When Teens Collide

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem is sat on the kitchen table as Sabrina comes down ready for school. She hurries to a pile of tin cans she’s put out on the counter and starts stuffing them into her nap-sack.

Salem- Whoa! Halt! Alto! You’re stuffing my salmon into your book bag? That red, flaky sauker is all I have to live for!

Sabrina- Sorry Salem, all the clubs at school are collecting canned goods for the food drive.

Salem- You know Sabrina, charity begins at home. In fact in my mind it begins in the cat-dish.

Sabrina makes up for pinching Salem’s salmon with a little magic and a nice fresh one materialises on the table in front of him.

Salem- (Cont.) A whole fish! Oh you’re a good witch Sabrina. If there was another cat in the house, I’d share it.

Sabrina- Well there’s always Fluffy next door.

Salem- (With his mouth full) Hm! Yeah! Yeah! I’ll get right on it.

He dives back into his fish.

Run opening credits.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina is at the bottom of the stairs struggling under the weight of her books and all the cans in her nap-sack. She calls up the stairs.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda! You’ve gotta drive me to school, I’m fading fast down here.

Hilda- (OS) I just have to get my violin. Zelda! Watch where you’re going, you just bumped right into me.

Zelda- (OS) You bumped into me.

Hilda comes down the stairs with her hand bag in one hand while she roots around in it for her keys with the other while carrying her violin in the other.

Hilda- I am so nervous. I have an audition for a string trio and these musicians are very serious. They think ‘Mozart’s Requiem’ is too light hearted.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda?

Hilda- Just let me find my keys.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda you have three arms.

Hilda- Oh don’t I wish. What?

She looks down.

Hilda- (Cont.) Oh! How did that get there?

Sabrina- I don’t know but i-it doesn’t match your outfit.

Hilda- (Calling upstairs) Zelda!

Zelda hurries down one handed.

Zelda- I know! I know!

Sabrina- Aunt Zelda you have...

Zelda- (Interrupting) I know! I still have two eyes.

Hilda- I have an audition in half an hour. I cannot show up at the conservatory with three arms. That’s cheating!

Hilda runs to the TV and uses magic to turn it on. The weatherman is just giving his report but instead of a map of the US behind him he has a map of the solar system.

Weatherman- We’ve got a weather advisory for anyone travelling from Neptune to Earth this weekend...

Sabrina- What’s this?

Zelda- The Witch Channel.

Hilda- It’s a rip-off at nineteen ninety-five a month.

Weatherman- ...Sunspots will be effecting the entire inner half of the solar system...

Zelda- Just as I suspected.

Sabrina- What? What did you suspect?

Zelda- Sunspots. They cause molecular instability, that’s how my arm got attached to Hilda.

Sabrina- Is this permanent? Because if it is we’re going to have to cancel the canoe trip.

Hilda- We have to fix this! The people at the conservatory already think I’m a little ditsy.

Zelda- Wherever would they get that idea?

Hilda- Well there was that time Yo-Yo Ma was soloing and I screamed ‘Kick up the jam Yo-Yo!’

Zelda- There’s a spell to put our arms back but I’m going to have to look it up. Sabrina you’ll have to take the bus to school.

She heads for the kitchen with Sabrina on her heals.

Sabrina- Ooh! But I’ll be late! He always picks up other kids.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Zelda leads the Spellman coven in.

Zelda- I’m sorry but I can’t do everything at once, especially with only one arm.

She uses the finger at the end of that arm to magic Sabrina’s magic book onto the table and starts looking through it.

Sabrina- I don’t think I should go to school with molecular instability in the air. I mean what if one of my arms breaks off and gets attached to Harvey? I don’t think I could remain calm.

Zelda- Well because your half mortal we don’t know how sunspots will affect you. You’ll just have to be extra careful.

Sabrina heaves the heavy nap-sack to her shoulder once more.

Sabrina- I’m drawing a blank, now what was the up-side to being a witch?

Hilda sees her struggling with her bag.

Hilda- Need a hand?

She shows her three.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Beneath a big sign saying ‘Support Westbridge Sports’ Are a series of wire bins with club names on them. The Science Club’s bin is looking particularly empty as Sabrina walks up wilting under the weight of her bag. Valerie accompanies her.

Sabrina- The Science Club is the worst bin in school.

Valerie- Well I brought some liquorice, does that help?

Sabrina looks at the bag Valerie carries and stays her tongue.

Valerie- (Cont.) We’re not really can people at my house.

Sabrina hoist her bag up and starts tipping cans into the bin. They don’t seem to want to come out so she shakes it harder and harder to try and dislodge them. As she gets more frustrated she shakes her head as violently as she shakes her bag until the last tin of salmon drops into the bin. Valerie looks at her friend a little oddly when she’s finished.

Valerie- How’d you do that?

