The Melissa Zone news :: pictures :: forums :: and more :: the ultimate Melissa Joan Hart fan site ::
Sabrina The Teenage Witch - View Transcript

I Think I Love You

Written By - Barry Vigon & Tom Walla
Transcribed By - Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda - Caroline Rhea
Zelda - Beth Broderick
Salem - Nick Bakay
Morgan - Elisa Donovan
Josh - David Lascher
Miles - Trevor Lissauer
Roxie - Soleil Moon Frye
Harvey - Nate Richert
The Love Doctor - Usher
Rita - Alexis Fields
The Rose Lady - Alexandra Boyd
Nurse Backup Singer #1 - T. J. Lottie
Nurse Backup Singer #2 - Raquel Campbell
Nurse Backup Singer #3 - Donielle Carter
Maria - Heather Young
Bob - Kasan Butcher
Employee #1 - Larry Bates

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the Warner Brothers Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

 

Int. College House. Miles is sprawled across the settee reading the latest catalogue from ‘Conspiracy Barn’ when Sabrina comes from her room dressed up for her date with Josh.

Sabrina- Miles, how do you like my new earrings?

She models the dangly jewellery for him.

Miles- They look exactly like the titanium sonar receptors that I just ordered from ‘Conspiracy Barn’ Are you receiving any messages on yours?

Sabrina- Just one, lose the earrings. (She takes them off) The only sound I want to hear tonight is Josh whispering in my ear.

Miles- Isn’t this, like, the sixth night in a row you and Josh have gone out?

Sabrina- Seventh. Y’know, things were good before but lately something is really starting to click. It’s like we’re at a whole new level.

Miles- I envy you, Sabrina. The best relationship I ever had was with a hamster named Pinky, but she had trouble with commitment and then there was that whole eating her young issue.

Sabrina- Well it’ll work out for you. You just have to put yourself out there, be open and trusting and, y’know, good things will happen.

Roxie enters with a rather sweeping generalisation.

Roxie- All men are scum! I’m never dating again!

Sabrina- (To Miles) It works most of the time.

Miles- I thought you liked this new guy?

Roxie- He turned out to be a sneaky, conniving liar, just like every other guy on the planet. Any woman with half a brain should avoid them like the plague. (To Sabrina) What are you dressed up for?

Sabrina- (Picking up her designer handbag) Err, I’m doing laundry.

Roxie- In that?

Sabrina- It makes me feel good about myself.

Sabrina picks up her jacket and makes a run for it.

Run opening credits.

Ext. The College House. Sabrina and Josh arrive home from their date.

Josh- That was great, Sabrina. Only you could get me to see an obscure documentary on North American Eskimos.

Sabrina- What can I say? I’m into Inuits. You know, they’ve had to overcome incredible hardships just to survive, and yet Nanuke always had a smile on his face.

Josh- He didn’t have a choice, it was frozen on. So what do you have planned for us next? The Machu Picchu Civic Light Opera?

Sabrina- Well I’ll tell you what I have planned for us.

She stretches up on her toes and kisses Josh.

Josh- Hmm, I love that plan... and I love you, Sabrina.

Sabrina- (Taken aback) Wow, Josh, I... (In a high pitched chirpy voice) I love you too. I mean, what I meant to say was. (In a Japanese voice) I love you.

Josh- Why are you talking like that?

Sabrina- Why? That’s a very good question. (Clutching her throat) I-I er I must have er a little frog in my throat and, y’know, and he likes to talk kinda funny sometimes, but what’s important is how I feel.

Josh- Well, how do you feel?

Rather than saying it and risking further embarrassment, she shows him by, once again, reaching up to kiss him.

Josh- (Cont.) That clears that up.

Int. Adams College, Molecular Biology Classroom. The lecture is finished and the students, including Morgan, make their way out.

Zelda- Morgan, can I see you for a moment?

Morgan- Sure, Professor Spellman, what’s up?

Zelda- Not your grades. (Hands Morgan her exam paper) You got a twelve on your last exam.

Morgan- Well at least I broke double digits this time.

Zelda- There is no way that you are going to passing molecular biology if you keep getting grades like this. Are you studying at all?

Morgan- Sure, whenever I get the chance, but I have all these other classes and I’ve got this job.

