Welcome Back, Duke

Int. Spellman living room. Salem is enjoying a rare moments peace with a root beer. He slurps up the last of it through a straw.

Salem- <Burp!> Ah no females.

Fateful words as the front door flies open and a full school-girl basketball team, The Westbridge Marauders, charge in screaming and giggling on their rampage.

Salem- (Cont.) Oh-no! It’s Sabrina’s teeny-bopper basketball team!

Sabrina’s the last one in wearing the same uniform and a whistle slung round her neck.

Sabrina- (Calling) Sandwich’s are in the fridge!

The girls career off into the kitchen.

Sabrina- (To Salem) We beat the boys!

Salem- How nice for America.

Sabrina- I love coaching those girls, they’re so sweet and innocent.

Girl- (OS) Can we have beer?

Sabrina- (Calling) No! (To Salem) Aren’t they adorable?

Team- (Chanting)(OS) Girls rule! Boys drool! Girls rule! Boys drool!

Salem- Stop it! A man can stand only so much oestrogen! Kindly get those double ‘X’ chromosomers out of here so that I can try to regain my manly reverie.

Sabrina- Why you little... Well I guess you have to put up with a lot of females, so I’ll just take the kids outside and practice free-throws.

Salem- Thank you.

Sabrina- (Calling) Girls! (To Salem) Oh, we’re gonna need a ball. I know!

She points at Salem and voala! One black basketball. The girls arrive from the kitchen.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Come on guys. Outside, practice dribbling.

Salem, the talking basketball- Nooooo! (Sob!)

Girl- Did that ball talk?!

Sabrina- No-no-no-no-no, it’s just a leak. It’s filled with hot air.

She tosses the ball to the girls and they dribble it outside.

Salem the talking basketball- (Sob! Sob! Sob!)

Run opening credits.

Int. Westbridge High School. Guidance Counsellor’s office.

Guidance Counsellor- Well Sabrina, with your grades and extra-curricular activities, I think you can get into college anywhere. Princeton, Boston College.

Sabrina- I wanna go to Adams.

Guidance Counsellor- MIT, Emerson.

Sabrina- But I love Adams. I mean it’s twenty-first century concepts taught amid nineteenth century beauty.

Guidance Counsellor- Yes, I read the brochure. You have great brains.

He gets up and takes a yellow quarter slice of a pie-chart and sticks it onto a display board.

Guidance Counsellor- (Cont.) You have lots of academic extra-curricular activities.

Another quarter slice of the pie goes on.

Guidance Counsellor- (Cont.) You have excellent recommendations.

A third slice is added.

Guidance Counsellor- (Cont.) But you have nothing in the arts.

He tosses the fourth quarter slice aside.

Guidance Counsellor- (Cont.) Adams loves the arts. I’m afraid you’re not well rounded enough for them. How about Yale?

Sabrina- I wanted to go to Adams but I guess I wont as long as my resume looks like... Pac-man.

Int. Hickory Dickory Clock. Keeping a clock shop is ten percent sales and ninety percent dusting. Hilda and Zelda are well into the ninety.

Zelda- Y’know, I’m so proud of Sabrina.

Hilda- Me too. What she do?

Zelda- You know, she’s coaching those girls down at the community center. You know, we should do more for the community.

Hilda- I stopped attending town hall meetings per the request of the community, isn’t that enough?

The door opens and Salem dashes in.

Salem- Good news! Good news!

He leaps up onto the counter.

Zelda- The leash law for dogs was upheld in the Supreme Court?

Salem- From your mouth to Ruth Bader-Ginsbergh’s ears. No, I just got a letter from the Other Realm processing center. Guess who’s finished serving his sentence as a cat?

Zelda- Well it can’t be you, you’ve got another seventy-five years left to go.

Hilda- It must be one of Salem’s underlings. They got shorter sentences.

Zelda- I bet it’s that Irish guy, Frederico.

Hilda- Or Stephen.

Salem- It’s Duke!

