The Competition

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda, Hilda and Salem sit flipping through magazines on the settee as Sabrina enters full of the joys of spring and bringing in the post.

Sabrina- Hey, your favourite college girls come to see you.

Hilda- Felicity’s here?

She hands the post to Zelda proving that Hilda’s comment isn’t worth rising to.

Sabrina- I just came to get my tennis racket. Josh and I are gonna go play.

Hilda- I didn’t know you still played tennis?

Sabrina- Well I haven’t done it in a while but I figure I’ll get right back in the swing of it.

She goes to the cupboard by the stairs and returns with her racket while Zelda looks through the post.

Zelda- Oh look. It’s a letter from your cousin Amanda’s school and it’s marked urgent.

Handling it gingerly she places it on the coffee table.

Zelda- (Cont.) No sense opening all our mail in one day.

Sabrina- (Picking up the letter) Hey, Amanda’s not as bad as she used to be. Besides, maybe her school’s giving her an award or something.

She opens the envelope but rather than being filled with letter, it’s brimming with sparkles that flow out to form a once little brat whose grown into a young lady... with three postage stamps on her forehead.

Amanda- No award, but I was first in my class to mail myself first class.

Sabrina- Next time, you might want to get all the stamps on the envelope.

She rips the stamps from Amanda’s forehead.

Amanda- Aw!

Hilda- Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing here in the middle of a school week?

Amanda- I need help studying for my witches licence. If I flunk this test I’ll lose my magic powers. Please will you help me?

As Hilda looks at her sister with a mute negative expression Zelda considers.

Zelda- Okay, we’d be happy to tutor you but be forewarned, our witches training program is very intense.

Sabrina- Yes, their lessons on hex education are not for the squeamish.

Hilda- That’s because we’re very thorough. We made sure that Sabrina knew that the exact angle when pointing is forty-five degrees.

Zelda- Actually it’s forty-seven.

Hilda- No, it’s forty-five.

Zelda- Forty-seven.

Hilda- Forty-five.

Sabrina- Let’s call it forty-six. Better yet, let’s call it a day. Gotta go.

She points at herself and she and her tennis racket vanish in a swirl of sparkles.

Run opening credits.

Ext. Westbridge Sports Club. On one of their all weather courts Sabrina faces Josh.

Sabrina- Okay, Deuce.

She serves and Josh smashes it back past her.

Sabrina does a double-handed backhand return.

She hits a forehand. Josh stands waiting and glances at his watch before the ball drops from the heavens. He smashes it at Sabrina with such force that she has to skip out of it’s way.

Josh- That’s set; six, three.

Sabrina- (Approaching the net) that was great. We really play well together.

As they meet at the net she puckers up for a kiss.

Josh- Actually, the custom is to shake, then kiss.

Sabrina- Oh right. Like Agassi and Sampras at the French Open?

Laughing, they shake and then give each other the old double cheek French kiss.

Ext. College house front porch. Sabrina arrives loaded down with her sports bag along with Josh, who, I have to say, I thought was more of a gentleman than that.

Sabrina- That was so much fun. Let’s play again tomorrow?

Josh- Oh no, tomorrow’s not good for me.

Sabrina- What about Sunday?

Josh- Sunday’s not good either. My parents are coming to visit.

Sabrina- Oh right. Well what about any morning before work? Pick one.

Josh- I don’t know, whatever. Wednesday.

Sabrina- Maybe I’m crazy but you don’t sound like you really wanna play?

Josh- Look Sabrina, it’s nothing against you, but I prefer to play with people who are... you know, at my level.

Sabrina- (Disappointed) Well I thought we were pretty well matched. I mean I won three games!

Josh- Technically. The truth is I was kinda holding back to make you feel batter about yourself.

Sabrina- (Angry) Gee thanks, I feel phenomenal!

Josh- Hey, it’s not your fault. Most girls just aren’t able to play as well as guys. You can’t help it; it’s just the way you’re programmed.

Sabrina- The way we’re programmed? What am I, a VCR?

Josh- Why don’t we just drop it okay? I’m starving, let’s go and get something to eat?

Sabrina- I don’t know. Y’know, I think I need to eat with a girl to keep my skills sharp. You’re just not up to my level.

Josh- Eating? (At Sabrina’s nod) You know most girls wouldn’t want to admit that.