Zelda- Working for my sister at her coffee house. God knows that can’t be easy.

Morgan- So you’re aware that Hilda can be...?

Zelda- (Interrupting) Pushy, annoying, rude. Please, I live with the woman.

Morgan- Then you know what a cross I have to bear. I mean, how’s a gal supposed to learn her cell mitosis when she’s sweeping muffin crumbs twenty-four, seven?

Zelda- It’s just like Hilda to have no respect for academics. She needs to realise that you are a student first and an employee second.

Morgan- Thank you for being so understanding. I had nowhere to turn and I couldn’t say anything because she’s your sister.

Zelda- (Ripping up Morgan’s exam paper) Don’t you worry, I will give you a make-up test, and I’ll have a little talk with Hilda.

Morgan- Oh! I promise I’ll study really hard for the make-up test but please don’t say anything to Hilda. Y’know, if she knew that we spoke, she’d work me like a pack-mule.

Zelda- It’ll be our secret.

Sabrina enters all panicky.

Sabrina- Aunt Zelda, I need to talk to you.

Morgan- And I’ve got coffee grounds to dump and toilets to scrub. Bye, Sabrina.

She leaves pleased at having played Zelda like a violin.

Sabrina- Morgan scrubbing toilets? Now my hearing’s going too.

Zelda- What’s up, sweetheart?

Sabrina- More like, what’s up, doc. Lat night, for the first time ever, Josh told me he loved me and when I tried to tell him that I loved him, I sounded like tweety-bird.

Zelda- Oh, I’m so sorry. I remember when that happened to me.

Sabrina- So you talked like a hyperactive canary too?

Zelda- Speedy Gonzales. Sabrina, a witch can only say ‘I love you’ in her own voice if she’s one hundred percent sure of her feelings. Oh I thought I was totally smitten with Copernicus.

Sabrina- And I thought I totally loved Josh. Hey, I just said it! I love Josh. Why couldn’t I say it like that last night?

Zelda- Maybe he caught you by surprise, and it made you nervous and caused your throat to close up?

Sabrina- That’s it. The old nerves and closed throat combo. Well now that it’s not surprised anymore, I guess I don’t have a problem. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Zelda- I love you too, sweetheart, and I swear (In a voice like Donald Duck) I loved Copernicus. (Shrugging) I guess I didn’t.

Int. College House. Sabrina is dressed up for another date with Josh and stands practicing in a hand mirror.

Sabrina- I love you. I love you. I love you.

Miles- (Passing) Yeah, but what have you done for you lately?

Sabrina- (Embarrassed) I was just practicing. Tonight’s the night I’m finally going to say ‘I love you’ to Josh.

Miles- Do you wanna practice on me? For once I’d like to hear those words uttered by someone other than my mother, who always tacks on ‘And wear a sweater.’

Roxie enters and takes in Sabrina’s rather delightful dress.

Roxie- Wow! Where are you goin’?

Sabrina- Please don’t hold it against me but... I have a date... with a man.

She hides behind her handbag.

Miles- And she’s gonna tell him that she loves him.

He cowers behind his hands, both of them expecting to get hit.

Roxie- I’m not angry. I’m happy for you, and I’ve come to a realisation. The fact that I don’t have a boyfriend might actually have something to do with me.

Miles- D’ya think?

Roxie- I just signed up for a relationship workshop on campus. Maybe I can figure out what I’m doing that’s alienating men.

Sabrina- That’s great. You know, I’ve always wanted to suggest something like that for you. (On Roxie’s murderous look) Then I realised you are perfect just the way you are, you know, and this workshop is just gravy. Gotta go.

She grabs her coat and makes a dash for the door.

Int. Rissani restaurant. Sabrina and Josh are enjoying their meal.

Sabrina- So how’d you like the elk picarda special?

Josh- It was unusual, but amazing. Just like the rest of the evening. You know, when I made that comment about the Machu Picchu Civic Light Opera, I didn’t actually know there was one.

Sabrina- But how good were they? I mean nobody does ‘Fiddler’ like the Peruvians.

Josh- Sabrina, you and I can never break up. I mean, I could never go back to just cheeseburger and an Adam Sandler movie.

