The Lyin' The Witch And The Wardrobe

Written By – Mike Larson
Transcribed By - Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Salem - Nick Bakay
Morgan - Elisa Donovan
Roxie - Soleil Moon Frye
Cole - Andrew Walker
Annie - Diana-Marie Riva
James - Bumper Robinson
Daniel Bedingfield - Daniel Bedingfield
Justin - Ted Kairys
Office Worker - Gik-End
Employee - Christopher King

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the Warner Brothers Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Spellman Kitchen. Sabrina comes down stairs in a perky mood, whistling to herself and passes Salem, who is sat on the counter checking himself out in a shaving mirror.

Salem- Oh-hoho-huhohoh

Sabrina- Whoa! Did you just sigh or are you sitting on an acordian?

Salem- I think I see a grey hair.

Sabrina- What?!

She runs to the mirror on the wall and starts checking each and every individual hair on her head.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Darn. Y’know, I knew this job would age me. Y’know, I am two weeks away from a blue rinse and bunion pads!

Salem- The grey hair is on me! Don’t you think of anyone besides yourself?

Sabrina- Of course I do. Right now I’m thinking of Daniel Bedingfield. I’m doing the cover story on him for this issue of Scorch Magazine. Do you know what a big responsibility this is?

Salem- Wow, you’ve never had a cover before. Except for that phoney Time Magazine one you got at the county fair.

Sabrina- Hey! I learned to ride a two-wheeler; I totally deserved Woman-Of-The-Year.

She pours herself a glass of orange juice, which Roxie comes in and takes off her.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Hey?!

Roxie- I’m sorry; I’m in a rush. The radio stations general managers in town.

Sabrina- Okay, this time, no matter how good the toupee looks, do not ask if it’s new.

Roxie- Hey, I was doing him a favour, there was a price tag hanging off of it.

Morgan enters carrying the post that includes a large, manila Jiffy bag.

Morgan- Sabrina, will you open my mail for me? I sent my fashion portfolio to Larue Magazine and I am too nervous to read their response.

Sabrina- (Taking the bag) Look at all these stamps. I don’t think they’d spend three ninety-seven on a rejection letter.

Morgan- (Ecstatic) Yes! Goody-goody-goody!

Sabrina- Unless they’re just sending back your portfolio.

Morgan- (Dejected) Baddy-baddy-baddy.

Sabrina thumbs through the pages of Morgan’s portfolio.

Sabrina- And look, these are really good.

She finds the letter that’s enclosed.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Okay. It says here that they like your stuff. They just want you to come back when you’ve had more experience.

Morgan- That’s why I hate careers. It was so much easier getting experience with boys.

Roxie- See you guys.

She leaves.

Sabrina- Seriously, Morgan, you’re gonna find work soon, I know it.

Morgan- Thanks... Okay, I feel better. It is so great to have roommates who think I’m talented.

Sabrina- You are.

Morgan- And beautiful.

Sabrina- Absolutely.

Morgan- And smart.

Sabrina- ... <Gasp!> Is that a grey hair on Salem?

Morgan- (Turning to Salem) Oh!

Sabrina makes a run for it and makes it out the door.

Run opening credits.

Int. Scorch Magazine. Sabrina comes down the stairs in a perky mood, whistling to herself.

Cole- What are you so happy about?

Sabrina- Well let’s see. I got here early, I found a great parking spot and the guy in the coffee stand didn’t call me Peaches.

Cole- So it has nothing to do with you getting the cover story?

Sabrina- (Teasingly) Aw, are you upset about that?

Cole- No, of course not. It’s just, you know, doing a cover is a big responsibility. I should know, I’ve written too many to count... Nine! Of the last thirteen.

Sabrina- Well, I got this cover.

Annie comes out of her office.

Annie- Sabrina! You lost the cover.

Sabrina- What?!

Cole- (Pleased) Well make that ten of er fourteen... but don’t worry, I’ll let you proof read it... Peaches.

Sabrina- Oh!

She barges passed him on her way to Annie.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Annie, Annie, you can’t take this story from me! I already told my cat!

Annie- I’m sorry. I just heard from the designer. He refuses to dress Daniel Bedingfield.

Sabrina- Why?

James- I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t like the British.

