Little Big Kraft

Ext. Spellman front porch. Sabrina and Salem are peeping round the corner of the curtain.

Sabrina- Oh here comes Hilda and Mr. Kraft, ten bucks says he kisses her.

Salem- Twenty bucks says she throws up.

Hilda and Mr. Kraft arrive and Hilda looks thoroughly bored.

Mr. Kraft- ...And that is why I packed up everything I owned into my seventy-two Dodge Dart and I just left Munsey and headed for Westbridge.

Hilda- (Forcing a smile) Good night.

She heads for the door but Mr. Kraft blocks her.

Mr. Kraft- You know I had a wonderful time tonight Hilda. A heavy heart beloved, have I borne from year to year until I saw thy face.

Hilda- Oh would you look at the time, I really better...

Mr. Kraft holds her and silences her with a kiss. Hilda resorts to desperate measures, magic. She points towards the street and breaks the kiss, Mr. Kraft sees her pointing.

Hilda- Isn’t that your car rolling down the hill?

Mr. Kraft- Ohhh!

He runs off after his car, Hilda wipes her mouth with her hand and enters the house.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina and Salem who have watch it all through the curtain hurry to the settee.

Sabrina- Quick she’s coming!

Salem jumps up on to the back, Sabrina sits and pretends to be reading a magazine. Hilda enters.

Hilda- Hey, what are you guys doin’?

Sabrina- (To Salem) A heavy heart beloved I have borne from year to year.

Salem- Hold me Willard!

Sabrina and Salem make kissy noises to each other.

Hilda- A cat is doing an imitation of me kissing my niece’s Vice-Principle, so this is my lowest moment.

Run opening credits.

Int. Spellman living room.

Sabrina- So where did Mr. Kraft take you?

Hilda- The cattle auction.

Salem- There’s a man who likes his beef fresh.

Hilda- No, he just likes to know the price of cattle. We skipped dinner, he’s on a diet. When ever he’s hungry he drinks iced-tea. He hasn’t lost any weight but at least he’s jittery.

Sabrina- I don’t know what to say, is that a fun date for people your age?

Hilda- No, Willard’s one of those people who hit middle-age and just forgot how to have fun.

Zelda enters from the kitchen.

Zelda- Hildegard Antoinette Spellman! You used my lab-top again without asking.

Hilda- (To Sabrina) And then there are some people who are middle-aged their whole lives.

Zelda- The purpose of the lab-top is to help discover cures for the problems of the world, not to make fudge.

Hilda- I’m sorry Zelda. Boy, it has not been a good night for me.

Sabrina- Well at least you don’t have to go out with Mr. Kraft anymore.

Hilda- Actually I’m seeing him again this weekend.

Sabrina and Zelda (Together)- What?

Hilda- Well he may be a bad date but when you live as long as we do you have a lot of Friday nights to fill.

Int. Westbridge High School Hallway. Mrs. Quick is stood talking to a student. Sabrina walks to the drinking fountain, presses the button and leans down, it gurgles but no water comes out.

Sabrina- Well I feel refreshed.

Mrs. Quick- (Overhearing) Oh here, maybe I can help.

She gives the fountain a karate kick.

Sabrina- Have you ever tried anger therapy?

Mrs. Quick- Now try it.

Sabrina presses the fountain button and the water jets halfway across the hall drenching the student who had been talking to Mrs. Quick a moment ago.

Mrs. Quick- Oh! It usually works on the one in the faculty lounge.

She takes the damp student to get dried off as Harvey arrives. He notices a notice pined to the wall.

Harvey- Hey Sabrina, look! The PTA are sponsoring a ski trip to Vermont this weekend. Let's sign up.

He takes a pen from his shirt pocket and signs the notice.

Sabrina- I can’t believe the PTA actually came up with something fun to do, let's see how they ruin this.

She takes Harvey’s pen and adds her name to the list. She’s just dotting the ‘I’ when Libby and Mr. Kraft walk by, Mr. Kraft has a glass of iced-tea in his hand.

Libby- I’m so glad they picked you to chaperone the ski trip.

Mr. Kraft- Well you know my motto, fun with discipline.

They walk on.

Sabrina- (To Harvey) Did your hope die first or mine?

