Sabrina's Got Spirit

Int. College house. Sabrina is preparing a meal, stirring the pan and with a grunt of effort Salem jumps up from outside onto the open windows sill. The effort was caused by the cam-corder slung around his neck.

Salem- Oh good, I caught ya. <Sniff! Sniff!> Do I smell poi?

Sabrina- I’m making some Hawaiian munchies for out luau tonight.

Salem- Tonight?! Sabrina, it’s the Other Realm independence weekend. Hilda and Zelda already left.

Sabrina- I’m not going, I’m tired of the crowds, the exploding quasars are the same every year and there’s always a traffic jam at the event horizon.

Salem- But I need you to film the fireworks for me. I’d do it myself if I weren’t cata-nongrata.

Sabrina- Sorry Salem but my room-mates and I have organised the whole thing. I mean we even put a down payment on a pig and once you’ve ordered a pig together, there’s no turning back.

Salem- Well if this dumb luau’s so important, how about I stick around and film it for you? My new mini-cam can do all sorts of effects.

Sabrina- Oh well so can I. (Holding up her finger) Erm do you prefer a dissolve, a swish pan or a smash cut?

Salem- You - wouldn’t!

Sabrina- How about the classic fade out?

She waves her raised finger and he begins to slowly fade from view.

Salem- Very funny, you’re a regular Alfred Witchcock.

Run opening credits.

Int. College house. Sabrina’s still making munchies. She goes over to the counter and while collecting some ingredients knocks over the ketchup bottle with her elbow. The sauce runs out and some slips under the microwave.

Sabrina- Oh shoot!

She quickly grabs a cloth from the sink and mops up the spill but the microwave is too heavy for her to lift for her to get underneath it. But what the arms lack in upper body strength, the finger more than makes up for. She points and the oven starts to float above the counter. For the first time in months she sees what lies beneath.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oow! I hope that’s a raisin.

The phone rings. Sabrina answers it.

Sabrina- (On the phone) Aloha, luau central... Hiya Rox... No, I’ve never bought puka shells before... Fine, I’ll help you shell the puka’s.

Miles arrives back from the Jiffy-mart with supplies as Sabrina hangs up the phone. He looks up and drops the bag. Something smashes.

Miles- Oh my God! The-the-the microwave!

Sabrina does a quick point while Miles is distracted by the happily floating microwave. It drops back down to it’s place on the counter.

Sabrina- What about it?

Miles- It was floating!

He runs over to check it out.

Sabrina- Really? I didn’t know it came with that option.

Miles- No indication of a power-surge! The cord looks fine! How can a microwave float?

Sabrina- More importantly, how can it cook a whole salmon in under ten seconds? These things are wild!

Miles- I’m serious Sabrina! We just experienced a-a supernatural phenomenon for which we have no logical explanation!

Sabrina- Maybe we have a ghost?

Miles- A ghost? Wow! I’ve always wanted to hunt a ghost.

Sabrina- Y’know, I hear they’re easy to bag but hard to strap to the hood.

Miles- Finally, my chance to go mano-a-mano with a supernatural being.

He rushes off to his room.

Sabrina- (Calling after) Well if anyone can frighten a ghost, it’s you.

Int. College house. later that night. Flowery wrap skirts and bikini tops are the order of the day for the girls while the guys go for the Bermuda shorts and Hawaiian shirt look but no one escapes the flowers, they get everywhere, in the hair, round the neck, even around a few ankles, darned nuisance lei’s. Miles shows off his little know musical skills with his ukulele. Sabrina and Roxie watch him go by.

Miles- (Singing) Fizzy bubbles
in wine
makes me happy
makes me feel fine

Roxie- So how are your coconuts?

Sabrina- (Thrusting out her coconut bikini top.) Well, firm yet surprisingly comfortable.

Morgan is in her element as the hostess with the most, she mingles with the guests.

Morgan- I’m so glad you came.

Next she comes across someone she isn’t so glad about.

Morgan- (Cont.) Oh Josh! This is a surprise. I’m so... glad you could make it.

Josh- Hey, roast a pig and I’m there.

She watches him wander into the crowd, her big smile fading to a scowl, then turns to Sabrina.

Morgan- Sabrina, what is my ex-boyfriend doing here?

Sabrina- Um he’s my friend? And besides, you said it was okay?