Sabrina- I don’t think you’re going to have to, Josh. There’s something I want to tell you. Something I tried to say the other night but I wasn’t able to. ...!

The Rose Lady- (Interrupting, in a Dick Van Dyke type pseudo cockney accent) Flowers, for the beautiful lady?

Sabrina- Not right now, I’m trying to tell him something.

The Rose Lady- Well what better way to say it than with a rose?

Josh- You want her to buy me the flower?

The Rose Lady- What’s your problem, mate? Testosterone issues? Afraid, if she buys the flowers it makes you less of a man?

Sabrina- Here’s five bucks. Take a hike?

The Rose Lady- (To Sabrina) Thanks beautiful lady. (To Josh) Chow, sexist pig!

She leaves.

Josh- Okay, where were we? You were going to tell me something?

Sabrina- Well, the other night when I tried to say this, it didn’t come out right, but tonight, I speak from my heart. (In a cartoon voice) I love you! I honestly love you!

She drops her head into her hands.

Josh- Sabrina, that’s not funny.

Sabrina- I didn’t mean that!

Josh- So you don’t love me?

Sabrina- No! I do really. It just came out wrong. Let me try one more time. (In a Cary Grant voice) I luvaluvalove you!

Josh- (Angry) This is ridiculous! I open up and tell you my real feelings and all you do is make fun of me!

Sabrina- Josh...!

Josh- (Interrupting and Standing) Well have some fun with this. I’ve said I love you for the last time.

He throws the rose into Sabrina’s lap and walks away.

Josh- (Calling out) Hey, cheque please!

The Rose Lady- (To Sabrina) Sorry love, no refunds.

Int. Hilda’s Coffee House. Morgan comes over and drops her tray on the counter.

Morgan- Well, gotta run. Toodles.

She takes off her apron and grabs her coat.

Hilda- Morgan, there’s three hours left on your shift!

Morgan- And believe me, I feel terrible about leaving you like this. It’s just that, lately, Zelda’s been giving me so much homework; I’m only getting fifteen minutes of sleep a night.

Hilda- That’s just like her, not to give a hoot about the working stiffs who survive by the sweat of their brow. Like biology has anything to do with life. Don’t you worry; I’ll give my snooty sister what for.

Morgan- Oh please don’t. It’ll only make the situation worse. She’ll punish me for being weak.

Hilda- She does that to me all the time! Skinny little sadist.

Morgan- I just have to catch up on my rest and find a way to get through this semester.

Hilda- I understand. You take all the time you need.

Morgan smiles, pleased at how easy it were to play Hilda and heads for the door.

Hilda- (Cont.) By the way, how long is a semester?

Morgan- Two years.

Morgan passes Sabrina at the door.

Morgan- (Cont) Your aunt is a saint. Actually, they both are. See ya.

She leaves and Sabrina walks over to her aunt.

Sabrina- Saint Hilda? Oh this is the worst evening of my life. I tried to be romantic but I ended up sounding like barnyard animals.

Hilda- Let me hear your rooster.

Sabrina- Obviously this is more that just a case of nerves, and my whole relationship is on the verge of going down the tubes! Do you know someone who could help me out with this?

Hilda- There is a specialist in the other realm. Someone who deals in the language of love.

Sabrina- Saperstein? No, he’s lotions and potions.

Hilda- Sabrina, there’s only one doctor who solve your kind of problems. The Love Doctor.

Int. The Love Doctor’s surgery, the Other Realm. Sabrina is lead in by a sexy nurse and takes in the large heart shaped sign, the drifting dry ice, the candles and the gold statues of Cupid. A cool, black guy, sits playing a keyboard.

Sabrina- A wild guess, you’re the love doctor?

The Love Doctor- (Pointing at his sign) That’s me.

Sabrina- Well let me just say, this is the coolest doctors office I’ve ever been in. I mean, videos and velvet chairs in the waiting room...

The Love Doctor- (Interrupting) Enough with the chitchat sweetness. Tell your problems to the love doctor.

Sabrina- Well my boyfriend, Josh, just told me he loves me.

The Love Doctor- (Singing) Oh sweet sweet love.

Sabrina- Exactly, and every time I try to say ‘I love you’ to him, I sound like a cartoon.