Sabrina- Well we don’t like to brag. It’s not the way we’re "Programmed"!

Int. College house. Miles and Roxie discuss the important things in life while defining the roles of the male and female of the species.

Miles- All right, before we commit to getting cable, we have to discuss the options. We can go with the Premium package which gives us nine HBO’s but no other movie channels, or the Platinum package, which gives us the movie channels, the home surgery network and sixteen HBO’s.

Roxie- Which options twenty bucks a month?

Miles- You get the on/off switch and the German sit-com channel.

Sabrina enters and dumps her sports bag by the door while Miles puts down his cable leaflet and tries to twist off the lid of the peanut butter jar so Roxie can finish making the sandwiches.

Sabrina- You’re not gonna believe what Josh just said. He had the incredible arrogance to say that women can’t play tennis at the same level as men.

Roxie- He creamed you, didn’t he?

Sabrina- No he did not! And even if he did, I mean there are tones of great women tennis players. Venus, Serena, Martina...

Miles- (Still struggling with the jar) I have to agree with Josh. When it comes to physical prowess, men are the stronger sex.

Roxie takes the Jar from him a twists off the lid. She had to otherwise she would have been waiting all day for her sandwich.

Miles- (Cont.) There are exceptions.

He picks up the jam jar.

Roxie- Sabrina, for the honour of women everywhere, you need to show Josh you’re just as good a tennis player as he is.

Sabrina- One little problem, I’m not.

Roxie- Yet! You can’t expect to play once a year and be great. You just need practice.

She takes the jam jar from Miles and twists off the lid.

Roxie- (To Miles) And you need steroids.

Ext. Westbridge Sports Club. Sabrina tries to return some balls from the serving machine without much success. Particularly when they start flying at her at 15 rounds a minute. It’s time to duck and cover.

Sabrina- Okay, practice doesn’t necessarily make perfect. I need professional help.

She points and produces that well known professional tennis player, Sigmund Freud.

Sigmund- Like all vomen you suffer from severe tennis envy.

Sabrina- Oh, wrong professional. Oh by the way doctor Freud, your fly’s open.

While the noted psychiatrist glances down, Sabrina points and he vanishes to be replaced by that well known psychiatrist, Andy Roddick. Clearly less accustomed to being summoned by attractive blondes, he looks around confused.

Sabrina- Andy Roddick! Much better.

Andy- Whoa! This isn’t Wimbledon. Who are you?

Sabrina- Er, let’s put it this way, I’ve won almost as many grand slams as Anna Kournikova. Sabrina Spellman; big fan.

Andy- (Shaking her hand) Nice to meet you Sabrina. What can I do for you?

Sabrina- Teach me everything you know about tennis so I can be as good as my boyfriend. Oh, and you have to do it in one lesson.

Andy and Sabrina practice gentle knocks back and forth but Andy has to duck when Sabrina’s racket spins inches passed his ear. He lobs one up for her and Sabrina runs into the net keeping her eye on the ball. She would have been better off keeping her eye on the net though and saved herself tumbling over it. Sabrina hits a powerful, two handed backhand, Juice! She hits the juice bottles on the bleachers.

Andy- You hit the ball well Sabrina. Now you just have to learn how to hit it in the court.

Sabrina- Now you tell me.

Sabrina hits a forehand return.

Andy- That’s it Sabrina.

She stretches for the next shot but gets it back.

Andy- (Cont.) Excellent!

She gets to the net for the next and plays a passing shot. Andy stretches but it’s too far.

Sabrina- Sorry!

Andy- For what? That was a great shot. Never apologies for hitting a winner.

Sabrina- Yeah, I guess then you’d be apologising all the time.

Andy- You got that right. You know, you have a lot of potential but the thing you need to work on is being more competitive. That’s the only way you’re gonna win.

Sabrina- I’ll try that. Thanks Andy. Do you wanna go get something to eat?

Andy- Thanks, but I should probably get back to Wimbledon now.

Sabrina- Oh yeah. Right.

She points, and in a swirl of sparkles, Andy’s sent back to the centre court.

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda’s giving Amanda a lesson in incantations while Zelda and Salem watch on.

Hilda- Double double, boil and trouble, dress the cat like Barney Rubble.

A large puff of smoke clears to show Salem in a rather fetching leopard print outfit with a bone fastened between his ears.