Sabrina- Who doesn’t like the British? I mean, y’know, sure, they used to have a navy and attack people all the time but know they just make tea and jam and long, boring movies!

Annie- I’m sorry, No designer; no cover.

James- You see, the problem is Boston’s not really known for its designers. Oh, except for the dude who invented the tri-cornered hat.

With a shrug, Annie turns away.

Sabrina- Wait-wait-wait! What about Morgan Cavanaugh?

James- Who?

Sabrina- Morgan Cavanaugh. She’s my friend.

Annie- Oh. Well in that case no.

Sabrina- But you haven’t even seen her portfolio.

She indicates her desk by pointing at it before leading Annie and James over to it.

Int. Spellman living room. Morgan enters with a her portfolio in a case. She puts it down on a chair and pops her keys into her handbag. When she turns back round to pick up her portfolio, it’s gone. She looks around confused.

Morgan- Maybe I shouldn’t inhale when I use that hairspray.

Int. Scorch Magazine. Sabrina, Annie and James arrive at Sabrina’s desk and she bends down and picks up Morgan’s case.

Sabrina- I just happen to have Morgan’s portfolio right here. Ha-ha.

She opens it and hands the portfolio to Annie.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I’m tellin’ ya, she is hot hot hot right now. I mean, Larue Magazine just... contacted her.

Annie- (Looking through it) It’s not bad, but I hate to give the cover to someone I’ve never heard of.

Sabrina- Come on, you’d never heard of me.

James- Well that’s not your best argument.

He leaves.

Sabrina- Annie, I’m telling you, she is really good.

Annie- I guess I don’t have much of a choice; I’m desperate.

Sabrina- (Smiling) Oh, she’s going to be so happy to hear that! (On Annie’s look) Well I might edit it a little.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina enters with the portfolio case and knows immediately that Morgan isn’t around. If she had been Salem wouldn’t have been sitting there on the back of a chair with twists of silver paper entwined in his fur.

Sabrina- Salem, are you dying your hair?

Salem- I’m just putting in some lowlights.

Sabrina- (Picking up a box) Oh, I had no idea they made a ‘Just for cats’

Salem- I had no idea how many shades of black there were. I finally went with ‘Ultimate Guley’

Morgan comes downstairs and Sabrina quickly stuffs the ‘Just for cats’ box under a seat cushion.

Morgan- Hi Sabrina. Er, what is going on with the cat?

Sabrina- Oh, that? Well er, I am not gonna colour my hair without practicing first.

Morgan- Oh, great idea. Later, I think I’ll try my new home bikini waxer on him.

Salem- Ghe!

He jumps down and runs for the kitchen and the cat flap and Utah.

Sabrina- Listen, Morgan, I’ve got great news...

Morgan- (Interrupting) Oh, you’ve found my briefcase.

Sabrina- Yeah! Er, when I took it to work by mistake, lucky for you. Guess what Daniel Bedingfield’s going to be wearing on the cover of Scorch Magazine?

Morgan- Well, he’s British, so... Oh, Lederhosen!

Sabrina- No! He’s wearing Morganwear! I showed Annie you portfolio and got you the job.

Morgan- You’re kidding! Annie really wants me to style the cover?

Sabrina- Wants? She said it herself, she’s desperate.

Morgan- (Excited) Oh my God, Sabrina. Thank you so much for doing this for me.

She gives her a huge hug as Roxie enters looking down. She sees that her friends are both up.

Roxie- What’s goin’ on?

Morgan- Roxie, great news. I am going to be styling Daniel Bedingfield for the cover of Scorch Magazine.

Roxie- Good for you. At least things are going well for you guys.

Morgan- Oh they really are. Thanks.

Sabrina- Hold it, Morgan. Roxie, what happened?

Roxie- My station manager isn’t happy with my show. He said he’s tired of Girl Talk.

Morgan- Whoa, that’s awful. Here, I get this great news and then you come in and just bring us down.

Sabrina- Morgan! (To Roxie) Look, it’s not the end of the world. You could just change the format of your show. You know, instead of Girl Talk it could be... Guy Talk. You know, like er, (In a deep voice) ‘That’s a big one, Mark’, ‘Yeah, you totally blew that carburettor, Pete.’

Roxie- I thought people loved my show. You guys like it, right?

Sabrina- Of course we do. We listen to it every night.

