Oh, What a Tangled Spell She Weaves

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda and Zelda are stood in front of the TV with a small wooden cabinet. Zelda and Hilda each hold a doubled length of chain. On the TV a man is stood with a very similar cabinet.

Bob Vila- So you just grab a chain and whack away.

Zelda- After you.

Hilda- It feels weird, I haven’t even had an argument with this cabinet.

She brings the chain down hard on it’s top and on the TV, Bob Vila is doing the same. Whipping the cabinet felt good to Hilda.

Hilda- (Cont.) Hold me back!

Laughing both witches continue to thrash the cabinet with their chains.

Salem- It’s got a good beat and I can dance to it. I’d give it a ninety-two.

Sabrina enters from the kitchen.

Sabrina- From what I can hear it sounds like you're smashing furniture.

Sabrina sees what they’re doing

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh, you are smashing furniture. Why?

Zelda- It’s our new hobby, we’re antiquing this cabinet.

Hilda- Some people wait a hundred years, we’re just beating the tar out of it.

Salem- Personally, I find knitting relaxing.

Zelda- It’s a great way to get out your frustrations.

She gives the cabinet a series of vicious whacks.

Zelda- (Cont.) Take that you stupid Nobel Prize Committee.

Hilda puts a restraining hand on her sisters shoulder.

Sabrina- May I?

She takes the chain from Zelda and gives the cabinet a tentative smack, then lays into it with gusto.

Sabrina- Take that people who won't buy their niece’s a car.

Hilda- Oh shoot! I missed what Bob did with the linseed oil.

Zelda- Well let's ask him.

Zelda points at the TV and Bob Vila is sucked from the TV into the living room.

Zelda- (To Bob) Could you go over step four again?

Bob Vila- How did I get... (He sees the cabinet) Whoa! This needs a lot of work.

Salem- Say Bob, have you ever wired a litter box for cable?

Bob Vila- (shaking his head) I’ve got to remember to crack a window when I work with varnish.

Run opening credits.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. It’s a tip, clothes spread in a heap all over the bed, Salem is asleep on top of it snoring loudly. Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Salem!

Salem- (Waking) Wha-wha-what? It was like this when I found it.

Sabrina- Val and I are going to the movies, if I’m not dressed in the next five minutes I’m going to miss my ride.

Salem- Oh why didn’t you say so? I don’t mind moving.

Salem jumps from the bed as Sabrina glares at him.

Sabrina- Even if I knew what I wanted to wear I couldn’t pick it out of this mess. Oh it’s full of kibble crumbs!

Salem- Brush them in a pile, I’ll eat them later.

Salem dashes from the room before Sabrina can throw anything.

Sabrina- Better clean this up.

Sabrina points at the heap of clothing but there’s just a fizz and no clean up.

Sabrina- Oh I forgot, I’m only allowed incantations this week. Thank you Quizmaster. Er Stuff is messy, this place is a zoo. Make things that need it brand spanking new.

The heap of clothing is gone.

Sabrina- Hah! Let's see if it worked.

She opens her wardrobe and all her clothes are neatly hung up and still in their cellophane wrappers.

Sabrina- Excellent.

She takes down a blue jacket from the rack, there’s a label attached.

Sabrina- (Reading) 'Extra charge for cat hair removal'!

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda and Zelda admire their newly antiqued new cabinet.

Zelda- I think this is the nicest thing we ever beat up.

Hilda- Except for that teamster.

As they watch the cabinet reverts back to it’s brand new condition.

Hilda- Oh no! Our antique is brand new again.

Zelda- That’s odd.

Sabrina comes down the stairs headed for the door.

Sabrina- MeetingValerieRialtoCinema. Seeya.

Hilda- Freeze!

Sabrina- What? Oh yeah, back by ten.

Zelda- Cast any spells lately?

Sabrina- Yeah, I cast a make everything new spell. Why?

Zelda- You made it too general, look.

She points to the cabinet.

Sabrina- I guess now would be the wrong time to say ‘I think it looks better like that.’?

Her aunts give her a hard look.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Sorry I was in a hurry.

Zelda- We witches have a saying. Haste makes a gigantic mess.