Morgan- Oh, I must have been tweezing or waxing at the time. You know that you can’t talk to me then!

There’s a knock at the door. Roxie answers it and Miles' friend, Garth, enters with a crumpled paper carrier bag.

Roxie- Hi, who are you?

Garth- Whaddya mean by that?

Roxie- Let me put this another way, who invited you?

Garth- Stop grilling me! What are you, the CIA?

She tosses a lei around his neck.

Roxie- (Calling out) Miles, your friend is here!

Miles- (Running over) Garth, you made it! Er Sabrina, this is Garth.

Sabrina- Oh hey, nice to meet you. What’s in the bag?

Garth looks at Miles who gives him a nod to let him know it’s safe.

Garth- It’s an Ectoplex five thousand energy detector.

Sabrina- Oh can it detect a round the dip?

Garth- I don’t know, I’ll check.

Miles- (Taking the bag from Garth) Er that was just a joke.

He takes the strange device from the bag. It looks like a short, hand held metal detector.

Miles- (To Sabrina) After the flying microwave incident I asked for Garth’s help. The Ectoplex zeros in on paranormal energy fields and supernatural phenomena.

Sabrina- Well that dovetails nicely with the whole Hawaiian theme.

Miles- (Switching it on) It will solve the mystery of what’s going on in this house. Find out if there are any... poltergeists, witches, extraterrestrial’s...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Whoa-whoa-whoa! Witches?

Garth- Yeah, it’s just two clicks up the dial from doppleganger.

Miles scans the room with the devise and it suddenly goes wild with peeps when it’s pointed in Sabrina’s direction. She nervously takes a sip of her punch.

Miles- That’s huge! There’s definitely something not normal in this house!

Two guys walk past carrying a whole roast pig on a surfboard.

Sabrina- Oh you think? I gotta go straighten my poi.

She retreats quickly.

Int. College house. Later. The luau guests have departed and Roxie and Sabrina get to grips with the tidying up. Morgan relaxes with her feet up.

Morgan- Oh, what a fantastic evening. There is nothing better for the ego than seeing your ex-boyfriend tripping over his grass skirt.

Sabrina- I can’t believe nobody touched my poi, although my coconuts were a big hit.

Miles comes down stairs with the Ectoplex.

Miles- I have checked all the bedrooms and the closets and Morgan, while you do have an... interesting... selection of hosiery, I detect no supernatural activity.

Morgan- (Jumping up) You went looking for poltergeists in my underwear drawer?!

Miles- For your own protection!

Sabrina- (Throwing Miles a dishcloth) Okay, playtimes over. Put down the toy and start drying.

As he turns, catching the cloth, the Ectoplex, which is still switched on, points at Sabrina in the kitchen area and goes berserk.

Miles- Oh! Major paranormal activity in the kitchen!

Sabrina- Oh come on Miles, that’s just a black Frisbee on a stick!

He moves closer to Sabrina and the peeps get faster and louder. She slips by him but he follows her movements with his device and the noise doesn’t abate.

Sabrina- (Cont.)(Desperate) The thing obviously doesn’t work right. I mean look, it’s gone haywire!

Miles- Well that’s because, according to the gauge, it’s closer to the source of the abnormality.

And the abnormality appears to be Sabrina’s coconuts.

Morgan- There’s nothing abnormal about Sabrina! Point it at Roxie.

He does and the machine falls silent.

Roxie- Maybe Morgan’s the one who’s not normal?

He points it at Morgan with the same silent results.

Miles- I’m getting nothing from you either.

Morgan- Oh trust me, you never will.

He swings it back to Sabrina and the alarms set off again.

Morgan- (Cont.) This, this is creepy.

Sabrina- Okay. You know Miles, if you turn it off I’ll explain everything.

He turns it off.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I don’t know how to tell you guys this but I’m... psychic.

Roxie- Are you kidding? Half the time you can’t find you own keys?

Miles- This is nothing to do with being psychic, there is a supernatural presence here and I’m guessing it needs a human host to survive... Or, in your case, hostess.

Morgan- Oh so what are you saying? That-that-that there’s some paranormal parasite leeching off Sabrina?

Miles- Exactly! But don’t worry Sabrina, whatever this other worldly thing is, I’m gonna expose it, annihilate it and blast it out of this house forever.

