Getting To Nose You

Written By - Adam & David Hamburger
Transcribed By - Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina/Cyrano Sabrina/Sarah - Melissa Joan Hart
Salem - Nick Bakay
Morgan - Elisa Donovan
Roxie - Soleil Moon Frye
Harvey - Nate Richert
Aaron - Dylan Neal
Sixpence None The Richer - Sixpence None The Richer
Worker - Paul Rae

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the Warner Brothers Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina stands and makes a very personal and heart felt pronouncement.

Sabrina- Aaron, I mean this from the very bottom of my heart. I love you.

Salem- Nice try. I’ve gotten more emotion out of my cars navigational system.

Sabrina- You know, I knew it was childish to practice on my cat! I should be doing this in the mirror and, in fact, I’ll do it one better.

She stands in front of her full-length mirror and points at it. In a swirl of sparkles her image fades to be replaced with Aaron’s.

Sabrina- Aaron, I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a long time. I love you.

Aaron- Ah, that’s great, Sabrina. Thanks.

Sabrina- Oh no-no-no-no, not the dreaded thanks. Try again. I love you.

Aaron- Ditto.

Sabrina- No! No ‘ditto’, no ‘right back at ya’, no ‘yeah, same to you but more of it’ Just tell me you love me.

Aaron- I love you.

Sabrina- Oh, well that’s really sudden but... I love you, too.

She moves in, hugs the mirror and gives it a long passionate kiss... but she should really have closed her bedroom door first. Roxie stands there watching her. Slowly Sabrina becomes aware of her.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Well I look hot today.

Run opening credits.

Int. Spellman living room. Morgan has the instructions while Roxie has all the pieces and the tools. Now only a language course is needed to make their trip to Ikea complete.

Morgan- (Reading) ‘Insert the Günter hooks into the Abe locks and rotate the...’ What’s this word mean?

Roxie- (Leaning over) Oh that’s Swedish for ‘We’re up a fiord without a paddle’

Sabrina comes down stairs all dolled up in her new off the shoulder dress.

Sabrina- So, what do you think?

Roxie- Nice, but you look a little too put together to be putting things together.

She points at the flat pack furniture.

Sabrina- But I look perfect for having dinner at my boyfriends. Aaron’s cooking and for dessert, I’m finally going to tell him I love him.

Smiling she turns away. Not smiling, Roxie and Morgan exchange a look.

Morgan- First?! You’re going to say ‘I love you’ first?

Sabrina- Yeah.

Morgan- Never ever say ‘I love you’ first! Unless, of course, he’s just given you something sparkly and expensive... or he’s got the last parachute.

Sabrina- But I do love him and I want him to know. It’s the only way to take our relationship to the next level and it’s not like he’s going to laugh in my face, right? (On their look) This is when you say ‘Right’ and nod your head furiously.

Roxie- Right... but I wouldn’t rule out an incredibly awkward silence followed by a rapid change of subject...

Tick-tock-tick-tock...

Morgan- ...Hey, who wants coffee?

Roxie- Sabrina, are you sure you want to do this?

Sabrina- Yes. I’m absolutely sure. I’m just going to come out and say it.

Int. Aaron’s apartment. Dinner has been consumed and Sabrina ready to just come out and say it.

Sabrina- Anyway... a...a... we...

Aaron- (Laughing) What are you trying to say, Sabrina?

Sabrina- Nothing... Wait, no there is something. Aaron, we’ve been seeing each other for a while now and there’s something I’ve really been wanting to tell you. Aaron, I love... I love... I love the nightlife!

Aaron- Okay, we could go dancing after dessert.

Sabrina- Whoo! And here I was afraid there’d be this big awkward silence. So, what do you love? I-I’m not talking whiskers on kittens.

Aaron- Erm okay, things that I love? Well, obviously, I love music and er, oh, I’m a big fan of old movies. Oh, you know what I really love?

He smiles and leans forward. This is it. She leans forward also with excited anticipation. He’s going to say those three magic words.

Aaron- ...The Red Sox.

Int. Spellman living room. Morgan and Roxie stand back and admire their new Ikea cabinet.