Sabrina- Got it. Did I screw anything else up?

Salem comes down the stairs and he’s brand spanking new, a cute little black kitten.

Salem- I’ve found the fountain of youth, it’s the toilet!

Sabrina- No Problem, I’ll just fix it with an undo spell. Erm I made things new and that was bad... so undo it all so they won't be mad.

Her make things new spell is reversed. The cabinet is antiqued again, Salem is his normal size.

Salem- Welcome back Trick me.

But also Sabrina’s clothes revert to their former condition. She looks down at herself.

Sabrina- Oh!

Zelda- Sabrina, you don’t want to rely on undo spells. It’s not in the spirit of magic.

Hilda- You really have to get it exactly right the first time, otherwise there may be side effects. I remember one time I was making rum balls and I got tired, so I made a make everything round spell. Well let's just say you can thank me for Columbus Day.

Sabrina- I’ll be careful. (Looking down at herself again) I don’t have time to think of a spell to get rid of these wrinkles, help!

Hilda is about to zap the wrinkles away when Zelda stops her by grabbing hold of her finger.

Zelda- We think that outfit will serve as a helpful reminder.

Sabrina- (Indicating Hilda) I like her best.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina like everyone else is bundled up in her coat against the cold and rubbing her hands for warmth. Harvey comes up in just his shirt apparently not feeling it.

Harvey- Hey.

Sabrina- Hey, how can you stand it? The schools freezing.

Harvey- Oh yeah? I guess I’m too miserable to be miserable. My Uncle Lloyd is coming to the football game on Friday.

Sabrina- Oooh, family members coming to cheer you on. Sounds terrible.

Harvey- It is terrible, I can just hear my dad now. ‘Lloyd’s three boys are first string’ I never get to play.

Sabrina- Sure you do, remember that time we were up by fifty-three?

Harvey- Just once I’d like to start and shut uncle Lloyd up, and his two sons who can form sentences.

Sabrina- Well maybe this Friday you’ll start the game and uncle Lloyd will leave in shame.

She twirls her fingers discretely to enact the spell, Harvey doesn’t notice, But he does notice something.

Harvey- Why are you talking in rhyme?

Sabrina shrugs but Harvey’s distracted by the coach who calls from down the hall as he approaches.

Coach- Kinkle, you're starting on Friday.

Harvey- I am!

Coach- You are?

He walks on bewildered, Harvey’s shocked and surprised.

Sabrina- Well look at that!

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda and Zelda have just got back from having a rout around in the garage. Zelda roles out a beautiful hall carpet.

Zelda- I love this carpet.

Hilda- Yeah, this old thing is going to go perfectly with the new stuff we made look old.

Int. Westbridge High School Cafeteria. Sabrina and Valerie still have their coats on as they get their lunch trays. As they walk past the notice board, Sabrina spots something.

Sabrina- Hey Val look! The Slicery’s under new management.

Valerie- Wow! That’s the first time this month.

Sabrina- And they’re looking for people to work after school. We should get jobs.

Valerie- You think?

Sabrina- Yeah, maybe we could save enough money to buy a car.

Valerie- Or maybe our parents will get so sick of driving us to work that they’ll buy us cars.

Sabrina- It’s win, win.

Valerie- All right, I’m in! But I gotta warn you I haven’t had much luck with jobs. When I was a camp counsellor they fired me after two days.

Sabrina- They didn’t give you a chance, they didn’t even get to know you.

Valerie- Yeah!... And they eventually found those kids.

Int. School Hallway. Sabrina, still wrapped in her coat, comes up to Harvey at his locker.

Sabrina- Hey.

Harvey- <Atchoo!>

Sabrina- (Cont.) Whoa! I didn’t mean to make you explode.

Harvey- <Atchoo!> I dink dis cowd weaders gibing me de flu.

Sabrina- I told you to bundle up for math.

Harvey- (Wiping his nose) Oh coach finally gives me a chance to start and now this, I can hear my dad now. ‘You're nose runs faster than you do’ See ya.

He closes his locker and leaves.

Sabrina- (To Self) Poor Harvey (Calling after) Feel better!

