Nobody Nose Libby Like Sabrina Knows Libby

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina and Salem are having breakfast as her aunts come down stairs loaded down with groceries from the Other Realm.

Zelda- I just love that new other realm grocery.

Hilda- Yeah, if there are more than three people in line they just clone the cashier.

Salem- What d’ya bring us?

Zelda pulls out a cereal box.

Zelda- (Reading) ‘Honey Frosted Fruity Coco Sugar Clumps made with real candy’

Salem- But I asked for something sweet.

Hilda pulls something out of her shopping bag also.

Hilda- (To Sabrina) And for you.

Sabrina- Bubble gum? So this is all part of a nutritious breakfast?

Salem- I don’t believe it! (Reading) ‘Send in just five hundred box-tops and get a genuine replica of the Epsilon 3 free’

Sabrina- Will anyone join me in saying ‘Who cares’?

She unwraps her gum.

Zelda- The Epsilon 3 was the first spaceship ever used in an other realm/earth landing.

Salem- I must have that spaceship!

Hilda- Well it’ll take five hundred boxes and you’re a cat without a job.

Salem- Then I’d better start crunchin’

Sabrina- I’ve never had other realm gum before, this grape is pretty good.

Hilda- But it can be pretty loud.

Sabrina blows a bubble and Hilda and Zelda quickly duck down behind the counter. The bubble bursts with a thunderous bang and half a mile across town a condemned apartment block trembles and collapses into a half a block wide heap of rubble. Hilda and Zelda resurface wearing ear-protectors. Salem has magically acquired a pair also while Sabrina twists her finger in her ear.

Hilda- It also comes in berry.

Sabrina- What?

Hilda- IT ALSO COMES IN BERRY!

Sabrina- WHAT?

Salem- (To camera) Teenagers today just don’t listen.

Sabrina- WHAT?

Run opening credits.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina and Harvey walk together past the suggestion box..

Sabrina- So have you come up with any suggestions on how to spend the money the Alumni Board donated?

Harvey- How about a candy machine in the cafeteria?

Sabrina- We already have one.

Harvey- Well I’m good then.

They arrive at Sabrina’s locker.

Sabrina- I suggested a poetry bash. We could have an after school coffee shop where kids come and read their poetry and we could have famous poets come and read their work.

Harvey- Cool! So they’re not all dead?

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem come up against his first obstacle in his quest for a replica spaceship.

Salem- (To himself) They can build a replica of the Epsilon 3, you’d think they could make scissors a cat can use.

He’s lay on the table surrounded by a dozen uncut cereal boxes. Zelda enters from the dining room with a present.

Zelda- Salem, I need your help with a bow. Where did all this cereal come from?

Salem- The good things in nature?

He gets a Zelda glare. A touch more effective than a Hilda glare and way more effective that a mere Sabrina glare.

Salem- Okay, I kinda told the manufacturers I found a rat in one of their boxes and they sent me ten free ones.

Zelda- What? Salem, no more lies.

Salem- Yes’m.

Just then Hilda comes down stairs laden with another eight boxes of Honey Frosted Fruity Coco Sugar Clumps.

Hilda- Salem, these just came for you.

She puts them down on a stool and picks up the card that came with them.

Hilda- (Reading) ‘I hope this fulfils your dying friends last wish for cereal’

Salem- Wasn’t one of you coughing up blood and craving swee... Oh forget it.

He jumps down from the table and pads off. Hilda see the present Zelda is wrapping.

Hilda- Didn’t we agree not to exchange gifts for Pearl Harbour day?

Zelda- It’s for Willard, it’s a leather detention-slip holder. It’s almost our two month anniversary.

Hilda- Wow, it’s so great that you two have stayed together for two whole months.

Zelda- I know. You know, there’s a sweet, kind, intellectual side to Willard that he almost never shows.

Hilda- Yeah, usually he’s just a big jack-ass.

Int. Westbridge High School cafeteria. Libby enters with her tray followed by Sabrina and Harvey.

Harvey- You know Sabrina, I’ve been working on a poem.

Sabrina- How sweet! Can I hear it?

They sit together.

Harvey- Sure. (Clears his throat) (Reading) ‘Two showers dripped in a yellow locker-room
and sorry I could not bathe in style.
I looked at one as far as I could
to where it disappeared in a mouldy tile.’

Sabrina- So it’s not a love poem.

Mr. Kraft is feeling a little off today and he doesn’t see why anyone else should have an appetite so he goes to the cafeteria.