Morgan- Well, sure... but mostly with the sound turned down so I can hear Conan.

Sabrina- Don’t listen to her. We’re huge fans.

Roxie- What would you have told that woman that called last night from Framingham?

Sabrina- Oh, well... I would o’ told her to... dump that loser.

Roxie- Her husband just died.

Sabrina- Oh... well... then all the more reason to let go. Look, there’s tons of things you can do with the radio show. I mean, you can do music...

Roxie- (Interrupting) But I want my show to remain a place where women can express themselves.

Morgan- Then you’d better get some good looking guys on your show.

Sabrina- Why don’t you go wax the cat?

Morgan- Okay.

She leaves.

Roxie- I don’t know. Maybe I should think about doing something else.

Sabrina- No, Roxie, your show is great. Y’know, but maybe there’s something to that music idea. Y’know, maybe you could mix your message with live music?

Roxie- (Liking it) Live music. That’s a great idea. Thanks Sabrina.

There’s the high-pitched agonised squeal that echoes around the house.

Roxie- (Cont.) What was that?

Sabrina- The sound of a cat who’s gonna look good in a bikini.

Int. Scorch Magazine. Annie sits at the conference table irritably tapping a pencil against the desk. James sits beside her twirling a pen in his fingers while Sabrina paces nervously back and forth as they wait.

Sabrina- Well, I’m sure Morgan will be here any minute now. You know, she’s in the fashion business so she fashionably late. Ha-ha. (On their looks) Any minute now.

Annie- I don’t like waiting.

James- Me neither. You know what? I once dumped a girl for making me wait. After two hours I just paid the minister, sent the guests home and took the maid of honour on the honeymoon.

Cole- Annie. Y’know, if you need it, you can use er my story as the cover.

Sabrina- Whoa-whoa-whoa. Back on your tree limb, vulture, this isn’t dead yet.

Cole- No seriously. I’m doing that interview with Ozzy Osborne tomorrow. The only thing is I’ve got to figure out what time er Uuuuh uuuugh o’clock is.

Sabrina- Look, if I know Morgan, she’s just taking a few extra seconds to, you know, prepare herself for a professional presentation.

Annie sighs and reluctantly continues to wait while Sabrina slips away to her desk and makes a phone call.

Ext. Boston’s grid locked streets. Morgan sits peacefully in her convertible while all around her irate driver honk their horns.

Morgan- (Yelling) Hey, quit your honking! We’re not going anywhere.

She’s not wrong. Boston is pretty much a car park. Her cell phone rings and she answers.

Morgan- (On phone) Hello?

Sabrina- (On phone) Morgan, you were supposed to be here twenty minutes ago. Where are you?

Morgan- Duh! Shopping. I wanted to look good for this meeting.

Sabrina- Well get here know!

Morgan- I can’t go any faster.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Oh yes you can.

She points at the phone and the strangest thing happens at the other end. Morgan’s car leaves tyre marks as it shoots off down the grid locked street somehow squeezing between the other vehicles.

Morgan- Whoa! This car goes fast!

Int. Scorch Magazine. Sabrina puts the phone down as Annie comes over.

Annie- Look, I can’t wait any longer. (To Cole) Cole, let’s run your story.

Outside a red convertible screeches to a halt knocking a the table and chairs from the café next door flying.

Sabrina- Wait, she’s here!

Morgan enters with her brief case and her hair in a windswept mess. One of the many disadvantages of a soft top.

Morgan- Hi. Am I late?

One of the magazine staff sporting long dreadlocks on top, shaved sides and an odd beard is impressed.

Employee- Whoa. Rad do.

Morgan- Thanks. Rad do to you, too.

Sabrina- (To Annie) Don’t worry, she wont be doing hair.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina and Morgan arrive home.

Morgan- Okay, I have so many great ideas for this cover. I want to put Daniel in something that makes a bold statement.

Sabrina- You want something bold? Try showing up on time.

Morgan- Oh, that is so done.

Sabrina- Okay, I gotta go get started on this article. You know, this cover is a big break for me, too. If I do well, Annie might stop calling me the temp.

Sabrina turns and heads for the stairs walking right by Salem.

Morgan- Hey, does Salem look different to you?

Sabrina turns and takes in the swollen, trout pout lips and the thick, brush forward toupee.