Sabrina- Oh that’s so sweet. Um y’know, don’t go to any trouble on my account.

Int. Spellman kitchen. A very worried Sabrina enters and seeks help from the only source available.

Sabrina- Salem, I’m in serious trouble. Miles got his hands on some paranormal energy detector and he keeps pointing it at me!

Salem- Relax! Most of those detectors are a joke. There’s only one that really works.

Sabrina- The Ectoplex five thousand?

Salem- That’s the one.

Sabrina- It keeps going berserk around me! What am I gonna do? I mean besides get exposed and vaporised?

Salem- Hm, I knew this day would come. Sabrina, it’s time for the talk.

Sabrina- Most girls get it from their mothers, I get it from the cat.

Salem- Mortals with Ectoplex machines are only interested in one thing. You need to use protection.

Sabrina- Protection?

Salem- An anti-detection force field. You can get it at the Other Realm drug store, isle seven and don’t let the clerk intimidate you.

Int. College house. Sabrina enters and does a quick check to make sure there’s no one else there.

Sabrina- Okay, I’ve got my anti-detection force field.

It’s in the form of an aerosol can. She takes it from the bag and removes the cap. Or at least tries to without success. She stops to read the label.

Sabrina- (Reading) ‘To remove child-proof cap, line up arrows, squeeze, twist, push down and...’ oph! I knew I should have gotten the roll-on.

She points and the caps comes off as if by magic.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Here goes.

She sprays herself liberally all over.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Ow! Tingly. All right, now it’s time to give that Ectoplex a flex.

Int. Miles’ bedroom. Sabrina enters and wanders amongst the clutter of strange gadgets and gismos.

Sabrina- Okay, if I were a paranoid conspiracy nut hunting a ghost where would I hide my detector?

She reaches under Miles’ pillow and pulls out the Ectoplex five thousand.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Bingo!

Int. College house. Sabrina waves the energy detector all over herself and it stays satisfyingly silent.

Sabrina- Ah, this force field is perfect. From paranormal to normal in just one easy sprits. Whoo-hoo!

She raises her arms in victory and the Ectoplex goes berserk. She looks up at the ceiling then lowers the devise and it goes silent again. She waves it all around her and nothing. Points it at the ceiling and Peeps aplenty. Down; nothing. Up; peeps.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Hey, it looks like we’ve got a squatter in the ceiling.

Marv- (OS) Put that thing down!

Sabrina- Who said that?! (No reply) You’re not scaring me! All right, maybe just a little.

She puts the devise down

Marv- Boo!

Sabrina- HIOWA!

She jumps in fright spinning round to find herself face to face with Marv, the ghost. A slightly over weight, middle-aged, balding man in a chequered shirt.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Who are you? And what are you doing in my living room?

Marv- Your living room? I lived in this house for thirty years and I’ve been here for forty.

Sabrina- That would make you...

Marv- (Interrupting) Dead... but still a live-wire.

Sabrina- So you’re a ghost?

She sticks out her hand right into his ample stomach, her arm disappearing up to the elbow. She has a good feel around inside.

Marv- Excuse me! I find that uncomfortable!

Sabrina- (Pulling out her arm) Sorry.

Marv- You should be, if you hadn’t used your stupid magic nobody would have been looking for spirits. I could still be floating around in my underwear watching a Celtic’s game.

Sabrina- Ew! Oh look, how was I supposed to know there was a ghost here? It’s not like the housing ad said three plus two and a half plus ghost.

Marv- All I know is your friends wanna take somebody down and there’s not enough room here for both of us. So mark my words missy, if anyone gets blasted out o' here, it’s you.

He fades into a luminous blue shimmer of ectoplasm and vanishes.

Sabrina- What ever happened to the concept of ‘The friendly ghost’?

Marv- (OS) Urban legend!

Sabrina- (To thin air) Listen up and listen good ghost. I can’t get blasted out o’ here, alright. This is the only good housing left near campus. Wait a minute, what am I worried about? I have a force field and room-mates that like me.

Roxie and Morgan enter.

Sabrina- Hey guys.

They stop dead as they come through the door and spot Sabrina.

Morgan- Oh you’re here.

Roxie- We were just leaving.

They turn to go out again.

Sabrina- No-no-no-no-no wait! You don’t have to go. Look, everything’s fine. (Picking up the Ectoplex 5000) Whatever was making this machine go off before is gone.