The Love Doctor- (Snaps his fingers) Ladies.

Three of the tall, sexy nurses come over and stand behind Sabrina.

Nurse Backup Singers- (Singing) Do you love your baby as much as he loves you?

Sabrina- Yes, I loves my baby... I mean, Josh, but I don’t think he knows. You’ve gotta help me.

The Love Doctor- (Singing) Oh baby, I heard your plea
and it makes me feel so sad
But it’s not a witch problem you’ve got
I can’t stop ya from feelin’ bad.

Sabrina- But if it’s not a witch problem, then what am I supposed to do?

The Love Doctor- (Singing) Listen, the problem you’ve got
Is on your mortal side.

Nurse Backup Singers- (Singing) Mortal side.

The Love Doctor- (Singing) If you really wanna solve it
You’ve gotta look deep inside.
Stop feelin’ blue
It’s all up to you
It’s all up to you.

Nurse Backup Singers- (Singing) It’s all up to you now, baby.

The Love Doctor- (Singing) It’s all up to you
It’s all up to you.

Nurse Backup Singers- (Singing) It’s all up to you now, baby.

The Love Doctor- (Singing) It’s all up to you.
It’s all up to you.

Sabrina- Okay, well that was totally useless... yet soulful. What do I owe you, doc?

The Love Doctor- One chorus. Who’s it all up to?

Sabrina- (Singing) It’s all up to me.
It’s all up to me.

Nurse Backup Singers- (Singing) Up to you.
Up to you.

The Love Doctor- (Singing) One more time,
call me in the mornin’ You sing it.

Sabrina- (Singing) It’s all up to me.
It’s all up to me.

The Love Doctor- Get deep down and tell me, who’s it all up to?

Sabrina- (Singing) It’s all up to me.
It’s all up to me.

She’s getting carried away now and starts dancing crazy.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Thank you.

She dances out the door.

Int. College House. Miles enters and finds Roxie sitting at the table playing with her dolly.

Miles- What are you doing with that?

Roxie- I’m using it for my relationship workshop therapy. It helps me control my anger towards men.

Miles- How?

She rips Ken’s head off.

Roxie- That’s how. Man that felt good.

Morgan rushes down stairs all dressed up.

Morgan- Bye guys. Harvey’s taking me out for sushi, then we’re going to a late movie. Don’t wait up.

Roxie- Hold on a minute, you’re going out? Two days ago you were completely overwhelmed by your school work and your job?

Morgan- Well, that was then, this is now. I’ve got both situations firmly under control. Bye-bye.

She leaves.

Miles- Why’s everyone in the universe dating except us?

Roxie- Well I’m working on why I’m not and there’s no cure for why you’re not.

Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Roxie, you’re right. Dating is for the birds and... all the other annoying animals with high voices.

Miles- What happened? I thought tonight was gonna be the night you were gonna say ‘I love you’ to Josh?

Sabrina- Well, for some reason it was a lot easier to say it to the mirror.

Roxie- Maybe you have intimacy issues?

Sabrina- I wish. I’d kill for intimacy issues.

Roxie- I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you come with me to my relationship workshop? Maybe it’ll give you some insight into what’s holding you back with Josh.

Miles- And if that doesn’t work, you have a room-mate who’s well versed in the ways of isolation and misery.

Sabrina- That’s true. You and I could always be miserable together.

Miles- Actually, I was talking about Roxie.

Roxie hits him with the headless Ken doll.

Int. Adams College Relationship Workshop. A dozen students sit round in a half circle overseen by Rita. One of the students is getting something off his chest.

Bob- ...And actually, I don’t think I have relationship problems, I just don’t like people. (On everyone’s look) Oh, nothin’ personal.

Rita- Well you’ve come a long way Bob, which says a whole lot about where you started. Anybody else got something to share?

Roxie raises her hand.

Rita- (Cont) Roxie?

Roxie- I think one of my problems with guys is that I immediately start looking for flaws. They talk too much; they don’t talk enough. They’re too fat; too skinny. I think my expectations are too high.

Sabrina- Except for that one guy that you dated that cleaned his ears with the end of his glasses.

She makes a ‘L’ shape with her finger and thumb and holds it up to her forehead.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Loser!