Int. School cafeteria. The student government is in progress with Mr. Kraft presiding and the class presidents sat beside him, Including Libby. The assembly have their arms up, Mr. Kraft stamps the minutes.

Mr. Kraft- Motion passed, all nut items will be eliminated from future bake sales due to janitor Bill’s allergic reaction. (To Libby) And I am told he is finally breathing on his own again. (To Assembly) Okay, next up we need to vote on how to spend the money that last years seniors left.

Someone in the assembly coughs but the word ‘Loser’ is clearly heard.

Mr. Kraft- Heard that.

He makes a note of the culprits name.

Libby- Well I think we should spend it sponsoring the cheerleaders to go to a unique cheerleading workshop... in France.

Sabrina- Oh please!

There’s general muttering among the assembly.

Mr. Kraft- So the-the brightest and best of today’s youth taking their American values over to the godless countries in Europe, I think that is a nifty idea. Any other proposals?

Gordie raises his hand and stands.

Gordie- I think we should get a drinking fountain that works, not only would it benefit our class but the entire student body.

Approving muttering can be heard.

Mr. Kraft- Mmm! Okay, well let's vote. All those in favour of the drinking fountain raise their hands.

All the assembly raise their hands.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) And all those in favour of sending our cheerleader’s to camp, raise their hands.

Libby raises her hand.

Mr. Kraft- Okay, motion passed.

He stamps the minutes.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Congratulations Libby, enjoy Europe.

Sabrina- Mr. Kraft! More people raised their hands in favour of the water fountain.

Mr. Kraft- And I used my veto to over-rule them.

Sabrina- But I thought a student government was supposed to be democratic?

Mr. Kraft- And I’m certain that our fore-fathers would have wanted our cheerleaders to see Paris.

Libby- And Brussels on the way home.

Libby and Mr. Kraft raise their glasses of iced-tea and toast each other, Sabrina sits back down disgusted.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina is making a sandwich, Salem is helping by sitting watching. Zelda enters from the dinning room.

Zelda- Sabrina, have you been using my lab-top again without asking?

Sabrina- If you're proud of my initiative, then yes.

Zelda- Well I’m not.

She holds out her hand. There’s a beaker stuck to her palm.

Salem- Isn’t that going to make dressing a problem?

Zelda- What did you make with my lab-top?

Sabrina- Hair mousse. But you would really understand if you could have seen what my hair looked like that day.

She pulls at the beaker and with a struggle it pops off Zelda’s hand.

Zelda- I’m making a new house rule, no one plays with my lab-top period. (Pointing at Salem) No matter how hungry you are, (Pointing at Sabrina) No matter how un-groomed.

Sabrina- Oh but what if...?

Zelda- (Interrupting) No!

Salem- And how about if...?

Zelda- (Interrupting) No!

Zelda leaves.

Salem- (To Sabrina) She’s waffling.

Int. Westbridge High School Cafeteria. All the people going on the ski trip are assembled as Mr. Kraft hands out instructions.

Mr. Kraft- Okay, now in order to ensure everyone’s safety on this trip I have established a few simple guide lines.

Harvey- (Reading) No snacking between meals? Lights out at eight o’clock!

Sabrina- (Reading) No laughing?!

Mr. Kraft- And since we’ll be staying at my ex-father in law’s condo to save a little bit of money, everyone will have to pitch in with the chores.

General grumbling ensues.

Harvey- Will we get paid?

Mr. Kraft- You will be paid with up to forty-five minutes a day of ski time mister. Well since it’s about ten minutes until school starts, I’m sure you’ve got some homework you’ve forgotten or some property to destroy.

He turns to leave through the crowd.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Coming through.

Sabrina- (To Harvey) Obviously he’s never been loved. Sad, perfectly understandable but sad.

Harvey- The guys completely forgotten what it’s like to be a teenager.

Sabrina- If only there was some way to remind him.

As the words flow from her lips the seed of a thought germinates and blossoms, she turns to leave.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I’ll be back before home-rooms over.

Harvey- where you goin’?

Sabrina- To zap... ity doo-da into the hall. See ya.

She leaves

Int. Spellman dinning room. The lab-top is open, Sabrina is concocting watched by Salem, both wear safety goggles.

Salem- Are you sure about this? Zelda was pretty explicit about not going near this thing.

