DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the Warner Brothers Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Roxie and Morgan sit at the table and sort through a pile of bills.
Morgan- Look, all I’m saying is, you have more hair to wash; you should pay a bigger share of the water bill.
Roxie- Says the girl with the three hundred watt makeup mirror. <Sniff! Sniff!> Is something burning?
The pinging of the smoke alarm tends to suggest that there is. Sabrina comes running down the stairs and heads straight for the cooker.
Sabrina- Urgh! Smoke! Flames!
She slips on a pair of oven gloves and adds to the smoke by opening the oven door. Once it’s cleared enough, she reaches in and takes out a baking tray full of charcoal.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Great! Oh, blackened cookies. Do you think Annie’ll believe me when I tell her they’re Cajun?
She dumps them in the sink and starts mixing up another batch.
Morgan- Why are you baking cookies for your boss?
Sabrina- Well I thought giving her sacks of cash would be too obvious. This week is my performance revue and every little bit of sucking up helps.
Roxie- Unfortunately, sacks of cash is exactly what the electric company wants. This is what we each owe for utilities.
She shows the bill to Morgan.
Morgan- But if I pay that, I won’t have enough for my car payment! Or my nails! Not even one coat.
Roxie- And how pathetic am I? I am going to have to put half of this on my credit cards.
Morgan- Plastic! Yes, I’m saved... (Remembering) No, all mine are maxed out.
Sabrina- So? There are, like, five applications for new ones in today’s mail.
Roxie- Of course! That is good. This is America.
Morgan- Exactly. Life, liberty and the pursuit of the perfect little black dress.
They both jump up and head for the living room and today’s junk mail. Sabrina continues with her cookie recipe by breaking an egg and adding it to the mix.
Sabrina- Ooh, I think I put one too many eggs in.
She checks that her room mates aren’t around and points at the eggshell. The yoke and white leap up out of the mixing bowl back into they’re shell but Sabrina keeps the finger pointed slightly too long. The egg goes back where it came from, much to the surprise of the chicken and Sabrina who is left holding it.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Whoa! Well I guess that answers the whole chicken or the egg question.
Run opening credits.
Int. Scorch Magazine. Sabrina is at her desk with a plateful of unscorched cookies. when Leonard comes over.
Leonard- Someone looks pretty spiffy today, and I don’t just mean me.
Sabrina- I’m meeting Aaron after work. It’s our first official date and I want to look perfect. (Inspecting her skirt) Oh, is that a hole? Oh no, just lace.
Leonard- (Picking up the cookies) Oh, for the record, the way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach. Here, I’ll prove it.
He goes to take a bite but Sabrina’s too fast.
Sabrina- Hey, hands off! Those are a shameless bribe for Annie... Along with the mocha and the coffee I made.
Annie- (Holding her coffee mug) Hello! Who made this coffee?
Sabrina- (Pleased) I did.
Annie- It’s disgusting. You know I don’t like anything sweet.
Sabrina’s face drops and so do the cookies; straight into a waste bin.
Annie- (Cont.) Except for an occasional chocolate chip cookie.
Sabrina eyes the dumped cookies in the bin hopefully, but it’s pretty hopeless.
Annie- (Cont.) All right, Spellman, we’ve got work to do. And by ‘We’ I mean ‘you’ I need these pages proofed.
She hands over a sheaf of paper.
Sabrina- Hey, this is your article! Wow, you must have a lot of faith in me. I’m flattered.
Annie- Well don’t be. You’re all I’ve got. The temp they sent over is dyslexic.
Sabrina- Oh well me and my red pen’ll get all over this. I mean, not that I’m expecting a lot of mistakes. I’m expecting a lot of... y’know, check pluses and ‘very goods’ and ‘good jobs’ and ‘very funnies.
Annie- The article’s about starvation in sub Saharan Africa.
Sabrina- In your capable hands, I’m sure it’s hilarious. (On Annie’s look) I’ll get started.
She sits down and starts to read through the article with her red pen in hand. Annie remains and hovers over her shoulder. Sabrina marks the paper with a question mark.
Annie- What? That sentence is perfect!
