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Sabrina The Teenage Witch - View Transcript

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Written By - Dan Berendsen
Transcribed By - Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda - Caroline Rhea
Zelda - Beth Broderick
Salem - Nick Bakay
Morgan - Elisa Donovan
Josh - David Lascher
Miles - Trevor Lissauer
Roxie - Soleil Moon Frye
Harvey - Nate Richert
Mike Shelby - George Wendt
Reporter/Blackie - Jim Hanna
Mary - Betty Okino

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the Warner Brothers Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

 

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina is lay reading on the bed. She closes ‘Walden’ by Henry David Thoreau and gets up.

Sabrina- (To herself) Done cleansing mind and spirit...

She looks in her dressing table mirror and grimaces.

Sabrina- (Cont.) But the body could use a little detailing.

She grabs a towel from behind the door and opens it, headed for the bathroom, only to be confronted by a video camera in the face.

Miles- What attracts you to a man?

Sabrina- Definitely not this.

She pushes the camera out of the way.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Miles, what are you doing?

Miles- Pursuing the woman of my dreams.

Sabrina- Pursuing; stalking, it’s a fine line.

She pushes past him.

Miles- Not you! Mary Quizenberry. She’s in my film class and... I love her and she might love me if I ever actually spoke to her. So I’m making a documentary to learn about what women find attractive in a man.

Sabrina- Miles, you don’t have to do that, you know how to handle yourself around a woman.

Miles- When I tried to introduce myself my palms were so sweaty I inadvertently poured Fresca down her sports-bra.

Sabrina- Roll camera.

Miles picks up the camera and turns it on Sabrina.

Miles- What attracts you to a man?

Sabrina- First off: Good hygiene. A man’s gotta know his way around a Q-tip.

Miles- Cotton swabs, check. Well what else?

Sabrina- Er he’s gotta funny and nice and smart and sexy and He’s gotta have a killer smile.

Miles- Reality check, that guy does not exist.

Sabrina- Oh I’m pretty sure he’s out there somewhere.

As Miles puts down his camera Sabrina points at him turning him into a perfect copy of Josh.

Sabrina- Good night, Miles.

She stretches up and gives him a kiss on his cheek.

Miles- Good night, Sabrina.

As she turns to go off to the bathroom she points again turning the Josh/Miles back into the Miles/Miles. He watches her go, chuffed at having been given a good night kiss.

Miles- (To himself) Well I’ve already learned one thing. Chicks dig a guy with a camera.

Run opening credits.

Int. Hilda’s Coffee House. Sabrina’s been checking through the newspaper as she sits beside Roxie on a settee.

Sabrina- I’ve scoured the listings for every photography related job in a twenty mile radius, re-did Josh’s resume and, as a fall-back, got him an interview with the Seers family photo department.

Roxie- Start sewing name-tags in his underwear and you’re officially his mother.

Sabrina- Roxie, when Josh didn’t go to Prague and stayed in Boston for me, it was the supreme romantic gesture.

Roxie- You’re right. He could have just tattooed your name on his butt.

Sabrina- Yet his staying has an enormous backside... downside. Eventually he’s gonna realise that he didn’t follow his dreams and he’s stuck here in coffee hell.

Roxie- Tormented and miserable and resenting your very existence.

Sabrina- I hadn’t gone there yet but thanks for the added guilt. Oh now I’ve really gotta make sure that Josh has the perfect job.

Hilda passes them and overhears.

Hilda- Josh already has a job, and I heard that ‘hell’ remark missy.

Sabrina- (To Roxie) She’s just a little nervous about having to run the place without him.

Hilda- Oh yeah, petrified. There are tons of jobs for a photo-journalist. Almost as many as there are for rock stars and cowboys.

Josh enters.

Josh- Guess what? I just got a job as a photo-journalist!

Hilda- Really? (Yelling) I’m ruined!

She leaves.

Josh- (To Sabrina and Roxie) You are looking at the new city desk photographer for the Boston Citizen.