Hilda- Wait a minute, I know, Lucille.

Salem- It’s Duke! And he needs a place to stay. Just until he gets off his paws and back on his feet.

Zelda- You know helping out would be a way to give back to the community.

Hilda- Of course, what better way to say thank you than by housing a felon.

Zelda- No, by providing guidance to a woman who has paid her dues.

Salem- Duke! He’s a guy named Duke!

Hilda- Well why didn’t you say so?

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina checks out the notice board.

Sabrina- (Reading) Astronomy, Baby-sitting, Chess. Not arty!

Harvey arrives but Sabrina’s fully focused on the notice board.

Harvey- Hey, nice game Saturday. Your girls really did a number on my brothers team.

Sabrina- (Reading) Debate!

Harvey- I already gave you my side of it. Look, er I don’t wanna get anyone in trouble, but one of your marauders tends to block with her fist.

Sabrina- (Reading) Perfect!

She tears the notice down from the board.

Harvey- Not really, it’s a bad habit to get into.

Sabrina- I have to do this!

Harvey- (Reading) Try out for the musical? Isn’t that for kids with musical talent?

Sabrina- But I have to complete my circle, become more well rounded, less half-eaten pie like.

Harvey nods as though he understands at least part of what she’s talking about.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Are you gonna help me or not?

Int. School rehearsal hall. Music is a far cry from what Sabrina is doing on the clarinet. Harvey winces as the squeaky noise assaults his ears.

Next, the banjo. Sabrina even dresses the part. Straw hat, plaits, colourful country dress and boot. She clumps around Harvey strumming random strings on the banjo.

Sabrina- (Singing (Almost)) She’ll be comin’ round the mountain when she comes.
She’ll be comin’ round the mountain when she comes.

Next it’s the Hawaiian sound helped by a ukulele. Again she dressed up to get the proper feel. Grass skirt and lei’s of flowers. She swishes her hips from side to side while plucking the strings.

Sabrina- (Singing) Aloha ey. Ey yo na o’naho

Harvey covers his poor ears with a pair of cymbals.

Next the Jews harp comes out. Sabrina clamps it between her teeth and twangs it. She clutches her mouth in pain and spits out a bit of broken tooth.

Next. The French National Anthem is murdered as Harvey stands with his hand over his heart. He would be better served with them over his ears. France declares war on Westbridge.

Next. The trumpet. Ah peace and quiet at last. No matter how red in the face Sabrina gets, nothing comes out.

Next. The rousing sound of gospel music. Sabrina has all the moves but none of the voice.

Sabrina- (Singing) Swing low, sweet chariot.
Coming for to carry me home.

Next a more refined art. Sabrina’s slipped on a black evening gown and sits on her stool flexing her fingers. She reaches for the harp and tilts it back onto her shoulder. The thing weighs more than she does and she and it topple over backwards off the stool.

Int. School hallway. She walks with Harvey.

Harvey- The trumpet wasn’t so bad. It was fairly quiet.

Sabrina- I’m never gonna get into Adams. No small, yet challenging classes, first year through fourth

Harvey- That was a great brochure.

Sabrina- What else are they looking for?

Harvey consults the notice they’ve taken from the notice-board.

Harvey- (Reading) It says stage-hands, set builders, dancers...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Wait! I’m a dancer!. I-I-I took tap when I was four.

She flops her feet about to demonstrate while Harvey watches unconvinced.

Sabrina- (Cont.) It’ll come back.

Harvey- O-oh! Problem. It says they’re looking for teams. (Reading) ‘Dancers must audition with a partner’

Sabrina looks up at him with an innocent smile.

Int. School Rehearsal hall. The piano plays as Harvey and Sabrina practice their dance routine. This mostly consists of standing side by side and slapping their feet on the floor in anything but time to the music. Harvey’s big size nine's find Sabrina's dainty size three’s.

Sabrina- Aw!

She now hops out of time with the music.

Harvey- What about Yale?

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda lays down the law.

Hilda- No smoking, no drinking and no rough-housing.