Sabrina- Except that it ends in a preposition. (On Annie’s glare) Which Shakespeare did all the time, so I’ll just turn this question mark into a happy face.
Annie- You do realise that for your review tomorrow, Jonathon has finally consented to letting me decide your fate?
Sabrina- And it’s a good thing we get along so well or I’d be worried.
Annie- This has to be perfect.
She turns and heads back to her office but runs into a Leonard baring gifts.
Leonard- Annie, aprobo of nothing, care for a cookie?
Annie- Oh Leonard, that’s so sweet of you. (Turning back to Sabrina) You know, a little suckin’ up wouldn’t kill you, Spellman?
She continues to her office while Sabrina glares at the smiling Leonard.
Later. All is forgiven as Leonard helps Sabrina with her proof reading. They are the last two in the office and he researches through the piles of dictionaries, thesauruses and encyclopaedias while Sabrina quadruple checks every word and colon.
Sabrina- Okay, are you sure this is how you spell Madagascar?
Leonard- I’m sure, Merriam Webster is sure, the ambassador to Madagascar is sure.
Sabrina- Hey, I’m sorry. I just can’t afford to make even one mistake. I mean, am I just paranoid or is Annie out to get me?
Leonard- Oh, she’s definitely out to get you. The rest of us talk about it all the time.
Sabrina- Oh well that explains the pointing and whispers.
Leonard- Sure, believe whatever you want.
Sabrina- Okay, well after tomorrow, Annie is gonna be my biggest fan.
Leonard- Good. Does that mean we’re done and we can finally get somethin’ to eat?
Sabrina- Eat? Dinner? Aaron! Oh no, so much for tonight being perfect!
She flicks open her cell phone and hits the speed dial button.
Leonard- Late for your first date, huh? Could that be your subconscious calling out for a steaming, hot bowl of Leonard stew?
Sabrina- No, but I think I did just hear it scream. (On the phone) Oh hey, Aaron... Yeah, I’m so sorry. I am on my way. Well, actually, I’m in the parking lot.
Leonard- Late and lying? This relationship is doomed.
Sabrina- (On the phone) Er no. That’s just the valet. Er (To Leonard) Thank you for your input, Sir. Now please just park the car. (On phone) Okay, I’ll be right there.
She turns off her phone, grabs her bag and runs for the door.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Bye, Leonard.
Leonard- (Sarcastically to himself.) Bye, Leonard. Thanks for staying late. Thanks for helping me out.
Sabrina sticks her head back through the door.
Sabrina- Hey, thanks for staying late and helping me out.
Leonard- Hey, anytime!
Sabrina leaves.
Leonard- (To himself) She so wants me.
Int. Posh Boston restaurant. Aaron sits in a quiet, romantic alcove checking his watch and watching the door over his shoulder. As a result he misses the sparkle show that leaves Sabrina sitting opposite him at the table.
Sabrina- Hi.
Aaron- (Startled) Oh...! Hi! I um didn’t see you come in.
Sabrina- Oh, then you missed my pirouette by the dessert cart? (He laughs) I’m sorry I’m late.
Aaron- Oh, don’t worry about it. You look really beautiful.
Sabrina- Thanks, you too. Well, or whatever the male equivalent is. So, um, you must be starving?
Aaron- No. I ordered an artichoke for us to share and...
He looks down at the plate of remains.
Aaron- (Cont.) It was delicious. Not to worry, I’ve ordered us another one.
The waiter arrives with another artichoke and takes away the remains.
Sabrina- Oh, perfect! I love artichokes. You know, a totally underrated vegetable. I mean, it grows it’s own rapper, leaves conveniently shaped for dipping...
She tries to pluck on off and succeeds, only to send the rest of the wonder veg into Aaron’s lap.
Sabrina- (Cont.) And really hard to hold onto. I’m sorry.
Aaron- (Laughing) Oh don’t worry about it. My fault for not putting down a napkin or... wearing rubber pants.
He places the artichoke back on its plate.
Sabrina- I feel just really nervous. Y’know, I wanted our first date to be perfect and here I am, you know, late and throwing food all over...
While she talks she wrestles with the vegetable again and ‘ping’ Off it goes on it’s travels again.
Sabrina- (Cont.) ...The restaurant!