Sabrina- (Throwing her arms around him) Oh that’s fantastic!

Josh- Huh!

Roxie- That’s great news! (To Josh) For you too.

She leaves.

Josh- I just walked in there and refused to leave until somebody looked at my portfolio. Mike Shelby said I had a journalists instinct and a great eye...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Mike Shelby?! The two time Pulitzer prize winning reporter and editor of the Citizen?

Josh- Yeah, he’s the...

Sabrina- (Interrupting again) The campaigner for the people to clean Boston Harbour?

Josh- Yeah, and he’s the one who...

Sabrina- (Interrupting yet again) Successfully fought to preserve Indian gaming?

Josh- Yes! (Clamping his hand over Sabrina’s mouth) He’s my new boss!

Sabrina- I love him!

Josh- Yeah, I got that.

Sabrina- Oh I’m so proud of you. Well I’m gonna take you out for a big celebration dinner.

Josh- Sounds great, but first we’ve got to stop by the paper so I can show you my new office.

Sabrina- (Proud) You have your own office?

Int. Josh’s office at the city desk of the Boston Citizen.

Josh- Actually it’s more like own cubby.

Sabrina and Josh look into the one foot square pigeon hole.

Int. Boston Citizen, City Desk office. It’s a large bustling office crammed with desks, ringing phones, computers, box-files and people.

Sabrina- (No less proud) This is so cute. All it needs is a personal touch.

She reaches into her shoulder bag giving it a little point first and pulls out a framed photo of them both.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Surprise!

He takes it from her.

Sabrina- (Cont.) It was either this or those little clicky balls that go back and forth.

Josh- Thank you, this is so... when did we take this picture?

Sabrina takes it from him, puts it in his cubby-hole and drags him away to distract him.

Sabrina- Oh I can’t believe you’re actually going to be working here.

Josh- I know, and the rest of the time I get to be out in the field on assignment.

Sabrina- This is so exciting. Maybe, in a few years, we’ll be able to work on the paper together! Y’know, me a reporter, you a...

Int. Sabrina’s daydream. Stiletto shoes, shapely stockinged, crossed legs, a knee length pencil skirt, large shouldered, slim waisted jacket, peroxide blonde hair and a hat. Sabrina sits on the table looking through some pictures surrounded by trilby hatted reporters wearing suspenders and waistcoats.

Sabrina- Josh, these mugs are magnificent. I don’t know when I’ve seen a peck a more perfect pick.

Blackie- Hey Blondie, are you playin’ or are you talkin’?

Sabrina- Both. Fill me in Blackie. I’ve gotta write a new lead story to go with these.

She starts tapping away on an antique typewriter.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Stop the presses! God, I love sayin’ that.

She clicks away for a few seconds before ripping the paper from the machine.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Copy!

Josh hurries over and grabs the sheet of paper.

Josh- Breenie, this is brilliant!

Sabrina- Tell me something I don’t know.

Mike- Excuse me.

Sabrina- (To Mike) Can’t you see we’re working here, or can’t you recognise a news room when you see one?

Josh taps her on her shoulder...

Back in the real world. Josh taps Sabrina on her shoulder.

Josh- Er Sabrina, this is my boss, Mike Shelby.

A rotund man who may have, at one time, been jovial but has lost it somewhat.

Sabrina- (Embarrassed) Oh I am so sorry. I was just... having a news room fantasy.

Mike- I used to have ‘em all the time. Except in mine I make a lot more money and I look like Robert Redford.

Sabrina- You know I’ve read everything you’ve ever written.

Mike- So you’re the one who’s been going through my trash. (To Josh) Listen, as long as you’re here, would you mind stickin’ around? There’s been some activity on the police scanner.

Sabrina- Mind? That’d be incredible... (On their looks) Oh you were probably talking to Josh, huh?

Josh- Wow! That’d be fantastic. Sabrina, I know we had plans to go...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) To er, listen to the police scanner, but you’ve got one here, so er, y’know, you’re all set! All right, see you later.