Sabrina- She said not to play with it. She also said that the lab-top was for curing problems of the world and Mr. Kraft is definitely a problem of the world.

Salem- Whatever. If she knew you were brewing a potion to make Mr. Kraft understand teenagers, I know what she’d say. Hint, it rhymes with whoa.

There’s a minor explosion on the table and a coloured plastic tube of sweets is lying there when the smoke clears.

Sabrina- Oh it worked. Candy?

Salem- Nah, I’d probably break out.

Int. Westbridge High school hallway. Sabrina is at her locker with the tube of candy.

Sabrina- (Reading the label) 'For a teenagers outlook on life take three candy’s, caution: May result in the ability to eat an entire box of cereal' Perfect. I’ll just slip a few into his iced-tea.

Just then Mr. Kraft comes out of a nearby classroom reading with his cup of iced-tea in hand. He looks at Sabrina as he passes. She has hidden the tube behind her back.

Sabrina- The game is a foot.

She flicks her locker shut and follows her prey. The Pink Panther theme starts up and plays through the following.

Mr. Kraft has stopped in the hallway reading his note book, there’s a cross passage behind him and the cafeteria doors. As he reads Sabrina tip-toes past from right to left. He senses something and turns to his left but sees nothing. He raises his eye brows and resumes reading. Sabrina tip-toes back again, and again he senses something going on behind him and looks round to his right. There’s no one there. He shrugs and walks off.

Later. Two students are hanging by their arms from the cafeteria doorway beam and foot wrestling. Mr. Kraft spots them and tucks his iced-tea in the crook of his arm.

Mr. Kraft- Will you clowns get down from there.

Sabrina sneaks up behind him as he writes out two detention slips and tries to tip some candy’s into his tea.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Have you nothing better to do than climb the cafeteria.?

He turns and sees Sabrina, She smiles and retreats.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Be in my office in five minutes.

Later. Mr. Kraft is pinning up a notice on the notice board. His other hand holds his iced-tea near a classroom door. A hand holding a tube of candy comes out and is just about to tip some in when he looks. Sabrina whips her hand back just in time and flattens herself against the wall as he looks into the classroom. He doesn’t see her and shrugs closing the classroom door.

Later. A boy and girl are canoodling in the hallway by the doors. Mr. Kraft comes through.

Mr. Kraft- This is a school, not a bordello.

The two love birds leave as a hand with a tube of candy comes out of a litter-bin beside him and attempts to tip the tubes contents into his iced-tea. Mr. Kraft moves away and the hand droops in defeat.

Later. Mr. Kraft is stood in the hallway with his iced-tea. Sabrina slips out of a classroom on his left as a student approaches from the right. The student waves and pats Mr. Kraft on the back. He’s been a teacher long enough to be suspicious of students being friendly and reaches round to pull the ‘KICK ME’ note off his back and in doing so is left facing Sabrina. As the student has made his escape Mr. Kraft drags a protesting Sabrina off to his office.

The Pink Panther theme ends.

Int. Vice-Principle Kraft’s office. Sabrina is sat in the chair in front of Mr. Kraft’s desk hiding the tube of candy behind her back.

Mr. Kraft- Miss Spellman, why have you been following me around all morning?

Sabrina- It’s... your cologne Mr. Kraft, it’s so great that I want to buy some for my friend Harvey.

Mr. Kraft- Well you can think about my Old Spice in detention.

He taps a pile of detention slips on his desk.

Sabrina- But what’s my crime?

Mr. Kraft- Smelling the Vice Principle.

He goes to take a drink of iced-tea but find the cup empty. Not to worry though because there’s a whole pitcher of the stuff on the cabinet behind him. He turns to get it and Sabrina takes the opportunity to work a bit of magic. Mr. Kraft turns back.

Mr. Kraft- Well that’s funny, I seem to be out of detention slips. You just wait right here while I go to the supply closet.

He leaves the office and Sabrina wastes no time in popping a few candy’s into the pitcher of iced-tea. They don’t devolve quickly enough and she helps them along by swirling the tea around. Mr. Kraft returns and finds her doing just that.

Mr. Kraft- Now what are you doing with my iced-tea?

Sabrina grabs the cup and pours him some.

Sabrina- Oh I just thought you might be thirsty.