She dashes after it, picks it up, blows it and puts it back on the plate.
Sabrina- (Cont.) It’s okay! Five second rule. You know, um, it would be okay if you said something. In fact, it would be helpful.
Aaron- What, are you kidding? I’m enjoying the performance.
Sabrina- Well then you should stay for the late show... I mean, not that I’m implying anything. Not that I’m not implying anything! I’m just...
She bites on an artichoke leaf.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Please say something.
She bites and pulls and somehow manages the flick the leaf across the table and get it to stick on Aaron’s nose... which is some trick.
Aaron- (With the leaf hanging off his nose) So, seen any good movies?
Sabrina drops her head into her hands.
Int. Spellman living room. Morgan and Roxie are a lot happier now their financial problems are well and truly cured. Roxie puts down the phone.
Roxie- Great. Another credit card activated and ready to go. Plus, it came with ten thousand miles on Icelandic Air.
Morgan- This is so easy. You should have seen what I had to fill out to get a Blockbuster membership. Why is it easier to get a credit card than rent ‘A night at the Roxbury’?
Roxie sees headlights through the window.
Roxie- Ooh, Sabrina’s home. We should probably clear out, give them some privacy.
Morgan- You’re right. We don’t wanna be nosey roommates.
A second later they are both at the window peeping round the curtains.
Roxie- How sweet, he’s going in for the kiss... No Sabrina, tilt to the left!
Morgan- His left! His left!
Morgan & Roxie- (Together) Ooow!
Roxie- That’s gotta hurt.
They both quickly duck back to their seats pretending to have been to busy to notice her as Sabrina enters. She stands at the front door and calls.
Sabrina- Sorry again! Are you sure you don’t wanna come in?
Aaron- (OS) Do. I dink de cold air’ll help dop de bleeding. Good night.
She closes the door.
Roxie- Hey Sabrina.
Sabrina- That was officially the worst date of my entire life. There is no way he is ever going to want to go out with me again.
Morgan- Then it’s good he’s the one with the bloody nose.
Roxie glares at her but Sabrina doesn’t notice Morgan’s slip.
Sabrina- You know, and my day was hardly any better. Let’s just hope that this is all the storm before the calm of tomorrow’s glowing performance review.
Roxie- Before I forget, Leonard called. He thinks you might have misspelled Madagascar.
Sabrina- Urgh! Another mistake brought to you by the incompetence at Sabrina!
Morgan- I am sorry, Sabrina. Can we, at least, buy you something? (Holding up a fistful of plastic) Thanks to you we have a hundred thousand dollar limit.
Sabrina- No. I don’t think anything can possibly help... except, maybe, one of those little foot massager thingies. That wouldn’t hurt.
She gets a smile and a nod from Morgan as she heads for the stairs. A few steps later, she turns back.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Maybe, actually, one for each foot?
Int. Spellman bedroom. Sabrina sits on her bed with that darned book again. Salem watches.
Sabrina- (Reading) Mistakes. Goofs. Blunders. Faux pas...
Salem- Check the appendix.
Sabrina- This book doesn’t have an appendix.
Salem- But you do. (On Sabrina’s look) The appendix is nature’s biggest mistake... Well, since the dog.
Sabrina- This is relevant how?
Salem- Little know fact: A witch gets rid of her appendix, she’ll be mistake free.
Sabrina- Hmm. Remove a minor, none vital organ without anaesthesia? Well, after what I’ve been through today, that doesn’t sound so bad.
She stands.
Sabrina- (Cont.) The mistakes that I make cause damage and strife, help me remove the cause from my life.
She points to activate the incantation and from a swirl of sparkles steps and Asian gentleman wearing surgical scrubs.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Holly appendectomy. Please tell me you’re board certified?
Surgeon- Yes, I’m ouija board certified.
He picks up his scalpel and points it at Sabrina. A bright point of light settles on her lower stomach and whooshes into the surgeon’s hands.
Surgeon- (Cont.) Here you go, a little souvenir.
He holds out a swan made of silver paper to Sabrina.
Sabrina- My appendix is in there?
At his nod she takes it,
Sabrina- (Cont.) What am I supposed to do with this? I mean, put it with my old retainer?