She starts to leave.

Mike- Or you could stick around here, if you don’t mind listening to sirens and eating bean beritos with the boys

Sabrina- (Delighted) Bring on the beans and bring on the boys.

Josh gives her a ‘Hey, I’m right here’ nudge.

Later. Sabrina, Josh and Mike are sat at the conference table that’s liberally cluttered with fast food cartons and a chattering police scanner.

Mike- ...So, long story short, I find myself sitting in a fox hole in Kuwait with Wolf Blitzer, Morley Saffer and Jenny McCarthy. Now I don’t know about the troops but we were certainly entertained.

Sabrina and Josh laugh along to Mike’s tale.

Sabrina- Yeah, but nothing tops the three-legged-race at Camp David with Henry Kissinger.

Mike- Oh yeah. We beat the pants off Mandela and Tutu.

Josh- Mike, this is amazing. I could listen to your stories all night.

Sabrina- (Checking Josh’s watch) Yeah, and I think we just did. It’s seven a.m. I gotta go to class.

She kisses Josh and dashes for the door.

Josh- Bye. I gotta go to work.

He pushes backwards in his chair and it rolls across the six feet of floor to his desk.

Josh- (Cont.) That was an easy commute. I love this job.

Int. Adams College, class room. The camera pans back on Zelda who’s packing her briefcase after a lecture.

Zelda- Hmm. What attracts me to a man? Well first and foremost, his intellect, and barring that, buns of steel.

Miles- Let’s get back to intellect. So far, my knowledge of advanced astrophysics has not exactly been a hit with the ladies.

Zelda- Really? Well it must be in your presentation. Miles, women like a man who is strong, confident and self assured. You’ve got to walk into a room, take charge and knock them out with your masculine charisma.

Miles- I’m all over it, chicky baby.

Zelda- good luck.

She leaves but pauses in the doorway and turns back.

Zelda- (Cont.) And Miles, work on the tush.

This time she does leave and Miles inspects his, slightly saggy, butt.

Ext. Adams College campus grounds. Zelda comes across Sabrina sat on a bench with a picnic basket for company.

Zelda- Sabrina, it’s four o’clock. Are you still waiting for josh?

Sabrina- Yeah. Y’know ever since he took this new job he’s having trouble breaking away from the office. But, y’know, I’m sure this picnic lunch’ll be perfectly good tomorrow... As long as Josh doesn’t mind having his salmon salad be salmonella salad.

She takes the plastic container of salmon salad and tosses it at a near by trash-can. Two points.

Zelda- Y’know I really admire your positive attitude. It’s tough on a relationship when one person has to work long hours.

Sabrina- Tell me about it, but this job is perfect for Josh. I’m totally happy for him... I would just be happier if I, occasionally, got to see him.

Zelda- Oh you will. Josh is just paying his dues. I remember when I got my first job, interning for Leonardo Da Vinci. I was on call twenty-four hours a day and my boyfriend, a sailor, couldn’t stand it and demanded that I quit.

Sabrina- So did you quit?

Zelda- Hello! Da Vinci, mega-genius. I sent lover boy packing. Eventually he discovered America, so it worked out for both of us.

Sabrina- So I’ve just gotta keep being supportive?

Zelda- (Looking over Sabrina’s shoulder) And I’ve just gotta be off.

Sabrina looks round to find Josh baring down on them.

Zelda- (Cont.) I know you don’t want any aunts spoiling your picnic. Get it?

Sabrina- Got it. Go.

Zelda leaves as Josh arrives.

Josh- I’m so sorry, I was almost out the door when Mike grabbed me to go to lunch.

Sabrina- Oh no problem.

Josh- (Excited) Sabrina, Mike’s doing a story on the mayor and he wants me to go over there right now and shoot the picture. This is really huge.

Sabrina- Bigger than huge!

Josh- I hate to do this to you again.