Sabrina- Do what?

Valerie- Your hair?

Sabrina reaches up to her head curiously to find that the pony tail that had hung down her back was now at the front of her head and hanging down the side.

Sabrina- Oh-no! Gotta go.

She dashes off. Valerie starts shaking her head violently back and forth to see if she can do what Sabrina did but she has to stop.

Valerie- Okay, I’m gonna pass out!

Meanwhile Sabrina reaches her locker and pulls it open to use the mirror inside to check her hair.

Sabrina- Oh-no! Molecular instability.

She doesn’t see Harvey come up beside her.

Harvey- Hey!

Sabrina spins round and her pony tail comes off completely, she clutches it in her hand as she smiles up at Harvey.

Sabrina- Hey! Hi! Harvey!

Harvey- I’m not sure God ever meant ravioli to be stuffed into a can but I’ve got a whole bag of them.

Sabrina- Oh Great! Thanks.

She takes the bag and Harvey sees her pony tail still clutched in her hand.

Harvey- What’s that? Hair?

Sabrina- Yeah! Um fake! False! Wig!

She runs off to the bathroom embarrassed.

Harvey- (Calling after) If you need to put it back on I’ve got some duct tape in my locker.

Back at the tin-bins Libby, Jill and Cee Cee stand beside the ‘Cheerleader squad’ bin and boast to Mr. Kraft about their achievements. The bin is full.

Libby- The cheerleaders have collected more canned food than any other club.

Mr. Kraft- U-hu! Well I just wish I could get more exited about this. It’s the idea of charity, it just seems so un-American.

Libby- Well what if we made the food drive a competition? Would that make it more American?

Mr. Kraft- Are you suggesting we pit one service organisation against the other?

Libby- A way of saying ‘We’re better than you are’

Mr. Kraft- I like the way you think.

Later.

Sabrina- Competition! Mr. Kraft, this is a food drive, not a contest!

Mr. Kraft just shrugs and smiles as the gathered students agree with Sabrina’s statement.

Harvey- (Whispering) Sabrina! Your wig thing’s on the back of your jacket.

She quickly reaches round behind her to find that the pony tail she had tried to stick back earlier had slipped once more. She pulls it off and shoves it inside her jacket then turns her attention back to the vice-principle.

Sabrina- Look, we’re not supposed to be collecting food to win a prize, we’re supposed to be doing it out of the goodness of our hearts.

Mr. Kraft- M-hm! Well I’m sure that’s how it’s done... In red China. At any rate, thanks to a wonderful suggestion from Libby, the club the collects the most food will be awarded a lovely prize and the rest of you can just feel bad. Good luck children.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda is doing a touch of flower arranging when Hilda arrives back from her audition.

Zelda- Well, how’d the audition go?

Hilda- Fine! They wanna come over tomorrow to talk some more. In other words spy on me to see if I’m nuts!

Zelda- Ah someone told them about the time you tepee’d Carnege Hall. Don’t worry, We’ll both be charming and they will love you for who you are.

Hilda- Like that’s ever worked before.

Hilda goes to the settee and sits down... and down... and down... and down and deeper and down. The settee just seems to suck her in.

Hilda- Oh! This is not good!

Zelda- Oh-no! Molecular instability again! I’ll get the magic book.

She heads for the kitchen as Hilda tries to pull herself out.

Hilda- (Calling after) And maybe a rope!

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina and Valerie are still upset about the competition thing. Sabrina’s bad hair day is also playing on her mind.

Valerie- So what are you gonna do with Libby? Yell at her? Insult her in front of the whole school?

Sabrina- No. I’m just going to talk to her nicely and explain to her that competition is not in the spirit of charity.

Valerie- And then whack her with a can?

Sabrina flips her errant pony tail into Valerie’s hand.

Sabrina- Hold my hair.

She walk off in search of Libby.

Libby is with her chums, Jill and Cee Cee, and is checking her watch to see if it’s time to go to class yet.

Libby- Good, I’m just late enough to make a perfect entrance.

She turns and heads down the hallway where she barges into Sabrina as she comes round the corner. Two sparkling essences burst into being. A white one streams from Sabrina and a black one from Libby. They intertwine and swirl about the two girls before disappearing back into them.

Sabrina- Watch it cheerleader!

Libby- Oh! Excuse me Sabrina, I’m sorry.

Libby continues on to class and passes two geeks along the way.

Libby- Hi guys! How are you?

They stare after her dumb-struck. While in the other direction Sabrina passes a girl with curly hair who smiles at her.

Sabrina- What are you grinning at Harpo?

The girl loses her smile as Sabrina walks on.

Int. School cafeteria. Sabrina sits opposite Harvey and plays with her food.

Sabrina- Fish-sticks again! Could there be an executive side to this cafeteria? Oh there’s Valerie, she’s gonna sit with us.