Roxie- I can’t believe we actually did it.

Morgan- And, may I add, we only had to use half the screws.

They high five. Harvey lets himself in at the front door.

Harvey- Hi guys. Is Sabrina around?

Roxie- No, she ran out of here to go and have dinner with...

Morgan- (Interrupting) A friend!...Less than a friend; an acquaintance. A quasi chum with a peg-leg.

Roxie- Morgan, Harvey knows about Aaron.

Morgan- Well he does now! Way to go.

Harvey- Yeah, I know all about Sabrina and Aaron. (Sad) How happy they are. (Bitter) How they spend every waking moment together (Angry) and now every time I hear is flippin’ name I wanna break things into a thousand pieces!

Furiously he smacks his hand down on the newly constructed piece of furniture. Not quite a thousand pieces but it’s a start. Harvey jumps back in surprise at his own strength.

Morgan- Kind of like that?

Roxie- Harvey, you have a problem.

Harvey- Yeah, I know. I’m in love with a woman who loves another man. I’d give anything for a second chance with Sabrina. Breaking up with her was the biggest regret of my life.

They all climb over the cabinet’s sad remains to sit on the much sturdier settees. Roxie puts a comforting arm round his shoulder while Morgan picks up the instructions for cupboard, ready to start again.

Roxie- Harvey, I wish there was something I could say. I hate to see you broken up like this but if that’s how you really feel then you need to tell her.

Morgan- Yeah. Before she left to tell Aaron that she loved him would have been ideal.

Harvey- What?! That’s it! I can’t wait around any longer. I have to say it! I have to tell her!

Int. Aaron’s Apartment. They are both still sat at the dining table.

Aaron- ...And linguini, fettuccini, Boston terriers, Those Japanese monkeys that take steam baths, y’know?

Sabrina- (Thinking) Why wont he say it?

Aaron- Oh and vintage cars. Yes...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Okay, I get it. You’ve got a lot of love to spread around.

Aaron- Okay. Well I’ve told you all the things that I love. What do you love?

Sabrina- (Thinking) You! You! You! You! You! (Aloud) Nothing comes to mind.

Aaron- Well hopefully you’ll love dessert?

He gets up and disappears into the kitchen.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Only if it’s a sheet cake with the words ‘I love you Sabrina’ spelled out in sparklers. This is ridiculous. ‘Feelings of love I cannot find, help me hear what’s on Aaron’s mind’

She points sending a swirl of sparkles off to the kitchen to hit Aaron as he comes through the door carrying two dessert plates.

Aaron- (Thinking) She looks so amazing in that dress.

Sabrina- This old thing? Thanks.

Aaron- What? I didn’t say anything.

Sabrina- Neither did I, but I’ll start. Er, penny for your thoughts?

Aaron- A penny? (Laughing) You know I once got a quarter for sticking my tongue on a hot pepper. (Thinking) Oh my God, I’m such a moron!

Sabrina- Oh, that’s not a big deal. I once stuck my tongue to the inside of a freezer. (Thinking) Oh my God, I’m such a moron!

Aaron- (Thinking) I wonder if I should tell her?

Sabrina- (Thinking) Yes! Tell her! Tell her!

Aaron- (Thinking) I’m not sure how to put it. I guess I should just be brave and see how she reacts.

Sabrina- (Thinking) Oh come on. What do you want, a drum roll? Just say it. (Aloud) Aaron, I feel like there’s something you want to tell me?

Aaron- Actually, I do.

He leans forward and Sabrina responds by leaning in towards him smiling.

Aaron- (Cont.) Sabrina, you’ve got something right there.

Sabrina picks at her teeth in the spot Aaron has indicated.

Sabrina- (Disappointed) Thanks. (Thinking) Okay, the only two things he doesn’t love: Half chewed spinach and me.

Int. Spellman living room. The cabinet is back in one piece again and a lot sturdier than before with no spare screws. Morgan and Roxie watch on with smiles of appreciation and admiration as Harvey finishes up and puts the glue bottle on top.

Harvey- Well, there you go.