She has an idea,

Sabrina- (Cont. to self) And you will. No spells at school unless I gotta and I do so make it hotter.

She points at the heating vent and warm air immediately starts to circulate around the school.

Int. The Slicery, Kitchen. Mrs. Popowski, the new owner, is showing her new staff, Sabrina and Valerie, the in’s and out’s of the fine art of Pizza baking.

Mrs. Popowski- Well that concludes your orientation to The Slicery. I’m Mrs. Popowski, if you have any problems my office is always open. It’s between the fryer and the wall

Sabrina- (Raising her hand) Mrs. Popowski, there’s a mistake on my name tag. My name is Sabrina, not Salinas.

Mrs. Popowski- Live with it.

Valerie- Yeah, and my name is Valerie, not Fred.

Mrs. Popowski- When I said problems I meant things like ‘My hand is caught in the meat-ball maker’

Mrs. Popowski leaves them to it.

Sabrina- Okay Val, I’ll do the dough and the sauce and you do the topping.

Valerie- Check.

The phone rings, Sabrina answers.

Sabrina- Slicery?

She takes a pen and writes.

Sabrina- Okay, That’s a large Pizza, extra Anchovies, hold the crust, hold the sauce, hold the cheese. Salem quit foolin’ around!

She puts the phone down quickly. Valerie looks at her questioningly.

Sabrina- Crank call.

She takes the first order from the pile.

Sabrina- (Reading) Okay, medium cheese.

Valerie- Medium cheese, check.

Sabrina- Crust.

she lays out the Pizza crust.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Sauce.

She spreads the tomato sauce. Valerie takes over.

Valerie- Cheese.

She sprinkles a generous handful of grated cheese on it.

Valerie- (Cont.) Oven.

She carries it across to the oven and pops it in.

Valerie- (Cont.) Check.

Sabrina- We’re a well oiled machine.

Sabrina takes the next order.

Sabrina- Okay, large pepperoni.

Valerie- Large pepperoni, check

Sabrina- Crust. Sauce.

Valerie- Pepperoni. Cheese. Oh no! That was supposed to be cheese. Pepperoni.

While Valerie is picking the pepperoni out of the cheese Sabrina starts the next one.

Sabrina- Okay, large, extra cheese, half mushroom. Crust. Sauce.

Mrs. Popowski enters from the counter.

Mrs. Popowski- Things are going to start hoppin’, weight watchers meeting just let out.

She leaves and Sabrina decides to speed things up by helping with the toppings. She grabs a handful of cheese and dumps it on the pizza just as Valerie does the same. They look at each other.

Valerie- D’ya think that’ll melt down?

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda has just laid the new hall carpet in the kitchen hallway beside the new antique cabinet.

Zelda- There, perfect.

Hilda- I don’t believe it. You’ve taken a beautiful rug and put it in the worst place ever.

Zelda- Well where would you put it?

Hilda takes the rug and drags it to the worst place ever. Diagonally across the entrance hall into the living room.

Hilda- There, perfect!

Zelda- Yes, I see that is perfect, if we had our eyes gouged out.

Int. The Slicery Kitchen. The well oiled machine is beginning to grind to a halt. Sabrina rushes about trying to do three things at once. The phone is ringing unanswered and Mrs. Popowski sticks her head in.

Mrs. Popowski- I need a medium, half sausage, half pepperoni, quarter mushroom, quarter anchovy, extra cheese.

And she gone. Sabrina’s looking bedraggled and sweaty as she shovels a pizza from the oven. The phone is still ringing.

Sabrina- Val did you get that?

Val isn’t getting anything. She’s stood in the middle of the room holding a pizza with a glazed expression on her face.

Sabrina- Valerie? Valerie we have to get these pizza’s finished now!

Valerie- Am I moving?

Sabrina- No!

Valerie- How about now?

Mrs. Popowski- (Sticking her head in) Somebody’s going to get fired!

Valerie- Oh gosh, this is faster than it happened at Camp.

Sabrina- I can’t tell the future, that would make me omniscient but... something bad’s going to happen unless Val’s more efficient.

She does the pointing thing and Valerie comes to life.