Mr. Kraft- Okay! Attention everybody! Your suggestions on how to spend the Alumni money were surpassed in their dullness only by their lack of grammatical accuracy. In fact the only one that had any merit was the suggestion that we buy a new thrown for the Homecoming Queen, submitted by the Homecoming Queen.

Libby and Mr. Kraft smile at each other.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) M’Lady.

Libby- M’Lord.

Sabrina- M’Lunch.

She quickly ducks her head trying to keep her face straight.

Mr Kraft- Unfortunately the other member of the committee.

He raises his eye-brows at Mrs. Quick.

Mr Kraft- (Cont.) Likes Poetry Bash submitted by Sabrina Spellman. So there will be a brief campaign and you students will vote.

Sabrina- Great!

Mr. Kraft- (To Sabrina) How will you lose? Oh let me count the ways.

The campaign is underway. Sabrina pins up a large, colourful, hand-drawn poster advising students to vote for the Bash. Phil comes by looking enthusiastic for the idea but Libby grabs his arm a drags him away to show him the cool campaign watches she’s giving away with a picture of her on them. Phil is won over. Sabrina watches him walk off followed by many others sporting their new watches.

Sabrina walks the cafeteria in a sandwich-board saying. ‘Vote Poetry Bash. Meet Maya Angelou’ A strategically placed foot sends her falling on her face and Libby strides over her prostrate form as she struggles vainly to get back up.

A board proclaims the first Poetry Bash is underway with Maya Angelou, Henry Rollins and Lawrence Ferlinghetti. Unfortunately all these names have ‘Cancelled’ stamped across them and hand written beneath if Harvey Kinkle. He walks by reading his poems as half the people in the room are asleep despite the strong coffee and Mrs. Quick looks across at Sabrina with an encouraging smile that says ‘Well it can only get better.’ It's so awful that it makes Sabrina's skin crawl.

Libby’s set up a kissing booth and boys cue-up to have a quick snog with the Homecoming Queen in return for a promised vote. She pecks each one on the cheek until a geek turns up when he closes his eyes she signals one of her cheerleaders to do the kissing then quickly ducks back in to hand him a ‘Vote for Libby’ pin.

In the cafeteria Libby has set up cakes and capaccino for all the students and serves them herself and Sabrina comes in and knows there’s no way she can win against Libby’s tactics. She sits beside Harvey who smiles at her in a ‘can you believe this?’ way. Then as Sabrina glares at Libby takes a surreptitious sip from the coffee cup he has hidden beside him.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda stands at the counter leafing through the magic book. Salem comes in.

Salem- Hilda.

Hilda- Yeah?

Salem- We’re out of cereal, I’m going to need you to pose for the botulism picture. What ya doin’?

Hilda- I’m trying to find a potion that will make Zelda realise how awful Willard really is. Then she’ll break up with him and he can get back to the painful but necessary task of getting over me.

Salem- I know a little Other Real candy shop that sells the best annoyance amplifying sweets around.

Hilda- That’s perfect! Zelda eats a chocolate and all of Willard’s already annoying qualities will be amplified. Where’s the phone number?

Salem- It’s yours, I know a cat who needs cereal.

Later. Salem sits on the table surrounded by cereal boxes and Hilda’s on the phone with a product list in front of her.

Hilda- Yes, I’d like to order a one pound box of your annoyance amplifier chocolates. Yep, I’ll take some erm, (Reading) ‘His voice makes my skin crawl’ and er give me four of er (Reading) ‘He dresses like a polka band leader’

Salem- Throw in a couple...

Hilda holds the phone to Salem.

Salem- (Reading) ‘He smells like feet’

Hilda- (Down phone) You got that? Okay, you do deliver right? Oh that long huh?

She presses the end-call button as the confectioner comes hurtling down the stairs and places the gift wrapped box in her now empty hands. The confectioner disappears back up stairs as quickly as she arrived.

Salem- That was awkward, we used to date.

Int. Westbridge High School cafeteria. It’s crunch time and Mr. Kraft counts the votes while Mrs. Quick, Libby, Sabrina and the rest of the students watch on.

Mr. Kraft- (Reading) Thrown. Thrown. Thrown. Mr. Kraft is a golf ball.

Mrs. Quick- That’s ‘goof-ball’

Mr. Kraft- (Reading) Thrown. Thrown.

The result is no longer in doubt and Libby takes the chance to graciously offer her commiseration’s to her defeated opponent.