Sabrina- No. He looks exactly the same.

Morgan- Maybe he’s facing a different way.

She goes into the living room and Sabrina swoops on Salem.

Sabrina- What have you done?

Salem- I figured the dye job wasn’t enough to make me look younger so for five bucks they threw in a little collagen.

Sabrina- A little! It looks like you made out with a bee hive!

She turns and heads for the living room.

Salem- Wha?

Int. Spellman living room. Roxie’s sat on the settee writing in a notepad when Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Hey Roxie, if you don’t mind, I’m going to borrow your Daniel Bedingfield CD?

Roxie- Sure. Hey, do you have a minute? I’m working on a song and I’d like to run it by you.

Sabrina- Er... (Checks her watch) Okay.

Roxie stands as Morgan enters.

Roxie- (Singing) Boston ladies sing this song
Doodah doodah.
We get paid less for the same job
And we work all day.

Morgan- (Aside to Sabrina) Do you think that was good?

Sabrina- (Aside to Morgan) well no, but I think that...

Roxie- (Interrupting) So what do you think?

Sabrina- Oh, it’s great!

Morgan- Roxie, they say that everyone is given a special gift. If music is yours, I hope you saved the receipt.

She leaves quickly.

Sabrina- Oh Rox, don’t listen to her. I mean, what does she know about music? She thought B flat was a bra size.

Roxie- So you really like it?

Sabrina- Yeah, it’s fantastic. I wish I could listen to the rest but I’ve got to go prepare for this interview, but keep it up.

She leaves.

Roxie- (Singing) Healthy people don’t eat meat...

Ext. Scorch Magazine. James is setting up lighting and reflectors for the photo shoot while Sabrina sorts through her questions.

Sabrina- All right. Daniel’s only gonna give me a little bit o’ time. I’ve got to boil this down to the best seventy-five questions.

James- Now do you think it’s possible to be over prepared?

Sabrina- Oh, good one. (Scribbling it down) Seventy-six.

James- All right. I figured we would set up with the bakery in the background. Is that cool with you?

Sabrina- I see what you’re going for. Interesting light, kind of a European feel?

James- No. There’s an outlet there.

He starts checking his lenses as Annie arrives.

Annie- Hey, is Daniel here yet?

Sabrina- Yeah. He’s in your office with Morgan. She’s putting together his look.

Annie- There is a naked rock star in my office and I’m not there? (On Sabrina’s nod) I hate what I’ve become!

She goes to rectify that oversight with Sabrina on her heals.

Int. Scorch Magazine. Annie and Sabrina enter.

Sabrina- Oh, Annie, by the way, I know that this cover story is an awesome opportunity and I hope it will inspire you to give me more responsibility to...

Annie- (Interrupting) Did you not hear me? There is a naked rock star in my office!

Said office door opens and Morgan comes out smiling happily.

Morgan- Ladies and gentlemen, I present... Daniel Bedingfield.

Thick soled, knee high black moon boots walk out of Annie’s office toped with flowery purple Lycra leggings. These totally clash with the luminous green top with it’s baggy, furred sleeves and feathered collar, out of which pokes the head of Daniel Bedingfield. Picked out in gold lettering across the front of the top is ‘It’s Morganwear’ The sight is met with open-mouthed disbelief and shock, none more so than Sabrina.

Annie- (To Sabrina) Well, what do you think?

Sabrina- Oh my gosh, it’s awful! What do we do?

Annie- We? We do nothing. You wanted more responsibility, fire your friend.

She looks up to see Morgan wide happy smile as she stands beside Swamp thing in purple tights.

Ext. Scorch Magazine. Sabrina drags the still grinning Morgan outside.

Sabrina- Listen, Morgan...

Morgan- (Interrupting) Did you see those people? I stunned them!

Sabrina- Yeah.

Morgan- I totally get what you mean about Annie. (Imitating Annie) I’m too important to give a compliment. I mean, you think somebody is, maybe, a little intimidated by something called talent?

Sabrina- You know, you’re right! And that’s probably why she’s insisting on... going a different way with the cover.

Morgan- Really? Well which way does she want me to go?

Sabrina- Er... that way.

She points down the street.

Morgan- What?

Sabrina- You’ve lost the job, Morgan. Annie doesn’t want to use your design.