Mr. Kraft- Miss Spellman, kissing up is a way of life, not just something you do when it suits you.

He takes a swig of iced-tea and his demeanour changes instantly, for a start he smiles.

Sabrina- Mr. Kraft, are you all right?

Mr. Kraft- We need tunes.

He turns and switches the radio on behind him to some thrash metal station and loosens his tie. He then picks up one of the slips in front of him.

Mr. Kraft- What is this? (Reading) 'Detention' You can feel de tension in de room huh?

He rips it in half and throws it across the room. Sabrina sits back and laughs.

Int. School Cafeteria. Harvey and Sabrina are sat eating lunch.

Harvey- We got the ski trip chores, I have to paint the living room.

Mr. Kraft enters with a cup of iced-tea, his suit jacket is off and he’s tie-less. He passes another teacher on his way in.

Mr. Kraft- Mr. Barber. (Coughing behind his hand) Loser.

He sits with Sabrina and Harvey.

Harvey- Mr. Kraft!

Mr. Kraft- Hey!

Harvey- D’ya want something?

Gordie drops his lunch tray and Mr. Craft joins in the applause and ribbing.

Mr. Kraft- So, the ski trip. I am packing supplies for water balloon’s.

Harvey- Do we still have to clean the place?

Mr. Kraft- Oh just fake it, you know spread pot purée everywhere, make sure there’s paper in the John’s. Did I ever tell you guys about the time my toe-nail got infected and turned like completely green.

Libby enters.

Libby- (Interrupting) Excuse me Mr. Kraft.

Mr. Kraft- What?

She hands Mr. Kraft a sheet of paper

Libby- I need you to sign this so the cheerleaders can get our trip to Europe approved.

Mr. Kraft- Later. (To Sabrina and Harvey) Then it falls off...

Libby- (Interrupting) Please! I took the liberty of filling in all pesculent parts.

Mr. Kraft- Gimme! (To Sabrina and Harvey) So the nail falls off. The next day I find the thing floating around in my sock, how gross is that? (To Libby) Okay.

He signs the form.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) There.

Libby- Super!

He pulls the form out of her reach.

Mr. Kraft- You really want this huh?

He scrumples it into a ball and stands.

Mr. Kraft- Huh? Huh? Harvey, think fast!

He throws the ball of paper to Harvey who catches it and stands. Libby goes to get it from Harvey who tosses it over her head back to Mr. Kraft. A game of piggy in the middle ensues until Mr. Kraft doesn’t make the catch and it lands in the remains of someone’s lunch.

Mr. Kraft- Who was that to, Kinkle?

Harvey shrugs as Libby picks the form out of the sauce.

Libby- Ew!

Mr. Kraft- (Playing air fiddle) Oh here’s the worlds smallest violin playing the worlds saddest song just for you.

Libby and the teasing Mr. Kraft leave. Harvey sits back down with Sabrina.

Harvey- Wow! He seems different.

Sabrina smiles, please with herself

Sabrina- I know.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina is sat curled in the armchair with Salem sat on the back cushion.

Salem- You're kidding, he played ‘Smells like teen spirit’ with his nose?

Sabrina- Four verses. This spells working way better than expected.

Salem- Unbelievable. Wonder how it’s effecting his date with Hilda.

Sabrina- He’s on a date with aunt Hilda?!

Ext. Spellman front door. Hilda enters with an enormous teddy-bear in her arms, Mr. Kraft wearing a green, yellow and black coat and matching yellow knit hat accompanies her.

Hilda- Willard, I can’t tell you how much fun I had tonight. How did you ever guess that man's weight?

Mr. Kraft- Oh that was easy, y’know he’s just a big tub of goo.

Hilda- (Laughing) Well.

Mr. Kraft- Well, jeez I...

They lean close and after a moment Hilda grabs him and gives him a big kiss.

Mr. Kraft- Wow! Touchdown Kraft.

Smiling happily he leaves.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina’s still sat in the chair with Salem. Hilda enters with her bear.

Sabrina- Hi aunt Hilda, how was your date?

Hilda- Great! We threw soft balls at clowns, we held hands at the fun house, we spit off the monorail. I’m crazy about <Sigh> Willard Kraft.

Hilda exits up stairs.