Libby- So I guess your coalition of freaks and nerds never materialised.

Mr. Kraft- Thrown.

Mrs. Quick- (To Sabrina) Well don’t you worry, they will.

Mr. Kraft- Thrown.

Harvey- This is all my fault. My poetry stunk.

Sabrina and Mrs. Quick- (Together) (Pause) No! No-no-no.

Sabrina- (To Libby) This is all your fault.

Mr. Kraft- Thrown.

Sabrina- (Cont.) You bought all those votes.

Mr. Kraft- Thrown.

Libby- I bought them fair and square.

Sabrina- Y’know, why don’t you surprise us all by changing...

Mr Kraft- Thrown.

Sabrina- (Cont.) ...and doing something good and kind for once?

Sabrina storms out of the cafeteria.

Libby- (To herself) Why mess with success?

Int. Spellman living room. The co-conspirators Hilda and Salem are sat on the settee with the box of chocolates.

Hilda- Now Zelda is meeting Willard this afternoon, so I just have to get her to eat a couple of these before she sees him.

Salem- Yeah-yeah. When it gets here can I store my Epsilon 3 in the garage?

Zelda enters from the kitchen with her shoulder bag ready to go out to meet Mr. Kraft. Hilda quickly replaces the lid on the chocolate box and keeps it out of site.

Zelda- Salem, something arrived for you from the Other Realm. Once again you owe me the tip money.

Salem- Finally! My ship has come in.

He jumps down from the settee and runs for the kitchen.

Zelda- Well I’m off to join Willard at the Homecoming pep-rally.

Hilda- Oh that reminds me, he came by earlier to drop off your anniversary gift.

She hands her sister the chocolates and a single red rose.

Zelda- Oh Willie. Oh he knows I love chocolates, oh I can’t wait to thank him.

Hilda- No! Don’t! I wasn’t supposed to give it to you until the actual day of your anniversary.

Zelda- Well I guess I should wait until our actual anniversary to eat them then.

She puts the chocolates down.

Hilda- No! Don’t! Why deny yourself, have some. Take a few for the road.

Hilda grabs a double hand full and puts them in Zelda’s bag.

Zelda- Well what’s the harm? And I did miss lunch.

She turns to the door to leave.

Hilda- (Calling after) And nugget is an excellent source of potassium.

She shakes her head wondering where that thought came from.

Int. Spellman kitchen. There it is. The magnificent genuine replica of the Epsilon 3 space craft. Reproduced in the minutest detail. Unfortunately minutest is the optimum word here. The replica is tiny, no more than three inches long.

Salem- (To himself) This can’t be it! I can’t pick up women in this!

Sabrina arrives home from school.

Sabrina- Who does Libby think she is?

Salem- Maybe it inflates. Sabrina, flip that switch.

Sabrina- She only cares about one person, Libby.

Salem- Flip it!

Sabrina- I know aunt Zelda says you shouldn’t change a person but I would pay money to change Libby.

Salem- In the name of all that is dear in this world, flip the switch!

Sabrina- Fine!

Distracted by her thoughts, Sabrina leans forward and flips the blasted switch and instantly both she and Salem vanish.

Int. The genuine replica of the Epsilon 3 spaceship. Sabrina and her cat flicker into being in the cockpit. But they are reduced to the necessary size to fit. Teeny-tiny. Sabrina looks about herself confused.

Salem- (Excited) We’re inside the ship! We’re inside the ship!

Sabrina- Get us out of the Ship! Get us out of the ship!

Salem looks out on the vastness of the kitchen as Sabrina looks around at the incomprehensible array of dials and controls.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Where’s the stupid hatch on this thing?

She tries a few random switches and it’s a million to one chance that she would find the right sequence but as Pratchett tells us, million to one chances happen nine times out of ten. The engines roar to life and the ship starts to change.

Sabrina- (Cont.) We’re shrinking! We’re shrinking!

If it was tiny before it is now minuscule. No bigger than a germ. Consequently the view of the kitchen through the windscreen is like staring out into a galaxy. made up of solar system sized household furniture. Sabrina tries to reverse what she’s done by randomly pressing some more buttons and the craft takes off.

Salem- Lift off! We have lift off!

Sabrina screams and grabs at the joy-stick steering mechanism and turns the craft missing a Kenwood blender by millimetres.

Salem- Yee-hah! Rev it up. Let's see what this baby can do.

She banks left to avoid a cereal packet.

