And The Sabrina Goes To...

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Salem sits in his favourite spot on the linen basket flanked by two garishly clad Harold’s. Bright red knickerbockers, tunics and white hose. They raise their horns to their lips and blow a loud fanfare. The noise draws Zelda and Sabrina from their rooms.

Sabrina- Wow! All this just because I finished my invention for school? You shouldn’t have. Even though I did spend three weeks working on it. Not to mention missing ‘The English Patient’ on HBO sixty-one times.

Salem- Cool your jets Edison, the horns don’t toot for you.

Zelda- This is for our cousin Larry.

Sabrina- What did he invent?

Zelda- Nothing, but cousin Larry has come to expect some fanfares since he became an Other Realm Emperor.

Salem- He has his own country, I get dirty looks for taking up too much couch space.

The linen closet flashes.

Zelda- Huh, here he comes.

Once again the harold’s blow their horns as the closet door opens and a red carpet unrolls. Emperor Larry strides in dressed as flamboyantly as the harold’s but with more ermine and a huge gold crown on his head. He slaps his chest and extends his arm in salute.

Larry- Zelda, what a delight. This must be Sabrina. Kiss my ring.

He holds up the back of his hand baring the imperial seal.

Sabrina- But I hardly know it.

He removes the hand disappointedly.

Larry- I can’t wait to talk to you about the family...

Another fanfare interrupts him and they wait for it to finish.

Larry- I have a...

The fanfare strikes up again cutting him off so Sabrina decides to do something about it. A point and the harold’s are transformed into Phantom Planet who rock the landing with ‘So I fall again’.

Sabrina- If we’re going to be interrupted the music might as well be good.

Larry and Zelda shrug and join Sabrina and Salem dancing along.

Run opening credits.

Int. Spellman Kitchen. Zelda brings Larry a cup of coffee while Salem sips his on the counter.

Larry- So where is your lovely sister?

Zelda- She’s at her high school equivalency reunion.

Salem- They hold it every year... at Cost Co.

Zelda- (Checking her watch) Oh I’m going to be late for my symposium in the Other Realm. I’ve proved yet another un-solvable theorem.

She grabs her shoulder bag ready to go.

Larry- Yes well, before you go I must tell you I’ve discovered a very curious fact.

Salem- You’re your own grandpa?

He gets the glare from Larry as Sabrina comes down the stairs.

Larry- I’ve found out that Zelda is the Rincess of Massapequa Park, the country that borders my country, Massapequa.

Sabrina- (Excited) Aunt Zelda’s a Princess?

Larry- Not ‘P’, just ‘R’. Really tiny countries can’t afford a whole P-rincess.

Sabrina- Okay, but none-the-less. Aunt Zelda there’s a whole country for you to run and me to inherit.

Salem- Back-off Napoleon. Zelda promised me my own sovereign state for my birthday... Or was it a chew-toy?

Zelda- We witches live so long that we constantly accumulate useless land. Just last week I found out I own a driveway in Ashtabula.

Larry- Would you like me to take the country off your hands?

Zelda- Would you?

Larry- I’ve got the papers right here.

He points at the table and a sheet of paper appears. Zelda picks up the pen to sign it

Larry- (Cont.) Just one little signature.

The paper multiplies again and again accompanied by yet another fanfare until the stack stands a foot high.

Larry- (Cont.) If you press really hard.

Zelda puts down the pen.

Zelda- I’m sorry, I’m going to have to sign these after my symposium.

She pats Larry on the shoulder and leaves.

Larry- So Sabrina, finally, we get to talk about the family secret.

Sabrina- I’d love to Emperor Larry but I’ve got to get to school. Today’s the Invention Fair and mine’s really cool.

Sabrina grabs her coat and bag while Larry points at his hand. He gives Sabrina her own fanfare with the party-blower he’s conjured.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I think I know the family secret. Lack of proper excitement over teenage achievements.

Int. Westbridge High School Invention Exchange. At least that’s what the banner reads but it’s really the cafeteria. Valerie gives Sabrina a demonstration of her invention.