Sabrina- (To Salem) Okay, so she’s in love with someone whose under a spell but at least I’m not in trouble.

Ext. Westbridge High School. The ski trip crowd are stood waiting for the bus. Mrs. Quick is the chaperone, Mr. Kraft hasn’t arrived yet.

Harvey- Is that the bus?

Sabrina- No it’s the same streak that went by ten minutes ago.

Libby- It better get here, I’m starting to feel a camaraderie with you people.

Mr. Kraft enters Wearing purple dungarees over a purple and yellow striped T-shirt and a three bobbled floppy bobble hat. He high-five’s Harvey.

Mrs. Quick- Oh here comes Mr. Kraft, I’m sure there’s an explanation. Mr. Kraft, why is the bus so late?

Mr. Kraft slaps his hand over his mouth in horror.

Mr. Kraft- Hire the bus! I told my mother to remind me. I’m sorry.

There’s a general muttering.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Well okay, so I goofed. This is not the end of the world.

Sabrina- I’m sure we can fix this somehow.

Harvey- What can we do?

Mr. Kraft- I know. (To Harvey) I’ll race you to the arcade.

Mrs. Quick- Well I really think we should stay here and make sure everyone gets a ride home.

Mr. Kraft- Okay, you do that. (To Harvey) Come on.

Mr. Kraft races off to the arcade.

Mrs. Quick- (Calling after) If you leave, I’m going to have to report you.

Sabrina- He’ll be back with some help.

Harvey- Right! After he stops mooning us.

The students laugh, Sabrina covers her eyes

Int. Westbridge High School Hallway. The next Monday. Sabrina and Harvey walk down the litter strewn hallway

Sabrina- Why are the hall's such a mess?

Harvey- Didn’t you hear? Mr. Kraft forgot to pay the janitor’s, so they're on strike. Avoid the bathrooms.

Sabrina- You're kidding! I didn’t know he took care of that.

The school power goes off taking the lights with it.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Or that.

Harvey- Why has he been acting totally weird lately?

Sabrina- I hadn’t really noticed.

There’s the sound of a bicycle bell and Mr. Kraft comes round the corner riding a Chopper bike. Wearing jeans, trainers, a baggy jacket and a baseball cap back to front.

Mr. Kraft- Listen up butt-brains, everyone has to write a report on last nights Teen Knightrider. (To Harvey as he rides past) Fake it out!

He rides round the corner and we hear him scream and the sound of a crash.

Sabrina- Okay, maybe he has been acting a little strange. Gotta go!

She dashes off.

Int. Spellman Kitchen. Salem answers the ringing phone.

Salem- Bonjour.

Sabrina- (On the school pay phone) Salem, it’s me.

Salem- So, what’s the haps?

Sabrina- It’s the spell, you’ve got to find something in the magic book to reverse it. Mr. Kraft keeps getting younger and younger.

Mr. Kraft jumps out of the classroom behind Sabrina and holds an imaginary gun on her.

Mr. Kraft- Freeze! NYPD, we’re going down town.

He runs off shooting students with his finger all down the hall.

Sabrina- (Down the phone) And I think he’s been watching way to much TV.

Int. Westbridge High School Cafeteria. Mrs. Quick and a lot of students are stood or sat about. There’s a marked lack of food about the place. Sabrina enters and sits with Harvey.

Sabrina- What’s going on? Why isn’t anyone eating?

Harvey- Mr. Kraft forgot to sign the food order and it was tamale day.

Sabrina- Who would have thought? I guess Mr. Kraft was in charge of more stuff than just detention.

Libby comes by.

Libby- I’m hungry, and I’m not very nice when I’m hungry.

Sabrina- So it’s a nutrition problem.

Libby goes off to complain to someone else as Mr. Kraft arrives with a cup of iced-tea. Mrs. Quick intercepts him.

Mrs. Quick- Mr. Kraft, all these students are very hungry and there is no food.

Mr. Kraft- Well you're a girl, go fix lunch.

Mrs. Quick- That’s Neanderthal!

Mr. Kraft- (Mocking) That’s Neanderthal!

Mrs. Quick- Mr. Kraft, the students need lunch and they need it now.

Mr. Kraft- (Digging into his pocket) Well, I have two Rollos, a jaw breaker.