Valerie- Okay, that’s medium, half sausage, half pepperoni, quarter mushroom, quarter anchovy, extra cheese.

Sabrina- (Pleased) Check.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Later. Sabrina is doing her homework. After her undo spell earlier her clothes are still strewn all over the room.

Sabrina- (To herself) Okay, the inert gases are Neon, Argon, Krypton... Leon?

The Quizmaster arrives in the room with his usual suddenness.

Quizmaster- Leon? Boy public schools have really gone down hill.

Sabrina- Hi, how’ve ya bin, I’ve been fine. Let's get this quiz over with.

Quizmaster- Ah, the fine art of conversation lives. It’s an easy one, just... clean up your room.

Sabrina- It is clean.

The Quizmaster puts has hands on his hips and glares.

Sabrina- Fine! Here’s a quiz I know I’ll ace, put everything back in it’s rightful place.

Sabrina activates her incantation and all the clothing that littered the bed and floor vanish back into drawers and cupboards but that’s not all that returns to it’s rightful place, a certain hall rug vanishes from down stairs and Salem appears on Sabrina’s bed reading a book.

Sabrina- Hey, that’s my diary!

She flips it closed.

Salem- Aw! And I was just getting to the awkward teenage years.

Sabrina- (To Quizmaster) Well that was so easy I almost feel guilty taking an ‘A’

Quizmaster- Oh well this’ll make you feel a lot better, you failed.

Sabrina- What!

Quizmaster- You were only supposed to clean your room and you ‘Put things back where they belonged’ That was a very sloppy spell.

Sabrina- With good results, the rooms clean and I busted Salem.

Salem- Listen to the man, it was a sloppy spell.

Quizmaster- Clean up your spells.

He snaps his finger and vanishes.

Sabrina- I still say it was a fine incantation.

Salem- Now talk me through this kissing game. Seven minutes in heaven?

Sabrina snatches away the diary and glares at the cat.

Int. Westbridge High School Hallway. Sabrina walks passed an overalled heating engineer fanning herself with her hand.

Sabrina- Wow it’s hot in here! The boiler must be broken.

She reaches her locker and opens it. Lying on the top shelf on a sun-bed is a miniature Quizmaster with a pina colada in hand and wearing an Hawaiian shirt.

Sabrina- What are you doing in my locker?

Quizmaster- Sweatin'. Somebody left the heat spell running.

Sabrina- Oh ho, that’d be me.

Quizmaster- I told you to be more precise.

Sabrina- No problem. I’ll fix it with an undo. Let's see. It’s hot in here, it’s making us perspire. Undo the spell or the straits will be dire.

She points to activate the incantation but all that happens is a flag shoots out of the end of her spell casting finger and unfurls, it reads. ‘NO CAN UNDO’

Sabrina- Argh! What’s going on?

Quizmaster- I’ve taken away your undoing privileges. Partly to teach you a valuable lesson, partly fun for me.

Sabrina- How’s this for fun.

She slams the locker door repeatedly and doesn’t notice Valerie and Mrs. Quick walking up behind her. When she does spot them she has to come up with something quick.

Sabrina- Auditioning for ‘Stomp’

And gives the locker an extra kick.

Valerie- (To Mrs. Quick) So you can see by these projections Mrs. Quick, we can easily put out two editions of the paper each week rather than one and we can do it for thirty-eight percent less money.

Mrs. Quick- Good work Val, that’s an excellent use of your resources.

Valerie- Check.

Valerie walks off briskly.

Mrs. Quick- (To herself) Not that we need two papers a week.

Mrs. Quick leaves. Sabrina opens the locker again and the Quizmaster is still there.

Sabrina- See that? The efficiency spell I put an Val is working out great.

Quizmaster- Oh looks good now and that heat spell looked good too... Yesterday.

Harvey- (OS) Aw! Ow! Aw!

Sabrina turns to see Harvey at his locker nursing his fingers.

Sabrina- Harvey, what’s the matter?

Harvey- I just burned my hand on my locker. Oh great, I have enough trouble catching with two good hands.

Harvey wanders off dejectedly.