Surgeon- I turned mine into a hackey-sack.
With a wave, he’s gone.
Sabrina- Well that was useless, I don’t feel any different. Nope, not in the slightest.
She puts her silver swan aside. Moving with perfect poise and posture.
Salem- Well you seem a little different.
Sabrina- Oh pasha, no different at all. Oh, not time for dilly-dallying. (Checking her bare wrist) Tick-tock, time for bed.
She points at the ruffled bed and sparkles later it’s tidily made up.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Perfect. I couldn’t possibly sleep in an unmade bed.
She carefully gets into the bed.
Sabrina- Okay. Well, see you in exactly eight hours.
She turns out the bedside lamp.
Int. Spellman kitchen, the next morning. Sabrina is the last one up and comes down stairs with perfect elegance Roxie is handling the paying of the bills on line with her new credit cards. Morgan’s overseeing a sumptuous banquette for breakfast.
Sabrina- Morning. Isn’t it a perfectly perfect day?
Roxie- Yep.
Morgan- Be sure to have a muffin... or three. I decided to have it catered. (Holding up her gold card) Breakfast! It’s everywhere I want to be.
Roxie- I’m paying off my student loans. Whoever said you can’t put a price on education, didn’t go to college.
Sabrina- (Looking over Roxie’s shoulder) I can’t believe you guys are being so dense!
Roxie- You thought it was a good idea too?
Sabrina- Not at these interest rates!
She pushes Roxie out of the way. She picks up a pen and starts her calculations.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Okay. First: transfer this balance to this card, and transfer that balance to that card, Deduct twelve percent from the principle and you could apply for two more cards and a home equity loan.
She shows them the results:-
Y00=/4r H=1/2P+V(r)(Z/200) M=N/2 H=1/2M
P2+1/2u-0/r2=R-12P/3a0 EXP(1/2) = $.
Morgan and Roxie are well impressed.
Int. Scorch Magazine. Cole is having a bad printer day. He gives it a slap.
Cole- Come on, print! Okay, I’ve given you toner, I’ve given you paper, I’ve given you everything you’ve asked for. What more do you want from me?
Sabrina walks over.
Sabrina- Er, do you mind if I take a look at that?
Cole stands aside and Sabrina give the printer a poke , a push and pat. It starts to print.
Cole- (Impressed) How’d you do that?
Sabrina- Oh, I just tweaked the tolerance on the third set of pass bars and up’d the toner to thirty-three percent. Duh!
She walks over to James’ desk and takes a peek at the photos on his desk.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh, the layout for the skateboarding piece, huh?
James- Yep, and I’m on a little bit of a deadline, so if you could...
Sabrina- (Interrupting) Y’know, I know these are action photos but something’s missing. Ooh, I think it’s the action. Okay, try leading with this one...
She sticks one of the photos down in front of James.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Pow! And then you follow up with these three. Bam! Bam! Bam! Yeah, you don’t even need this one.
She picks the final one up, screws it into a ball and tosses it over her shoulder to score two points into the waste bin.
James- Now, you know what I don’t need? A perky little no-it-all telling me how to do my job!
Annie walks by and glances at James’ desk.
Annie- Oh, nice layout, James.
Sabrina- (To James) Hm, you’re welcome.
Aaron enters and Sabrina walks over to him.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Aaron! How wonderful to see you.
She places her hands on his shoulders, cocks her leg up behind her while giving him a peck on each cheek.
Aaron- Okay, a little Doris Day, but I could get into it. I just came by to see if you’re free for lunch?
Sabrina- Your timing is perfect. (Checking her watch) We have exactly sixty minutes.
Aaron- Oh great. Okay, I read about this terrific little Italian place...
Sabrina- (Interrupting) Er Ba-ba-ba! Fifty-nine minutes. Less talk; more walk.
She leads Aaron out.
Aaron- (Under his breath) Okay.
Int. Terrific little Italian place. Aaron and Sabrina are sat having there meal although Sabrina seams a little distracted. She looks around with a frown.
Aaron- Well it sounds like work’s been going a lot better for you today.
Sabrina- Hm? Oh, it’s be perfect.