Salem- Well, it looks better on me than it did on John Goodman.

Hilda- Now you try one, Amanda.

Amanda- Incantations are so Middle Ages. Nobody does them anymore.

Hilda- That doesn’t rhyme.

Zelda- Amanda, incantations are a big part of the test. If you want the Witches Council to pass you, you’d better learn how to do them.

Amanda- Okay, if you insist. Incantations are so dumb, make aunt Zelda suck her thumb.

With a sigh Zelda sticks her thumb in her mouth and starts sucking.

Hilda- (Pleased) Now you’re catching on.

Amanda- I’ll say it loud, I’ll say it clear, make aunt Hilda disappear.

And she’s gone.

Hilda- (OS) Well done!

Salem- I’ll say. Now get me Anne Margrock on the phone.

Ext. Westbridge Tennis Club. Once again Sabrina takes on Josh.

Sabrina- Okay, now don’t hold back this time. I guarantee you I’m going to give you a run for your money... even if I am just a girl.

Things don’t, however, work out as Sabrina hopes and a short while later.

Josh- That’s game, five - one.

They both walk over to the bench where their bags are for a breather and a drink between sets as the next guy to have booked the court comes over.

Josh- (Cont.) Sabrina, you’re hitting the ball really well

Sabrina- (Disappointed) Yeah, but I’m still losing. I guess I just don’t have it in me to be competitive.

Dave- Hey Josh, I thought that was you.

Josh- Dave! What ya doin’ here?

Dave- Oh, my partner; he didn’t show up. Hey, you up for another game when you’re finished?

Josh- Boy, am I. Just give me a minute while I polish Sabrina off.

Dave- Okay.

Sabrina- (To herself) Polish me off? Shhh! I’ll show him who’s going to get polished off.

She points and bottled water becomes Competitive Ade.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh, Competitive Ade.

She takes a big old pull on that bottle and feels a flush of energy course through her body.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Hmm, Fruity... with a hint of rocket fuel. Okay, I’m ready... to wipe the court with you.

She serves an ace. Josh looks surprised.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Fifteen, love, and I must say: I did love it.

Josh finds himself playing a very different game and rests his hands on his knees panting as yet another Sabrina smash passes him.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Phew! My point. Game - set - match.

Josh- That was an amazing come back Sabrina. What happened to you?

Sabrina- Well I wanted to play at your level, so I just got more competitive... and I made sure to drink plenty of fluids.

With a bright smile and a shrug, she marches off the court while Josh is still trying to catch his breath.

Int. College house. Miles and Roxie are in the middle of delicate negotiations with the cable guy.

Miles- Okay, let’s go over this cable package one more time.

Cable Guy- M-hm.

Miles- We’re getting coax select service with digital four pack, cable and modem ready, reduced rate, digital pay-per-view and free splitters, right?

Cable Guy- Right! (Holding out his clipboard) Now will you sign here so I can start wiring? We’ve been negotiating for over an hour.

Sabrina enters and throws down her tennis bag.

Sabrina- Whoo-hoo! I just beat Josh at tennis.

Roxie- Congratulations, and congratulations to Miles for getting us a great cable deal.

Miles- I’m not finished yet.

Cable Guy- There’s more?

Miles- Oh yes, and make no mistake, without this we have no deal. I want a free pen.

The cable guy removes the cheap biro that’s fastened to his clipboard and hands it to Miles.

Roxie- (Aside to Sabrina) He may be a techi-nerd but when it comes to negotiating, he’s the best.

Sabrina- I don’t think so. I can get us a much more competitive rate.

She strides forward and pulls the clipboard from miles’ hand and glances at it.

Miles- Hey!

Sabrina- Okay, here’s what you’re gonna give us. Everything in this contract plus free hook-up, free service for the first three months, all the premium channels at no extra charge and... that pen.

She indicates the gold plates ballpoint in his breast pocket.

Cable Guy- This was my late grandfathers pen, why should I give it to you?

Sabrina- Because you don’t want us to take our business to another cable company and I’m sure your boss wouldn’t want that either. You know, I’d hate to have to write something negative about you under Customer Comments.

She makes ready to put cheap biro to paper.

Roxie- (Aside to Miles) Boy, she’s getting ugly.

Miles- She sure is. (Aside to Sabrina) See if you can get The Naked Channel.