Morgan- W-Why not? I-I mean, that-that is a great look! You liked it, right?

Sabrina- Me? Well, I thought it was... great! I mean, I told Annie she’s making a big mistake.

Morgan- Maybe I should go talk to her?

Sabrina- No-no-no. Y’know, it’s pointless. Once Annie makes her decision, there’s no swaying her. I mean, she still holds on to her Enron stock.

Morgan- What about Daniel? I mean, doesn’t he have a say in any of this?

Talk of the devil. Daniel walks out of the office still trying to get luminous green feathers out of his hair and muttering to himself.

Daniel- Freekin’ crazy chick! Have me decked out like a Vegas showgirl.

He walks passed them still muttering.

Sabrina- Oh Daniel, where are you going?

Daniel- To find a pub! I need a pint to wash down these feathers!

Sabrina- Daniel, please wait!

He doesn’t. Sabrina turns back to Morgan.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh Morgan...

Morgan is gone, too. Sabrina spots her in the Scorch offices.

Int. Scorch Magazine. Morgan has cornered Annie and Sabrina runs in to hear.

Morgan- Who do you think you are to judge my fashions?

Annie- Oh okay, wait-wait. First of all: let’s not confuse fashion with poultry, okay? And second: It isn’t just me. Even Sabrina said your outfit stunk.

Morgan turns to Sabrina with a pitiful look of shock and betrayal.

Morgan- You said that? You told me you liked it!

Sabrina- Well... I...

Morgan- Oh!

She brushes passed Sabrina headed for the door.

Sabrina- (Calling after) Morgan! (Turning to Annie) I can’t believe you told her that to her face. At least I had the decency to trash her behind her back!

She leaves at a run.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina enters talking on her cell phone.

Sabrina- (On phone) Daniel, I know this is the tenth message I’ve left you but your voice mail only gives me fifteen seconds to talk and really want to do the interview with you and I really did think you looked cute in the feath...!

She hits speed dial to redial looking frustration.

Sabrina- (On phone)...ers. Feathers. Okay, all right, call me back. My number is on second and third message.

She switches her phone off and looks up to see Salem sitting on the counter. He now sports multiple piercing in each ear and his eyebrows and chains hanging in loops from his studded collar. He’s a punk pussy.

Sabrina- Salem, what happened to you? You get stuck in a bicycle chain?

Salem- Nothing happened. I’m just being the young, hip cat that I am.

Sabrina- Oh, speaking of which. How is your hip?

Salem- Er, I have my good days and my bad days.

Sabrina hears the front door close and runs for the living room.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina runs in from the kitchen as Morgan is going upstairs.

Sabrina- Morgan, wait! I can explain.

Morgan- Oh really? I wouldn’t know which of your two faces to listen to.

Sabrina- What do you mean?

Morgan- You told me that you liked my design for Daniel Bedingfield and you told Annie that you don’t. You told Roxie that you liked her song and you told me that you didn’t. That makes you two faced so you’d better face it... twice.

Morgan continues upstairs.

Sabrina- (Calling after) I am not two faced!

Sabrina- Yeah right.

Sabrina spins round to see where the other voice had come from with no success because the other voice comes from the second face on the back of Sabrina’s head. The only way Sabrina will be able to see it is with a number of mirrors.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina comes in frowning.

Sabrina- Salem, are you talking to someone?

Sabrina- What are you asking the geezer for? He can’t hear anything.

Sabrina- What the...?

She pinches Salem’s shaving mirror and in combination with the mirror on the wall gets to meet her other face.

Sabrina- Howdy.

Sabrina- What’s going on?

Salem- You’re a witch, you should know about this. If a witch denies the truth, she’s forced to confront it.

Sabrina- What?! But I was just trying to spare Morgan and Roxie’s feelings. That doesn’t make me two faced.

Sabrina- No, I make you two faced.

Sabrina- Hey, don’t make me come back there.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Sabrina comes upstairs and knocks on the locked bathroom door.

Sabrina- Morgan, open the door. I really wanna talk to you.

Morgan- (OS) <Sob!> Well I don’t wanna talk to you. <Sob!>

Sabrina- I like your design for Daniel, I really do.

Sabrina- P-lease! That outfit looked like something the San Diego chicken wore the to prom.