He pulls the gum from his mouth and holds it up.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Some ABC gum and I’m willing to share.

Mrs. Quick- You are the Vice Principle of this school and it is your responsibility to order the darned food.

Mr. Kraft- Is not!

Mr. Quick- Is too!

Mr. Kraft- Not! Not! Not! Not! Not! Infinity!

Mrs. Quick- I-I-I can’t talk to you, this is a ridiculous conversation.

Mr. Kraft- Is not!

Mrs. Quick- Oh don’t!

She storms off.

Mr. Kraft- (To himself) I’m hungry.

Int. Math class.

Mrs. Quick- We have the state wide exams coming up in a week and one of the things that’s going to be on them is quadratic equations.

There is the sound of someone blowing into a microphone over the school PA.

Mr. Kraft- (Over the PA) This is Vice Principle Kraft. <Belch>

Mrs. Quick- He earns three times what I do.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Can I have your attention. I just wanted to say that even though lunch today was totally not my fault, I’m going to make it up to you guys by letting you go home... for three weeks.

The students waste no time in grabbing their books and heading for the door.

Mrs. Quick- Three weeks! We’ll never get ready for the exams, we’ll lose our accreditation.

Sabrina- But we’ll catch up on our soaps.

Int. School Hallway. Gordie is on the pay-phone as Sabrina comes out of the classroom.

Gordie- Oh Hi, your uncle is calling you on the pay-phone.

She takes the phone.

Sabrina- Uncle Salem?

Gordie gives her the thumbs-up and heads off.

Sabrina- What d’you find out?

Salem- (Lying on Sabrina’s bed with the magic book open) You didn’t mix the potion with hemlock did you?

Sabrina- Course not.

Salem- That’s the only way it could be messing up, unless you mixed it with caffeine but no ones that stupid.

Sabrina- I did! I mixed it with caffeine, in iced-tea.

Salem- Oh-no, everyone knows you don’t put an ageing potion in with caffeine.

Sabrina- Did the Surgeon General make that warning?

Salem- It causes the container to absorb the potion, every time Mr. Kraft makes a pitcher of ice-tea he gets more potion.

Sabrina- I have to get that carafe.

Salem- Yes, and be careful ninety-nine.

Sabrina- What?

Salem- You are so young.

Sabrina hangs up.

Int. Vice Principle Kraft’s office. Sabrina’s appears at the door. She knocks and enters. The office appears empty and the pitcher is on the desk. Sabrina picks it up and almost drops it as Mr. Kraft jumps up from under a pile of cushions.

Mr. Kraft- Ha!

Sabrina- Mr. Kraft! I didn’t know you were in here! Ah, but then again I didn’t look in what appears to be your fort, but since you are here I’ll go.

Mr. Kraft- (Jumping forward a touching her) Tag! You're it. You’ll never catch me.

Sabrina- You're right, I’m very bad at this game. I quit.

She heads for the door but Mr. Kraft doesn’t want to lose his play-mate, he Touches her again as she passes.

Mr. Kraft- Oh! Tag! I’m it. All right Mmm, pain tag! If I catch you, I give you pain.

Sabrina- I don’t wanna play!

But it’s too late Mr. Kraft dashes forward and catches her by the arm.

Mr. Kraft- Indian burn!

He twists his hands in opposite directions.

Sabrina- AWWW!!

Mr. Kraft- You're it!

Sabrina- Heavy pillow tag!

She picks up a large cushion that makes up part of Mr. Kraft’s fort. Mr. Kraft backs off.

Mr. Kraft- No fair! No fair!

Sabrina doesn’t care and whacks him with the cushion then runs off.

Mr. Kraft- (Calling after) I’m telling!

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Salem is on the bed with the magic book. Sabrina enters and tosses her book bag onto the floor and sits on the bed.

Salem- Did you get the carafe?

Sabrina- No, but apparently I have cooties. (Flipping through the magic book) There has to be some other solution.

Salem- Good luck, I’ve torn that book apart looking.

Sabrina holds up a torn and ragged page.

Salem- (Cont.) Literally.

Sabrina- Well there’s only one thing to do, I’m going to have to ask an aunt.

She gets up to leave.

Salem- Might I suggest aunt Bea? She was nice.