Sabrina- Oh it’s okay. Y’know, we’ll be together tomorrow night at the concert.

Josh- Concert?

Sabrina- Remember, Dave Matthews... Morgan’s new boyfriend got us the tickets.

Josh- I don’t care about Dave Matthews, I’ll be there to see you.

He kisses her and leaves.

Sabrina- (Calling after) Then I’d better start rehearsing.

She starts to laugh at her own joke but feels uncomfortable laughing on her own in the middle of a college campus.

Int. The Boston Citizen city desk office. The following day. Josh is finished for the day and heads for the door.

Josh- Hey Mike, I’ll see you later. I’m going to meet Sabrina for the concert.

Mike- Well at least one of us’ll be having a good time.

Josh- Is something wrong?

Mike- I just had a big fight with my wife.

Josh- Oh I’m sorry.

Mike- Oh don’t worry about me. I’ll-I’ll find a way to pull it together somehow. But you go. Go, have fun.

Int. College House. Sabrina’s on the phone.

Sabrina- No! It’s okay. I totally understand if you have to work.

Josh- Well that’s just it. When I’m working it’s great, now I’m just sitting around listening to Mike talk. First it was about his wife, now he’s telling the ‘Jenny McCarthy and the fox-hole’ story for the fifth time this week. I’m beginning to think this guy just can’t stand to be alone.

Sabrina- You have to look at the up side, Josh. One of the most important editors in the country considers you his confidant.

Josh- I know, you’re right. Look, I’ll get out of here as quickly as I can. At the very least, I’ll still meet you at the restaurant afterwards. I wanna make sure you remember who your boyfriend is.

Sabrina- Like I could ever forget that.

The doorbell rings.

Sabrina- (Cont.) See you later.

She puts the phone down and answers the door.

Sabrina- (Surprised) Harvey?!

Harvey- (More surprised) Sabrina?! What are you doing here?

Sabrina- (Still surprised) I live here, what are you doing here?

Morgan comes running down the stairs.

Morgan- (Not at all surprised) Harvey!

Harvey- (To Morgan) Hey.

He enters and He and Morgan hug.

Sabrina- Oh well that answers that question.

Harvey- Morgan, I had no idea you and Sabrina were room-mates.

Morgan- Oh do you two know each other?

Sabrina- You could say that.

Harvey- We sorta dated... a lot.

Morgan- (To Sabrina) Oh that Harvey.?

Sabrina nods yes.

Morgan- (Cont.) And the evening takes a disastrous turn.

Harvey- Don’t worry, now we’re just friends. I broke up with Sabrina when I found out she was...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Harvey!

Sabrina quickly points at Morgan, freezing her.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Whaddya think you’re doing?

Harvey- I wasn’t gonna tell her you’re a witch. I was just gonna say that we broke up when we found out we were going to different schools. Give me a little credit.

Sabrina- Sorry. So what’s the deal with you and Morgan?

Harvey- No deal. I met her at a fraternity party, we’ve gone out a couple of times and we will be going to the Dave Matthews concert just as soon as you wiggle your finger.

Sabrina realises that Morgan is still frozen and does the finger thing again, embarrassed.

Harvey- I broke up with Sabrina when I found out she and I were going to different colleges.

Morgan- Oh Phew! I’d hate to think I’d picked up something out of the Spellman reject pile.

With a big grin she takes Harvey’s hand and heads for the door. Sabrina, also smiling, grabs her bag and follows them out of the house. The smile slowly fading as she realises what Morgan has just said.

Int. Sabrina and Roxie’s bedroom. The camera frames a smiling face.

Roxie- I like a guy who’s a little bit dangerous.

Miles- Really? Y’know, I’ve never told this to anyone but sometimes I like to drive around with only a quarter tank of gas.

Roxie- Miles, there’s nothing I can say that’s gonna to make you more attractive to women.

Int. Restaurant. Sabrina plays gooseberry to Morgan and Harvey as the sit together in a booth. Morgan glances towards the door.