Valerie- It’s a combination hair-drier/lip-stick applicator.

She holds up the hair-drier with the lip-stick on an extendible arm beneath and a mirror fixed between the two. The blower blows her hair while she applies the lip-stick.

Sabrina- Excellent! I see them in hotels everywhere... except Europe were the currents weird.

Valerie- So what does yours do?

They go over to the complex arrangement of jugs and clear, plastic tubing that’s attached to the drinking-fountain.

Sabrina- Oh, it filters the water from the schools water-cooler leaving only pure H₂O. Watch.

She presses the button of the water fountain making her invention gurgle and bubble while Valerie bends down to take a drink. A tiny dribble of water comes out of the spout.

Valerie- Wow, the water’s so pure, I’m still thirsty.

Harvey- (Calling over) Sabrina!

Valerie- You’re gonna win for sure.

They make their way over to Harvey.

Sabrina- Thanks, it’s so nice to have someone else excited about it. My aunts didn’t even care that our tap-water has radon.

Harvey- Well all systems are go for the first ever Pepperoni Pizza Putty Prototype.

Sabrina- Does the Pepperoni Pizza Putty Prototype have a point?

Harvey- Say you order a plain cheese pizza and it arrives with pepperoni.

He holds up a pizza with pepperoni and the Pepperoni Pizza Putty Prototype, which is a stick with a large round stone on the end that has a thin layer of putty on it’s flat, round surface.

Harvey- (Cont.) Simply place the Pepperoni Pizza Putty Prototype like so.

He slaps the putty side of the stone on to the pizza.

Harvey- (Cont.) And voalla!

He pulled it away and all the pepperoni’s are stuck to the putty leaving a plain cheese pizza.

Sabrina- Hey! It works!

Valerie- One question, why don’t you just pick the pepperoni off with your fingers?

Harvey- What do I look like, an animal?

The judges make their way around the room. The first arrives.

Mrs. Quick- Oh Valerie, I like your invention.

Valerie- Really?

Sabrina- What about mine?

Mrs. Quick- Excellent as usual. (To Valerie) Nice work.

Valerie- (Excited) Thank you.

The other judge is trying out Valerie’s invention and turns round with wind-blown hair and bright red lip-stick... in his tash.

Mr. Kraft- Swell, now I look like one of Red Skelton’s paintings. Coming through.

He barges his way out to the wash-room.

Int. Algebra class. Mrs. Quick is handing out marked test-papers.

Mrs. Quick- Harvey, I think someone’s studied.

He looks at the mark on his paper.

Harvey- Alright! ‘C’ plus.

He punches the air in triumph.

Valerie- ‘B’ minus, Yes!

She’s also jubilant.

Valerie- (Cont.) Once again I’m comfortably ensconced in the middle of the bell-curve.

Harvey- Alright Valerie!

He punches the air again.

Sabrina- I got an ‘A’.

Valerie- As usual.

Sabrina- Ah Mrs. Quick, I’m not sure but is this an ‘A’?

Mrs. Quick- Actually it’s an ‘A’ plus. Now let’s all turn to chapter eleven.

Sabrina looks around feeling glum that no-one is excited about her achievement. To cheer herself up she magic’s up a party-horn and gives herself a toot. Everyone looks round.

Sabrina- Just getting ready for the millennium.

Int. Invention Exchange. The girls come in at lunch time after the judging to see how they’ve done.

Valerie- (In drawn breath) I got third place!

Sabrina- That’s great!

She sees her own ribbon. It’s blue

Sabrina- First! I got first place!

Harvey- I got a green participant ribbon!

Sabrina- Congratulations.

Valerie- (To Harvey) I got third.

Harvey- Alright!

He punches the air.

Sabrina- And I got first.

Harvey- I knew it.

Mrs. Quick comes over.

Mrs. Quick- Valerie, I told you it was a good invention.

Valerie- Thank you.