Zelda- And no plotting to take over the world, or any part there of.

Salem- Don’t worry, I know I haven’t been around an old crony for a while but when Duke gets here, I’ll do my very best to resist every temptation.

Zelda- Come on Hilda, we’ve got students waiting in the kitchen.

Salem- Students?

Zelda- Yes, we’re teaching English as a second language to some people from the neighbourhood.

Hilda- It’s a win-win situation. We give back to the community and they learn to read our ‘Keep of the grass’ sign.

The aunts leave for the kitchen and miss the arrival of their new house guest, Duke. A witch of considerable age with white hair and moustache but still looking fit despite that. He looks about himself.

Salem- Duke!

Duke looks down at the little black cat.

Duke- Hi boss!

He bends down and rubs his nose against Salem’s.

Salem- Ha-ha-he. Hey! You’re a man now.

Duke- Oh sorry, old habits.

He washes the sleeves of his jacket with his tongue.

Salem- Duke, you look great! How the heck are ya?

Duke- Wonderful!... Oh I miss being a cat.

Salem- What?!

Duke- I miss lying there in the sun batting at dust particles.

Salem- Come here big guy.

Duke smiles and bends down close to Salem. Salem bats him hard across the nose.

Salem- (Cont.) ARE YOU NUTS?! You don’t have to eat kibble, you can reach thing on the top shelf. Dear lord man, you’ve got magic now!

Duke- Yeah well, but it’s pretty rusty. Hey, have you got any of those liver treats?

Int. Spellman kitchen. Three students sit at the table. A Chinese man, an Indian lady and an Arab. There English tutors start the class.

Hilda- Okay, let's start with the basics. (Yelling) HELLO.

The three students look at her and each other, not comprehending.

Chinese Man- Ra-to.

Hilda- (Waving) HI.

Chinese Man- (Waving back) Sham.

Hilda- Okay, I quit.

Int. Spellman living room. Salem and Duke laugh about old times.

Duke & Salem- Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Duke- That was my favourite coup.

Salem- Face it, over-taken French are just plain funny. Ha-ha.

Duke- But d'you know something? I’ve decided if I have to be human, I wanna go straight.

Salem- Huh? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh that’s a good one Duke. Ha-ha-ha! He-ha-ha. Ah-he...! I’m the only one laughing?

Duke- Yeah. Yeah you’re right, it’s a crazy idea. I haven’t got the self-esteem to make it without breaking the law.

Salem- And you know the best way to get some self-esteem? Do magic! Come on boy.

Duke- You know there’s an old teacher of mine I’d like to see. Lived in the Ottoman Empire.

Salem- Conjure him!

Duke- Here goes. Postum, Ottoman, Sherah.

As an old witch he uses the old archaic magical language that is centuries out of date but still works. He waves his hand and conjures up an Ottoman... foot rest by the stairs.

Duke- (Cont.) Close.

Sabrina enters through the front door... by the stair.

Sabrina- (Calling out) Hey guys!

She goes butt over elbow and quickly jumps up looking back at the ottoman.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Was that always there?

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina has found her aunts.

Sabrina- So would you mind coaching the girls tonight so that I can rehearse my number with Harvey?

Zelda- Honey, so you really think this is such a good idea? I mean you're not that musical... or co-ordinated... or graceful...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Okay! I wanna go to Adams. It’s rolling, green hills and academic challenges...

Hilda- (Interrupting) Yes, we’ve read the brochure.

Zelda- If it means this much to you, we’ll coach The Marauders. We’ve been wanting to give back to the community.

Hilda- But you have to find someone responsible to watch the clock shop for us tonight.

Sabrina- No problem.

Int. Hickory Dickory Clock. Sabrina gives final instructions to the responsible person she’s leaving in charge of the shop.

Sabrina- There’s nothing to worry about. If a customer comes in, you just give them a clock and take their money.