She scans her whole body with the devise without getting a peep from it.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Look, see? Huh, nothin’.

Morgan- (Relieved) Oh thank goodness. (To Roxie) Oh I guess I should call that breeder and cancel the Doberman.

Roxie- And I can stop sleeping with garlic and a cross. (To Sabrina) Here, you got mail.

She hands Sabrina a letter but something, Marv, snatches it from her hand. She grabs at it as it floats in the air and she and the invisible ghost start a tug-o-war. Morgan and Roxie lose their new found relaxed stances and back off.

Morgan- What are you doin’?

Sabrina- (Still struggling to get her letter) Err... I’m get-I’m getting into improv. I’m gonna start a one woman show, I’m gonna call it um ‘Insane person opens mail’

Marv suddenly lets go of the letter and Sabrina tumbles backwards over the arm of the settee.

Morgan- Oh I get the ‘Insane’ part.

She quickly retreats to her room while Sabrina pushes her bangs out of her face and tugs her top back down.

Roxie- What’s with you Spellman?

Sabrina- Nothing! I’m er, I’m just gonna put this over here for erm for safe keeping.

She puts the letter on the counter tucking it under a place matt. Not a good idea as Marv makes it flap about on its own. She grabs it again.

Sabrina- Er y’know what, I-I... need a soda.

She goes to the fridge and the water faucet at the sink turns on.

Sabrina- (Cont.) On second thought, y’know water sounds really good today.

She quickly puts down the soda bottle and grabs a glass.

Roxie- I can’t believe I’m gonna say this but Miles is right, there’s something very weird going on with you.

Sabrina- No-no-no it’s not! But er... who are you gonna believe? What, a cook like Miles or the most level headed person in this house?

As she stands facing Roxie with a ‘How can you not trust this innocent face’ look her hair explodes into a wild, back-combed and tangled mess. She feels at it with a defeated frown.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Never buy conditioner at a garage sale.

Roxie backs away

Int. Sabrina and Roxie’s bedroom. Sabrina taps away on her computer checking the magic CD-ROM for an answer.

Sabrina- Paranormal extermination. (She presses the search button) Here’s one. (Reading) ‘Gary’s unwanted energy removal. Licensed and bonded in both realms’ Perfect.

She hits enter and a man in a white futuristic style suit with a utility belt appears beside her.

Gary- Gary, at your service. What seams to be the phenomenon?

Sabrina- Got a ghost Gary and if I don’t get rid of him I’ll be thrown out of this house and lose the best friends I’ve ever had.

He pulls out a small hand held device and scans the room with it. It gives off a number of deeps, peeps and whistles.

Gary- Oh yeah. Hu-hu. You’ve definitely got yourself a ghost but don’t worry, you’re in good hands with Gary. At least you will be when I come back first thing Monday morning.

Sabrina- Whoa! What’re you talkin’ about? I need an exterminator now!

Gary- I’d love to help you out but it’s Other Realm Independence weekend, fireworks start in two hours. Families waiting for me, it’s little Gary’s first big bang.

Sabrina- Oh forget about little Gary, what about me?!

Gary- All right, okay, okay. Er here’s what I can do for ya.

He hands her a cazoo

Sabrina- A cazoo? How’s this gonna help me get rid of a ghost?

Gary- It wont but, y’know, I’ve always found that in stressful times, funny music can be very therapeutic.

He points at himself with his thumb and vanishes. Sabrina blows a few notes on the cazoo.

Sabrina- Hey, he’s right, this is kinda soothing.

But not for long. The small instrument is whipped from her fingers and sails around the room before snapping in half and dropping to the floor.

Sabrina- (To Marv) Obviously you’re not a big fan of funny music.

Int. College house. Miles and his friend Garth are home.

Miles- (Calling out) Hey Sabrina!

Sabrina hears and comes from her room.

Sabrina- Hey guys, what’s that?

That is another one of Garth’s gizmos and sits on the table with lights flashing and a satellite dish on top.

Miles- Your salvation. That is the E.X.T. paranormal ion eliminator.

Garth- With turbo. Lock and load.

Garth uses a remote control to activate it and the dish on top begins to rotate.

Miles- Whatever’s living inside you is going to be blasted to smithereens. According to the manual, you may feel a slight pinch.