Rita- Well the point is, Roxie has owned up to how her critical nature could be sabotaging her chances for happiness. That’s very good. Er Sabrina? We haven’t heard from you yet. What’s going on in your relationship?

Sabrina- Well, I have a really cool boyfriend. He’s caring and thoughtful and we have a really great time together... and he just told me that he loves me.

Bob- And you came here to mock us?

Maria- That is, like, so mean!

Rita- Sabrina, what’s wrong with your relationship?

Sabrina- Well, whenever I try to tell Josh that I love him, it comes out wacky.

Roxie- Wacky?

Sabrina- Yeah. I get really animated. Y’know, like Goofy.

Rita- Well maybe there’s something that’s preventing you from expressing your real feelings? Now have you two been completely honest with each other?

Sabrina- Well, I feel that he’s been totally honest with me and (In a French cartoon accent) Moiré, I’ve been totally honest with him.

Rita- (Annoyed) Sabrina, making fun of what we’re doing here isn’t helping you confront your real issues.

Sabrina- I-I know, I Know. I didn’t mean to make fun of you.

Rita- Look, is there anything important about yourself that you may have kept from your boyfriend?

Sabrina- (In a squawky cartoon vulture type voice) No, nothing! Nothing at all!

Oops! That’s too far. She realises she has to get out of there now and jumps up, dashing for the door. Roxie looks around at her fellow relationship challenged colleagues feeling her relationship with them going down the pan.

Int. Adams College Hallway. Sabrina, the animated version, comes running out of the classroom and skids to a halt leaving a dust trail.

Sabrina- (Looking down at her two dimensional self) What a revolting development!

Int. Spellman living room. It’s like the reading room at the library. Zelda is sat on the settee with her book and Salem sat on the cabinet behind it reading his. A picture of peace and quiet... until Hilda enters and picks up the TV remote, turns the telly on and sits down beside her sister.

Zelda- Very considerate. You just come in here and turn on the TV, completely ignoring the fact that I am reading. Have you no respect for knowledge?

Hilda- (Turning off the TV) Have you no respect for the poor working Joe, who’s trying to serve a cup of Joe to a bunch of guys named Joe?

Zelda- Well maybe you wouldn’t be serving Joe to Joe if you cracked open a book now and then!

Salem- Oh boy, I love a good catfight! Ladies and gentlemen, get ready to rumble!

Hilda- Listen Miss soma cum loudmouth! It’s know-it-alls like you that drove me to clown college.

Sabrina, the animated witch comes tearing into the house and stops beside her arguing aunts.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda, aunt Zelda, I’m a cartoon!

Zelda- (Laughing) Oh and you’re very funny, honey. What am I saying?

She points and an animated anvil pops into being above Sabrina’s head and hangs there long enough for Sabrina to look up at it. It drops with a ‘Crunch!" squashing the cartoon Sabrina flat and allowing the three dimensional one to stand up rubbing her head.

Sabrina- Thanks... I think. Well, I’ve finally figured out the reason I can’t say ‘I love you’ to Josh. I’m convinced the only way I can tell Josh I love him without sounding like Tweety Bird, is to tell him I’m a witch.

Hilda- But Sabrina, that’s impossible.

Zelda- If you tell a mortal you’re a witch, you’ll be striped of your powers and cast out for ever!

Sabrina- Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! How about some term aments for that Witches Council?

Salem- Might I bring up the fact that Harvey knows she’s a witch and nothing happened to her.

Sabrina- That’s because he figured it out on his own... Wait a minute! What if I don’t tell Josh and he figures it out the way Harvey did? Then there wouldn’t be any consequences at all.

Hilda- Except for one tiny detail. When Harvey found out you were a witch, he dumped you like yesterdays trash.

Sabrina- That’s a risk I’ll just have to take.

Salem- (Furious) You dumped yesterdays trash?!

He lets out for the kitchen.

Salem- (Cont.) That was today’s lunch!

Int. Hilda’s Coffee House. Hilda comes out of the back room to find Josh pouring himself a coffee.

Hilda- Hi Josh. So has Sabrina talked to you yet?

Josh- No. About what?

Hilda- (Backing away) Never mind. I know nothing. You’ll never pull it out of me.