Harvey- She always sits with us.

Sabrina- I know but she’s so clingy. Don’t you think she’s clingy?

Harvey- Are you okay Sabrina?

Valerie- Hi!

Sabrina- Hi.

Valerie- What? What’d I do wrong?

Sabrina- Nothing. (Mouthing to Harvey) Clingy

Valerie sits as Libby comes bouncing over.

Libby- Hi guys! I’m going to go get some dessert, does anybody want some? My treat!

Valerie- Sure! That’s so nice of you. Thanks.

Libby bounces of smiling.

Sabrina- (To Valerie) Oh why don’t you just marry her?

Int. School hallway. Emma walks down the hallway happily but has the misfortune to pass the loitering group of cheerleaders allong the way.

Jill- Hey Emma! Nice outfit.

Emma looks down at the plain brown dress she’s wearing and walks on with Jill and Cee Cee’s laughter stinging her tail

Emma- Oh-no! Mum was wrong again!

Libby- You guys! You're hurting her feelings.

Cee Cee- What?

Libby walks over to the distraught Emma and offers her a shoulder to cry on as Sabrina comes past.

Sabrina- (To Jill and Cee Cee) Did you see what Emma’s wearing? I mean all that’s missing is a big red nose and yellow shoes.

Libby overhears and offers Emma comfort.

Libby- It doesn’t matter what you wear. What matter’s is what’s in your heart.

Sabrina- (Mocking) What matter’s is what’s in your heart. Put it on a sampler!

Jill and Cee Cee laugh and chase after Sabrina.

Jill- Hey, d’ya wanna go to the mall?

Sabrina- I guess.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. She sits at her desk reading her magic book while absently stroking Salem’s chest. She doesn’t have her usually deft and gentle touch.

Salem- Hey, not so hard! You’re petting a cat, not polishing hand irons.

Sabrina- Excuse me!

Salem- Boning up on your magic?

Sabrina- D'ah! I have all this power, I never do anything with it. Maybe the captain of the football team should grovel at my feet?

A quick point and the Westbridge Scallions captain is stood beside her in his kit complete with helmet. He drops to one knee before her.

Football Captain- Sabrina, I can’t quarterback without you!

Sabrina- I’ll get back t’ya.

Another point and he’s gone as quickly as he came.

Salem- Hm! Focusing on the self serving spells?

Sabrina- Got a problem?

Salem- Moiré! No way, I tried to use my powers to take over the world remember. Hence the fur.

Sabrina- Put a sock in it, I’m trying to read.

Salem- You’re kidding right?

She glares at him.

Salem- (Cont.) You’re not kidding. I’m still talking. Sorry! <Sob>

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. ‘The state I am in’ By Belle and Sabastian plays through the following.

Sabrina walks by the tin-bins and sees the cheerleaders bin is full but not for long as she points. Another point and the Science Club bin is overflowing.

Int. English class. The teacher hands back test papers after marking them. Sabrina takes hers and sees the ‘B-’ she’s been given. Not happy with that a quick bit of magic changes it to an ‘A+’

Int. School Cafeteria. Sabrina enters with her tray and heads for her usual table where Valerie and Harvey are sat. She gives them a smile and goes to a table on her own then pushes her tray away in disgust. She sees Libby come in with her tray and discreetly points at her. Libby losses control of her hands for a moment and her lunch is spread over the cafeteria floor. Sabrina smiles then conjures up a king prawn cocktail for herself in a large silver dish. Mr. Kraft enters and has to squeeze past Libby as she clears up the mess that was her lunch.

Mr. Kraft- Coming through.

He continues on to Sabrina’s table as the music fades.

Mr. Kraft- (Under his breath) Ah Sabrina, on behalf of the food drive I’m giving you this plaque for...

Sabrina jumps up interrupting and calling loudly.

Sabrina- ‘Scuse me!

Mr. Kraft- Oh boy!

Sabrina- Can I have everyone’s attention. Mr. Kraft has an award to present.

Mr. Kraft- The Science Club collected the most canned food through some miracle and er the award goes to er...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Me! Thank you Mr. Kraft. I’d like to thank all the little people who worked so hard to help me.

Valerie and Harvey smile proudly and Mr. Kraft makes a yapping gesture with his hand behind her back.

Sabrina- (Cont.) But the truth is I did it all by myself so, my deepest and sincerest thanks to me.

Everyone expression has changed somewhat. Her friends can’t believe what they’ve just heard and neither can Mr. Kraft.

Int. School hallway. Sabrina walks admiring the plaque with her new pals Jill and Cee Cee in her wake.

Sabrina- They didn’t even put my name on this stupid plaque, it just says ‘Science Club’ Like the Science Club would even exist without me. I’m telling you, if I was running this school...