Sabrina- (To the cable guy) The last thing I want is for you to lose your job.

Cable Guy- All right I’ll change the contract. You win.

He takes his grandfathers gold plated watch and gets to work with the contract while Sabrina smiles in triumph.

Int. Spellman living room. Amanda’s lessons continue with a film show. Zelda sets up the screen and walks back to the projector.

Zelda- Okay Amanda, this film will show you all the etiquette rules you need to know in order to get your witches licence. Watch and learn. Hilda.

Hilda turns off the lights while Zelda starts the film. It shows Hilda in a spangely dress and a peroxide wig crawling across a council table and singing.

Hilda Monroe- (Singing) Happy birthday Mr. Head-of-the-witches-council
Happy birthday to you.

Hilda- Wrong film! Heck of a party though.

With a point, she turns the lights back on.

Amanda- Look, I wanna pass the test but do I really have to watch some ancient film about witch etiquette?

Zelda- Absolutely. You must learn the proper way to ride a vacuum, to dispose of left over potions and to write thank you notes.

Hilda- Or we could just watch the end of my Marylyn video?

Amanda- I’ll watch the etiquette film.

Int. The City Desk office of The Boston Citizen. Sabrina is busy with important paper business.

Sabrina- (Calling out) Fresh pot of coffee! And I challenge anyone to make a finer pot!

Josh enters accompanied by his parents Benjamin and Geraldine.

Josh- There she is.

They come over to join Sabrina.

Josh- (Cont.) Sabrina, you remember my parents, Ben and Geri?

Sabrina- Hey, it’s great to see you again. I’ve been meaning to ask you guys, whose idea was Chunky Monkey?

They laugh politely, clearly used to the Ben and Geri gags.

Ben- So Josh tells us you’ve become quite a tennis player. Says you’ve suddenly developed this wild competitive streak. I like that.

Sabrina- I like it more than you do.

Ben- Well Geri and I play. Maybe we could book a court, play some doubles tomorrow?

Sabrina- Why wait till tomorrow?

She grabs her tennis racket from the desk.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I’m ready to kick some butt right now! Race you to the car.

She dashes off at full tilt.

Geri- Wow! She really is competitive.

Ext. Westbridge Tennis Club. Under floodlights, Sabrina and Josh take on Ben and Geri. Ben serves, Sabrina hit a return and smashes it past a leaden footed Geri.

Ben- Come on Geri, look alive!

He serves again, this time Sabrina’s return whizzes past his feet.

Geri- Come on Ben, look alive!

Josh- See, I told you she was good.

Geri- That was nice Sabrina. I always wanted to do that to him but he doesn’t like to play singles with me.

Sabrina- Why not?

Geri- He doesn’t think I’m competitive enough. Apparently, only men are.

Sabrina- (To Josh) Oh, now I see where you got that attitude. Well it’s time to put an end to that. I propose a battle of the sexes; women against men. Right here, right now, right on!

Josh- I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Sabrina- Why not, afraid we’ll beat you?

Josh- P-lease!

Sabrina- Well then, stop stallin’ and change places with your mom.

Ben- Come on Josh. If that’s what the ladies want, let's polish them off.

Josh and Geri switch sides.

Geri- I love this idea, Sabrina. I finally have a partner who doesn’t bark orders at me.

Sabrina- Okay, listen up. Play the baseline unless I tell you different. I’ll handle everything else. I cover a lot of ground so stay out of my way. Oh, and we’re in this to win, don’t forget that.

Geri- Well at least I don’t have to wash your socks.

Later Sabrina smashes another past Ben.

Ben- (Under his breath) Oh! What’s wrong with you Ben?

Geri- (From the baseline) Another great shot Sabrina. Have you ever thought of playing professionally?

Sabrina- No, it’s not competitive enough for me. (To Ben and Josh) Hey, what wrong with you wimps? What, did you forget to eat your Wheaties this morning, or did you just forget how to hit a ball? Oh by the way, it’s that yellow fuzzy thing that keeps flying past you.

Ben plants his hands on his hips angrily, Geri smiles, enjoying his discomfort. Josh walks up to the net.

Josh- (To Sabrina) Hey psst!

Sabrina goes and joins him at the net.

Josh- (Cont.) Would you lighten up a little on dad? For some reason he doesn’t like being called wimp, pantywaist or girly-boy.