Morgan- That’s perfect. Now can you take it apart and put it together in my room?

There’s the sound of a key in the front door lock as Harvey glares at Morgan.

Roxie- (To Harvey) She's home! Remember, bold and decisive.

Morgan- Unless she’s already told him that she loves him. Then... just finish the cabinet and slink out the back.

The girls slip away and hide by the curtains as Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Hey Harvey. Ha! I knew those two wouldn’t get that thing together on their own.

Harvey- So, how was your night?

Sabrina- I’ve had better. You know, sometimes things don’t go quite like you planed.

Roxie and Morgan give Harvey the thumbs up from their hiding spot behind Sabrina.

Harvey- (Smiling happily) I’m really sorry to hear that.

Sabrina- (Not noticing) Thanks. Good night.

She heads for the stairs looking dejected.

Harvey- Sabrina, wait.

Sabrina- (Turning back) What’s wrong?

Harvey- Everything.

Sabrina- Well it’s not that bad. Y’know, it’s not my taste but it’ll go perfect in Morgan’s room.

Harvey- It’s not about the cabinet. It’s... It’s...

He leans back from the cabinet and falls flat on his back.

Harvey- (Cont.) It’s just that I glued my shoes to the floor.

Sabrina- Oh well I’m sure you’re still doing better than the blunder twins. Oh, don’t tell them I said that. (Climbing over him) Good night.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. The next morning. Salem jumps in through the open window to find Sabrina already up with the magic book open.

Salem- Oh, you’re up awfully early. Never a good sign.

Sabrina- And you’re home awfully early. Slow night?

Salem- Ha, the usual. Cruised the alleys, knocked over a trash can, a flowerpot.

Sabrina- Well I had a lousy night. I totally chickened out when I tried to tell Aaron that I love him but, fortunately, I’ve found the perfect coach to help me express how I really feel. Cyrano De Bergerac.

Salem- The big schnosed wordsmith who always knows exactly what to say?

Sabrina- That’s the one, but I’ve found a spell for a slightly more personal version. ‘I can’t come up with the words alone so send me a Cyrano of my own’

She points and out of the resultant swirl of sparkles Sabrina appears. Only this Sabrina sports an eighteenth century outfit and a nose like Pinocchio.

Cyrano- Greetings. Cyrano Sabrina at your service.

Sabrina- Whoa! That is one huge... cape.

Cyrano- Thank you. Hopefully it doesn’t distract from my more prominent feature.

Sabrina- Oh, are you kidding? It’s hardly noseable... I mean, noticeable!

Cyrano- Well I detect from the stammering speech and inarticulate phrasing that the young lady needs help in wooing?

Sabrina- Actually, I think he’s already been wooed. I just need to tell him I wove him... Love him.

Cyrano- Have you tried ‘Your eyes are like two flowers blooming in the morning sun’?

Sabrina- No, not exactly and shouldn’t I know how he’s going to respond before I blurt out something that embarrassing?

Cyrano- Ah, so the real fear emerges. Rejection.

Sabrina- Let’s see if I can find the most articulate way to put this. Duh! I just need you to do a little bit of investigating. You know, nose around a little bit. I mean, well, your nose is lovely. Er, your nostrils are like two flowers blooming in the morning...

Cyrano- (Interrupting) Nice try.

Int. Eve’s Diner. Cyrano and Sabrina sit facing each other and sip milkshake through their straws.

Sabrina- Okay, now remember, you’re my cousin Sarah and you’re... on a break from your day-job at the renaissance fair.

Cyrano (Alias Sarah)- Excellent. Renaissance fair. Perhaps my duties include jousting. I know, I started out as an apprentice for a cock-sure yet dainty blacksmith who...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Okay, enough of your back-story.

Sarah- Fear not. Just leaveth me alone with him and I shall discern his feelings for you.

Sabrina- Me liketh.

She looks up and sees Aaron enter.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Ooh, here he comes now.

Sarah- (Looking over her shoulder) My, he’s a strapping comely lad.

Sabrina- Okay, one more thing. Don’t talk like that.

Aaron comes over to join them.