She clamps her hand over the mouth at the back of her head but only for a moment as she needs her hand back to answer the cell phone that has started ringing.

Sabrina- (On phone) Hello?... Oh, hi Daniel... Oh, don’t worry about Morgan. She’s a professional, she completely understands.

Sabrina- Yeah, she’s just sobbing because the bathroom light is so unflattering.

Sabrina- (On phone) Er, thanks for calling.

She reaches down to the linen basket, pulls out a towel and unceremoniously stuffs it in her second faces mouth. Muffled cries can be heard.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Um, really? That’s great! Okay, yeah, I’ll meet you back at the office... I know, I know, five minutes is all it’s gonna take... Oh thank you. You are the best.

He second face manages to spit out the towel just as Sabrina switches of her phone.

Sabrina- (mocking) You’re the best. Oh, if I ever sound that phoney, just run backwards into a wall.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina comes downstairs and takes a scarf from the stand. She wraps it about the back of her head, covering her second face then turns to finds that Salem has company in the form of a small and pretty tawny kitten that’s playing with a ball of coloured string.

Sabrina- Who’s that?

Salem- Her name’s Frisky, and, believe me, she is.

Sabrina- Oh Salem, come on. A trophy kitty?

Salem- That’s right! And, by the way, don’t come a-knockin’ if the trash cans a-rockin’

Roxie comes down stairs with a guitar.

Roxie- Gotta go. Be sure to catch my show.

Sabrina- Whoa! What’s with the guitar?

Roxie- Well, you came up with that great idea for live music so I taught myself guitar. I’m gonna sing my own songs.

Sabrina- Oh dear God!

Sabrina quickly clamps her hand over the back of her head.

Sabrina- Er... Oh, you’re gonna sing on the radio?

Roxie- Thanks to you. You’ve probably saved my show. You’re a true friend.

She leaves.

Sabrina- (Calling after) Er Roxie, wait! I... Aw!

Her second face has just bitten her finger.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Hey! No biting!

But it means she too late. Roxie has gone.

Int. Scorch Magazine. Daniel Bedingfield is sitting at Sabrina’s desk waiting when she arrives.

Sabrina- Daniel, thank you so much for coming back for this interview.

Daniel- You’ve got about five minutes. So, I’m going to a gig.

Sabrina- Oh, you’re performing tonight?

Daniel- No, not me. It’s a friend of mine. He’s got a one man show and I’ve seen him act, it’s gonna be a one man audience, too.

Sabrina- So what are you going to say to him?

Daniel- Probably the same thing I say to him every single time I see him act. Nigel, you’re dreadful.

Sabrina- You’d say that to him?

Daniel- Yeah. He’s my best friend. What good would I be if I didn’t tell him the truth?

Sabrina- Not good at all.

Daniel- Hm. So, the interview?

Sabrina- Actually, instead of the interview, would you sing on my friends radio show?

Daniel- ...?

Sabrina- Look, you don’t understand. If you don’t sing she’s gonna sing one of her originals and... The truth is, as a singer, she’s a musical version of your friend Nigel.

Daniel- Hmm. Horrible, huh?

Sabrina- Well, I wouldn’t say horrible...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) I would.

She quickly clamps her hand over her second faces mouth again.

Sabrina- So, will you do it?

Daniel- (Checking his watch) I just don’t know if I have time?

Sabrina- Sure you do. The radio station is er right upstairs. Come on.

She points outside and starts to lead Daniel out of the office but does a quick about turn.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh er, hey Cole, can you still do that cover story?

Cole- Really?

Sabrina- Yeah. I have more important things to take care of.

Cole- (Picking up the phone) Yeah sure. I’ll give Ozzy a call.

Ext. Scorch Magazine. Sabrina comes out to find Daniel standing in front of the lift doors and scratching his head.

Daniel- Y’know, I-I could swear that was a bakery?

Sabrina- Oh, and tomorrow it’ll be a butcher and then a candlestick maker. Hey, that’s America.

She leads him into the elevator and the doors slide shut shimmering with sparkles.

Int. Across town at the Boston FM offices. The lift doors open and Sabrina comes out followed by Daniel. Two guys walking down the corridor stop and stare.

Office Worker- How long has an elevator been there?

Sabrina- Oh save the chit chat for the beauty salon, ladies. Now move along.