Duke looks terrified at the prospect.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Look, you said you wanted to go straight. This is the perfect way to see how an upstanding citizen functions. It’s all on the up and up. Just don’t tell my aunts.

Duke looks at her pleadingly.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Say something.

Duke- ....Help.

Sabrina- Good. Gotta go.

She spins round and leaves.

Salem- Well look who’s running thing now.

Int. Westbridge Community Center Gym. The Marauders are running rings round Hilda and Zelda. They take no notice of them at all. Hilda blows on her whistle until she breathless but it has no effect.

Zelda- Oh! There’s got to be easier ways to give back to the community.

Hilda- Why don’t we drop the big net from the ceiling?

Zelda- No. You know I have studied pre-adolescent psychology and the best way to regain control is through reasoning.

Hilda- And then we drop the big net?

Zelda climbs up on a chair.

Zelda- Girls! Girls! Girls, may I have your atten... Ow!

The basketball bounces off her head. She gets down off the chair and sits on it rubbing her head.

Zelda- (Cont.) Hilda.

Hilda- Get the net?

Zelda- And a fire hose.

Hilda pats her sister on the shoulder.

Int. Westbridge High School Rehearsal Hall. Sabrina dances into the room.

Sabrina- And now she’s joined by...

She gestures towards the other door where Harvey dances into the room doing a sideways shuffle. He reaches Sabrina and trips over her, going flat on his face.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Did I mention, I really wanna get into Adams?

Int. Hickory Dickory Clock. Luckily for Duke there haven’t been any customers.

Salem- You’re doing a great job runnin’ this clock shop. Sabrina would be so proud.

Duke- Oh please don’t let a customer come in here.

Salem- Will you stop being such a fraidy-former-cat. Look, there’s a broken watch. Fix it with magic. Live a little!

Duke- Okay.

He picks up the busted watch from the counter.

Duke- (Cont.) Here goes. Tempo, Rustiva, Correctus.

He gestures at the watch and holds it to his ear. It’s ticking.

Duke- (Cont.) It’s ticking! I did it! I did magic! And right!

Salem- I knew you could. I am so proud of you Duke. Now conjure a voting-booth we can tamper with.

Duke- No, that’d be wrong.

Salem- I’ll love you.

Duke- Okay. Electa, Corsu, Explode!

He gestures.

Ext. River Street. Outside the blackened, smouldering, gaping hole that used to be Hilda’s clock shop.

Duke- Maybe we should close early today.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina says those oft-heard words..

Sabrina- I’m sorry.

Zelda- You left Hilda’s clock shop in the hands of a former criminal with rusty magic and his evil boss?

Sabrina- Really sorry!

Hilda- We were doing you a favour. Zelda took numerous balls to the head.

Sabrina- All right, pass me the hair-shirt. Look, I know Duke was Salem’s lieutenant but I thought he was a nice guy.

Int. Spellman dining room. Duke and Salem are at the door listening to Sabrina getting a dressing down.

Salem- She gets things wrong a lot.

Int. Spellman living room.

Zelda- (Holding her sore head) Well looks can be deceiving. As evidenced by that sweet faced, ball hurling, Rachel Barnet.

Hilda- Do you have any idea how long it’s gonna take us to Zap that shop back together?

Int. Spellman dining room.

Duke- I can’t believe I got that nice girl into such trouble.

Int. Spellman living room.

Sabrina- I’ll clean up the whole back room... tomorrow, but first I have to practice my tapping. Please?

Hilda- All right.

Zelda- We’ll get down there and start putting things back together before someone tells the police and we have yet another pesky investigation.

Hilda- The worst was in seventeen thirty when we had to explain our Oldsmobile.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem and Duke are at the table when another guy materialises looking like a nineteen thirties gangster.

Bennie- Hello boss.

Salem- Bennie!

Bennie. Duke. (To Salem) Some of the boys had got the word that Duke had shed his fur.

The door opens slightly and Sabrina looks into the kitchen.

Bennie- (Cont.) I’m here to get him to join the gang again.