Sabrina clears her throat. Then does it again loudly and once more for good measure but Mrs. Quick has moved on without a word of praise. Mr. Kraft wanders over.

Mr. Kraft- Well nice work Kinkle. You’re the only football player to actually finish an invention.

Harvey punches the air again.

Sabrina- What about me?

Mr. Kraft- Hello.

Sabrina’s starting to see a pattern here as he turns and walks off. Then Gordie comes running over excited.

Gordie- Hey Valerie! I heard you got third, cool.

Valerie- Thank you.

Gordie- Hey Sabrina.

Sabrina- Yes I did. I mean er you go first.

Gordie- We’re doing a walk-for-orphans. D’ya wanna sign-up?

Sabrina- Why? So I can do great, Be the best, walk the most and have everyone ignore it?

She stomps off upset.

Gordie- (To Valerie and Harvey) Actually, it’s so the orphans can get cable.

Harvey bobs his head in approval and takes the sign-up sheet.

Int. Spellman Kitchen. Sabrina comes in sulking.

Zelda- Well hi honey, I wasn’t expecting you home for lunch. What’s the matter?

Sabrina- I got an ‘A’ plus in a really hard test and won a blue ribbon on my invention.

Zelda- U-hu, so what’s the problem?

Sabrina- That! No-ones exited!

Zelda- Oh honey, it’s just that you get ‘A’s and win things so often you can’t expect a parade every time.

Sabrina- How about one person walking by with a hearty ‘well done!’

Zelda- I, on the other hand, solved an ancient math problem and the Other Realm scientist sat there like a group of mutes. Of course now that they’re covered with small-pox they might be livelier.

Sabrina- I’d just like one person to get a little keyed-up.

Salem lifts his head from where he’d been napping.

Salem- (Excited) Huh! Sabrina, did I dream it or did you win a blue ribbon?

She smiles. At last someone’s excited about it.

Sabrina- Yes, I did.

Salem- Is that available for shredding?

The smile disappears.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. She sits at her desk thumbing through the magic book. Salem sits watching.

Sabrina- This magic book is useless, it shouldn’t take this long to find a quick fix.

Salem- What are you looking for?

Sabrina- When I go back to school I want my good work acknowledged, but I haven’t found anything under awards, accolades, prizes. Not even lip-service.

Salem- Check the recipe section.

Sabrina looks at him frowning.

Salem- (Cont.) Just do it. Do it!

She flips to the back of the book.

Sabrina- It’s just desserts.

Salem- Exactly. That’s what you want. Your-just-desserts.

Sabrina- Oh I see, with one little bite of this just dessert you’ll get the recognition your good work deserves. Cool!

She points at her desk-top beside the cauldron she keeps her pencils in and a large chocolate cake materialises. Way to cook Sabrina.

Salem- Wow! Your lucky, when I was a witch, just deserts was a prune.

The linen closet door-bell rings and Sabrina gets up to answer.

Salem- (Cont.) An old prune.

Int. Spellman dining room. Aunt Zelda’s in her lab-coat and safety goggles working on the Lab-top when Sabrina shows in her guests.

Sabrina- Aunt Zelda. This is Olga and Zampano from your country in the Other Realm.

They are a pair of peasants in ragged clothes. But Zelda doesn’t know this because she hasn’t so much as glanced up from her work.

Zelda- U-hu, what do they want?

Zampano doffs his hat and bows.

Zampano- Your greatness knows no bounds oh great Rincess.

Olga bows also as Zelda finally looks up.

Olga- Seeing you brings honour to my whole family.

Sabrina- I’m just guessing but I’d say they were here to worship you.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina takes a tuppa-ware container from her locker and peals the top off.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Okay just dessert. I hope you’ll bring me praise and not just cavities.

She takes a spoonful and Mrs. Quick comes hurrying out of her class-room.

Mrs. Quick- (Excited) Sabrina! You got an ‘A’ on your math test! (To all the students in the hallway) Hey everyone, Sabrina got an ‘A’!

There’s a rousing round of applause led by Valerie and Harvey as they approach.