Aaron- Hi.

He kisses Sabrina on the forehead.

Sabrina- Hi. Aaron, this is my cousin Sarah.

He looks at her noticing the remarkable likeness between the two, but only after his eyes had widened at the size of Sarah’s nose.

Aaron- Nose to meet you... I mean, Nice! Nice to meet you.

Sarah- Be not embarrassed. My nose shows character, it shows spine, it shows heart but only if I tip my head way way back.

She demonstrates. Aaron laughs.

Aaron- She’s funny. (To Sabrina) Listen, I’m sorry I can’t stay. I’ve got to get back to the club. I’ve got Sixpence None The Richer playing and I am swamped. (To Sarah) You know, actually, if your still in town, maybe you like to come?

Sabrina- Oh she’d love to. Sarah’s really into music. You know, especially all the behind-the-scenes stuff. Yeah, I’m sure she has a thousand questions for you. So er, thanks for asking her to tag along. (Grabbing her bag) See ya!

She leaves, very quickly.

Aaron- (Calling after) Y’know, I-I didn’t actually mean...

It’s too late. Sabrina’s gone.

Sarah- She is rather fleet of foot, no?

Aaron- Where did you say you were from again?

Sarah- ...Jersey.

Ext. Eve’s Diner. Sabrina comes out in a hurry and almost collides with Harvey.

Sabrina- Oh, Hey Harvey. What are you...

Harvey- (Interrupting) Here.

He hands her a small box looking very nervous.

Sabrina- What’s this?

Harvey- I think you’ll understand when you open it.

Sabrina- (Opening the box) Earrings? In the shape of... sea otters?

Harvey- What?

He takes them back and has another look.

Harvey- (Cont.) I thought you... otter have them?

Sabrina- And I think you otter start wearing your helmet at hockey.

Sabrina pats him on the arm and leaves.

Harvey- Morgan!

She stands up behind a shrub where she’d been hiding and comes round.

Harvey- (Cont.) Otter earrings? You promised me a bracelet that would make Sabrina’s heart melt?

Morgan- It turned out it made my heart melt, too... and it matched my outfit.

She holds out her wrist showing the glinting bracelet.

Morgan- (Cont.) Pretty, huh?

Int. Club Corn, Boston. Aaron is getting the PA and the stage lighting sorted out for tonight’s gig. Sarah watches him work.

Aaron- (Calling out) Yeah. Okay Perry, that looks great.

Sarah- Yes it does... if, by ‘great’ you mean the lighting is too dim and the sight lines are dreadful.

Aaron- Excuse me, I’ve been doing this a while and th...

He looks back at the stage.

Aaron- (Cont.)(Calling out)Yeah, Perry, d’ya wanna bring the lights up a little and er make the sight lines less um... dreadful. (To Sarah) Thanks.

Sarah- I’m sure you would have caught that eventually along with that wild eyebrow.

She wets her finger and gently flattens the errant brow as two roadies wander by.

Worker- (Aside to his mate) Hey, check out that nose.

Aaron- Hey guys, come on! What kind of a remark is that?

Sarah- An extremely unimaginative one. (To the worker) I better insult would have been ‘You could check in to that nose’ Your like of creativity is appalling. Next time try ‘Nice nose, did you keep the peel?’ or perhaps ‘Do you smell... Munich?’

Worker- (Backing off) Okay! Okay, I get the point.

Sarah- Okay. Now off with you. I feel a sneeze coming on.

Aaron- (Impressed) Wow! You really know how to take care of yourself. You’re certainly not afraid to speak your mind. I like that.

Sarah takes two pool cues from the rack and tosses one to Aaron.

Sarah- Good, because I’m also not afraid to thrash a man with a game of pool.

Aaron- Well I also hope your no afraid of losing.

She breaks, dropping three balls straight off.

Aaron- (Cont.) ‘Cause I am.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Salem sits calmly on Sabrina’s bed reading ‘Cyrano De Bergerac’ while she paces brushing her hair in agitated strokes.

Sabrina- What is taking so long? I should have heard from Cyrano hours ago.

