of paper.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh here it is, sorry about the gum. It’s not too late is it?

Harvey- Yeah, I gave you that three years ago.

Sabrina- Man, I’m so disorganised. Well you're here know, let me grab my coat.

Harvey- Sabrina, I’ve moved on. I married someone else.

Sabrina- And you didn’t call?

Harvey- I did, you told me you’d call me back after you’d finished your game of tetras. How’s that going by the way?

Sabrina shrugs.

Harvey- (Cont.) Look, I came here because I wanted you to meet my wife. (Calling outside) Honey!

His wife enters pushing a pram and Sabrina has a horrible shock. She screams.

Libby- All right, she’s alive. Can we go now?

Harvey- (To Sabrina) Do you wanna meet our little one?

Sabrina walks over to look at the little girl in the pram, it’s the image of her mother, she looks up at Sabrina.

Little one- Ew!

The little one squirts Sabrina in the face with her milk.

Ext. The Other Realm, The Witches Councils Cloud.

Sabrina- Okay, that’s not good. I don’t think I need to know what happens if I choose aunt Zelda, let's just assume it’ll be better than that.

Judge- Never assume.

A new image appears on the TV.

Int. Zelda’s dining room. Sabrina sits before the lab-top in her lab coat and spectacles, concocting.

Sabrina- Two parts citric acid, one part noodles.

Libby- (OS) Sabrina?

Sabrina- Come on in Libby.

Libby enters in a dressing gown.

Libby- I’ve come for my weekly supply of your anti-ageing cream.

Sabrina- Sure, here you go.

She hands over a bottle but as Libby’s about to take it she pulls it back.

Sabrina- (Cont.) What do you say?

Libby- Sabrina’s the best, I’m a freak.

Sabrina smiles and hands her the bottle of anti-ageing cream.

Ext. The Other Realm, The Witches Council cloud.

Sabrina- Okay, I’m helping mankind and keeping Libby on a short leash.

Judge- There’s more.

Int. Zelda’s dining room.

Mr. Kraft- Sabrina.

Sabrina- Come in Mr. Kraft.

Mr. Kraft is old and grey and looking very feeble.

Mr. Kraft- I’ve come for my weekly jar of anti-ageing cream.

Sabrina- Here you go.

She gives him his bottle and he looks at it closely.

Mr. Kraft- Thanks so much for letting me be a part of your experiment. Now you be honest with me now, I’m in the placebo group aren’t I?

Sabrina- Not necessarily. You could be part of group ‘C’ They’re getting ageing cream but probably not. If you were you’d have suffered some loss of hearing.

Mr. Kraft- Oh, thank you very much, I just got these shoes.

Sabrina- Okay, well see you next week... hopefully.

Mr. Kraft- Say hi to Sabrina if you see her.

Ext. The Other Realm, The Witches Council Cloud.

Sabrina- So my science is going well but it looks as though I’m still alone.

Harvey- (From the TV) Sabrina, would you hand me my book if you're not too busy.

Sabrina- Great! Harvey and I are together, I’m definitely voting for aunt Zelda.

Sabrina- (From the TV) No problem honey.

Int. Zelda’s dining room. Sabrina places the book at the necessary opened page in front of the glass jar that contains Harvey’s head.

Sabrina- You know, as soon as I've finished these next forty-nine experiments, I’m going to find out, not just how, but why you dissolved.

Harvey- No rush, but I would like to be let out of the anti-ageing experiment.

Sabrina- Why?

Harvey- Because I think it’s keeping me alive.

Ext. The Other Realm, The Witches Council Cloud.

Judge- You’ve seen both scenarios, what is your decision?

Sabrina- Well I definitely don’t wanna live with Kenan and Kel. I don’t know.

Judge- I’ll give you one more day but that’s it. If you haven’t made a decision by then, I’ll be forced to pick for you and I’m thinking orphanage.

Int. Sabrina’s new bedroom.

Sabrina- Salem, what am I going to do? I can’t just choose one. I have to find a way to get aunt Hilda and aunt Zelda back together.

Salem- Is there a spell that would force them to share a spleen?

Sabrina- Okay, how about if I found something that they both love and cherish and put it in danger?

Salem- <Sob> What are you going to do to me?

Sabrina- Not you! Me!

Salem- Oh, thank goodness, but I am willing to help. I could push you down the stairs.

Int. Hilda’s living room. Hilda is dancing around with radio headphones on, Sabrina comes down the stairs without Salem’s help.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda! Aunt Hilda, I think I might be sick.

She certainly doesn’t look herself. The clothes are the same, the pretty face is the same, the blonde hair is the same... except for where there isn’t any and that’s on about ninety percent of her head. What little there is stands up in thin tufts here and there.

Hilda- That makes two of us! Oh let's get you to Zelda. Crisis management is not my strong suit. Do you mind riding in the back?