Morgan- Still no Josh. You have one inattentive boyfriend, Spellman.

Sabrina- He has a very important job and I am totally on board with that. Believe me, as soon as Mike can spare him, Josh’ll be here.

Morgan- Sabrina, Josh hasn’t spent one moment with you since he got this job. If you keep being so "On board", you’re gonna rationalise your way out of a relationship.

Sabrina- No, I’m not. And if we’re not together tonight, we’ll be together tomorrow night. I’d rather have Josh be successful at his job that jeopardise it over a whinny girlfriend.

Morgan- There’s nothing wrong with being whinny.

Harvey- Or shrill.

Josh finally arrives.

Josh- Hey Sabrina.

He kisses her before recognising their dinner companion.

Josh- (Cont.) Harvey?!

Sabrina- Yeah, Morgan’s new boyfriend.

Now it’s Sabrina’s turn to recognise their dinner companion.

Sabrina- Mike?!

Morgan- Josh’s new boyfriend.

Mike comes over and joins them.

Josh- Mike, this is Harvey and Morgan.

Mike- (Waving) Hey-ho. (To Sabrina) I wanna thank you for letting me borrow your boyfriend, but I wanted to make sure he didn’t miss dinner too.

Sabrina- Well thanks for getting him here safe.

Mike- Of course he insisted I join you, so er...

He pushes into the booth with them as they all budge up for his considerable girth.

Morgan- (Aside to Sabrina) There’s always tomorrow night.

Mike- Yeah, you see my wife called and er said I don’t spend enough time at home. Something about her needs, blah-blah-blah. Long story short, she threw me out, but Josh, here, was kind enough to offer me his couch for as long as I need it.

Sabrina- Oh... that is so sweet. That you would rather stay at Josh’s place than... at a hotel that you can, obviously, afford.

Mike- Yep, that’s the kind of guy I am. I’m a people person.

Morgan- (Who’s loving this) I propose a toast.

They all take their glasses.

Morgan- (Cont.) To Mike and Josh. Come on Sabrina, get "on board".

Sabrina- (To Josh) So, Mike’s moving in with you?

Josh takes a menu, opens it and hides Sabrina and himself behind it as though deciding what to have.

Josh- (Whispering) He caught me off guard, okay. As soon as we’re done here I’m telling him he can’t stay with me. More importantly, I’m quitting. This is way over the line. It isn’t fair for me and it isn’t fair for you.

Sabrina- You can’t quit! Especially because of me.

Josh- Sabrina, let’s not get into this right now with everybody here.

Sabrina- Oh don’t worry about them, they’ve got other things on their minds.

She shakes some salt into her palm and tosses it over the menu and the rest of the people at the table.

Mike- Ew! What’s with the salt?...(The spell takes effect) because I love salt.

Morgan- Me too. Salt scrubs, salt peels, Salt Lake City!

Harvey- And did you know that salt is the most important compound in the human body after water?

Josh- (To Sabrina) My whole reason for staying in Boston was to be with you, and with Mike hogging my sofa, that’s not gonna happen.

Sabrina- Josh, I feel guilty enough that you gave up Prague for me. Just don’t do anything rash, okay? Somehow this’ll all work out.

Josh- How?

Sabrina- I’ll think o’ somethin’. I just haven’t put my finger on it yet.

She studies the end of her pointing finger.

Int. Roxie and Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina paces back and forth while the oracle uses her laptop and dispenses wisdom.

Salem- Sabrina, it’s obvious. Mike is spending so much time with Josh because his home life is miserable.

Sabrina- You’re right! I’ve just got to find a spell to get Mike and his wife back together.

Salem- Look at this. An ‘I got you babe’ spell.

Sabrina- Perfect!

She leans past him and taps the enter key. I don’t know what she expected but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the sexy yellow pantsuit from The Band Episode accompanied by long, straight, black, center parted hair. Neither did Salem expect the sheepskin waistcoat and droopy mustache.