Salem- Yeah, about that. So when’s the last time you read ‘Cyrano De Bergerac’?

Sabrina- It must have been a while but I remember it. You know, inner beauty, love wins, big schnos, blah-blah-blah.

Salem- Well it’s possible the ‘Blah-blah-blah’ was the creamy nougat of the story, because the person Cyrano helps woo ends up loving him!

Sabrina- What?! I’m the wrong character?! (Grabs the book) Oh, this is just fiction. I mean, there’s no way th... I have nothing to worry about, right?

Salem- (Sarcastically) Right.

Int. Club Corn, Boston. Aaron bends down taking Sarah in his arms. With practiced easy Cyrano keeps her nose out of the way as their lips meet in a passionate and prolonged kiss. Suddenly Aaron pulls back, shocked at what he’s just done.

Aaron- Whoa! Sarah, what are you doing? I mean... what just happened?

Sarah- Obviously you have a very short memory. It went something like this.

She stretches up on her toes to kiss him again but Aaron steps away.

Aaron- Na! Woodee! Whoa! We can’t do this! I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re a-you’re a great girl but I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. Look, I’ve got to go check on something back stage but um. Look, you and I, we need to um... talk about this late, okay?

He dashes away in a panic.

Sarah- As you wish. I shall not move from this...

She’s engulfed in a swirl of sparkles.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sparkles do their thing and.

Sarah- ...Spot.

Sabrina- Hi. I was hoping to get a little update. You know, how’s the band? Do you like the food? Does Aaron love me with a love that’ll lasts forever? Stuff like that?

Sarah- The river runs it’s course.

Sabrina- That... really doesn’t tell me anything?

Sarah- I can report that he is a worthy swain.

Sabrina- Okay, the river thing was actually clearer?

Sarah- He appears to be quite smitten with you.

Sabrina- (Happy) Oh good.

Sarah- And I can also tell you that he is a splendid kisser.

Sabrina- Yeah, isn’t he? Oh, I love that about... (Unhappy) What?!

Sarah- In fact, I’d like to say his lips are like two flowers blossoming...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Back up! There’s no way he kissed you. You must have kissed him.

Sarah- Well, it takes two to tango.

She smiles and walks passed Sabrina and out of the room.

Sabrina- (Calling after) You kissed and danced?!

She hurries after her.

Int. Spellman living room. Sarah comes down stairs followed by a very upset Sabrina.

Sabrina- Hey, come back here! I’m not done with you yet.

Sarah stops and turns.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Where are you going?

Sarah- Well there’s been a slight change in plans. I’ve decided I’m keeping Aaron for myself.

Sabrina- Oh not so fast, Pinoseio! Are you saying Aaron hit on you?

Sarah- I’m saying men are easily seduced by words and words are, after all, my stock in trade.

Sabrina- Well I don’t care what you or your words say, I totally trust Aaron, but just in case. ‘I need to get the real story so give my nose a greater glory’

She points at her nose and it grows to Cyrano’s proportions. It appears, however, that, like in Highlander, there can be only one. Sarah’s nose shrinks to a dainty Sabrina size.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Anyone for a ring toss?

She points at herself again and with her usual spirally sparkly thingy, she’s gone. Sarah feels at her diminished organ with a certain dismay.

Sarah- Gracious!

She goes to the mirror and inspects the damage.

Sarah- (Cont.) Oh! I’m a small nosed freak!

Harvey enters with determination.

Harvey- All right, no more messing around! This is what I should have done from the start.

Sarah turns from the mirror.

Sarah- Who are you?

Harvey- Exactly! I’m a changed man. No more Mr. Nice Guy, and I think you’re making a big mistake with Aaron. You claim to have feelings for him but you can’t even bring yourself to tell him. Well I have no problem telling you how I feel. I love you, Sabrina.

He takes Sarah by the arms and kisses her. After a moment he pulls away with a frown.

Sarah- Whoo! Oh that’s much easier without the face kebab.

Harvey- Sabrina?

Sarah- Oh, thank heavens no. I am Sabrina’s personal Cyrano. Artist, poet, musician and, as of this morning, renaissance fair roustabout.