She dives back into the back room. Josh shrugs and goes to find a seat. He spots Harvey sitting alone by the window reading the paper and goes to join him.

Josh- Hey Harvey. What’ve you got there?

Harvey- Coffee. It’s what I generally get when I come to a coffee house.

Josh- Well, I think I know why you and Sabrina broke up.

Harvey- You do?! How did you figure it out?

Josh- The weird way she was acting.

Harvey- Oh yeah, she can do some pretty strange things. Did she turn you into a puppy yet?

Josh- Oh she tried to. It’s obvious all she wanted to do was play with me.

Harvey- I’ve been one, thanks to her. It’s nothing compared to the time she made me pregnant.

Josh- Pregnant?

Harvey nods yes.

Josh- (Cont.) What are you talking about?

Harvey- What are you talking about?

Josh- I’m talking about how you tell a girl you love her and she treats it like a joke!

Harvey- Oh right, Don’t you just hate that?

He tips back the remains of his coffee and leaves... very quickly.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina seeks the advice of a wise and all knowing entity.

Sabrina- How am I supposed to make Josh guess that I’m a witch with revealing that I’m a witch?

Salem- Well, you could dress up in a big pointy hat, walk in with a broom and cackle.

Sabrina- Too small. He would just think that I was celebrating Halloween early.

Salem- Okay, let’s cut to the chase. You create darkness across the land; make it rain frogs.

Sabrina- Too big and too messy.

Salem- All right! All right! Stop twistin’ my paw. I’ll tell him you’re a witch.

Sabrina- Hm. You intentionally reveal yourself as a talking cat to a mortal and the Witches Council will turn you into a doormat.

Salem- It wouldn’t be the first time people have walked all over me. Let’s talk boils and carbuncles.

Int. Adams College, Molecular Biology class. Morgan enters to find Zelda grading papers. Zelda looks up.

Zelda- Oh, hi Morgan. Here’s your make-up test.

Morgan- (Raising her hand) And I was so looking forward to taking it, but my, slave driver, boss just paged me to mop and wax all the floors.

Zelda- (Angry) Did you tell her about the test?

Morgan- I tried! But alas, it was not to be. I’d better hurry, I get docked ten dollars for every minute that I’m late.

She hurries from the room.

Zelda- (To herself) Well that’s it! That witch is going down!

Int. Hilda’s Coffee House. Hilda looks up.

Hilda- Hi Zellie. What are you doing here?

Zelda- I am fighting the forces of ignorance before they completely annihilate all forms of intelligent life.

Hilda- Huh?

Zelda- I’m talking about you. Why are you working poor Morgan like she’s on a prison road crew?

Hilda- Hey, you’re the one who’s got her studying day and night for your stupid, seven hundred question, make-up test! Fortunately, the compassionate Spellman sister has given Morgan time off from work.

Zelda- What?! Hilda, we’ve been hoodwinked, bamboozled, led down the primrose path and shoved into a thicket of thorns.

Hilda- Huh?

Int. The City Desk office of the Boston Citizen. Sabrina enters the bustling hive of activity.

Sabrina- (To herself) Oh, too many people around. ‘Since Josh and I need to be alone, make everybody want an ice cream cone.’

She raises her finger and activates her spell. The sound of an ice cream van jingle can be heard from outside.

Employee #1- Oh boy! That ice cream man’s here!

Everyone, except Sabrina and Josh, charges for the door and leaves. Josh looks around at the commotion and spots Sabrina.

Josh- What are you doing here?

Sabrina- I need to explain what’s been going on. Josh, there’s a reason why I sounded so weird when I tried to tell you how I felt. It’s because there’s something about me that you don’t know.

Josh- Okay wait, let me guess. You’re really from the planet Krypton disguised as a mild mannered reporter?

Sabrina- No, but that’s a good guess.

Josh- Sabrina, I don’t wanna play any more games. I’ve got work to do.

Sabrina- Please Josh, just listen to me for one minute. Why do you think an ice cream truck just suddenly showed up at eleven-thirty at night?

Josh- I don’t know, the ice cream mans nocturnal?

Sabrina- Okay, what about that hockey game when Harvey suddenly went from having a horrible injury to setting scoring records? Didn’t you find that a little strange?