Duke- D’you know somethin’ Maybe I should. I haven’t got what it takes to make it in the legit world.

Bennie- Atta-boy. Come on.

Sabrina’s heard enough.

Sabrina- Stop! You can’t take Duke!

Bennie- What’s with the broad?

She glares at Benny.

Sabrina- Look, Duke’s not one of you. I realise I don’t know him that well, actually I don’t know you that well, but I'm going with my instincts here. (Pointing at Duke) He’s a good guy! (Pointing at Bennie) You’re not.

Bennie- Sure he is. (To Duck) Do me a favour, call me when things don’t work out.

Bennie snaps his fingers and vanishes.

Duke- You-you-you stood up for me. Even when I got you in so much trouble.

Sabrina- True... but I believe you were under a bad influence.

She looks pointedly at Salem.

Salem- Sure! Blame the cat.

She looks at him even more pointedly.

Salem- (Cont.) What? I said ‘Blame the cat’

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina’s in her jim-jams and practising her tap routine. It doesn’t quite click with her bare feet on carpet. Duke comes upstairs and sees her through her open door. He stops to watch.

Sabrina- Oh, I’m never gonna get it!

She gives up for the night and climbs into bed and falls asleep in moments. Duke stands by her door smiling and shaking his head. He remembers.

Sabrina- Duke’s a good guy!

Duke- (To himself) I fixed that clock. Sabrina, I’m gonna make you a better dancer. Feetum, Rightus, Fordim.

He gestures and sparkles twirl around Sabrina’s feet where they stick out from under her duvet. She sleeps on oblivious. Duke looks around himself pleased.

Duke- (Cont.) Nothing exploded.

He goes off to bed.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. The next morning. Sabrina awakes and sits up on her bed rubbing sleep from her eyes. She stands and manages one step before falling to the floor. She quickly pushes herself to her feet and looks down at them. They’re the right ones. They’re both the right ones. She looks open mouthed and heads off to find her aunts but her feet take her round in a small circle.

Sabrina- (Yelling) Aunt Hilda! Aunt Zelda! Help I have two right feet! Well actually I have one right one and... one wrong one. (Sob!)

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina sits on the settee with her feet curled up under a blanket while her aunts pace back and forth.

Sabrina- I’d help you pace but...

Hilda- (Interrupting) That’s okay, it was funny enough watching you come down the stairs.

Salem has no problem coming down the stairs to join them.

Zelda- What did Duke say?

Salem- He still can’t remember the spell.

Sabrina- Well did you mention that it probably had something to de with feet?

Salem- Yes!

Zelda- Well we can’t reverse the spell unless we know what it was. We need him down here.

Salem- Sorry, but he’s too upset to face that sweet, sweet girl, Salinas.

Sabrina frown at him.

Salem- (Cont.) He’s not very good with names.

Sabrina- Well I like him too. I mean he’s a nice man and he means well, and I would tell him that to his face if I could stop orbiting myself. Oh and I have an audition this afternoon.

Hilda- Maybe this was it. Feetum, Balarinus, Tapetus.

She points and creates a tap shoe above her head. The tap shoe taps. Hilda winces.

Hilda- (Cont.) Aw! Not it!

She rubs her head as the shoe continues rapping her on it.

Zelda- Revertum!

The shoe vanishes.

Zelda- (Cont.) Well I’m afraid we have only one choice. We’re gonna have to go into Duke’s memory.

Hilda sighs as Zelda points. A door stands in the middle of the living room floor with a sign reading ‘Duke’s Memory’ Zelda opens the door and all that can be seen through it is the rest of the room.

Zelda- (Cont.) Come on Hilda.

She goes through and fades away.

Hilda- I hate other peoples memories, they always dwell on the past.

She follows her sister through and the door closes behind her.

Salem- I don’t suppose you wanna make me a sandwich?

Sabrina gives him the Sabrina glare. As usual it has no effect.

Int. Duke’s Memory. Cob-webs cover everything. Stacks of hap-hazard cardboard boxes, filing-cabinets, rolodex. Zelda and Hilda enter.