Sabrina- Oh I hate driving stick!

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda answers the door to find Libby there.

Hilda- Libby?!

Libby lets herself in.

Libby- Hi, sorry to just drop in like this but Sabrina left school before they announced the winner of the campaign.

Hilda- Oh she won and you wanted to congratulate her?

Libby- No, sadly she lost and I thought I should be the one to tell her.

Hilda- How thoughtful, I’ll see if she’s here.

Hilda walks behind Libby towards the kitchen and as she does she sticks out her tongue at the girl.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda walks in.

Hilda- Sabrina! Your friend, Leona Helmsly, is here.

Something zips past her eyes and she bats at it absently as she looks around for her niece.

Int. The genuine replica of the Epsilon 3 spaceship. Sabrina struggles to control the spaceship and whistles past the end of Hilda’s huge nose. the pores look like craters.

Sabrina- Oh! That was close. If we survive this someone’s gotta tell her that she has mustard on her cheek.

In the distance they see the living room door open and a monstrous alien life form come towards them.

Libby- Excuse me! I’m kind of in a rush here.

Salem- Mayday! Mayday! Nostril at twelve o’clock!

Sabrina- It’s flared!

It’s too late to manoeuvre all they can do is cover their heads with their arms and assume the crash position.

Int. Spellman Kitchen. Libby yelps and grabs at her nose and coughs. A small plume of exhaust streams from her right nostril.

Hilda- Libby, can I get you a Kleenex? Or a fire extinguisher?

Int. The genuine replica of the Epsilon 3 spaceship. The ship comes to a crashing halt and the intrepid Libbynaughts look up.

Salem- Can we go again? Huh? Huh? Can we? Huh?

Sabrina- What happened?

Salem- Well we flew up Libby’s nose and apperantly crashed in her brain.

Sabrina- Oh, and I was afraid something unusual happened.

Salem- Let's go out and play. The last one to the cerebellum eats grey-matter.

Int. Spellman Kitchen. Libby’s recovered from her surprise.

Libby- Perfect, no Sabrina and a bug flies up my nose. As always it’s been a lovely afternoon at the Spellman house.

She spins on her heals and leaves.

Hilda- (Calling after) Next time call first. (To herself) Give us a chance to move.

Int. Libby’s brain. The Epsilon 3 is half buried in grey-matter. pulses of light streak along synapses sending signals and data to various parts of her brain. With a hiss the air-lock opens and Sabrina steps out into this other world holding Salem in her arms.

Salem- Will you take a gander at these synapses?

Sabrina- Hey look! There’s Libby’s eye. It’s the window to whatever she has instead of a soul.

They look out and see that Libby is walking through the living room to the front door.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh-no! She’s leaving. We’ve gotta get out o’ here.

She points at herself but there’s only a ‘phut!’ from her finger. She stares at it in surprise.

Sabrina- Hey!

Salem- I just remembered. Magic can’t be transmitted by a witch from inside a mortal brain.

Sabrina- How do you know that?

Salem- I saw a special about this on the witches Discovery Channel.

Sabrina- So witches get stuck in mortal brains a lot?

Salem- Not as much as the witch media hypes it, but it does happen.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Zelda walks in a spots Mrs. Quick.

Zelda- Oh Mrs. Quick, have you seen Willard?

Mrs. Quick- Oh no, but just follow the sound of un-warranted hostility and you’re sure to find him.

Zelda walks on popping a chocolate in her mouth. At the next corner she sees him. She waves and he comes over.

Mr. Kraft- Oh Zelda.

Zelda immediately puts her hand to her ear and winces.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) How wonderful to see you, are you ready for the rally?

Zelda has to clamp her hands over her ears because his voice grates every nerve in her head. Libby strolls past.

Int. Libby’s Brain. Sabrina and Salem see Zelda and Mr. Kraft talking. Or rather Mr. Kraft talking and Zelda trying to rip her own ears off.

Salem- I’m glad we arrived in Libby’s brain early. We got really good seats.

Sabrina- Look at this! I found a radio in the spaceship. Maybe we can call someone for help.

Salem- Do ya think Mighty Mouse is free?

Sabrina- What am I saying? It’ll only do us some good if someone has the receiver.

Salem- The receiver’s probably still in the box of cereal.

She lifts the radio to her mouth and gives it a go.

Sabrina- Help! Somebody!