Josh- Not as strange as Harvey telling me you made him pregnant. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a whole disc of photos to print out.

He turns to insert the disc in the drive and while his backs turned, Sabrina points.

Sabrina- You mean those?

Josh looks back and sees the pile of photos on the desk.

Josh- Oh, where did those come from?

Sabrina- Good question. Where do you think?

Josh- (Checking through the photos) Charlie must have printed them out before he left. What a great guy.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Okay, let’s go another way.

She points at a small pot plant on a desk and in a swirl of sparkles it grows into a shrubbery.

Sabrina- (Cont) Hey, look at that plant that turned into a tree!

Josh looks round. Sabrina zaps in the other direction.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Where’d that monkey come from?

Josh spins around and sees a chimpanzee (Who, of course, is technically an ape.) wearing a pair shorts sat at the desk with him.

Sabrina- And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s a monsoon going on in that (Point) corner.

By the time Josh turns to look where Sabrina’s pointing there is one complete with thunder.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Who in the world could have possibly done that?

Josh- (Standing) Sabrina, I don’t get it. First you mock me with cartoon voices, now you’re playing practical jokes with the water, plants and a monkey? What are you doing this?

Sabrina- Because I want you to know who I really am.

Josh- If this is who you really are, I don’t want any part of it.

He grabs his coat and starts walking to the door. Sabrina hurries after him.

Sabrina- (Pleading) Josh, please don’t go!

Josh- Oh yeah. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t?

Sabrina- Because...

With a sigh Josh turns back to the door.

Sabrina- (Cont.)(In a panic) Because I love you!

Josh- (Stopping) What did you say?

Sabrina- (Ecstatic) I love you. Oh my gosh, did you hear that? I said ‘I love you’ and it came out right! I love you.

Josh- Do you really mean it?

Sabrina- Yes. I love you Josh.

He slips his hands about her waist and she stretches up for his kiss to the sound of applause. They both look around to see the chimp cheering them on.

Josh- Sabrina, I don’t always understand you and... I have no idea where you got a monkey at this hour but I love you too.

They kiss some more and more and er, come on, get a room guys.

Int. Spellman living room. A very happy Sabrina sits with her aunts and Salem who are dressed for bed and sipping cocoa and marshmallows.

Hilda- Honey, we’re so glad that things worked out between you and Josh.

Sabrina- So am I, but I still don’t understand why I could suddenly say ‘I love you’ in a normal voice? I mean, Josh never figured out that I was a witch.

Zelda- I think you were able to profess your love to Josh because you were willing to reveal yourself completely to him.

Salem- And, lucky for you, Josh is a total dimwit.

Zelda- Salem! The point is, being open as you could about your witch side absolved you of your guilt about having to deceive a mortal.

Hilda- Huh?

Sabrina- (To Zelda) Don’t worry, I got it. Which reminds me, do you know anyone who needs a monkey?

Int. Hilda’s Coffee House. Sabrina arrives for her shift and spots her roommate already there,

Sabrina- Roxie? Hey, I just want to apologise for acting so weird yesterday at the workshop. See, I’m taking this other workshop where I learn cartoon voices and I got all mixed up.

Roxie- Don’t apologise, I should be thanking you.

Sabrina- Why?

Roxie- Well after you left, people started making fun of you and it got everybody loosened up. Saturday night, I’m going out with the guy who hates everybody.

Sabrina- Hm, I have a good feeling about this one.

Morgan enters and walks over to the counter.

Morgan- I’m here, but I can’t stay.

Hilda- Of course not, you poor thing. Is that Zelda torturing you again?

Morgan- Sadly yes. She’s threatened to flunk me if I don’t take that pointless make-up test today.

Zelda comes out of the back room with a large smile and a large test paper in her hand.

Zelda- And, lucky for you, I have it right here.

She hands a horrified Morgan the exam.

Hilda- Oh, and when you’re done with that...

She hands Morgan a bucket full of cleaning supplies.

Hilda- (Cont.) ...there are some green tiles in the bathroom that are supposed to be white.

Zelda- Have fun.

Hilda- Nobody messes with the Spellman sisters.

They both do a choreographed extended Zorro sign with there pointing fingers, spin on the spot and leave Morgan speechless.

Run credits.



Pic of the Week