Sabrina- (To the Quizmaster) So how do you expect me to fix all this without an undo spell?

Quizmaster- That’s the part that’s fun for me.

Sabrina- (To herself) Think Sabrina, think. Okay first let's take care of the temperature. Er, it’s hot in here and the sweats a poolin’ so let's get down to some serious coolin’

she activates it and the air vents start to give out cool air.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Cool! Okay, now Harvey. Er oh, I got it. The team doesn’t need a Harvey that’s tame so make him worthy of the hall of fame.

Again she completes the activation of her incantation with her fingers and Harvey charges round the corner, catches the football and rams a student into the lockers, swerves round two more and does a touchdown through the fire doors. Sabrina watches amazed.

Sabrina- (To the Quizmaster) See? All done and no undo.

Quizmaster- Oh yes but...

Now the interior of Sabrina’s locker has become the weather channel with the Quizmaster holding the pointer. A rumble of thunder can be heard.

Quizmaster- (Cont.) There was a hot front, which is now meeting a cold front, resulting in an acluded front.

Sabrina- Oh no, that means...

Quizmaster- (Putting up an umbrella) Yep! Showers.

And heavy ones as Sabrina along with the rest of the school is drenched by the downpour. Students run for cover and Mrs. Quick comes out of her classroom with a file over her head.

Mrs. Quick- Everyone outside, where it’s... not raining.

Sabrina- (To the Quizmaster) I meant to do that.

There’s a flash of lightning.

Sabrina- (Cont.) And that too.

And then she has the sense to get out out of the rain.

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda follows Zelda down the stairs.

Hilda- Come on admit it. That rug would look better in my room.

Zelda- Please! That rug is an object of taste and refinement. Your room is decorated with stuff a clown takes out of his pockets at night.

They reach the bottom of the stairs and see that the rug is missing.

Hilda- It’s gone! You’ve put it in your room haven’t you?

Zelda- I most certainly did not.

Hilda- Well it’s got to be around here somewhere then.

Salem- Pst! Pst! Tell you what happened to it for a belly rub.

Sabrina enters through the front door.

Sabrina- Hi, gotta go to work. Forgot my name tag.

Sabrina takes her name tag from a sideboard and turns to leave.

Salem- The open cage just walked into the oil fire.

Hilda- What?

Salem- Sabrina did it with an everything in it’s place spell. (To Sabrina) They threatened me.

Sabrina- What did I do?

Hilda- Made our rug disappear.

Zelda- Sabrina, normally I don’t advocate undo spells, (stamping her foot) but I want that rug back!

Sabrina- I’d love to undo it but...

She points and shows her aunts her NO CAN UNDO flag.

Sabrina- (Cont.) If you can undo this, I can undo that.

Hilda- We can’t undo that.

Zelda- There’s no undoing a no can undo, it’s a triple negative. It’s magically ungrammatical.

Sabrina- Sorry, I gotta get to work. We’re introducing garlic sticks.

She leaves.

Zelda- Now how are we going to get our rug back?

Salem- Excuse me, there’s someone who’s belly earned a rubbing.

Ext. Spellman front porch. Sabrina closes the door.

Sabrina- (To herself) Oh I know. Everyone inside is beginning to bug, help them find their stupid lost rug.

She activates the incantation.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Close enough.

She goes off to work.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda, Hilda and Salem haven’t moved. Salem’s belly is still unrubbed. They vanish in a mist of sparkles.

Salem- (OS) Come on, you can’t vanish and rub at the same time?

Int. Merlin’s castle. The decor is ultra retro, late dark-ages/early medieval and reflects the owner to a tee. Hilda, Zelda and Salem appear and look about themselves.

Zelda- Where are we?

Hilda- I don’t know but I bet I know who’s to blame.

Hilda and Zelda- (Simultaneously) SABRINA!

Salem- Oh I’m sure she heard that.

Hilda- Salem, that’s not helping.

Salem- Hey, there’s your rug!

Hilda- Huh! That is our rug.

They bend to roll it up.

Salem- That was helping.

Zelda- You know this place reminds me of Merlin’s old weekend castle.

Hilda- Oh man, you guys had a vicious break up.