Int. Spellman dinning room. Zelda is working with the lab-top, there’s a bubbling jar of green stuff on the table. Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Hi.

Zelda- Hi sweetie, I didn’t hear you come in.

Sabrina- Well I’m in... and... I’m studying witch stuff and I need some help.

Zelda- Sure. Oh don’t touch that green goo, it’s a little radio active.

Sabrina- Well let's say a person put a spell on another person and they thought that spell would end at a certain time but it didn’t.

Zelda- Who’d you put a spell on?

Sabrina- Aunt Zelda, it’s hypothetical.

Zelda gives her a look.

Sabrina- (Cont.) So how would you reverse this hypothetical problem spell?

Zelda- Well first I’d... tell my aunt what’s going on.

Sabrina- Y’know, where’s aunt Hilda? Maybe she can help.

Zelda- She’s on a date with Mr. Kraft.

Sabrina- Really?

Sabrina knows she is in big trouble, she can feel the tears rising.

Int. Custer’s steak house. Hilda is sat at a table apparently alone.

Hilda- Willard, would you mind getting off the floor.

Mr. Kraft’s head appears above the table.

Mr. Kraft- I’m bored.

Hilda- Then why don’t we talk?

Mr. Kraft climbs back into his seat and hutches it forward to the table.

Mr. Kraft- Vroom! Vroom!

Hilda- (Cont.)We had a great time the other night, I can’t remember when I laughed so much.

He takes the salt cellar and tips some into his water.

Hilda- (Cont.) What are you doing?

He drinks some water and spits it out, then wipes his hand across his mouth. Hilda hands him a napkin.

Hilda- Oh here.

Mr. Kraft blows his nose on it and hands it back. Hilda picks it up with her finger tips and puts it aside. She sees the waitress arrive.

Hilda- Oh, here comes our food.

Waitress- (To Hilda) Here’s your petite fillet. (To Mr. Kraft) Here’s your chocolate sundae.

Mr. Kraft dives mouth first into the cream topping getting it all over his mustache.

Waitress- Anything else?

He puts his hand up.

Mr. Kraft- More cherry’s.

The waitress looks at Hilda, smiles and goes for the cherry’s.

Hilda- I wish I was brave enough to order dessert for dinner but then I like my health.

Mr. Kraft who has been eating his sundae with his fingers points at Hilda’s steak flicking both her and it with cream.

Mr. Kraft- I want that!

Hilda- Oh, I’m the same way. Someone’s food always looks better... but not this time.

She reaches across with a forkful of steak and he takes it in his mouth, chews it a few times the spits it out all over the table.

Hilda- Oh! How romantic! Are you okay?

Mr. Kraft- (Slumping back in his seat) I wanna go home.

Hilda- Well I’d like to finish my meal

Mr. Kraft- (Sliding back down onto the floor) I wanna go home!

Hilda- Oh stop that!

Waitress- Would your date like some crayons?

Hilda- Ah no, but a rush order on the cherry’s.

She sees the light, guessing who's behind this strange behaviour.

Hilda- Sabrina!

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina has been anxiously watching for her aunt through the curtains. Salem is with her. Hilda enters not looking very happy and liberally spattered with food.

Salem- Y’know these days a lot of restaurants will put left overs in a bag for you.

Hilda glares at him.

Sabrina- Where’s Mr. Kraft?

Hilda- Oh he’s asleep in the car. The ride really tuckered him out, poor little fella.

Sabrina- Oh well I’m pretty tuckered out myself. <Yawn> Good night.

Hilda- Hold it! What spell did you put on Willard.

Salem- Hilda, before you start pointing fingers please remember one important fact. Sabrina put me up to it. Are you going to finish that potato morsel on your collar?

Int. Spellman dinning room. Zelda is concocting while Hilda and a very chastened Sabrina watch on.

Hilda- What are you making?

Zelda- It’s an anti-youth potion, one part prune juice, one part Miami Beach tap water and just a pinch of Buddy Epsom salts.

She swirls the mixture together.

Int. Spellman living room. Mr. Craft is watching cartoons on the TV. The witches enter.

Sabrina- I’ll give him the medicine. I hate to say this but I can’t wait to get the old Mr. Kraft back.

Zelda- You don’t change people’s personalities... and if you do, you don’t mix it with caffeine.