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda’s sat down at the table for a mid-day sugar fix. A bowl of Honey Frosted Fruity Coco Sugar Clumps should do the trick. She lifts a spoonful to her mouth and there’s a tiny. tinny sound.

Sabrina- Anybody!

She takes the spoonful in her mouth and the sound is amplified by it.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Help! Help!

Hilda reaches into her mouth with her fingers and takes out something that isn’t Honey frosted. or fruity or tastes of coco. It’s a tiny radio receiver.

Hilda- Hello? Hello?

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda? It’s Sabrina. Salem and I are in Libby’s brain.

Hilda- I would have picked Aruba, but okay.

Sabrina- Stop! We’re trapped. We were in Salem’s toy spaceship and we flew up her nose. If there had been boogers about we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

Hilda- I can’t use magic to penetrate a mortals brain. I just saw something about this on the witches Discovery Channel.

Salem- Wasn’t that a good show? Now aren’t you glad we got cable?

Hilda- Yeah but the Sci-Fi Channels a rip-off.

Sabrina- Hey! I’m in a brain here! Aunt Hilda, what are we gonna do?

Salem- I suggest we send out for Dim Sum.

Hilda- Hang tight Sabrina, I’ll get one of Zelda’s books on the mortal brain. Good thing we ordered that Time Life series. Don’t go anywhere.

Sabrina- Where are we gonna go? A day trip through the gall-bladder?

Int. Westbridge High School assembly hall. Everything’s ready for the pep-rally. Mr. Kraft is at the podium with the Homecoming Queen in her tiara beside him. A canvas cover is draped over a thrown shaped object with Harvey standing ready to do the unavailing. The students come into the hall and take their seats and Zelda slips in with them. Mr. Kraft spots her and comes down off the stage. Zelda pops a chocolate in her mouth. Her smile of greeting fades a Mr. Kraft reaches her. He looks and smells like a rancid piece of cheese.

Mr. Kraft- Hi honey, I wish I could sit here with you but er I’ve gotta give my speach. Well wish me luck.

She manages a weak smile and a wave of her hand.

Zelda- (Thinking) Try not to throw up. Try not to throw up!

Mr. Kraft goes back up onto the stage where Libby makes a play for Harvey.

Libby- Harvey, if thee worships at mine feet thyn will buy thee a hoagie.

Harvey- Have you seen Sabrina.

Int. Libby’s brain. Sabrina and Salem watch and hear the exchange through Libby’s eyes and ears. They see Libby preening herself in a hand mirror.

Libby- I stopped by her house to console her after that horrible defeat. She was wearing a house-coat and eating cheese-doodles, I had to look away.

Sabrina- I don’t even own a house-coat!

Salem- We have cheese-doodles?

Libby- Is that new cologne?

Sabrina- Hey! I’m the only one allowed to smell Harvey!

She beats her hands on the grey-matter that she’s sitting on in frustrated anger and Libby feels a sudden pounding headache come on.

Harvey- My fault, my aftershave gives my mum a headache too. I got it free when I bought tyres.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda comes back in carrying a large book.

Hilda- (Reading) ‘Trapped in belly-button, bile-duct'. Here we go! 'Brain’.

She picks up the tiny radio.

Hilda- (Cont.) (To Radio) Aw breaker, breaker. This is Kitchen Mama calling. Sabrina. What do you want your handle to be?

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda!

Hilda- Okay, Aunt Hilda. I’ve found a way for you to get out and it’s so easy.

Sabrina- How?

Hilda- You just have to go out the same way you came in. You have to make Libby sneeze.

Sabrina- How?

Hilda- I have no idea, but it’s gotta be easier than the other option. Kicking a hole through her temples.

Sabrina- Thanks. Even though we’re basically doomed you’ve been a big help.

Hilda- Oh I-I’ll keep looking, and um speaking of looking, have you seen er Zelda and Willard anywhere?... Hello?

Int. Libby’s brain. The radio has been put down.

Sabrina- Okay, how can we make Libby sneeze?

Salem- Pepper? I bet Dim-Sum has pepper in it.

Sabrina- Let's think. Okay, we’re in her brain, and the brain controls everything a person does so maybe if we just stimulate the right part of the brain tissue we can make her sneeze!

She starts groping around in the slimy grey-matter, scratching and rubbing, pulling and pushing.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Gross! Gross! Gross!

Salem- Or kill her.

Sabrina- Did we do anything to her?

Salem looks out if the eye.

Salem- Everything seems A-okay.