Int. The Chick Chat studio. Roxie sits with her guitar on her knee as Morgan sobs out her story to her.

Morgan- <Sob!> And then she stabbed me in the back. <Sniff!> You would never lie to me, would you?

Roxie- No. Look Morgan, I’m really sorry about this but I’m on the air in thirty seconds.

The engineer, Justin, sticks his head in.

Justin- Roxie, babe. You’re on in one minute.

Morgan- You lied to me too! <Sob!>

Roxie- Morgan, we’re all friends. You, me, Sabrina.

Morgan- <Sniff!> Sabrina is not your friend, my friend. Not like me. I told you right up front that your song sucks.

Roxie- Okay, I know you don’t get my song, but Sabrina said she liked it and she’s in the music business. I think I can trust her.

She strums a couple of chords as Sabrina dashes in.

Sabrina- Roxie, don’t sing! Your song sucks!

Roxie- What?!

Sabrina- I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt your feelings but isn’t it worse if I lie to you?

Roxie- Not at this point. We’re on the air.

Justin- Hey, we’ve got a show to do, all right? If you girls wanna fight, you can do it in my van, later.

Sabrina- I appreciate your honesty but you’ve ruined my show. I promised my listeners live music.

Sabrina- And they’ll get it. I brought Daniel Bedingfield with me. (Calling out) Daniel!

He enters as Sabrina gives Daniel’s CD to Justin for his backing track.

Roxie- Oh my God, you brought Daniel Bedingfield.

Sabrina- And he doesn’t have a lot of time, so move.

She shoos Roxie away from the microphone to make room for Daniel.

Sabrina- (On Air) And now, live from Roxie’s show, here’s Daniel Bedingfield.

She steps away leaving the mic to Daniel and joins Roxie and Morgan in the engineers box. They stand and listen as he starts to sing ‘gotta get thru this’

Roxie- Look, this is a really nice gesture, but we still have something to discuss. Like, my song sucks?

Sabrina- Roxie, I only said I liked your song at first because I was trying to be your friend, but a true friend wouldn’t do that. I want you to be my Nigel.

Roxie- Okay... who’s Nigel?

Sabrina- It’s a long, British story, but the point is if we’re going to be friends, then we have to be honest with each other, right?

Roxie- ...

Sabrina- Right?

Roxie- ... I guess you’re right.

Sabrina- (To Morgan) And, Morgan, I owe you an apology, too

Morgan- Yes you do! There was nothing wrong with Daniel’s outfit. It just takes a certain kind of person to pull off feathers.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Yeah, a chicken plucker. (Aloud) Look Morgan, I’m sorry. I think you’re a great designer, but I should have been up-front with you. Daniel’s outfit was awful. Phew, y’know, it feels good to be honest.

She gingerly takes off the headscarf, checking to make sure her second face has gone first.

Morgan- Well as long as we’re being honest. You know that carrot cake you made last week that Roxie and I were raving about? Stink-o!

Sabrina- (Smiling) Great. Good.

Roxie- And your pecan sandies. They taste like you actually make them with sand.

Sabrina- (The smiles looking a little strained) Okay, I’m glad you told me.

Roxie- I see what you’re saying. In the long run, being honest is going to make our friendship stronger.

She puts her arm around Sabrina’s shoulder. Morgan follows suit.

Morgan- And, Sabrina, sometimes you go a little heavy on the eyeliner.

The smile is really struggling.

Morgan- (Cont.) Oh, and that blue shirt with the silver col...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Okay, enough! Friends don’t let friends get too friendly.

They all get back to watching Daniel finish his song.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina enters and finds Salem sat on the counter alone and without all his iron wear.

Sabrina- Hey, where’s Frisky?

Salem- Ah, she was just using me. Typical gold-digger. She wanted a Tiffany collar. She would only eat out of the best bowls.

Sabrina- Well, you know, with that age difference it’s just a matter of time before you’re sleeping on separate windowsills, each with your own ray of sunlight.

Salem- Hey! I don’t need a little sex kitten around to make me feel young.

Sabrina- Good for you. Do you wanna watch some TV?

Salem- What, are you crazy? It’s eight-thirty... I’m going to bed.

He jumps down and heads for the living room.

Sabrina- (Calling after) Good night, pops.

Run Credits.