Sabrina- Hey, I’m just being competitive.

Sabrina goes back to the baseline to serve.

Sabrina- Forty: fifteen! Service!

She serves an ace, leaving Ben sprawled on the floor and Josh hitting the ground with his racket.

Sabrina- (Jubilant) Six: Love! We kicked your sorry butts! Whoo-hoo!

She high-fives with Geri and they do a little victory dance.

Int. Hilda’s coffee house. The victorious girls lead the defeated guys in.

Sabrina- Oh there’s nothing like a cup of coffee after mopping the floor with a couple of losers!

Geri- Look at them, they can barely walk.

Josh- Hey you know, it’s one thing to win, it’s another thing to rub it in our faces.

Sabrina- Hey, you can rub it in our faces if you beat us at... bowling! (Laughs) As if!

Geri- We love to bowl, don’t we Ben.

Ben- Forget it, I’m not bowling with you. I not playing any more sports with you.

Geri- Oh you’re just upset because you hate that I beat you. But I love that I beat you and I owe it all to Sabrina.

Sabrina- Hey, we rocked, girl!

Geri- We sure did, girl!

They high-five again.

Geri- (Cont.) Even if a certain big baby is too selfish to admit it.

Ben- Well you don’t have to worry about me being selfish anymore, because I’m out o’ here. So long Geri.

He gets up and heads for the door.

Josh- Dad!

Ben- No-no-no! This match brought out a side of your mother I’ve never even seen before! (To Sabrina) Thanks for letting me see the truth, Sabrina.

Sabrina watches Ben leave with a sad expression, Geri however looks anything but sad.

Geri- (Calling after) Good riddance to you, Ben!

Josh- Congratulations, Sabrina. You just split up Ben and Geri!

Sabrina- Josh, I swear I never meant to cause trouble for your parents. I thought we were all having a good time?

Josh- Oh really? When did you think dad was having a better time? When he threw his racket across the court or when he banged his head against the wall?

Geri- It’s not Sabrina’s fault! It’s your dad and his stupid temper. Every time the going gets tough, he runs away like a... (Aside to Sabrina) what was your term again?

Sabrina whispers in Geri’s ear.

Geri- (Cont.) Oh yeah. A panty waisted girly-boy.

Josh- Mom, the man you’ve been married to for twenty-five years may never speak to you again!

Geri- Really? Be a dear and run out for some champagne.

Josh- But what about dad, we don’t even know where he’s going?

Ben sticks his back in the coffee house door.

Ben- Josh, give me a ride to your house will ya? I’m bunkin’ with you.

Sabrina- Hey, now that we’re all happy, what d’ya say we go to the park and kick some butt on the basketball court?

Geri- Let’s go girl!

Sabrina- Whoo!

The girls run out past Ben on their way to cause more mayhem.

Int. Spellman dinning room. Amanda stands before the lab-top as her lessons continue. Zelda paces back and forth with a spell book as Hilda observes.

Zelda- I’ll read a list of ingredients and you tell me what the potion is for. (Reading) ‘Three cups of mashed entrails, rodent of your choice and a wart’?

Hilda- Remember how hard it used to be to find warts? Thank heaven for wart-mart.

Zelda- Amanda, do you have the answer?

Her head nods rhythmically and there’s a far away look in her eyes.

Zelda- (Continued) Amanda?

She moves closer.

Zelda- (Cont.) Ama...?

She starts to wave her hand in front of Amanda’s face but stops as she spots something. Instead she pulls the headphone out of the teen-witch’s ear. Music can be heard.

Zelda- (Cont.) Dear, you really must start paying attention.

Amanda- I’m sorry, it’s just that this has nothing to do with real life.

Zelda- Hello! You’re a witch!

Amanda- Oh... right.

Hilda- Maybe it would help if you actually put some potions together.

She tears a page from the spell book and hands it to Amanda.

Hilda- (Cont.) Start with this one. You’ll find everything you need in the pantry. Eye of newt is under the snack-balls.

Int. Spellman kitchen. The number twelve cauldron is simmering as Amanda gives it a stir.

Amanda- Okay, everything’s in there. Here we go. Spider, lizard, beak of parrot, turn into a juicy carrot.

Something happens but Amanda is clearly no Hermione Granger when it comes to potions.