Sabrina- They’ve gotta be kidding.

Salem- Roll with it gypsy woman. The beat goes on.

The intro plays.

Sabrina- (Cont.) <Sigh!> This one goes out to Mike and Mike’s wife. (Singing) They say we’re young and we don’t know. We wont find out until we grow.

Salem- (Singing nasally) Well I don’t know if all that’s true, ‘cos you got me and baby I got you

Sabrina and Salem- (Singing) Babe. I got you babe. I got you babe.

Int. Josh’s apartment. Mike sits on the settee watching TV. Josh enters and tosses him a load of blankets.

Josh- All right, here ya go. I’ll see you in the morning.

He starts to leave.

Mike- Whoa, you’re not goin’ t’ bed already are ya?

Josh- <Sigh!> Apparently not.

The phone rings. Josh goes to answer it.

Josh- (Under his breath) Please be a telemarketer. (On phone) Hello?... Ah yeah. (To Mike) Hey, it’s your wife, Jannine.

Mike- Yeah? Well you tell that miserable, nagging shrew...

Sabrina and Salem- (Disembodied Singing) Babe. I got you babe. I got you babe.

Mike- (Cont.) ...I cherish her with all my heart and my love for her is eternal.

Josh- Er, okay.

Mike- Better yet, let me tell her.

He takes the phone from Josh.

Mike- (Cont.) D’ya mind?

Josh shrugs and walks out into the hallway. Sabrina spell music continues to play as Mike speaks to his wife in the living room.

Josh- (To himself) Maybe Sabrina was right. Maybe this will work out.

He looks up at the ceiling.

Josh- (Cont.) It’s three in the morning! Who’s playing Sonny and Cher?

He takes a convenient broom and starts thumping it against the ceiling

Josh- (Cont.) Hey!

Int. Hilda’s Coffee House. The proprietor tries to go about her business but it isn’t easy when you’ve got a camera following you around.

Miles- Now your sister claims that a man should be confident and self assured and wow the women with his masculine charisma.

Hilda- Have you seen the Eurotrash she goes out with? No woman with an ounce of self respect would fall for that. A man needs to be aloof, insensitive. If you want to get a woman’s attention, ignore her.

Miles- (Clutching his head) My frontal lobe is beginning to throb.

Hilda- That’s because you’re paying way too much attention to what I’m saying. Ignore me, scorn me... and then I’ll be yours forever.

Hilda needs to get back to work, Miles needs to sit down. Josh enters and goes over to the counter where Sabrina is working.

Sabrina- Hey, I had a feeling I’d be seeing you today. Let me guess, you’re finally gonna whisk me away to that picnic in the park?

Josh- Mike and his wife got back together.

Sabrina- I know... I mean, I’m shocked!

Josh- No, here’s the shocker. Now she’s hanging round the office and they’re screaming and yelling and putting me in the middle.

Sabrina- Now I really am shocked. Would you excuse me a moment? Um, I gotta help aunt Hilda with this big coffee order. She tends to cap when she should frappe.

She goes over to Hilda.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda, you’ve gotta help me. I put an ’I’ve got you babe’ spell on Josh’s boss and his wife and it’s just made things worse.

Hilda- Duh! That spell only works if they’re both willing to put their stubbornness aside and admit that they love each other.

Sabrina- Well if they could do that then I wouldn’t have needed the spell.

Sabrina’s ‘Duh!’ is implied.

Hilda- Double duh! If I could fix relationships with a spell, I’d still be with Alexander the great... He really was... Great.

Int. Sabrina and Roxie’s bedroom. Sabrina is back with her laptop and her kitty looking for answers.

Sabrina- Maybe it’s not Mike’s marriage that’s the problem. Maybe it’s just Mike. The guy needs to get a life.

Salem- You’re in luck! Here’s a ‘Get a life’ spell. (Reading) ‘Guaranteed to give a recipient a meaningful existence and help him reform his priorities.’