Harvey- Why couldn’t I fall in love with a sprite or a wood nymph?

Sarah- If you'll excuse me? My work here is not complete. Have you a conveyance of any sort?

Harvey- Erm, got a car.

He holds up his keys.

Sarah- (Taking them) Oh, good enough.

She heads for the door. Harvey dashes after her.

Harvey- Hey wait! I know you’re Sabrina’s Cyrano but do you think you could you give me any advice on how to win her back?

Sarah- Well, Sabrina is a complex girl, a lass with many facets, a woman...

Harvey- (Interrupting) I don’t really have time for a soliloquy. I’m guessing, since she brought in professional help, she’ll be telling Aaron she loves him any minute now.

Sarah- A grand gesture will do the trick. God’s speed good Sir Nice Guy.

She opens the door but turns back.

Sarah- (Cont.) Oh, by the way, you are a much better kisser than Aaron.

She leaves.

Harvey- (Calling after) You might wanna mention that to Sabrina!

She’s gone. Harvey turns towards the kitchen.

Harvey- (Cont.) Roxie! Morgan!

Int. Spellman kitchen. Morgan and Roxie are sat at the table having some lunch when Harvey enters.

Roxie- Is everything all right? I thought I heard Sabrina slam out of here.

Harvey- Everything’s going to be great. I just need to borrow your car.

Roxie- What happened to yours?

Morgan- Yeah, you can’t just run in here and take our car without some explanation.

Harvey- It’s a long, complicated story. See, Sabrina...

Morgan- (Interrupting) Oh, just take it.

She gives him her keys.

Roxie- Wait! What about Sabrina?

Harvey- Let’s just say drastic times call for drastic measures. Wish me luck.

He runs out the back door.

Roxie- (To Morgan) We’ve gotta do something. We got Harvey all hopped up about telling Sabrina how he feels. If he does anything to Aaron, Sabrina will never forgive us.

Morgan- <Sigh!> Fine.

Int. Club Corn. The place is full of customers now and Sabrina long nose precedes her through the crowd.

Sabrina- Wow! This things like a divining rod.

It works too as it guides her right to...

Sabrina- (Cont.) Aaron! We have to talk. I mean er... pray thee worthy swain...ee. We must converseth.

Aaron- Yeah. I still want to have a talk about that kiss.

Sabrina- Ah! So you did kiss her... I mean, me.

Aaron- Look, for the last time, I didn’t kiss you. You kissed me.

Sabrina- Oh. Good answer. Good answer but, as they say, it takes two to tango.

Aaron- We didn’t dance! Look, I just said that I liked you but in a, you know, like girlfriends cousin, none kissing, hands to yourself kind of way.

Over Sabrina’s head her sees Sabrina coming. At least who he things is Sabrina with her small, cute little nose.

Aaron- (Cont.) Oh Sabrina! Boy, am I glad to see you.

He pushes passed Sabrina and gives Sarah a big welcoming kiss before putting his arm around her.

Sabrina- (Shocked) Sarah!

Sarah- Oh, I’m sorry. Aren’t you Sarah?

Sabrina- Er, of course I am. I just like to talk to myself aloud. You know, like, ‘Hi Sarah’ ‘Way to do, Sarah’ and ‘Sarah, what are you doing just standing here watching Sabrina kiss her boyfriend?’ Answer: I don’t rightly know.

Aaron- Well, um, I’ll just let you two catch up. (Looking from one to the other) Did you two switch clothes? Actually, I don’t wanna know.

He makes a quick and relieved exit.

Sarah- (To Sabrina) My, someone’s nose is bent out of shape.

Sabrina- Not for long. ‘I’m not getting what I seek, I give you back your big old beak’

A quick point and the respective noses are back where they belong.

Sabrina- (Cont.) And now you can follow your nose. I’m had it with your fancy talking, macking on my boyfriend. See ya, Cyrano.

She points at Sarah but instead of a pretty swirl of sparkles all she gets is a defective ‘Phut!’