Valerie- Sabrina also won the invention contest or had you forgotten that?

Mrs. Quick- Not at all, look.

She points to the end of the hallway and everyone turns to see Sabrina’s invention has pride of place with a plaque fixed to the wall above it reading -

In Honour of
SABRINA SPELLMAN

Sabrina- (Reading) ‘In honour of Sabrina Spellman’ and I didn’t even have to die!

More enthusiastic applause from the crowd as Mr. Kraft joins in the praise.

Mr. Kraft- Okay! Okay everybody! Attention! Because of the outstanding work that Sabrina has done on her school-work. The school-board has decided that no existing grade is adequate. So Sabrina we give you this!

He raises his arms aloft and a rousing chorus of the Hallelujah Chorus blares out over the school PA to tumultuous applause.

Sabrina- (To herself) Okay, I have to remember to be modest and humble and... Oh to heck with it. This is great!

She raises her arms and twirls milking the applause for all she’s worth.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Thank you. Thank you.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda’s packed in work for the day and is lay on the settee being tended to by her subjects. Zampano plumps her cushions while Olga massages her feet.

Zelda- Oh go on, you couldn’t admire all my work.

Zampano- But we do Rincess. Your face is on all out money.

Olga- We assume you shaved your beard.

Enter Emperor Larry with a pile of papers.

Larry- Ah! I thought I heard you, Zelda. Ready to sign the papers?

He hands half the pile to her along with a pen but thought bubbles blob out of her head to show her in all her regal finery waving to a cheering crowd from her thrown.

Zelda- You know what? I think I’ll hold onto my country.

Larry- Well it’s your country, it’s your choice.

Zelda- Right.

Larry- Of course this means war.

Zelda- What?!

Larry- Changed your mind?

Zelda- No.

Larry- Neither did I. You promised me that country and I want it! Prepare to fight!

He storms off in all his imperial finery.

Zelda- (Calling After) Fine!

Zampano- Would this be a good time to discuss taxes?

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. A much happier Sabrina comes home from school. Salem is waiting on her bed.

Salem- How’d your just desserts turn out?

Sabrina- Great, but that little bit of acclaim’s given me quite a sweet-tooth.

She walks over to the desk eyeing up the rest of the delicious looking chocolate cake.

Salem- Don’t do it Sabrina. You’re only supposed to eat one bite.

Sabrina- I know, I know, but a couple more wont hurt.

She lifts the cake to her mouth. Salem watches, his eyes going wide as we hear a champing, snaffling, gobbling kind of sound.

Salem- Sa-bri-na!!! Way to eat cake!!

Sabrina licks her chocolate covered fingers with her chocolate covered tongue with chocolate spread all across her mouth after putting the chocolate-less cake plate down.

Int. Westbridge High School Hallway. Sabrina’s at her locker and checking the plastic container for any last crumbs of just dessert.

Sabrina- I can’t believe I ate the whole cake. Ow! crumbs.

She tilts the container to her lips and finishes them off. She puts the container back in her locker, closes the door and turns to see Harvey coming down the hallway.

Harvey- (Excited) Whoa! Sabrina, the way you closed your locker, that was awesome.

Sabrina- Yeah, I’m thinking of going pro.

Harvey punches the air for her and goes on down the hallway as Valerie comes running up to her.

Valerie- (Excited) Sabrina! Do that again.

Sabrina- Do what again?

Valerie- (Excited) That thing were you let oxygen into your mouth and carbon dioxide out.

Sabrina- You mean breathing?

Valerie- (Excited) Yes! That’s amazing. (A sharp intake of breath) There you go again!

Sabrina- Oh you know me, I’m a fool when it comes to keeping myself alive.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda sits on a golden thrown in Rincessly finery while her subjects hover beside her waiting on her every need. She’s finished the apple she’s eating and looks around for somewhere to put the core.

Olga- May I?

She holds out her hands and Zelda puts the apple-core in her palms. Olga cradles it like a crown jewel. Zampano is jealous and wants to hold the royal apple-core. He reaches across to try and snatch it from Olga.