She goes back to looking and frowning with her eyes becoming fixated on the table cloth.
Aaron- Is something wrong?
Sabrina- No, it’s er... well, yes. It seams that my side of the table cloth is hanging slightly lower than your side and... there’s a stain.
She grabs the table cloth and yanks, doing the old ‘leave everything where it is’ trick.
Aaron- Whoa!
Sabrina- Yeah, I know. And this is a four star restaurant. Anyway, I was about to tell you about my perfect day. I am so looking forward to this afternoon; it’s my performance review and I just know that everything’s going to... excuse me.
She’s spotted something out of the corner of her eye and she goes over to the next table were a man is having lobster with his lady friend.
Sabrina- Hi. Hi there. Hi. You mind if I? Okay. First: you pull off the claws, like so...
She handles his lunch ripping the lobsters claws off.
Sabrina- (Cont.) And then you pinch here and here and vuela! Heaven in little red pants. Bon appetite.
Smiling, she goes back to her own meal and bemused boyfriend.
Aaron- Wow. Between you and I, I had no idea you were such a stickler?
Sabrina- Well, between you and me, I’m not. I’m sorry, but er the pronoun, in that case, is, after all, the object of a preposition.
Aaron- ...What do you sat we get the check?
Sabrina- Well I don’t really see the need. I mean, I kept a running total of everything we had in my head. Um, you had an ice-tea...
Int. Scorch Magazine. Sabrina and the gang are sat around the conference table. Cole impatiently tapping his pencil. Sabrina checks her watch and Cole puts his hand over it quickly.
Cole- Okay, do not say ‘Tick-tock. Tick-tock, people’ again! I beg you?
Sabrina- I’m sorry, but this staff meeting was supposed to start two minutes ago. I mean, my watch is set to Greenwich Mean Time.
Annie arrive and sits beside Sabrina.
Annie- Yeah. Well mine set to Annie Mean Time. Where’s Leonard?
Leonard- Here ya go. Proofs for next weeks issue.
He hands them around.
Leonard- (Cont.) Got any changes? Should have made them this morning. Ha-ha... Oh shoot! They’ve spelled my name wrong.
Cole- Hey, someone changed the title of my article?
Sabrina- Oh, it was a little wordy. This has pith.
James- Somebody re-grabbed all my photos?!
Sabrina- Guilty!
Annie- Spellman, what were you thinking? I asked you to proof my article; you changed the entire thing!
Sabrina- But only in the interest of good journalism. Now, it’s perfect.
Annie- Don’t you get it? You changed titles, you altered the layout, you rewrote your boss. What were you thinking?
Sabrina- Well, I was thinking, in your case, that your third paragraph should be your lead and when you read it, you will see I was right.
Annie- Oh, well here’s a lead for you. You’re fired!
Sabrina- (Surprised) Fired? Well... now... That is not very perfect.
Annie- You heard me, Spellman. You’re fired, effective immediately.
Sabrina- But I don’t understand. I mean, why would you fire me? I am error free, I am without flaws, I don’t even have any cavities.
She opens her mouth wide for Annie to prove her point. Annie just walks away from her forcing Sabrina to follow along.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Look, Annie. I love this job and I am just trying to be the best employee I or anybody in the history of employees could ever...
Her cell phone rings and Sabrina breaks off to answer.
Sabrina- (On phone) Sabrina here.
Aaron- (On phone) Hey Sabrina, it’s Aaron.
Sabrina- (On phone) Oh hi. I don’t mean to imply that your timing isn’t perfect but um, I’m in the middle of a slight crisis. Could I call you back?
Aaron- (On phone) You know what? No need. Um, I was just calling to say that er, I think we should cool things down a bit. You know, maybe take a break from each other.
Sabrina- (On Phone) Take a break?! From what? We just started. Look, if this is about the artichoke incident, I swear, I’ve changed!
Aaron- (On phone) Don’t worry, that’s perfectly clear. I’ll see you around, Sabrina.
He hangs up and Sabrina turns back to Annie in some distress.
Sabrina- How can everything go so wrong when I am so right?
Annie- I may have been a little ambiguous. I want you out!