Int. Westbridge High School assembly hall. Libby’s monkeying around. She jumps down among the seats swinging her arms with her knuckles dragging on the floor

Int. Libby’s Brain. Sabrina pushes back a sloppy lump of glop that had fallen out of a lump of tissue.

Int. School assembly hall. Libby suddenly straightens in front of the stage just as the new thrown is revealed. Everyone applauds and Libby looks very confused.

Mr. Kraft- So as you can see, the Alumni money was well spent and now, the girl who puts the cheer in leader, the pep in rally...

Zelda pops another sweetie.

Zelda- (Thinking) Lordy-love-a-duck! What’s he wearing?

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) ...Your queen and mine, Libby Chessler!

What Mr. Kraft appears to be wearing is a pair of turquoise leaderhosen over a striped, short sleeved top and a silly turquoise hat with a bobble on top. Is that really what polka band leaders wear?

Zelda- (Thinking) Why is he allowed to live?

Int. Libby’s brain. Sabrina wipes slimy gunk from her hands while backing away from where she’s been working.

Sabrina- Yuck! I’m not touching anything until I hear from aunt Hilda.

Salem- Then you’ll want to avoid...

As she backs away she doesn’t see where she’s going and trips landing in a pool of crud.

Sabrina- Ugh!

All the lights go out in the brain.

Int. School assemble hall Libby clutches at her eyes.

Int. Libby’s brain.

Salem- (Cont.) ...That vainy thing. Help! I’m blind!

Int. School assembly hall. Mr. Kraft turns concerned for Libby who appears in some distress.

Mr. Kraft- What’s the matter Libby? You don’t like your new thrown?

Zelda eats a chocolate.

Zelda- (Thinking) Dear Willard, I’m breaking up with you because you dress like an imbecile.

Ah so this is how a polka band leader dresses. Dirty leather jacket and chains with a spiked Mohecan punk hair-do.

Zelda- (Thinking) No, too harsh. Dear Willard, you repulse me.

Int. Libby’s brain.

Salem- Stick it back

Sabrina fumbles around in the dark with the vain.

Sabrina- Ugh I’m trying. Gross! Gross! Gross!

She jams the end of the vain into something and the lights come back on.

Salem- Thank you! I’ll never bare false witness against Fluffy again.

But the power fluctuates dimming the lights once more.

Sabrina- Oh-no! Libby’s dimming!

Int. School assembly hall. Libby is indeed dimming. She dimmed down to the mentality of a chicken. She struts around the stage flapping her arms and clucking.

Mr. Kraft- Miss Chessler! Are you mocking the noble institution of Homecoming?

Int. Libby’s brain.

Salem- Sabrina, you might want to try again with the slimy thing.

Sabrina- If we get out of this alive you’re never having cereal again.

She tries jamming the vain into another part of the brain.

Int. School assembly hall. Libby suddenly straightens up and slaps Mr. Kraft’s cheek.

Mr. Kraft- Hey! Miss Chessler!

Libby hits him again.

Mr. Kraft- Hey!

Zelda sulkily eats another chocolate and sees Mr. Kraft dressed as a seventies disco queen. Open necked shirt down to his navel, gold chains and medallions, too tight trousers. She watches Libby continue to set about Mr. Kraft with delight.

Zelda- (Thinking) You go girl!

Int. Libby’s brain. Salem sits watching the show and giving Sabrina dirrections on where to stick the vain.

Salem- Left. Try left!

Sabrina struggles once again with the slippery, slimy vein. She jams it into another node.

Int. School assembly hall. Libby stops hitting Mr. Kraft and instead stretches up on her tip-toes and kisses him on the cheek.

Int. Libby’s brain.

Salem- (Cont.) Too far.

In desperation Sabrina turns to aunt Hilda for help. Let's face it, she’d have to be desperate.

Sabrina- Mayday! Mayday! Kitchen Mama!

Hilda- Okay! I think I’ve found something.

Sabrina- Hurry! Libby won’t stop slapping Mr. Kraft.

Hilda- Really?

Salem- You’ve moved it too far. Now she’s kissing him again.

Hilda- Okay! Here’s what you have to do. Find the main synapse. It should be the large dangling drippy thing right over you’re head.

Sabrina looks up and sees a huge dollop of snotty slime drop down with a splat.

Sabrina- It’s large, it’s dangling...

Another dollop splats down onto her foot.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Yeah, that’s it.

Hilda- Okay, now run it through your own brain. Then you will be able to control Libby’s thoughts and actions... How’s it working?