Olga- Zampano you beast! It is mine!

Zampano- You already have her napkin!

Zelda raises the royal hand and the two peasants instantly stop squabbling. She takes the apple-core from them and snaps it in two, giving each one half. She was probably an adviser to King Solomon.

Salem- So m’lady. Now that you and Emperor Larry are at war, might I suggest you leave certain strategies to minister of defence, Saberhagen?

Zelda- No you mightn’t suggest that. You’re not my minister of defence, you’re not involved in this in any way. Scat!

Salem- This is going to be very awkward to tell my staff.

He leaves.

Olga- Rincess Zelda, I am but a simple peasant in roughly woven garments but may I be your foot-stool?

Zelda- Well okay... but as long as you maintain your dignity.

Olga gets down on her hands and knees and Zelda rests the royal slippers on her back. Olga smiles contentedly.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem is lay with pen and paper on the counter-top.

Salem- (To himself) Obviously when Zelda said ‘scat’ she was speaking in code. Hmm let’s see. If I translate it into Esperanto... Back into Hebrew... Right! I’m pretty sure she meant. ‘Destroy Emperor Larry and all he holds dear so Salem can rule his country.’ Give or take a letter or two.

Int. Westbridge High School Algebra-class.

Mrs. Quick- As you all know, I was planning to give you another test today, but I’ve decided to skip the test and just give Sabrina the ‘A’.

A rousing cheer goes up from Sabrina’s fellow students.

Sabrina- Thank you.

Mrs. Quick- I also brought party-hats and Trail-mix so we can all celebrate Sabrina Day.

She puts on a pointy party hat and hands round the Trail-mix as Mr. Kraft comes in.

Mr. Kraft- Hey everybody, they’ve just declared peace in...

Mrs. Quick- (Interrupting) Excuse me! Sabrina got a ‘A’.

Mr. Kraft- Wha!... (Excited) Wait a minute! Sabrina got yet another ‘A’? A-And I don’t have a hat.

Mrs. Quick gives him a party-hat and Sabrina smiles delightedly.

Sabrina- (To herself) People who put fawning down just aren’t gettin’ any.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem’s reviving old memories of when he was a witch. He sits stirring the cauldron and revives the old Saberhagen cackle

Salem- I hope Emperor Larry likes this sleeping-potion because it’s the last thing he’ll ever taste.

Rincess Zelda enters.

Zelda- Salem, what are you doing?

Salem- Um makin’ s'mores.

Zelda- Well don’t make a mess. I’ve got battles to plan, I don’t have time to clean.

She goes into the war-room. I mean dining room.

Salem- (To Himself) Yeah, I’m makin’ s'mores. S’more poison for Emperor Larry.

He cackles again.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina comes round the corner and a student spots her.

Student- Look! It’s Sabrina! Whoo-hoo!

All the students in the hall clap, cheer and whoop. The doors at the end open and the Westbridge High School Marching Band come in lead by a baton wielding Mr. Kraft.

Sabrina- What’s the parade for?

Mr. Kraft- If they can have a parade honouring men who have merely walked on the moon, I think we can have one honouring a little girl who has done her literature homework.

He hands the delighted Sabrina the baton and she joins the parade preceded by two band members carrying a banner with her name and picture on it. The crowd goes wild.

Int. Spellman living room. Rincess Zelda has ditched her finery for the more practical combat fatigues. She sits before a map moving plastic troops around while Olga fans her with a cushion. Zampano hurries in juggling the toaster in his hands.

Zampano- A letter from the Other Realm.

Zelda- Zampano, you could have just brought the letter, you didn’t need to bring the scalding toaster.

He puts the toaster down and blows on his burnt hands while Zelda reads the letter.

Zelda- It’s from the Witches Council. They want to have a dinner honouring my achievements in math and science.

Olga- That’s wonderful! But what is this math and science of which you speak?

Zelda- My work, you said you admired all my work.

Zampano- That we’ve seen so far.