Sabrina- Oh well, y’know as-as much as I wanna be saved, I-I Think I can wait until Monday.

Garth- It’ll only take a second.

He points the remote at Sabrina and presses a button. A spark phuts from the E.X.T devise and the revolving dish comes to a stop. Another spark is followed by a pyrotechnic display as the machine blows apart. Sabrina, Miles and Garth back away and cover their heads.

Garth- (Cont.) She blew up the ion eliminator!

As they both stare at the smoking remains of the machine Sabrina gently begins to glow with an orange light.

Miles- What kind of all powerful, supernatural force are we dealing with?

Garth- (Spotting the glowing Sabrina) One that can give us a nice tan.

Miles- Sabrina, you’re brighter than the core in a refinery! But I don’t want you to panic... That’s my job. (To Garth) Let’s go.

They both run out the of the house.

Sabrina- (Calling after) I think I feel that pinch you were talking about!

Marv- (OS) That was me.

Int. College house. Later. Sabrina’s lost her bright glow and is on the phone.

Sabrina- (On the phone) And now they’re afraid of me and I don’t know what to do.

Miles enters in a fully enclosing yellow Haz-mat suit behind Sabrina. She doesn’t see him.

Sabrina- (Cont. On the phone) Are you even listening to me Salem?

Miles- You’re talking on the phone to your cat?

Sabrina- Oh! It’s my uncle Salem. (On the phone) Give my best to aunt Newport.

She hangs up.

Sabrina- (Cont.) What are you wearing?

Miles- Anti-contamination gear, we felt this situation warranted it.

Sabrina- We?

Roxie and Morgan enter in similar get-up to Miles.

Morgan- Aren’t they darling?

Sabrina- Oh yeah, they’re real cute.

She comes over to put the phone down on the table. All three of her room-mates edge away.

Roxie- Stand back. These suits are guaranteed against nuclear spills, not you.

Sabrina- Okay, this is ridiculous. I’m the same Sabrina that I always was, your room-mate, your friend. We pulled all-nighters together, we just had a luau, remember? I made the poi, Miles, you peeled papayas, Roxie, you filleted the pig and Morgan... you supervised.

Miles- We’re talking to Sabrina, not the evil spirit that dwells within her.

Roxie- So what’s the deal? Are you some kind of goblin thingy, or an alien life-form trying to colonise earth?

Morgan- Is that why you leant me your red sweater? To collect my human DNA?

Sabrina- I never leant you my red sweater?

Morgan- ...I withdraw the question.

Sabrina- Look, what are you guys gonna do? Wear those suits whenever you’re around me?

Miles- This is only a stop-gap measure.

Roxie- Until you’re cage arrives.

Sabrina- What cage?!

Miles- The one that will hold you until your bubble has been built.

Sabrina- I’m not livin’ in a bubble!

Miles- Yet! But in the mean time I’ve contacted a prominent paranormal researcher who’s interested in meeting you and perhaps... dissecting you.

Sabrina- I’m not a frog!

Miles- Can you prove that?

Sabrina- Okay, y’know what? You guys don’t have to worry about being contaminated anymore. I think it would be better for all of us if I just moved back in with my aunts.

They watch in silence as Sabrina walks off to her room holding back her tears with a great deal of effort. Morgan turns to Miles.

Morgan- We still get to keep the outfits, right?

Int. Hilda’s Coffee House. Sabrina cleans tables as Josh enters from the back room.

Josh- Hey Sabrina, that luau rocked! I’ll tell ya, there’s nothing better for the ego than seeing your ex-girlfriend jealous about how great you look in a grass skirt.

Sabrina- That’s nice Josh.

Josh- What’s wrong? You don’t seem like yourself today.

Sabrina- Oh you’re not the first person to say that.

Josh- Yeah? Anything you wanna talk about?

Sabrina- It wouldn’t do any good. There’s somebody living in my house that says it’s not big enough for both of us.

Josh- Oh I hear ya, Morgan can be really selfish.

Sabrina- It’s not Morgan and who it is doesn’t matter. The point is, if I don’t figure out a way to deal with this I may never live in that house again.

Josh- Well Roxie is a tough nut to crack. Why don’t you just sit her down and have a heart to heart?

Sabrina- It’s not Roxie and I have a feeling that the person I have a problem with really isn’t into heart to hearts.