Zelda- It was awful. By the time it was over the only thing I liked about him was... this rug!

Hilda- HA!

They both drop the rug like it was on fire.

Zelda- This is Merlin’s castle, we’d better get out of here.

Hilda- Yeah. For a guy who wears a dress he’s a real misogynist.

They frantically point at themselves but they remain standing in Merlin’s castle. They turn to run but instead run into Merlin. He’s your common or garden, archetypal Wizard type. Flowing robes and pointy hat in electric blue with black star, moon and sun decorations, lots of bushy white hair on his head and even more on his chin.

Merlin- Leaving so soon?

Zelda- Hi Merle.

Merlin- Zelda Spellman. I haven’t seen you in five hundred years. So er what ya been up to?

Zelda- Oh a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and you?

Merlin- Ah waiting for revenge!

He raises both hands throwing back the sleeves as energy crackles from his fingers to create a large cage that traps the two witches and their familiar. There’s no door.

Merlin- (Cont.) Why don’t you stay a while.

Zelda- How long a while?

Merlin- Until you love me again.

And with another wave of his hand he disappears in a flash.

Hilda- (Calling after) How about if I love you?

Salem- Or me? I can be quite tender.

Int. The Slicery. kitchen. Valerie pops another pizza into the oven as Sabrina sprinkles onions on a topping.

Sabrina- I feel as though we’ve made a hundred pizza’s today.

Valerie- Seventy-four.

Sabrina hands her the one she’s working on and Valerie adds it to the oven.

Valerie- Seventy-five. (Rubbing her hands) Check.

Mrs. Popowski- (Sticking her head through) FRED!

Valerie goes through to the counter while Sabrina starts getting another one ready, she’s gone only seconds.

Valerie- Sabrina, this is hard for me. I’m your friend but I’m also your supervisor.

Sabrina- When did you become my supervisor?

Valerie- Just now.

Sabrina- Way to go!

Valerie- I’ve already celebrated. Who arranges pepperoni’s?

Sabrina- The pepperoni fairy?

Valerie- Back when I was on the line I liked to remember the three P’s. Precision, placement, promptness.

Sabrina- You forgot pannoying.

Valerie- You're on your ten minute break, (She clicks her stop watch) go.

Valerie leaves, Sabrina sits at the counter and rests her head on her arms and drifts into dream land.

Int. Sabrina’s dream. Sabrina’s sat at a production line conveyor in a floppy chefs hat and forties style overalls. She’s making pizza’s, The crusts come down the line already spread with sauce. She takes them off and adds cheese and pepperoni before replacing them on the conveyor. At first everything’s fine but slowly the conveyor gets a bit faster, and faster, and faster. There’s no way she can keep up and everything becomes a right mess. She’s save from her nightmare by...

Valerie- SPELLMAN!

Sabrina- Sorry, I must have dozed off.

Valerie- And you extended your break by fifty-five seconds.

Sabrina- I’ll make it up at the end of the day, I’ll run into the walk-in cooler.

Valerie- That’d be fine if you were still part of The Slicery family but you're fired.

She clicks her stop watch.

Valerie- (Cont.) Look at that! I gave myself two minutes to dismiss you and I only took one. Checkaroony.

Sabrina is too stunned to say anything until Valerie has left.

Sabrina- (Calling after) The garlic sticks bite.

Int. Merlin’s castle. The prisoners prowl back and forth across their cage.

Zelda- We need a plan.

Salem- How about we weep uncontrollably. (sob)

Hilda- If only we could get a message to Sabrina, she could reverse her spell.

Zelda- But we can’t, so we have to work on Merlin. Now one thing that I remember about him is he doesn’t like to be challenged.

Hilda- That’s right! I remember you once questioned a word he used in Scrabble and he turned you into an oryx, which if I recall was also the word.

Zelda- Exactly! Maybe if we’re nice to Merlin, he’ll feel sorry for us and let us go. So let's not antagonise him.

Hilda- Good plan.

Merlin Enters.

Hilda- (Cont. into Zelda’s ear) Dead magician walking.

Merlin- How is everyone? Got everything you need?