Zelda- Oh what a mess! No wonder he can’t remember anything.

Hilda- We’ll just have to dive in until we find old spells. Why does it smell like cheese in here?

Int. Spellman living room.

Salem- It wouldn’t have to be a big sandwich.

Sabrina- Stop it!

Salem- (Sob!)

There’s a knock at the door and Harvey lets himself in. Sabrina quickly covers up her two right feet with the blanket.

Sabrina- Harvey?

Harvey- Hey, I’m ready to rehearse. (Looking at the new door) Duke’s memory?

Sabrina- Yeah, it’s a er gravestone for Salem’s old... owner.

Harvey- A door in the middle of the living room?

Sabrina- Yes, please respect our religious beliefs.

Int. Duke’s Memory. Hilda’s been sat far too quietly for far too long reading through a dusty old file. Zelda takes it from her.

Zelda- (Reading) ‘Repressed memories’ (To Hilda) Shame on you.

Hilda- Take a gander. I thought I had problems.

Zelda- Keep searching.

Zelda takes a gander while Hilda gets back to work.

Zelda- (Under her breath) Wow! Move over Joan Crawford.

Int. Spellman living room. Harvey is still fascinated by the door. He circles it completely.

Harvey- Sabrina, this thing is weird. It’s got a force-field or something around it.

Sabrina- Did you come here to rehearse or to look at tombstones?

Harvey- Rehearse. I couldn’t have anticipated the tombstone.

He reaches out his hand to Sabrina but she remembers her minor problem.

Harvey- (Cont.) So, are you gonna get up?

Sabrina- No. I’m gonna sit here... in judgement.

Int. Duke’s Memory. Zelda’s found something that makes her shrink back in disgust.

Zelda- Oow! Gross!

Hilda- What?

She hurries over to see as squeaking can be heard.

Zelda- A video memory of him attacking a mouse when he was a cat. Oh!

Zelda covers her eyes. Hilda’s eyes open wider.

Hilda- Oh man, that is one mean mouse!

Int. Spellman living room. Harvey’s becoming concerned about Sabrina’s strange behaviour.

Harvey- I don’t understand, you said we had to rehearse?

Sabrina- I changed my mind. There is such a thing as over-kill y’know. I’ll see ya later, go. Go!

He grabs his jacket and turns to go just as Hilda and Zelda come out of Duke’s memory carrying a file folder.

Hilda- Found it!

Harvey turns around

Harvey- What?! Where did you...?

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Oh you found old Duke’s last request huh?

She takes the folder from Hilda and looks inside.

Sabrina- Yep, he wanted a door.

Int. Spellman living room. Later. Harvey’s gone and the ten little piggy’s wriggle in the correct order at last.

Sabrina- They feel pretty good but I swear that piggy is a little less cute.

Zelda- It’s the same toe.

Sabrina- Okay, well I’ve gotta get upstairs, change, go to school, convince Harvey that we do need to rehearse because I do wanna go to Adams. Hey, how about this for an excuse? I was just funnin’?

Hilda- Hey I say, if you haven’t used it a week, go for it.

Sabrina- Oh! Hey, I’ve just remembered. Would you guys mind coaching the girls for me one more time this afternoon during my audition?

Salem- Duke could coach them.

Hilda- No! We’ll manage. They’re young and should have their whole lives ahead of them.

Int. Westbridge High School Rehearsal Hall. They can rehearse all they want but it’s never going to make a dancer out of Harvey. The term can only loosely be attributed to Sabrina also.

Sabrina- Y’know Harvey, we’ve been practising in our spare time all day and you haven’t gotten any better.

Harvey- I think, when somebody’s doing you a favour, you shouldn’t pick so much.

Two spectators are watching from the doorway.

Salem- The kid dances like an old man.

Duke- Y’know, I can do this. I can fix him.

Salem- Well you can’t make the boy worse.

Duke- Youngun, Tappus, Miraculum.