Zelda- You just adore me because you think you should, not because I deserve it. I’ve got to find Emperor Larry.

There’s a whistle followed by an explosion that rocks the house.

Zelda- (Cont.) Great! We’re under attack.

Int. Westbridge High School Assembly-hall. Mrs. Quick is on the podium speaking to the students. Gordie and three others sit on the stage also.

Mrs. Quick- This assembly was called to honour everyone who worked so hard on the Walk-for-orphans.

Gordie and the rest wave to the crowd.

Sabrina- (Aside to another girl) I didn’t know there was an assembly.

Mrs. Quick- But we’ve decided to turn it into the first annual Sabrina Awards instead. (To Gordie and his three fellow walkers) All right do-gooders, shows over, take a seat.

She shoo’s them from the stage then turns stage right.

Mrs. Quick- Hit it!

The music strikes up the lights come down and the opening act comes on in a sparkling gold mini-dress, shirts and spangley bowler-hat.

Valerie- (Singing) ‘S’ is ‘cause she’s so sublime.
‘A’ is ‘cause she’s awesome all the time.

Harvey- (Singing) ‘B’ is ‘cause she’s the best babe in school.
‘R’ because she really makes me drool.

Mr. Kraft- (Singing) And ‘I’ is for the icon she’s become.
‘N’ is ‘cause she’s great, she makes me numb.

Valerie, Harvey and Mr. Kraft- (Singing) ‘A’ it’s redundant to say is the great mark she gets everyday.
No matter how it’s spelled, Sabrina is un-parra-lelled.
Sabrina.
Sabrina.
Sabrina.
Sabrina.
Sabrina.
Sabrinaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Valerie- (Singing) Sa.

Harvey- (Singing) Bri.

Mr. Kraft- (Singing) Na.

The audience applaud excitedly. None more so that Sabrina herself. She's loving it.

Int. Spellman Kitchen. Zelda runs in with her combat helmet on.

Zelda- Salem! I have to get in touch with Emperor Larry, I’ve made a huge mistake. I wanted recognition, I didn’t care how I...

Salem- (Interrupting) Watch out!

Zelda’s army-boot steps on one of the many trip-wires set around the kitchen and a glass jar falls from the ceiling and smashes on the counter inches from Zelda.

Salem- (Cont.) Duck!

Zelda ducks just in time to escape being sliced in two lengthways by a huge pendulum blade.

Salem- (Cont.) Dive!

Zelda dives and roles to avoid the anvil crashing down on her that smashes one of the kitchen-chairs to match-wood. She sits up dazed but alive.

Zelda- Salem! What is going on?

Salem- I set up a bunch of booby-traps for Emperor Larry. Remember? You told me to terminate with extreme prejudice.

Zelda- I never said that.

Salem- Sure, nit-pick.

Int. Westbridge High School Assembly hall. A large screen now takes up one side of the stage currently showing the legend. ‘First Annual Sabrina Awards. Master of ceremonies Mr. Kraft is joined on stage by Mary Hart.

Mary Hart- Well I am sure being here at the first annual Sabrina Awards means that there is going to be lots of entertainment tonight.

the audience doesn’t look that entertained.

Mary Hart- (Aside to Mr. Kraft) Jeez, who writes this garbage?

Mr. Kraft- Well That-that would be me.

He glances up at the auto-cue.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Um, it says you again.

Mary Hart- And the nominees for best relaxed Sabrina moment are...

The screen shows Sabrina sat in the cafeteria.

Mary Hart- (Cont.) Sabrina, eating lunch...

The picture changes.

Mr. Kraft- Sabrina, leafing through a magazine in study-hall.

Another picture change.

Mary Hart- Sabrina, humming a Phantom Planet song she heard on the radio that morning and can’t get out of her head.

The picture changes once more and Sabrina sees a shot of herself.

Mr. Kraft- Sabrina, at this very moment.

The picture splits into four. Three showing a shot of Sabrina in the audience and the fourth showing a stock pro-mo still of her. Mr. Kraft crosses both his fingers as Mary Hart opens the gold envelope.