Sabrina sits beside Mr. Kraft and takes a spoonful of potion.

Sabrina- All right Mr. Kraft, let's get your dignity back. Here comes the choo-choo train. Choo-choo! Choo-choo!...

Mr. Kraft takes the spoonful and quickly reverts.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Choo-choo! Choo-choo!

Mr. Kraft- That noise is going on your permanent record Sabrina. What’s going on here, how did I end up here?

Hilda- We were at dinner and er... you got sick and passed out.

He sees the state of Hilda’s clothes.

Mr. Kraft- Oh dear lord, what happened to you?

Hilda- I had to dive across the nachos to keep you from hitting your head.

Zelda- (Whispers to Hilda) Good one.

Mr. Kraft- Oh thank you. Listen I insist on buying you another dinner, and I’m not leaving here until you say yes.

Sabrina and Zelda- (Together) Say yes!

Hilda- Oh all right.

Mr. Kraft- Wonderful! Sabrina.

He moves her away from her aunts.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Something very odd is going on here and I can’t help but think that you were responsible.

Sabrina- Oh well, y’know that could be sign of a concussion.

Mr. Kraft- Well we will visit this area again Huh? Hilda, Tuesday?

Hilda- U-hu.

Mr. Kraft- (Making horns with his fingers) Black Angus night at the stock yards.

Hilda smiles and gives the thumbs-up sign. Mr. Kraft leaves wondering when he started wearing clip on bow-ties.

Hilda- (To Sabrina) If I come home with a steer, it’s sleeping in your bedroom.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Mr. Kraft comes round the corner with Mrs. Quick.

Mrs. Quick- Really? Too much iced-tea.

Mr. Kraft- Well that’s the only thing my doctor could think of.

Mrs. Quick leaves. Mr. Kraft spots Sabrina and Harvey loitering near the drinking fountain, he hands them both a slip.

Sabrina- (Reading) Detention! What for?

Mr. Kraft- New policy, detention is now based solely on personal resentments.

Libby walk past glowering at Mr. Kraft.

Mr. Kraft- Hi Libby.

She ignores him.

Mr. Kraft- Libby what’s the matter?

Libby- What’s the matter! I thought you believed in the work of cheerleaders, but it turns out that you are no more that a... an educator.

Mr. Kraft mimes stabbing himself in the heart with his pen.

Mr. Kraft- Isn’t that a little harsh, especially since you haven’t seen this yet.

He hands her an envelope and she opens it.

Libby- Three tickets to the Loire Valley cheerleading symposium! Oh Mr. Kraft I’m-I’m all choked up.

Mr. Kraft- Well I’d give you something for your dry throat but I’m afraid our drinking fountain is still broken.

They both laugh, Libby leaves and Mr. Kraft collar’s Gordie and gives him a detention slip.

Sabrina- (To Harvey) Well, it looks like the Mr. Kraft we’ve always known and loved is back.

Harvey- Yeah, it’s nice to have lunch and lights and a clean school. I guess we should be grateful for him.

Sabrina points at the drinking fountain and a spout of water shoots across the hallway to soak Mr. Kraft. Gordie laughs, Sabrina and Harvey laugh.

Mr. Kraft- What the!

Sabrina- Now I’m grateful.

Sabrina, Harvey and Gordie make a run for it. Mr. Kraft spots them and follows.

Int. Spellman dining room. Sabrina is sat at the lab-top Salem is beside her.

Sabrina- Okay, so I ruined the ski trip for everyone and I turned the school inside out, but isn’t being grounded enough. Why do I have to mix this stuff up?

Salem- It’s just Zelda’s way of teaching us to respect the lab-top.

Roll credits.

Sabrina- Why would she have me make Limburger frappe?

She takes a smell.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh man! This stuff smells like something that’s already been eaten.

Salem- Come on, how bad can it be? It’s just cheese.

Sabrina pushes it over to Salem and he takes a sniff and keels over.

Sabrina- Oh-no! Salem? (Running into the living room) Aunt Hilda! Aunt Zelda! Help! Salem’s fainted.

As soon as she has left Salem lifts his head.

Salem- (To self) Oh Salem, you are brilliant.

He tucks into the Limburger frappe

Salem- Easy! Easy! Don’t choke.