Sabrina- (Cont.) Hmm, that’s weird. I’ve just had my twenty-five thousand ping service.

She tries again but gets the same result. Sarah watches on with a calm detachment.

Sarah- While you ponder, I take action. Excuse me, My consort awaits.

She leaves.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) This’d be so much easier if I had any idea what she was saying. (Calling Out) Sarah, come back here!

She follows after her through the crowd. At the entrance Roxie and Morgan come in. She scans the crowd.

Roxie- Keep your eyes open. I don’t see Harvey anywhere.

Morgan also scans the crowd and finds what she wants. A handsome, affluent looking, blonde guy.

Morgan- Ooh. Harvey who?

Roxie- Focus, Morgan!

Morgan- Okay. Er, you take the ladies room, I’ll check the men’s.

She follows after the blonde guy. Meanwhile, by the pool table, Sabrina has caught up with Sarah.

Sabrina- Let me put this as eloquently as I can. Keep your grubby mitts off my man or else!

She starts passed her but Sarah blocks her way rapping her cue down on the table.

Sarah- Yo mama. I learned that off a bouncer. Normally I’d suggest pistols at dawn but I think...

She hands Sabrina a cue from the rack.

Sarah- (Cont.) These will have to do.

Sabrina- Are you suggesting we play pool for Aaron’s hand?

Sarah- Don’t be ridiculous.

Sabrina- Oh good.

Sarah- I’m suggesting a duel to the death.

Sabrina- Well as long as it’s not pool.

Sarah- On guard!

She takes up the classic fencing position.

Sabrina- Here? Now? I’m not going to make a big scene on Aaron’s big night.

Sarah takes a big swing that is likely to remove Sabrina’s head. Sabrina ducks just in time. Sarah overbalances and ends up sprawled across the pool table.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Phew! Nice shot. Too bad you didn’t call it.

Sabrina runs to the back of the crowd near the stage as Aaron steps to the microphone.

Aaron- (On PA) Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention. It gives me great pleasure to Introduce...

Sabrina’s spider sense tells her to turn and as a result she manages to block another leathel stroke from Sarah. The clash of pool stick on pool stick accompanies.

Aaron- (Cont.) ...Sixpence None The Richer!

The crowds cheers drown out the sound of wood on wood and suddenly both girls stop and join in the applause as the band start to play ‘Breath Your Name’ For a while they both stand swaying to the music but suddenly Sabrina runs off. Sarah eventually notices and chases after. She’s fast as she dodges through the crowd and vaults over a railing onto a raised section of the club. Sabrina, using the more conventional stairs route, is cut off and is forced into a desperate defence.

Sarah- Take that! And that! And that!

But with deft twist of her cue, Sabrina gains the upper hand.

Sabrina- Take this! And this! And this!

Morgan runs up to the battling pair and pulls Sabrina back. Sarah stands impatiently tapping her fingers on her cue.

Morgan- Sabrina, I’m so glad I’ve found you. I’m afraid something drastic is about to happen.

Sabrina- You think?

Morgan- Do you want two guys fighting over you in public? I mean, ripping each other’s shirts, getting all sweaty and... On the other hand, boys will be boys.

With a bright smile she leaves and Sabrina turns back just in time to block another attack from Sarah. The click! Click! Click! Of wood on wood continues to countermark the beat of the song. Sarah backs Sabrina up a spiral staircase by the door as Harvey enters. He doesn’t notice the battling blondes but cradles the bunch of flowers he’s brought as he goes down the steps into the crowd. He climbs up onto the side of the stage and stretches up on his toes to better see over the heads of the crowd searching for Sabrina. All he need do is look straight up above him because the battling pair have swashed their buckles onto the overhead lighting gantry. Sabrina blocks another of Sarah’s blows but Sarah keeps the pressure on bending Sabrina precariously over the safety rail with a long drop onto ‘Sixpence None The Wiser’ below her.

Sabrina- <Gasp!> Why are you doing this?

Sarah- Because you can’t rewrite a classic!

Sabrina- No, but you can rework it. Didn’t you see Leonardo in Romeo and Juliet?