Mary Hart- And the Sabrina goes to... Oh my goodness! The Sabrina goes to Sabrina Spellman!

The audience cheer and whistle as Sabrina makes her way up to the stage to be handed the gold statuette Sabrina. She clutches it happily as Mr. Kraft and Mary Hart make room for her at the podium.

Sabrina- Oh what a beautiful award. Um well the Sabrina’s are such an honour and I’d just like to share this award with everyone else nominated in this category. Thank you.

The audience applauds her generous sentiment as she makes her way off the stage. ‘I can’t get enough of you baby’ by Smash Mouth starts up and plays through the following.

Later Sabrina receives another Sabrina her mascara runs as the tears of happiness flow. A streaker runs on stage and off again.

Int. Spellman Living room. Zampano runs in clutching his eyes as shells explode around him. He runs past Rincess Zelda who’s casually sat on her thrown reading the paper and notices that her coffee mug is empty. He tops it up for her before continuing to duck and dodge the falling shells.

Int. Westbridge High School First annual Sabrina Awards. Sabrina’s pretty loaded up with her eighth Sabrina in a row. She tries to carry them back to her seat but loses her balance with the weight. She’s immediately presented with ‘The best falling off the stage Sabrina’

Int. Spellman kitchen. Zelda crawls on her belly across the floor followed by Olga and Zampano. She reaches the window and breaks it with her gun-barrel before strafing the begonias.

Int. Westbridge High School First annual Sabrina Awards. Sabrina just can’t hold all the Sabrina’s and she’s running out of things to say in her acceptance speeches. In fact she’s getting pretty fed up with the whole thing. The music fades.

Int. Spellman Living Room. Zelda capitulates.

Zelda- So, Massapiquapark is all yours.

She dumps down the pile of signed papers into Emperor Larry’s lap.

Zelda- (Cont.) I surrender.

Salem- No (Sob!)

Larry- Ah! Excellent. Er Can I make a quick call?

Zelda- Certainly.

Larry- If I can get my sentry on the cell-phone I might be able to call off that napalm attack.

Zampano and Olga enter with a tray.

Olga- Rincess Zelda, your scones are ready.

Zelda- Oh, I’m so glad your here. I’ve decided to abdicate my thrown.

Zampano- (To Olga) I blame you!

Zelda- No. No. No. Look, maybe I should go to my country and explain my decision to the rest of the population.

Olga- You mean Isadore?

Zelda- Is that the Capital?

Olga- No, Isadore is a man. The rest of the population in fact.

Zampano- (To Olga) You want him don’t you?

Zelda- Only three people live in my country?

Olga- Yes and despite that parking is still a nightmare.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina’s sneaked out of the awards ceremony having pretty much had enough adulation for one lifetime but an excited Valerie tracks her down to her locker.

Valerie- Come on Sabrina, they’re about to announce another winner and it could be you.

Sabrina- Oh, I’ll tell you what. Um why don’t you go accept for me.

Valerie- Oh boy! Er I’ll be sure to mention that you’re for native Americans and against fur, Okay?

She runs back to the assembly hall. Relieved Sabrina walks on down the hallway and spots Gordie sat hiding behind a trash can clutching a crumpled mass of Kleenex’s. He sees her and springs to his feet.

Gordie- Oh Sabrina, congratulations.

He wipes his eyes with the tissues.

Gordie- (Cont.) I just knew you’d win for best supporting Sabrina.

Sabrina- Gordie, you really worked hard for those orphans didn’t you?

Gordie- Well... Oh heck! Not as hard as you did on that jumble this morning.

Sabrina- Well I did use ink. But, well I feel awful.

Int. The First annual Sabrina Awards. Mr. Kraft is about to announce the next winner.

Mr. Kraft- And the winner is...

He rips open the envelope.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Look at this, we have a tie.

Sabrina comes back into the hall.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Sabrina... and Sabrina!

The audience stand and applaud excitedly while Sabrina strides purposefully to the stage.