Josh- I think if the two of you could just discuss your feelings, I’m sure you could come to an understanding with Miles.

Sabrina- Would you stop guessing?

Josh- I have to stop, I just ran out of room-mates.

Sabrina- This person is impossible, I-I tried to work it out but there’s so much hostility I’m dealing with.

Josh- I’m not a psychologist, but anyone that angry probably has unresolved issues.

Sabrina- Huh! Unresolved issues, there’s a thought. Thanks Josh.

Josh- Hey, just tell me one more thing. Is this new room-mate male or female?

Sabrina- (Removing her apron) Er well he used to be male.

She leaves.

Josh- (To himself) He’s got a lot of unresolved issues.

Ext. College house. Sabrina comes up on tip-toes and peeks in at the windows to make sure there’s no one home before entering.

Int. College house. Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Okay Mr. Ghost, we need to talk.

Marv- (OS) I’m indisposed! And the name is Marv!

Sabrina- Well when you’ve finished up I’d like to have a word with you.

A glowing ball of ectoplasm takes on the shape and details of Marv beside her. He shoves his newspaper into his back pocket.

Marv- What do you want?

Sabrina- Marv, er y’know I don’t mean to sound critical but you seem to have a lot of pent-up frustration and I’m just wondering what happened to make you so hostile?

Marv- Well if you must know, (Fiddles with his wedding band) I lost my wife.

Sabrina- I’m sorry. She died?

Marv- No, I died stupid! Keep up!

He snaps his fingers.

Sabrina- So she’s still alive.

Marv- Yes, that’s why I keep hanging around here hoping that Betty’ll get nostalgic for our life together and come back.

Sabrina- So that’s all you want, to see your wife again?

Marv- Oh yes... and to give her the present I made for her. It’s been collecting dust up in the attic for ten years.

Sabrina- Let me ask you something. What if I found Betty, brought her here and gave her your gift?

Marv- I’d be eternally grateful!

Sabrina- Grateful enough to leave this place forever?

Marv- Yes! The paranoid kid with the ukulele is driving me crazy.

Sabrina nods in understanding.

Int. College house. Later. Sabrina enters and is followed in by a middle-aged woman, Betty.

Sabrina- I’ll bet this house brings back memories for you.

Betty- What a dump!

Sabrina- Well we find it quaint. I mean sure the mouldings crooked, the windows stick and, y’know, there’s a few leaky fixtures.

Betty- That’s Marv for ya, thought he could fix everything himself. He was all thumbs.

Sabrina- Oh well what gifted thumbs they were, and look what he built with those little, chubby things.

She picks up a gift wrapped wooden box.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I found this in the attic and I think it belongs to you.

She hands it over and Betty removes the ribbon.

Betty- Looks like Marv’s handy work. Painstakingly crafted with popsicle sticks and gum.

Sabrina- Well, y’know, it’s not easy to make a jewellery box with no right-angles.

Betty opens the box and takes out the papers that are inside.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Plus it’s the thought that counts.

Betty- What in the world? (Reading) ‘Twenty thousand shares of the Microsoft Corporation’ Are they the baby-powder people?

Sabrina- They’re the people who’ve just made you rich!

Betty- I can’t believe it. Marv never picked a winner the whole time we were married.

Sabrina- He picked you.

Betty- Oh thanks doll, but don’t think you’re getting your hands on any o’ my money.

She heads for the door.

Sabrina- Right, well it’s nice meeting you too Betty. Now I know why he loved you so much.

Betty leaves without a backwards glance or a word. The second the door closes an ecstatic Marv materialises.

Marv- Oh thank you Sabrina! I can’t tell you how good it was to see her again. Isn’t she an angel?

Sabrina- O-kay.

Marv- (Almost in tears) Oh well, a deals a deal. I guess I’ll be moving on.

Sabrina- Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait a minute. I need you to help me fix things with my room-mates. I mean they think I’m some sort of supernatural freak!

Marv- (Thoughtful) Right, I have an idea! What if they all have supernatural powers?

Sabrina- Then we could write a comic book about them.

Marv- (Laughing) Oh, the living. You guys kill me!

Ext. College house. Once again Sabrina peeps through the windows but this time to make sure her room-mates are in. She turns to Marv.

Sabrina- All right, everybody’s home. Are you ready to wreak some havoc?