Int. Zelda’s living room. Zelda is examining Sabrina’s almost bald head.

Zelda- Well the good news is, no lice. The bad news, not even enough hair for a decent comb over.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda, will you stay the night with me?

Hilda- Yes honey. Do you mind Zelda?

Zelda- Oh not at all, I’d appreciate it.

Sabrina winks at Salem.

Hilda- I’m going to go and make you some nice noodle soup.

Zelda- I put that under ‘C’ for chicken, or was it ‘P’ for poultry. I’d better help.

They both leave.

Sabrina- Salem, it’s working! They’ll be back together in no time.

Salem- I’ve been sizing up their spleens just in case.

There’s a crash of thunder from upstairs as someone arrives from the Other Realm.

Zelda- (OS) Thank you for coming so quickly, We need a specialist.

Sabrina- Oh-no! They called a doctor.

Salem- I was against this plan from the beginning.

Int. Zelda’s living room, later. Sabrina sits under a large salon hair dryer as a tall blond hairdresser fusses around. Hilda and Zelda watch on with Salem.

Sabrina- I thought she was a specialist?

Hilda- She is, a specialist in hair dressing.

Zelda- She thinks you have a follicle problem.

Sabrina- I think my brain might be sweating.

The hairdresser turns off the drier and lifts it up revealing a beautiful job considering what she had to work with. The two foot high purple beehive though is a doubtful improvement on baldness. Sabrina feels her hair and is pleased until the hairdresser hold up a mirror for her.

Hairdresser- Are we in the neighbourhood?

Sabrina- No! It’s horrible!

Hairdresser- Oh well listen, don’t worry, it can be fixed.

She holds up an evil instrument of torture and smiles as the devilish electrical device hums menacingly in her hands.

Hairdresser- (To the aunts) Listen, I’m going to need a bucket of ice, some antiseptic ointment and I need Sabrina to sign a release form. And why don’t you turn up the stereo, it helps to drown out the screams.

Sabrina- Stop! I can fix it myself!

Hilda- Would restraints help?

Sabrina- It was a spell! I was just trying to get you guys back together because I don’t like us not being a family anymore.

Salem- You did what!

Sabrina- Look, if I was sick could I do this?

Sabrina does a short tap dance routine which is somewhat spoiled by her having no taps and doing it on a carpet, but ‘A’ for effort and amusement value as Hilda, Zelda and the hairdresser burst into laughter.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Okay, so I’m no Ken Berry.

Hilda- We have a confession to make, we didn’t really split up.

Sabrina- Okay, and you live in two different houses because...?

Zelda- We pretended to split up to help you learn that we’re better parents as a unit. You shouldn’t pit us against one another.

Sabrina- Okay, and you couldn’t tell me this before because...?

Hilda- We did, and you responded by sneaking off to the Science Club party.

Sabrina- Okay, and I have no response for that because...?

Zelda- You know we’re right.

Salem- But why did the cat have to suffer? <Sob>

Sabrina- Wait! This couldn’t have been a rouse. I mean I was called before the Witches Council.

The Hairdresser puts down the devilish curling tongues from hell and with a hand gesture transforms herself into the witch judge.

Judge- And we were happy to help. It’s been a slow month and I’ve got teenagers at home.

Sabrina- Talk about your full service organisation.

Judge- And now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go and deal with a little boy who wont wash behind his ears. This time I get to be a matador.

He swirls his judges robes dramatically like a matador’s cape and heads for the stairs and the linen closet.

Sabrina- Well, I certainly learned my lesson but are we all aware that he did not fix my hair?

Zelda- I know, aren’t you glad you're grounded?

Int. Spellman living room. The next day. Mr. Kraft has called round again with Sabrina’s school book.

Zelda- Oh thank you for returning Sabrina’s book.

Mr. Kraft- Oh no problem. You know, it’s kinda funny, my grandmothers been wanting me to see someone.

Hilda- Oh well I’m sure you’ll meet someone nice when you least expect it.

Mr. Kraft- No, this is see someone as in psychiatrist. Although admittedly I have been seeing quite a few strange things here and there, mostly here.

Zelda- I don’t know what you're referring to.

Mr. Kraft- Well Sabrina’s sparkly things and paper dissolving and staircase slides in a town house that looks identical to this victorian home.

Run Credits

Zelda- Oh you don’t need a psychiatrist, you just have a wonderfully active imagination

Hilda- You probably feel so free to let yourself go around us because we’re so relaxed and comforting.

Zelda- And normal.

Mr. Kraft- Good! So we’re normal.

Sabrina- (OS) Oh quit complaining, Salem, I think you look cute.

She enters from the kitchen holding Salem in her arms, they have matching purple beehive hairdo’s

Hilda- (To Mr. Kraft) Anything else?

Mr. Kraft- I... No!

He leaves in a hurry.

Salem- I’m not happy.