Sabrina- Stop it! Stop it! Sit down for crying out loud!

The statuette is thrust into her hands as the audience sit.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Look, all I wanted was a little recognition for doing a good job.

Gordie slips into the back of the hall.

Sabrina- (Cont.) But not at the expense of those that are truly deserving, so I’m giving all my Sabrina’s to Gordie and the other do-gooders.

The audience applaud even though they’re confused and unsure about what is happening. Sabrina goes over to Gordie and hands him the Sabrina. In the live, coast-to-coast broadcast control center Dick Clark, the Director, is beside himself.

Dick Clark- What's Sabrina doing? I mean this never happens at the American Music Awards. Cue the band. Cue the band!

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina’s telling aunt Zelda and Salem about her interesting day at school.

Sabrina- So it turns out constant praise isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. From now on, all I want my hard work to bring me is...

She counts off on her fingers.

Sabrina- (Cont.) ...A high school diploma, admittance to a good college and a high paying job with benefits, but that’s it.

Zelda- I’m sorry, I should have been more helpful. If I hadn’t been so busy thinking about myself I would have remembered to tell you that good work is its own reward.

Sabrina- But how do I end this spell now without winning a Pulitzer for my book report?

Zelda points at the table and a piece of pie appears on a plate.

Zelda- Eat this and the spell will be reversed.

Sabrina- What is it?

Zelda- Humble pie.

Sabrina takes a bite.

Sabrina- Oh it’s awful! Ugh I’ll never get the taste of humility out of my mouth.

Zelda- Well I’d love to sit and chat but I am being honoured in the Other Realm... Finally.

Sabrina- Excuse me your majesty but it seems someone else could use a piece of humble pie.

Zelda- But it was a really hard problem. Well all right, just a small piece.

She points again and a second slice of pie materialises as Salem comes haring down the stairs in camouflage fatigues including a cute little kitty-cap.

Salem- Zelda! Let me make one more plea for rethinking this surrender foolishness. Well I just know Larry’s rear flank is vulnerable.

Sabrina- Salem, as someone once said to Alexander the Great, have some pie.

She holds out the plate of humble pie and Salem sobs.

Int. Westbridge High School algebra-class. Mrs. Quick hands out test-papers again.

Harvey- Another ‘C' plus? Yes!

He punches the air.

Mrs. Quick- Nice work Harvey.

Valerie- ‘B’ minus.

Mrs. Quick- Nice work Valerie.

Sabrina- ‘A’

Mrs. Quick- Nice work Sabrina.

Valerie- Once again you get an ‘A’ and nobody makes a big deal out of it.

Sabrina- Yes!

She punches the air in victory. Everybody looks round at her oddly but she just smiles.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. The Spellman’s bid their guest and erstwhile arch enemy farewell and safe journey back to Massapequa.

Zelda- Next time let's try to have a nice visit without going into a state of war.

Larry- Well it wont be as much fun but okay. Oh! er..

He turns to Sabrina.

Larry- (Cont.) I almost forgot. For you.

He hands her a small brass horn.

Larry- (Cont.) A horn

Sabrina- Let me guess. It’s weird, it makes no sense, I don’t know why I have it, It must be a clue to the family secret.

Larry- You have got great deductive skills Sabrina, maybe one day you can join one of my secret death-squads.

He does a cross arm salute with a finger wiggle and leaves through the linen closet.

Sabrina- Well he’s kinda fun for a tyrant. Will we see him again?

Zelda- Probably at the post war reconstruction summit.

Sabrina frowns questioningly at her aunt.

Zelda- (Cont.) Well somebody has to clean up the pungy-sticks in our front yard. Oh Salem, did you get rid of all those booby-traps?

Salem- Absolutely.

A net with a heavy weight drops onto the landing floor from a great height just where Zelda and Sabrina had been standing seconds before. The great weight comprises of two-thirds of the population of Massapequapark. Zampano and Olga.

Sabrina- What exactly happened while I was at school today?