Hilda and Zelda smile pleasantly at him

Salem- No! No! We’re fine. Oh now that I think about it I could use a little FREEDOM!

Merlin- (To Zelda) So, have you decided to love me again?

Zelda tries to be nice but what comes out is.

Zelda- I’d rather lick a dead seal.

Hilda- Am I the only one who remembers the plan?

Merlin- Ah excuse me.

Hilda- Oh shut up cone head! (To Zelda) It can’t be done.

Merlin- It’s a shame you’ve decided now to be so nasty, just when I was about to feed you.

Salem- You're not going to feed us?

Merlin- That’s right, and they look mighty hungry so I’d er sleep with one eye open cat.

Salem sobs and Zelda strokes him.

Zelda- You're not going to be able to keep us here forever. My niece Sabrina’s going to find out we’re missing and she’s going to come after us with a lot of help.

Hilda- And drunken bouncers.

Merlin- Oh I’m so scared, maybe I aughta send ya back. Wait a minute, I think I got a better idea.

Int. Spellman living room. It's dark as Sabrina comes in and takes her coat off.

Sabrina- You're never going to believe what happened. My friend, I mean soon to be ex friend, Val, fired me. And I know what you're going to say. Sloppy spells, more specific, blah, blah, blah, so please don’t. I’m pooped, I’m going to bed. Thanks for listening guys.

She gets to the foot of the stairs and takes off her name tag.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I guess I won’t be needing this anymore.

She skims it through the air and it hits Hilda on the back of the head with the distinct sound of plastic on plaster, or rather it hits the mannequin done up to look like Hilda that’s sat on the settee next to the dummy that is Zelda. Sabrina doesn’t notice and goes upstairs to bed.

Int. Merlin’s castle. Merlin’s pleased with his ploy.

Merlin- Yes that was a better idea. You can always count on a teenager to be self absorbed.

Merlin Leaves.

Salem- (Chanting) Attica! Attica! Attica!

Zelda- Please! I’m trying to concentrate on a new escape plan.

They re-commence their prowling back and forth.

Salem- Well why don’t you try coming up with some decorating idea’s for this cell because we’re never leaving. (Sob).

Hilda- I’ve got it, the perfect escape plan. Oh it’s so simple I can’t believe I haven’t thought of it before.

Zelda- What is it?

Hilda- You marry Merlin.

Zelda- What do you think about painting these bars Navaho white?

Hilda- Come on Sabrina!

Int. Spellman living room the next morning. The Zelda and Hilda dummies are still sat on the settee. Sabrina comes down the stairs.

Sabrina- No time for breakfast, I’m late and I have to try and fix Val. I can’t believe I put a spell on her, I’m such a dummy.

She exits via the front door.

Int. Merlin’s castle. next morning. Salem still whining.

Salem- Sabrina’s never going to save us. There’s no hope, none. And the worst part is we’re not going to die, we’re going to live here for ever without hope. No hope! (sob)

Hilda and Zelda just lean against the bars and glower at him.

Int. Westbridge High School Hallway. The heating engineer is working on the vent next to the snow man. It has a carrot for a nose, spectacles, a mustache, a woolly hat and sign round it’s neck which reads 'MR. KRAFT' The hallway is full of snow and it’s still falling. Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Oh ho! I bet I had something to do with this.

She goes to her locker. As she turns the combination a snow ball hits beside her head, she turns to look for who threw it. Valerie marches briskly down the hallway.

Valerie- Hot news coming through.

Sabrina- Hey Val, got a sec?

Valerie- No, I have to get out the next edition of the paper. I’ve figured out that by typing continuously I can make it a daily.

Sabrina- You look like you haven’t slept in days.

Valerie- If I sleep I wont have time to bake or learn opera.

Sabrina- Can we talk?

Valerie- No, friendship is an inefficient use of time.

Valerie turns and leaves.

Harvey enters in his football uniform looking incredibly erm Broad.

Harvey- Excuse me! Pardon me! Coming through! Sorry.

Sabrina- Harvey!

Harvey- I think I might have over done it with the pull ups.

He lumbers off.

Sabrina- (To herself) I can take care of this... Somehow.