Sabrina- Salem, it looks like we might never leave here.

Salem- Libby is twitching like a Central Park squirrel. You have to do it!

It’s gross. It’s awful, it’s slick and slimy and it’s Libby’s but Sabrina digs deep and takes hold of the synapse.

Sabrina- Ugh! I’ll wash but I’ll never be clean.

She places the end against her forehead and pushes. The synapse penetrates.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Did it work?

Int. School assembly hall. Libby leaves off kissing Mrs Kraft and stands straight.

Libby- Did it work?

Mr. Kraft- Did what work?

Int. Libby’s brain. Sabrina realises that Libby is saying what she says.

Sabrina- Um my.. attempt to show how the world would be...

Int. School assembly hall.

Libby- ...If there were no Homecoming queens.

Mr. Kraft- What, the whole world would start hitting me? Libby, they’re waiting for your speech.

He leaves the stage rubbing his mouth. Libby just stands where she is staring forward.

Int. Libby’s brain.

Salem- I think you’ve got to walk for the girl.

Sabrina walks on the spot splashing in ankle deep slime.

Int. School assembly hall. Libby walks to the podium on slightly wonky looking legs. Mr. Kraft goes to join Zelda in the audience.

Mr. Kraft- Reunited with my love.

Zelda stares at him with utter contempt as his face twists and distorts in the most disgusting manner. But we didn’t see her eat a chocolate this time so it must be the real Mr. Kraft.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) How about a little kissy-poo?

Zelda pushes him away and jumps to her feet.

Zelda- Get away from me!

She grabs her coat and runs from the hall.

Zelda- (Cont.) Ew!

Mr. Kraft watches her go then holds his hand to his mouth to test how his breath smells before checking his under-arms. Meanwhile Libby stands wooden and mute at the podium.

Int. Libby’s brain. Salem watches what’s going on from Libby’s view-point.

Salem- Okay, speech time. Make it a good one.

Sabrina- I just realised something.

Int. Assembly hall. Libby starts her speech.

Libby- ...realised something.

Int. Libby’s brain.

Salem- I hope you’ve got somewhere to go from there.

Sabrina pulls the synapse from her head leaving only a faint read mark where it had penetrated.

Sabrina- I just realised that I can make Libby say anything I want. I can make her admit that she bought the election and that we should have a poetry bash instead of a new Homecoming thrown. I can change her.

Hilda- (Over the radio) Sabrina, did you make Libby sneeze yet?

Sabrina- Sneeze-shmeeze, I’ve got more important things to do.

She jams the synapse back into her forehead.

Int. School assembly hall. Libby finally continues her speech.

Libby- I wanna thank everyone who voted for me, it’s really an honour but the Alumni money really should have really gone to...

Mrs. Quick senses something momentous is about to happen and stands excitedly.

Int. Libby’s brain.

Salem- Do it! Say it and let's go home. What are you waiting for?

Sabrina again pulls the synapse from her scull.

Sabrina- I can’t. The change has to come from inside Libby.

Salem- We are inside Libby!

Sabrina- We wont be forever! I’d just be manipulating her. We can’t change her for good unless she wont’s to change.

Salem looks out on the world that Libby sees and sways back from the enormous face of Mrs. Quick.

Mrs. Quick- I know it’s hard to do the right thing Libby, but we’re with you.

Sabrina sticks the synapses back into it’s proper hole in Libby’s brain.

Int. School assembly hall. Libby’s head gives a little twitch.

Mrs. Quick- (Cont.) Libby, you were about to make a grand and generous gesture.

Libby looks at her as though she’s mad.

Libby- I don’t think so.

Mrs. Quick returns to her seat dejectedly.

Int. Libby’s brain. Sabrina also sits dejectedly on the sill of the Epsilon 3 air-lock.

Salem- Okay, I know your sad that you can’t change Libby but I have worse news. I have to go to the bathroom! Let's make the girl sneeze.

Sabrina- I have an idea, I’m betting that this leads to the sinuses.

She points at a clump of particularly noisome vain’s.

Salem- And I hope that leads to a point?

Sabrina- Well if we could just put an irritant into the sinuses maybe we could make Libby sneeze, and since many people are allergic to...

Salem- (Interrupting) Noooooo!

But Sabrina already has hold of him.

Int. School assembly hall. Libby now in full flow.

Libby- As your queen I promise to be beautiful. Ahhh!

She quickly lifts her fingers to her nose to stifle the sneeze.