Sabrina- (Reading) ‘And now it comes in a tasty cereal form.’

She runs the spell program and pulls out a box of tasty new Get-A-Life and holds the box up like they do in the ads.

Sabrina- (Cont.) But what if he doesn’t like it?

Int. The Boston Citizen city desk office. Josh and a reporter talk at the conference table while Mike finishes his fifth bowl of Get-A-Life.

Reporter- He likes it!

Josh- Hey Mikie, let me have some.

Mike- Too late! It’s all gone. You know what? I think I’m going to go outside for a while, take the rest of the afternoon off and do me some livin’.

He leaves. Josh does his commute across to his desk and makes a phone call.

Josh- (On phone) Hey Sabrina, great news. Mike just took the afternoon off. Any chance you can get away for a while?

Int. College house. Sabrina’s on the phone with a packed picnic hamper beside her. She pats it.

Sabrina- Oh I think I can manage it.

She puts down the phone, grabs the hamper and dashes for the door.

Int. The Boston Citizen city desk office. Sabrina enters with the hamper.

Sabrina- (Plonking the hamper on Josh’s desk.) Surprise!

Josh- Unfortunately, I’ve got one for you too.

Mike comes out of his office.

Mike- Hey, it’s the girlfriend, and she’s come bearing gifts.

He helps himself to an apple.

Mike- (Cont.) I love this kid.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) I’m running out of spells here buddy.

She chases after him.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Mike, Um, I’m surprised to see you here today. It seems like such a perfect day to refocus ones priorities.

Mike- A little while ago I was sitting in the park, smelling the roses and then it hit me. I don’t need to get a life, I’ve already got one. The newspaper.

He heads back towards his office.

Sabrina- (Slapping her forehead) D’oh! I should o’ seen that coming.

Mike stops and turns.

Mike- You know, when I got married I told my wife ‘Work comes first’ It’s my one true passion. I’m a newspaper man, just like Josh here.

Josh- Look Mike, I’m not like you at all, all right? When I’m not on the clock and there’s nothing going on, I’m out o’ here. If you need me then page me, but it better be to take a picture.

Mike- Listen kid, with that kind of attitude you’ll be...

Josh- (Interrupting) I’ll probably be very happy, all right? Now if you don’t like it then fire me, because this is one newspaper man who’s gonna to get a life.

He grabs the picnic hamper from the desk and his coat from the back of the chair.

Sabrina- (To Josh) Have you been eating Mikie’s cereal?

Without a word he takes her hand and pulls her along as they leave.

Int. College house. Sabrina and Josh enter.

Josh- Sabrina, that picnic was so worth waiting for. I’d rather lie on a blanket with you any day than watch Mike pick black beans out of his teeth.

Sabrina- Ah that’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.

They kiss.

Josh- I’m going to go down to the er paper and clean out my cubby.

Sabrina- Josh, I’m so sorry about your job.

Josh- Hey, don’t worry about it, all right? There’ll be other jobs. The most important thing is that I have you. You’ve been so great through all this. I mean when everything got totally crazy, you just stayed calm and didn’t try to interfere.

Sabrina- That’s just the kind of person I am.

Josh- Thanks Sabrina. You’re always there for me.

He kisses her again and leaves.

Sabrina- (To herself) And I’ll continue to be there.

She points at herself and vanishes in a swirl of sparkles.

Int. Josh’s cubby at the city desk office of the Boston Citizen. Sabrina appears in the picture beside Josh.

Sabrina- Whoa! First I’ve got to straighten out Mike, then I’ve got to get someone in here to straighten out Josh’s cubby.

The small box is full of guy junk. Josh arrives to clear it out. Sabrina stands still in her picture. He puts spare camera lenses into a box before picking up the photo. Sabrina smiles brightly up at him and tries not to wobble with the pictures movements. Josh smiles back before tossing it into the box with the other stuff.

Sabrina- Uh!

Mike comes over. Sabrina raises her finger to cast a spell.