Sabrina- Okay, now there’s that preposition at the end of a sentence again. (On Annie’s look) All right, I’m going!
She turns and leaves.
Int. Spellman living room. The room is piled high with all of Roxie and Morgan’s purchases but they don’t look happy. Sabrina enters.
Roxie- Sabrina, wait! You’ve gotta help us.
Sabrina- I’m sorry, but you and your new karaoke machine are going to have to butcher Celine Dion without me.
Roxie- I just figured out there’s no way we can even come close to making all the minimum payments on all of these credit cards.
Morgan- And they are not giving us any more credit! They say that we have no visible means of support. Which, at first, I thought was a huge compliment.
Roxie- And even if we stopped spending today, we’d be in our fifties before it’s all paid off.
Sabrina- I’m sorry, (Yelling upstairs) but I have bigger fish to fry. Ooh, and that giant fish fryer might come in quite handy.
Morgan- Sabrina, you have to help us. You’re the one who led us down this path of debt and despair, and here I was feeling guilty about forging your name.
Sabrina- I’m sorry, but I thought it was a perfectly perfect idea!
Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Salem isn’t fried but Sabrina’s railing at him.
Sabrina- I want my appendix back! This spell has cost me my job, my friends financial future, a fabulous guy...
She turns and sees her reflection in her mirror.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Ooh, but my hairs never looked better.
Salem- Well, I can’t help you with the appendix; I put it down the garbage disposal. It’s sleeping with the eggshells.
Sabrina- What?! Never put eggshells down a garbage disposal. There’s got to be some way to undo this spell. You know, being perfect is perfectly awful. Salem, you’ve been around for hundreds of years. I mean, you’ve gotta know a way to reverse this?
Salem- Well, I might be able to pull some strings and get you into mistake school.
Sabrina- Mistake school?
Salem- Yeah. It’s a school for people having trouble with mistakes.
Sabrina- Oh, it sounds... perfect.
She points at herself and vanishes in a perfect swirl of sparkles.
Int. Mistakes 101 classroom, Mistake school, the other realm. On the walls are poster showing classic mistakes: The mullet, wearing socks with sandals, blue eye shadow, decaf. At the desks sits Nero looking a little scorched with his fiddle, the captain of the Titanic, General Custer, Winona Ryder lifting a sweater from the chair beside her and a guy with an electric drill sticking out of his head.
Instructor- Okay people, we’ve been over this before. Once again, from the top. The comb-over; always a mistake.
A man sitting at the back with a comb-over nods.
Instructor- (To the man with a drill in his head) Thinking that it’s gonna clear up on it’s own...
A perfect swirl of sparkles produces a perfect Sabrina sitting perfectly at a desk at the front.
Sabrina- Excuse me. I’m Sabrina Spellman and I’ve misplaced my appendix. Consequently, I’ve lost my job and my boyfriend. So really I just need to learn to make mistakes again and er... then I can go.
Instructor- You’ve lost your boyfriend and your job? It sounds like you already know how to make mistakes
Sabrina- Ah, it’s called irony. Okay, just tell me what I need to do.
Instructor- Let’s start with a review of all your mistakes.
General Custer- One moment, sir. Why is her case up? I’ve been here since eighteen seventy-six for a mistake I didn’t even make!
Drill Guy- (Aside to Sabrina) General Custer. Whole troop wiped out by a handful of Indians.
Sabrina- Phew! There’s a big mistake.
Drill guy- Yeah.
Winona leans over and pinches Sabrina’s pencil while she’s talking to the guy with the drill in his head.
Sabrina- Hey, who took my pencil?
General Custer- I'm telling you, they ambushed us... My horse was lame... the sun was in my eyes.
Instructor- (Under his breath) I swear, when I sell the screenplay, I am so out of here. (Aloud) Okay, Sabrina Spellman, let’s take a look at your mistakes.
He reaches down and hauls up a huge, leather bound book and drops it on the desk.
Sabrina- Those are all my mistakes? I’m not even that old!
Instructor- This is just the ‘A’s.
Later... Much later. The lights are down and there’s the occasional snore from someone at the back. The instructor controls the slide projector.
Instructor- And now we enter the junior high years.