Zelda- (Resigned) That’s a ferret, not a carrot.

Amanda- It’s close enough.

Hilda- Not if you’re making a salad!

Zelda zaps the furry little rodent away with a flick of the finger.

Zelda- (To Hilda) We’re getting nowhere. I think we need to try a different approach.

Hilda- I’m beginning to think we’re just not cut out for teaching.

Zelda- A good thing I don’t make my living that way... Oh wait, I do.

Int. College House. Roxie and Miles sit on the settee watching their new cable stations. For some reason they do not look all that happy about it as Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Why are you watching ‘Who wants to be a Korean millionaire’?

Roxie- Remember the cable guy you emasculated? This is his way of getting back at us. Five hundred channels, all Korean.

Miles- I’m trying to put a positive spin on it by learning the language.

He listens for a while.

Miles- (Cont.) That either means ‘I love you’ or ‘Pass the kimchee’ Possibly both

Sabrina- I can’t believe the cable guy would rip us off this way. This is very unprofessional behaviour.

Roxie- Perhaps he was just reacting to your behaviour, which was just plain ugly!

Miles- Yet I have to say The McLaughlin Group is just as compelling in Korean.

Sabrina shakes her head and goes to her bedroom.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. She sits at the window with Salem for company and talks on her mobile phone.

Sabrina- Well I’ll tell you what you can do with your all Asian package!... Oh yeah? Well me and my ugly attitude will see you in court!

She slams down the phone.

Salem- Sounds like the cable thing isn’t workin’ out?

She turns round to him.

Salem- (Cont.) Ugh! And tour face is a bit of a train wreck too!

Sabrina- What are you talking about?

Salem- Let’s just say you put the ‘Yuck’ in reflyuckshion.

She picks up her hand mirror and looks at herself. The same cute face gazes back at her except for the profusion of hairy warts, severe acne, blackened and missing teeth and bushy eyebrows that meet in the middle.

Sabrina- (Horrified) Aaaargh!

Salem- I’ll go out on a limb and guess you’re under some kind of spell?

Sabrina- All I did was drink a potion to make me more competitive! Why did it make me look ugly?

Salem- Well, have you been acting ugly?

Sabrina- (Thinking) It’s been mentioned.

Salem- Perhaps your new competitive side has made you ugly before your time.

Sabrina- I have to reverse the potion.

She points and a blue bottle of new, improved ‘Anti-Competitive Ade’ appears on the dressing table. She unscrews the top and takes a big swig. The effect is almost instantaneous as her face becomes it’s usual pretty self once more.

Sabrina- (Looking in the mirror) Oh, that’s much better. Now I’ve got a big mess to go clean up.

Salem- I was going to take care of it but... thank you.

She gives him a disgusted look.

Int. College house. Miles is still sat in front of the TV listening the MTV in Korean. Roxie’s getting herself some chips as Sabrina enters. She flicks her finger towards the TV on her way through to the kitchen.

TV Announcer- Coming up next on Total Request Live, find out which Backstreet Boy is lactose intolerant.

Roxie- Wow, our cables fixed! Great.

Miles- For you! I was just about to watch the North verses South Korean barbeque cook off!

Int. The City Desk office of the Boston Citizen. Sabrina enters to find Josh sat checking some photos. She looks over his shoulder.

Sabrina- Hey, those are great! Especially the one of the Elvis impersonator.

Josh- That’s my aunt Charlotte!

Sabrina- Sorry. It must be the light in here. Look, I came to apologise. My behaviour was... ugly, and I feel awful about how it affected your parents.

Josh- Hey, forget about my parents, what’s going on with you? I’ve never seen you act this way.

Sabrina- I know. I guess it just really upset me when you said you were going to polish me off.

Josh- I said that? That’s the same thing dad says to mom when they play. Hey, tell me something. Have I ever yelled ‘This is a road, not a parking lot!’?

Sabrina- Only every time we drive.

Josh- Oh my God, I’ve become my father! I’m just as aggressive and competitive as he is.

Sabrina- I guess we just need to remember that this competition thing can get really out o’ hand. Hey, I promise to lighten up if you do?

Josh- Deal.

They kiss briefly.

Josh- (Cont.) Now what are we gonna do about my parents?

Sabrina- Maybe if we can get them back out on the court, they’ll see how much fun we’re having and they’ll lighten up too? You know parents, the only way they learn is by example.