Mike- What are you doin’ here?

Sabrina- (To herself) Maybe an ‘All is forgiven’ spell or a ‘Starting over’ spell.

Josh- Don’t get your newsprint in a wad. I’ll be out o’ here in two minutes.

Mike- Good, ‘cause I don’t pay you to hand around the office. I need you down at the docks covering that industrial fire.

Josh- (Surprised) You mean I still have my job?

Sabrina, who’s also surprised, holsters her un-fired finger.

Mike- No, I just enjoy sending people down to the docks. Of course you still have your job.

Josh- Mike, I love working here but I’m not apologising for what I said and not gonna be hanging out when I’m not on the clock.

Sabrina- Whoo-hoo! I mean, (Whispering) whoo-hoo!

Mike- That’s what I like about you kid. You stand up for yourself and you do it for the right reasons. Now in my book, that’s what makes a newspaper man.

Josh- Yeah, well I’ve still got a lot to learn and as far as I’m concerned, you’re the guy to teach me.

Mike- Yeah, well not tonight, all right? I’m taking my wife to a play and, being the romantic that I am, I’m picking her up afterward.

He reaches into Josh’s box and takes out the photo.

Mike- (Cont.) Hey, I want you to hang on to this one.

He taps the picture of Sabrina with his stubby finger.

Sabrina- Ooh! Oof! Ooh!

Mike- She’s a keeper.

He tosses the picture back in the box and heads for his office.

Josh- (To himself) I know. I know.

He picks up the phone a dials.

Josh- (On phone.) Sabrina, you’re not gonna believe this. I still have my job.

Sabrina puts her mobile to her ear as she’s doubled over in the picture.

Sabrina- <Gasp!> Oh that’s great news <Gasp!>

Josh- (Concerned) Are you okay?

Sabrina- <Gasp!> I’m fine. <Pant!> I just got the wind poked out of me <Gasp!>

Int. Adams College hallway. Sabrina walks through and is accosted and dragged into a side passage.

Miles- Sabrina, you’ve gotta help me.

Sabrina- Miles, I already told you. A Q-Tip and a smile.

Miles- No, today’s the big day. (Pointing down the hallway) Over there is the Mary Quizenberry.

Four pretty girl stand together nattering.

Miles- (Cont.) And in here... (Points at his head) Is the wisdom and knowledge I have gleaned from the fairer sex.

Sabrina- (Taking the camera) Oh and you want me to video tape the moment when she falls into your arms and you ride off into the sunset?

Miles- I’ll settle for my buying her a cup of decaf.

Sabrina slings the camera to her shoulder as Miles pushes his mop of hair out of his eyes and looks into the camera.

Miles- Okay, here goes. You are looking at a confident, charismatic, clean eared man who’s dangerous yet mysteriously aloof.

He sets off on his quest as sabrina films him from the corner.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Why do I feel like this is going to be an incredibly short version of the Titanic?

Miles comes up to the group and gets the attention of the very pretty Mary.

Miles- Hello. I’m... I’m not gonna tell you who I am right away... because I’m slightly mysterious. But I must warn you, I’m also dangerous... and you could eat... out of this ear.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Ooo! I think we just hit an iceberg.

Miles- Do you wanna have coffee?

Mary- Are you insane? There’s absolutely no way I’d go out for coffee with you.

Miles- Didn’t think so.

He turns, disappointed, to walk away.

Sabrina- (To herself) Time to bring out the lifeboats.

She points at Miles and his hitherto slight baggy buns suddenly tighten and lift. This is instantly noticed by Mary when she glances after the strange guy.

Mary- (Calling after) Hey!

Miles- Yeah?

Mary- I am free for dinner tonight.

She leaves her envious friends and walks off with Miles who gives the thumbs up to the camera as he passes. Once he and his dinner date have left, Sabrina turns the camera round and smiles into it.

Sabrina- I love an happy ending.

Run Credits.



Pic of the Week