The classroom door across the hall opens and Mrs. Quick is blown through it, she hangs onto the door handle for dear life.

Mrs. Quick- Blizzard!

And she can hold on no longer. She is blown down the hall as the blizzard rages through the doorway.

Sabrina- Rats! To block that snow that’s pouring out, stick something in that spewing spout.

She activates her spell. The magical force she’s unleashed searches for a way to carry out her command and finds the only thing in range that can fullfil it. Harvey flies across the hallway to jam into the door way. Sabrina has to admit defeat.

Sabrina- (Yelling against the gale) Help Quizmaster!

The Quizmaster appears before her dressed for the conditions in a smart maroon ski outfit.

Quizmaster- Are you sure you need help? I mean like you said there’s nothing wrong with inexact spells as long as they get the job done.

Sabrina- I got it wrong! Very wrong! It was all wrong! it was a ?*crackman shutout*? and by the way, did I say I was wrong?

Quizmaster- Because she’s admitted she’s been wrong and a lout, every spell she encanted shall be undone, including some of the ones she doesn’t even know about. They just have to be exact, not pretty.

He snaps his fingers and the snow and blizzard disappears as though it never was.

Int. Merlin’s castle. Salem is still whining on and on and on.

Zelda- do you want to shut him up or should I?

Hilda- Oh let's do it together.

They reach for his throat and as they do all three of them vanish from the cage in a cloud of sparkles.

Int. Westbridge High School Hallway. Two over dressed witches stand among the more sensibly dressed students and the only snow in site is the cut out paper flakes stuck to the notice board.

Sabrina- Cool! So all I had to do was admit I was wrong?

Quizmaster- And?

Sabrina- And that I have to be more careful with my magic?

Quizmaster- And?

Sabrina- And that I can learn something from my elders.

Quizmaster- And?

Sabrina- And that the barn door on your ski suit is open.

The Quizmaster quickly looks at his fly and Sabrina makes a run for it.

Sabrina- (Cont.) See ya.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda, Hilda and Salem are all safely back and pleased to be there. Sabrina enters through the front door blissfully unaware of the trauma they have been through.

Sabrina- You’ll never believe the day I had. I’ve learned so much, I’ll never do an inexact spell again. In fact I’m going to go upstairs and clean my room the old fashioned way.

She exits up the stairs.

Hilda- We’ve gotta send something to the Quizmaster for undoing Sabrina’s spell and saving us. He strikes me as a cheese-log person.

Zelda- I am forever grateful. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a more terrifying situation and yet... I remembered to grab the rug.

She picks up and hugs her precious rug.

Salem- And I learned a valuable lesson, Whenever there’s a crisis, I can depend on you guys... to turn on me.

Zelda- Oh come on, we’re sorry. How about that belly rub?

She rubs his belly

Salem- (Purring) Oh I’m so cheap.

Int. Westbridge High School Hallway. Monday morning. Sabrina walks down the hall with Valerie.

Sabrina- So how’d it go at The Slicery this weekend?

Valerie- Terrible, I fell apart and over cooked some pizza’s. Once the fire department was gone and Mrs. Popowski came to, she asked me to leave. How’d you get fired?

Sabrina- Oh it’s a long story.

Harvey walks up and joins them.

Sabrina- Hey Harvey, you really... bulked down over the weekend.

Harvey- Huh?

Sabrina- So how’d the game go?

Harvey- Great, I caught a pass... and if it had been in bounds it would have been great.

Roll closing credits.

Valerie- Hey did anyone bring an umbrella? I hear it’s supposed to rain.

Sabrina- Notindoorsthat’sforsure. Theyfixedtherooflet'snevertalkaboutitagain!

Valerie- You skipped your breakfast again didn’t you.

Sabrina smiles and nods.

Sabrina- I’ll catch up with you guys in a minute, I’m going to put my books away.

Harvey and Valerie leave as Sabrina opens her locker. She’s hit by a snowball when the locker door opens, from inside.

Sabrina- Aw! Hey Quizmaster what are you still doing in there.

Quizmaster- My apartments being painted, I needed a place to crash.

Sabrina- Well just don’t get cheese-log all over my books.