He puts up the next slide. It’s a close up of a young Sabrina in pig tails with a case of severe sunburn. Just two white bits round her eyes.
Sabrina- So, obviously you can get a sunburn on a cloudy day.
He puts the next one up and takes another handful of popcorn.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh, everybody was obsessed with Madonna that year! And people said I looked hot.
The next slide.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Well that’s a... spell gone awry.
Click.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Another spell gone awry.
Click,
Sabrina- (Cont.) Gone awry!
Click.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Awry... but, for the record, his head eventually did grow back.
Later... Much much later. Sabrina sits with her head in her hands as weary as the rest of the class. Her mistakes are now being shown in wide screen DVD and they are up to date. It shows Sabrina starting to proof read Annie’s article. We hear from the screen.
Annie- What? That sentence is perfect!
Sabrina- Except that it ends in a preposition.
From the class.
General Custer- Mouthy little gal, ain’t she?
Sabrina- Two words! Sitting. Bull. (To the Instructor) All right, point taken. I shouldn’t have corrected my boss.
Instructor- Let’s go to a little later that same day.
The screen now shows Sabrina in the restaurant with Aaron. He smiles back at her with an artichoke leaf hanging off his nose.
Sabrina- (Getting to here feet) All right! All right! I admit it. I make mistakes! I’m the worst person, witch, employee, roommate, girlfriend, artichoke eater in the world!
Instructor- You forgot student. You’re just not getting it, are you?
They look up at the screen. It’s now showing a little year old blonde toddler making it’s first steps into the world. She falls onto her hands and knees but immediately pushes herself to her wobbly feet and carries on.
Sabrina- Hey, that’s me. I’m a determined little thing... and cute.
Instructor- You fell on your keester eleven hundred times before you finally walked across that room.
Sabrina- Hey! Now that is just being unfair. Okay, I’m a baby and that is what babies do. That’s how they learn to walk.
A bell rings and the lights come up.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh, I get it. Mistakes are important because we learn from them. So, instead of wishing I had never made any, I should just embrace what they teach me and move on.
Instructor- Exactly.
Sabrina- And you couldn’t have given me this platitude two hours ago?
The Instructor snaps his fingers and rolled up diploma drops into Sabrina’s hand.
Instructor- There you go. Congratulations. You are completely fallible, error prone and you will definitely make many many mistakes during your lifetime.
Sabrina- (Delighted) Thanks, I can’t wait to get started.
She heads for the door but turns back.
Sabrina- (Cont.) So does this take up right where my...
She walks into the door with a bump.
Sabrina- (Cont.) I guess so.
After struggling for a moment with the handle she finally leaves with a little wave to the guy with the drill in his head.
Int. Spellman living room. The air of depression and worry has grown thick when Sabrina comes down stairs with one hand behind her back.
Sabrina- Okay, I’m sorry if I’ve contributed to this problem, I’m sorry if I’ve actually made it worse and I’m sorry that I wasn’t espousing fiscal responsibility and sage advice, but I now know exactly what we have to do.
Roxie- What?
Sabrina- This.
She picks up the thick pile of plastic cards from the table and with the scissors that were hidden behind her back, cuts them all in half to the horror of both Morgan and, especially, Roxie.
Sabrina- (Cont.) There.
Roxie- One of those was my driver’s licence.
Sabrina- Oh, my mistake.
Int. Scorch Magazine. Sabrina’s back to beg Annie for her job back.
Sabrina- Okay, I just wanna say the I’m really sorry if I caused everyone grief. You know, I think I was so afraid of making a mistake that I stepped in a couple of big ones.
Annie- Oh, no kidding. I’m probably gonna regret this and it’s not gonna help my reputation for being a softy but... I’m willing to give you one last chance.
Sabrina- (Delighted) Oh Whoo-hoo! Thank you so much!
She throws her arms around Annie in a big hug but quickly remembers herself and back off.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh, er one last chance starting now?
Annie- Proof this.
She hands Sabrina her article.
Sabrina- Will do.
She sits at her desk and picks up her red pen. Annie stands at her shoulder.
Annie- And don’t clog the margins with your little happy faces.
Sabrina- Won’t do.
Annie- And don’t flag anything except typos.