Josh- It’s worth a shot.

They start for the door but Josh pulls up.

Josh- (Cont.) Hey, if I become my father and my father becomes me, am I my own grandpa?

Int. Spellman living room. Amanda finishes addressing her envelope and stands.

Amanda- (Calling out) Aunt Hilda! Aunt Zelda! Thanks for trying but I’m mailing myself back to school!

Zelda- (OS) Not so fast!

The sliding doors to the dinning room slide open to reveal Salem sat on the table with his two record decks. He wears shades and a back-to-front baseball cap, gold medallion and scratches the record. Amanda looks on bemused. Hilda stapes out from the left side of the doors dressed as a bad boy rapper.

Hilda- (Rapping) Yo witch, got this!

Zelda steps out from the right dressed as an even badder boy.

Zelda- (Rapping) I’m from A to Z, I got somethin’ to say.

Hilda- And I’m notorious H-I-L-D-A.

Zelda- You’ll pass this test if you learn this rap

Hilda- Before you know it you’ll be queen of the zap!

Zelda- Mix some tongue of lizard with some unicorn toes.

Hilda- Add some egg whites, out comes the pro!

Salem- You listenin’ witch?

Amanda- I’m listenin’

Zelda- Then listen up good, you’ve got potions to learn.

Hilda- Mix some boils in a pewter urn.

Zelda- All stirred up makes a tasty treat.

Amanda- (Rapping) To knock a gremlin off his feet!

Hilda- You learnin’

Zelda- You’re learnin’

Amanda- I’m learnin’

Salem- I’m not so sure.

Hilda- Yo check this!

Zelda- If you want a potion to create an ocean?

Amanda- Put salt on kelp and you’ve got locomotion! Then add some wind and a couple of fish and before you know it, swish - swish - swish! I’m learnin’!

Hilda and Zelda- She’s learnin!

Amanda- I’m gonna pass that test and be the best.

Zelda- (Not rapping) Oh thank god!

Hilda- (Not rapping) Good, now we can put on some Garth Brooks.

Ext. Westbridge Tennis Club. Under floodlights, Sabrina meets up with Josh as they walk onto the court.

Sabrina- Hey, where’s your dad?

Josh- He said he was gonna meet us here. Where’s my mom?

Sabrina- She said she was gonna meet us here.

A tennis ball hits them.

Ben- (OS) ball please!

Sabrina and Josh walk onto the court to find Ben and Geri already playing.

Josh- Dad? Mom?

Sabrina- Wow, you guys are actually playing together?

Ben- (Serving) Well is you can call what she’s doing playing.

Geri- (Returning) If I’m not playing, how come I’m winning two - love?

Ben- A lucky bounce, glare and a bad call on a great serve!

Geri- It was out!

Sabrina- (Aside to Josh) Boy, we’ve got a lot of work to do with these two. How do you wanna start?

Josh- We get in the car and we never look back.

Sabrina- You wanna leave them like this? I thought we were going to set an example?

Josh- Hey, they’re together, they’re talking to each other. With them, that’s as good as it gets.

Sabrina- You really think so?

Josh- This is who they are; they’re never gonna change. The good news is that I can.

Sabrina- That is good news.

Josh- Race you to the car?

Sabrina- Have you learned nothing?

Josh- (Relaxing) Sorry.

Sabrina dashes for the car.

Josh- (Chasing after) Hey!

Ext. Westbridge Tennis Club. Daylight. Sabrina plays against Andy Roddick. They have good rally until Sabrina lets one go by that drops just inside the line. Both players go to the bench by the court.

Sabrina- I’ve got to work on that.

Andy- You’re playing well Sabrina, but I’ve got to rolling. I’m just gonna polish you off, then I’m out o’ here.

He goes to the service line.

Sabrina- (Under here breath) Polish me off? Well I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have one more little drink.

She points at her sports back before reaching in and pulling out a bottle of Competitive Ade.

Sabrina- (Aloud) Okay, I’m ready to play.

Sabrina wipes the floor with him.

Andy- Amazing! Is there any chance you’d play mixed doubles with me at Wimbledon?

Sabrina- Nah, you know, I’m not really into the whole competitive thing.

She serves again leaving Andy in a sprawling heap on the court before giving him an innocent smile.

Run credits.