Marv- My speciality.

He vanishes.

Int. College house. Morgan has no date tonight so she passes her time with a game of solitaire. Roxie makes herself a sandwich while Miles tries to put the E.X.T. ion eliminator back together.

Morgan- I miss Sabrina, but it is nice to have the house back to normal.

Roxie- Anyone wanna split a pig salad sandwich?

The cupboard doors behind Roxie start to open and slam themselves closed.

Morgan- I take back what I said about normal!

Miles leaps into action with the Ectoplex 5000.

Miles- Roxie, don’t move!

He points the device at the cupboards and it goes berserk.

Roxie- I’m the only one in the kitchen, right?

Morgan- Yeah-yeah, except for the spirit possessing you!

Sabrina watches the fun and games through the window. Suddenly the banging cupboard doors stop and Morgan’s playing cards start to rise up and float around above the coffee table.

Morgan- (Cont.) Hey! I-I was gonna win that game!

Miles’ gadget goes into overdrive producing just one continuous peep.

Roxie- It looks like you’re possessed too!

Miles- All you women are freaks of nature! I knew it!

He turns off and puts down the Ectoplex.

Miles- (Cont.) And I like it!

Roxie punches his arm and the cards drop from the air. Sabrina grins as she peeks round the curtain, enjoying their fear and confusion. Miles is in his element with all this paranormal stuff going on. His feet are six inches above the ground.

Miles- (Looking down) Oh this is not good.

Morgan and Roxie back away watching open mouthed and wide eyed as Miles begins to somersault in the air in front of them.

Miles- I have a very sensitive inner-ear!

Ext. College house. Marv materialises again behind Sabrina.

Marv- Well it looks like my work here is done. It’s been a pleasure haunting you.

Sabrina- Thanks Marv. Y’know, just out of curiosity, where are you off to?

Marv- I have to see a man about a bright light... right after I make a pit-stop.

He takes his newspaper from his back pocket and vanishes.

Int. College house. Sabrina enters to find the place in bedlam. Hurriedly packed suitcases are being hauled from rooms and Miles is packing away his electrical gear.

Sabrina- Hey guys, what’s goin’ on?

Morgan- We’re clearing out of here! Grab all you can carry!

Roxie- It turns out it wasn’t just you, the whole house is possessed!

Miles- And unlike scantily clad teenagers in slasher movies, we know when to leave!

Sabrina- Whoa-whoa-whoa! My aunt Zelda explained why all these strange things have been happening. She says it’s due to massive solar flares, er miss-alignment of the planets and er some inflamed asteroids.

Miles- So you’re saying it’s a rare convergence of celestial events that has disrupted electro magnetic fields?

Sabrina- Exactly! And it’s not going to happen again for like another cagillion years.

Roxie- So it’s gonna be over soon and we don’t have to leave here?

Sabrina- That’s right.

Morgan- Oh thank goodness! I was dreading the thought of packing up all my skin-care products.

Miles- (Holding the Ectoplex 5000) I might as well give this back to Garth. I’ve gotta say I’m a little disappointed, I was really hoping to finally encounter a supernatural entity. I’m beginning to think it’s never gonna happen.

Sabrina- (Putting her arm round his shoulder) Oh don’t despair Miles. Y’know, I’d be willing to bet you’re a little closer than you think.

Int. College house. Monday morning. Miles sits eating cereal for breakfast when there’s a knock at the door. He answers it and a man dressed in a strange white suit enters with an even stranger looking back-pack. Like in Ghostbusters.

Gary- Hey, I’m Gary and I’m here to flush out your ghost!

Miles- Unfortunately we never had a ghost. (Looking at the back-pack) Wow, that’s a great rig you got there Gary, where’d’ya get it?

Gary- The Other Realm.

Miles- The Other Realm? Hey, that’s code for a covert CIA operation in central America isn’t it?

Gary- Oh Jeez! You’re er... You’re not from the Other Realm are you?

Miles- (Grabbing the Ectoplex 5000) No, but I'm willing to sign up!

Gary- Don’t call us, we’ll call you!

He dashes for the door and leaves passing the switched on Ectoplex 5000 on his way. It goes wild with it’s peeps and beeps then quiets down once Gary’s gone. Miles looks at it carefully.

Miles- What do you know!

He drops it into the trash can.

Run credits.