Sabrina is eventually able to turn Sarah’s cue aside, forcing it from her hands but in doing so she loses her own weapon.

Sarah- Oh I loved that! He was great.

Sabrina- He always is. (Looking down into the audience) Hey look, there he is now!

Sarah- (Turning exited) Where?!

Sabrina runs passed her, her distraction having worked. The song ends as Sabrina makes her way back onto the dance floor where Roxie intercepts her.

Roxie- Sabrina, I have to talk to you about Harvey. I think Morgan and I may have created a monster.

Sabrina- It’s better than an alter ego. I gotta go.

She turns to leave only to be knocked flat by Sarah who has swung down from the gantry on a rope. They both climb to there feet and glare at each other hands on hips.

Sarah- So where do you think you’re going?

Sabrina- Straight through you if necessary.

Sarah- Oh, I don’t think so.

They continue to rant and threaten each other as Harvey walks onto the stage clutching his flowers. He walks up to Leigh Nash, the lead singer of the band.

Harvey- Would you mind if I made an announcement?

Leigh- Would you mind if I came to your house and sang in your shower?

Harvey- ...No, that would be great. So, if I could just borrow the mic?

She hands it over.

Sabrina- (To Sarah) ...Well I’m tired of your fancy talk!

Aaron comes up to break it up.

Aaron- Hey! Hey! Hey! What’s going on?

Sarah- (To Sabrina) You know you can’t defeat me, so why, pray tell, are you so willing to risk life and limb for him?

Sabrina- Because, pray tell, I love him!

Harvey- (handing back the mic) Never mind.

Sarah- Hm.

She turns and walks away.

Aaron- (To Sabrina) What did you say?

Sabrina- I said... I love you. There, I’ve finally said it. Aaron, I love you.

Aaron- I love you too.

Sabrina- You do?

Aaron- (Laughing) Yeah, I do.

A massive grin spreads across Sabrina’s face.

Leigh- Ah, excuse me. We actually have a couple more songs to sing here.

Aaron- Oh - Right - Sorry.

He jumps up onto the stage and stands in front of the mic.

Aaron- (On PA) Once again: Sixpence None The Richer!

The crowd applaud again as the band strike up ‘Don’t Dream It’s Over’ Sabrina slips away to find Sarah standing by the pool table with her usual calm serenity.

Sabrina- There! I don’t know if you just heard but he just said he loves me.

Sarah- And, I believe, I heard you say that you love him. Of course I only had to kiss your beloved and beat you soundly with a pool cue to get you to say it but it’s all part of being a tragic hero.

Sabrina- Wow! I did say it. How can I ever thank you?

Sarah- Oh, your kind words and boyfriends lips are thanks enough.

Sabrina- Yeah, about that kiss.

Sarah- (Interrupting) Gotta go!

Not only is she good with words but she’s also as good as her word because without further ado, she’s gone. Aaron arrives just in time to miss the cool disappearing trick.

Aaron- Sabrina.

Sabrina- Hey, there’s the man I love. Ooh, I’ve got to say I love saying that.

Aaron- And I don’t mind hearing it.

Sabrina- You know, we’ve gotta promise to be open with each other and not hold back.

Aaron- Yeah, um, about that. Something happened this afternoon with your cousin that maybe I should tell you.

Sabrina- And yet, something’s are better left unsaid.

With big happy smiles the fall into each others arms and kiss, swaying to the music.

Int. Eve’s Diner. Sabrina enters and walks to the counter to find...

Sabrina- Hey Harvey.

In front of her paying his bill.

Harvey- You know, I stopped by your house yesterday and met your Cyrano.

Sabrina- (Alarmed) You did?! (Fake cool) I mean, oh, you did? So er, y’know, what she say? Was there kissing involved?

Harvey- It’s funny you should mention it but yeah. Plus, she gave me some really good advice.

Sabrina- She did? What did she tell you?

Harvey- Oh, you’ll find out. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday.

He walks away with Sabrina gazing after him with desperate and important questions flitting through her mind.

Sabrina- (To herself) I wonder if she’s a better kisser than I am?

Run Credits.