He makes the gesture. Suddenly Harvey’s got it. His feet fly as they tap. Duke smiles pleased. Sabrina stops in amazement. He’s far better than she is.

Sabrina- Wow! Harvey that’s great!

Duke- (To Salem) I did it. I did it!

He watches as Sabrina and Harvey dance together, at last looking like a team... or at least both dancing to the same tune.

Sabrina- (Slightly breathless) Okay, let’s take it from the top.

Harvey folds his arms a pouts.

Harvey- I don’t wanna!

Sabrina- But it’s practice!

Harvey- Ha-ha! You said butt! Ha-ha-ha Butt! Butt! Butthead!

Salem- (Under his breath) O-ho! He’s definitely not an old man anymore.

Harvey- (Chanting and pointing at Sabrina) Butt! Butthead! Bu-utt! Bu-utt!

Sabrina grabs at the pointing finger.

Sabrina- What’s wrong with you?

Harvey snatches his arm back.

Harvey- Aw! I’m telling!

He runs from the Rehearsal Hall. Sabrina runs after him.

Int. School hallway. Harvey runs out and off round a corner. Sabrina runs out and stops dead when she spots a familiar black shape by the Rehearsal Hall door.

Sabrina- Salem?! What are you doing here?

Duke pokes his head out of the restroom door across the hall. He sees Sabrina with Salem and ducks back inside.

Salem- Erm, I came to cheer you on?

Sabrina- Wait a minute, where’s Duke?

Salem- Der... Duke who?

Harvey- (OS) Wheeee!

Sabrina- Tell your friend to remove whatever spell he’s put on Harvey.

Salem- What makes you think he put a spell on him?

Harvey runs back round the corner pulling at his britches.

Harvey- I’ve got big boy pants on.

He then dashes off in the other direction. Sabrina glowers angrily at Salem.

Sabrina- Just a hunch.

She chases off after Harvey-

Sabrina- (Cont.)(Calling back) Tell him to fix Harvey!

Salem- Harvey who?

Int. Community Center Gym. The Marauders practice in an orderly and controlled manner. No running amock this time. Hilda and Zelda watch their efforts pleased with their progress.

Zelda- Well at least found the trick.

Hilda- Yep, it doesn’t matter if you’re a nice coach or a tough coach.

Zelda- As long as you’re a tall coach.

The tall coach in question, John Salley, easily tops the seven foot mark and when he blows his whistle the girls stop and take notice.

John Salley- Okay. Okay, let’s try a three man weave ladies.

Zelda- Maybe we should have called them ladies?

Hilda- We called them everything else. I wonder how the auditions going?

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina runs looking for Harvey.

Sabrina- Harvey?!

He jumps down in front of her bringing her to an abrupt halt.

Harvey- Ha! Tickle! Tickle!

He tickles Sabrina’s ribs, turns and runs off again. Sabrina stamps her foot.

Sabrina- Urgh! I hated this game when I was four and I still hate it!

She runs after him again.

Int. School rehearsal hall. The auditions are underway and a dancing couple finish their routine with a flourish to a spattering of applause. Sabrina runs up to the door breathless from her futile game of tickle tag with Harvey.

Teacher- Thank you Bobby and Barbara. Are Sabrina and Harvey ready?

Sabrina looks worried and hurries over to Salem.

Sabrina- Where’s Duke?

Duke bites the bullet and comes out of the restroom.

Duke- Right here. I can’t remember the spell, it-it’s something feetum something.

Sabrina- Terrific! I don’t have time to go into your memory. Thanks a lot Duke, you’ve ruined my only chance to get into Adams.

She leaves, heading into the rehearsal hall.

Duke- When you’re a cat, this kind of thing doesn’t happen.

Salem- Ruining peoples lives? It happens to me all the time.

Duke sticks his hands in his pocket and wonders off forlornly round the corner. Towards the other door to the rehearsal hall.

Int. School Rehearsal Hall.

Teacher- And now Sabrina Spellman and Harvey Kinkle.