Int. Libby’s brain. Sabrina vigorously rubs Salem against the slimy sinus vain’s.

Salem- Oh Gross! Gross! Gross!

Libby- Ahhh!

Sabrina- She’s gonna blow!

Salem- To the ship!

Sabrina runs for all she’s worth splashing through the horribly gunk to reach the air-lock and they’re inside.

Int. School assembly hall.

Libby- Ahhh-ahhh-chooo!

Something barely visible rockets out of Libby’s right nostril.

Int. The genuine replica of the Epsilon 3 spaceship. Sabrina’s back at the controls

Sabrina- We’re out! We’re in the gym.

They see that they are heading towards Harvey who is leaning back, stretching and having a huge yawn. The Epsilon 3 dives inevitably to it’s cavernous doom and Sabrina and Salem look at each other and scream long and loud but the girl thinks quick and grabs Salem and points at herself. In a swirl of sparkles they both vanish, her magic working because they are no longer inside a mortal, while the doomed spaceship enters the black hole that is Harvey digestive system.

Int. School assembly hall. Another much bigger swirl of sparkles harolds the return of Sabrina and her cat. It’s a rather bumpy landing as they both end up sprawled on the floor. Fortunately at the back of the hall behind so plant displays, but as they say. Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing.

Salem- There goes my knee!

Harvey straightens up suddenly chocking on something he’s swallowed. He thumps his chest and it goes down.

Salem- (Cont.) If that’s anything like a hair-ball he should eat some grass, bring it right up.

Sabrina- Shh!

Harvey- (To the student next to him) I think I swallowed my gum. Was I chewing gum?

Sabrina walks over and joins Harvey. After magically cleaning herself up of course.

Harvey- Sabrina! Where’ve you been. I heard you were boycotting.

Sabrina- No, I just had to bring my cat to Libby’s brain... I mean the vet. Gotta go.

Int. Spellman Living room. Hilda stands at the window peaking through the curtains. She laughs.

Zelda enters followed by Mr. Kraft.

Zelda- No Willard.

Mr. Kraft- But Zelda!

Hilda- (To Herself) Oh this is sweet.

Zelda- You are the most annoying man I have met in my entire life. I never wanna hear you, see you or in anyway sense you ever again.

Mr. Kraft- Okay, I am getting the feeling that you are upset.

Zelda- Aaargh!

Mr. Kraft- But please let me give you our anniversary present.

Zelda- But you already gave me one, remember the chocolates? You gave them to Hilda and Hilda ga... Hilda-gave-them-to-me!

Hilda- Gotta go!

She runs for it and Zelda chases her upstairs waving her present like a weapon..

Mr. Kraft- (Calling after) Be careful with that! it-it was on sale! (To himself) Can’t return it.

Int. School assembly hall. Everyone is watching Libby. A thing she usually tries hard to achieve but the way they are looking is making her uncomfortable.

Libby- Why is everyone looking at me like I’m a weirdo? I’m telling you the thrown made me do those things. It’s evil! And it’s poorly upholstered. Take it away.

The delivery men lift the heavy chair and remove it from the hall.

Mrs. Quick- Well I guess this means you can have your poetry bash after all.

Sabrina- Libby’s the same mean person but things still worked out.

Harvey- Oh this is great because I wrote a new poem.

Sabrina- Oh and I’d love to hear it.

Harvey clears his throat.

Harvey- Pop-corn dance...

The school fire alarm goes off interrupting him. It may have had something to do with the little flick of Sabrina’s finger.

Mrs. Quick- Oh single file! Grab a buddy!

Sabrina grabs Mrs. Quick and they run to the fire-exit.

Harvey- We’ve never had a fire-drill after school?

Sabrina smiles at him from the doorway and gestures for him to follow.

Int. The first Poetry Bash. A dozen students sit round as Harvey sits at the front reciting his latest masterpiece.

Run Credits

Harvey- Where the women come and go
talking of early-bird specials at Coco’s...

Sabrina demonstrates her own poetic skills.

Sabrina- Oh Westbridge you tempt me with your soft spring mornings,
your grease saturated clam-cakes,
your bread-crumb coatings...

Mr. Kraft sees himself as the poet laureate of Westbridge.

Mr. Kraft- Through loves tortuous path I have wondered only to find the happiness I have longed for.
I have laid bare my heart.

A rotten tomato hits him on the chest.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) I saw that! Oh good arm Miss Angelou.