Sabrina- Nope. No flags, no happy faces, unless it’s my happy face ‘cause I’m so happy to be back.
Annie- ...Never mind. I need this done now and I need it done write. I’m going to give it to Esbe. Her English is really improving.
She takes the article from Sabrina’s hands and takes it across to the foreign intern.
Sabrina- (Disappointed) Well, okay. You’re the boss; whatever you want is fine. You know, and it give me a chance to get started on the new article I wanna write.
Annie- Oh, don’t waste your time.
Sabrina- Oh no, it’s not a waste. I’m actually really excited about it. Here, let me pitch it to you real quick.
Annie- No, I mean, don’t waste my time. The last thing I need to do is slog my way through another tedious Spellman hack piece.
She walks away.
Sabrina- Okay, maybe later. No er, wait. Wait a minute.
Annie actually stops and turns.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Did you just call me a hack?
Annie- Hm, let me think. Yes, I did.
Sabrina- Oh. Okay... No, not okay. Not okay at all!
Annie stops and turns again and Sabrina’s tone raises the heads of all the staff in the office.
Annie- I beg your pardon?
Sabrina- Look, I admit it, I might make the occasional mistake but the biggest mistake I made here is not standing up to you months ago. I’m not a hack! I’m a really good writer and I bust my butt day in and day out for you. I do not deserve to be treated like this, ever!
Leonard- You go, girl! (On Annie’s look) I mean, er, you, Sabrina girl, go... home and think about what you just said.
Sabrina- Oh I don’t have to think about it. I know what I just said and I stand by it. I quit!
She goes to her desk and picks up her bag and the few personal items on it.
Annie- Oh, so you’re just gonna walk out o’ here? Do you know how difficult it is to find a job in journalism? (On Sabrina shrug) You’re making a huge mistake.
Sabrina- Y'know, I don’t think so, but if I am, I’ll learn.
She turns with a swish of her hair and walks with her head high out the door.
Ext. Scorch Magazine. Sabrina breezes out the door and drops her bag, it’s contents spill over the sidewalk. She gets down on her hands and knees and starts to gather them up.
Sabrina- Someday I’d like to be the kind of girl who makes a graceful exit.
Aaron- (OS) I certainly hope not.
She looks up to see him leaning against the wall.
Sabrina- Hi, what are you doing here?
Aaron- I just wanted to apologise for being such a schmuck. I mean, what kind of guy breaks up with a girl over the phone?
He picks up the last few item from her bag for her, putting them both on the same level.
Sabrina- Oh, you’re not gonna do it now in person, are you?
Aaron- No. Look, I realise you were just trying to make everything... perfect, and while that’s sweet and faltering. Sabrina, I love it when you’re wrestling with vegetables and always showing up late... Well, actually, that last part is a little bit annoying. The point is, I don’t want somebody who’s perfect.
Sabrina- Well then it’s your lucky day.
They lean together for a kiss, He turns his head right as Sabrina goes left. They back off and both try the other way until, finally Aaron takes charge by taking Sabrina’s face in his hands and holding her still while he kisses her.
Aaron- Absolutely perfect.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem’s sat on the counter watching Sabrina talking on the phone.
Sabrina- (On the phone) That’s fantastic! I’ll see you first thing tomorrow morning. Bye.
She hangs up the phone.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Whoo-hoo! Salem, I just booked my second freelance assignment. Apparently, I’m quite in demand.
Salem- Yeah, that’s great. Do you know where the tape is?
Sabrina- Yeah. Here ya go.
She takes a roll of sellotape from the top of the fridge and is about to give it to him when...
Sabrina- (Cont.) Wait a second. What is this for?
Salem- Why do you always go there? It’s a roll of tape, not C4 plastic explosives! Maybe, I got you something and I’d like to give it a decent wrapping instead of sticking it in some cheesy gift bag!
Sabrina- All right! Jeez, I’m sorry. I guess I just thought that, maybe, you’d try to use this to...
She spots a little piece of coloured plastic poking out from under Salem’s tail. She grabs the pile of cut up credit cards.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Tape these up and use them!
Salem- What?! I’ve never seen those credit cards before in my life!
Run credits.