Sabrina’s stood in the doorway as the music starts up. She thinks ‘What the heck’ and dances into the center of the room. After a dozen or so steps and a twirl, she stands posed and feeling silly.

Sabrina- And here’s where my partner would normally come in.

She’s looking towards the wrong door as her partner dances in from the other one on light tapping feet. She hears the tapping and turns to find... Duke.

Duke- Let’s give ‘em the old soft shoe?

With a smile she does her routine with Duke, who is better at it than Harvey. The gathering applaud as they finish, almost in time with the music.

Sabrina- Thank you. Wow, I didn’t know a convict could dance so well.

Duke- Well I may be a criminal but I did take catilion.

Teacher- Sabrina, congratulations, you’ve got the part.

Sabrina- (Jumping for joy) Whoo-hoo!

Salem- (OS) Need a little help! (Sob!)

Int. School hallway. Salem has tracked down Harvey... and is regretting it. Harvey has him on his head like a hat and is twirling him round and round.

Sabrina- Whoa Harvey! Naughty boy!

He runs off again with Salem and Sabrina takes up the chase once more.

Int. Spellman living room. It’s been a long chase and it’s still on. Hilda and Zelda have joined Sabrina in trying to pin down Harvey. He jumps over the settee and the three witches cut off his means of escape.

Zelda- He has to be still so we can reverse the spell.

Sabrina takes a sweet from the candy dish.

Sabrina- Harvey, do you want some candy?

Harvey- No!

Sabrina- Freak!

Zelda- I have an idea.

Later. Harvey sits still and looks very subdued under the watchful gaze of John Salley. One wag of the big mans fingers almost reduces him to tears. Hilda does the honours.

Hilda- Miraculous, Tappum, Youngun.

A point at Harvey and the spell is lifted.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina comes in looking anything but happy and plants a sheet of paper before her aunts as though it’s poisonous.

Zelda- What’s that?

Sabrina- It’s a fax of the stupid rehearsal schedule for my stupid musical. I’m stupid villager number three.

Zelda- So all your hard work paid off?

Sabrina- No. It’s so time consuming, I’m going to have to give up coaching The Marauders.

Hilda- Well on the bright side, fewer concussions.

Sabrina- This stinks! I knock myself out and now I have to give up something I love.

Zelda- Well honey, you could always turn the part down.

Sabrina- But I need it for Adams and the state-of-the-art library with... Y’know what? To heck with Adams. I’m going to send my application just the way is, no arts. If they don’t want me, their loss.

Zelda- Pearls before swine.

Sabrina- I’m assuming that means you’re on my side.

Hilda- And another good thing came out of this. Zellie and I figured out a way we could really give back to the community.

Sabrina- Oh what are ya gonna do? Clean highways? Run a food bank? Help people convert their Y2K shelters back into bomb shelters?

Hilda- No, we actually gave a person back to the community. Observe.

She points and all three of them disappear in a puff of smoke.

Int. Community Center Gym. A dozen or so elderly community conscious citizens are taking part in the first tap dance class when three others join them. The class is lead and taught by one ex-criminal called Duke.

Sabrina- Excellent. The elderly should tap more often.

One of the dancers smiles and waves to Zelda and Hilda. They wave back to the Chinese man from their abortive English class and join in the dancing.

Int. Westbridge High School rehearsal hall. Harvey and Sabrina have gotten the dancing bug and despite Sabrina turning down the part, they practice anyway.

Run Credits

Harvey- You know I’m really sorry I passed out right before the audition.

Sabrina- Oh no problem.

Harvey- It was really nice of you to get me to your house and nurse me back to health. Although I still don’t know how you did it?

Sabrina- Oh I’m deceptively strong.

Harvey- When I was out I had some crazy dreams. I met John Salley, who threatened me with a time-out.

Sabrina- I think it’s about the fear of flying.

Harvey- Just one thing.

Sabrina- What’s that?

Harvey- Why do I keep wanting to eat paste?