Jill- (Interrupting) I wish you really were running this school. You know the way Libby used to.

The ex-ruler is sat across the hallway trying to get more money for charity.

Libby- (To the passing students) Help the blind!

Jill- Before she changed.

Cee Cee- Yeah. Everyone’s always like you Sabrina but we were all afraid of Libby. Now everyone’s afraid of you.

Sabrina- They are?

Jill- Oh yeah! You’ve got the power.

Sabrina- I do, don’t I?

She walks away letting her imagination run away with her.

Int. Sabrina’s imagination. She’s dressed in a lovely pink gown with a twinkling, jewelled crown on her head as she comes through the school doors to a fanfare and applause. Students line the hallways clapping and bowing as she passes, some hand her plaques that she accepts as her due. They all look on adoringly. As she passes the cafeteria she see her old friend Valerie who’s stood scowling at her.

Sabrina- What are you looking at?

Valerie bursts into tears and tries to escape into the cafeteria but the doors are locked. Sabrina continues down the hallway adding to the growing stack of plaques and awards. She walks off past the ‘Westbridge High School’ sign that two workmen are in the process of replacing with the ‘Sabrina Spellman High School’ sign. She drifts back to reality.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway.

Sabrina- I can use my power for anything. For the good of mankind, or for the good of me.

Mr. Kraft comes by.

Mr. Kraft- Ah Miss Spellman! I believe it’s time for class.

He walks on past the library and Sabrina decides it’s time to use her magic to bring him down a peg or two. With a point his belt undoes and his pants fall down round his ankles. All the students laugh at the sight.

Mr. Kraft- Okay folks, shows over!

He pulls his pants up and tries to duck into the library to save further embarrassment but Sabrina’s not letting him off that lightly. Another point locks the library door and he’s forced to hurry off through the laughing students while trying to zip up his pants.

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda’s making preparations for the string trio’s visit when Zelda comes running in with her hair and clothing all mussed up.

Zelda- Hilda!

Hilda- What happened to you?

Zelda- I’m afraid a small black hole formed in the sink.

Hilda- More molecular instability?

Zelda- It just sucked the kitchen table and a whole platter of tea-cakes into oblivion.

Hilda- Well what are we gonna do? Marie and Claude will be here any minute. They’re mortals, they don’t do black holes.

Sabrina arrives home from school.

Sabrina- What’s going on?

Hilda- Oh small infinite chasm in the sink! Nothing to worry about.

Sabrina- Well you guys seem stressed today, is there anything I can help you with?

Zelda- No. No, but how sweet of you to offer.

Sabrina- Anything for two wonderful aunts.

They hug and kiss before Sabrina heads for the stairs. Hilda and Zelda are feeling pretty good about their niece and don’t hear her comment as she starts up the stairs.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Suckers!

Zelda- I’m glad to see that molecular instability hasn’t effected her.

Hilda- But what about the trio?

Zelda- Well we’ll just have to keep them out of the kitchen.

Hilda- Oh and off the sofa and out of the chair. Gee, this isn’t going to be awkward at all.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. She’s hit the magic book again.

Salem- What’s up?

Sabrina- I’m looking for a spell to take over my high school.

Salem- Really? You know Sabrina, I’ve noticed that you’ve become so much more confident and assertive these last few days.

Sabrina- I can turn anyone into a goat, why wouldn’t I be confident?

Salem- Precisely, but since we’re thinking about take overs, why waste your efforts on some rinky-dink little high school? With your powers you could do so much more.

Sabrina- How much more?

Salem- Perhaps it’s time to think... globally.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda and Hilda answer the front door. It’s Marie and Claude.

Zelda- Wont you come in?

Hilda- But not too far.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Map-boards with coloured pins in them litter the room as Sabrina starts laying her plans. Salem laughs feeling like his old self again.

Salem- First we’ll take over the school, then the State!

Sabrina- Then I’ll cast a spell over Congress making them declare me President of the United States, and then it’s six nights on ‘Live with Larry King’

Salem- That’s when you know the world is yours.

Salem laughs maniacally.

Ext. Spellman front porch. Harvey and Libby arrive. Libby’s carrying a plastic cake box.

Libby- What a lovely porch! You feel at home before you’re in their home.

Harvey- I hope Sabrina’s feeling better. She was acting really weird at school.

Libby- We can fix that.

She holds up the cake box.

Libby- (Cont.) Nothing turns a frown upside-down like Apple Brown-Betty and her good friend whipped cream.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda, Hilda and their guests are congregated around the piano.

Zelda- We hope you don’t mind having tea around the piano? Hilda’s just so dedicated to her music she can’t bear to be separated from it.

Claude- To bad we’re not having Chinese.

Hilda- Why’s that?

Claude- Because then she could play Chop-sticks.

They all laugh at his joke. Hilda and Zelda sound a little forced. The front door-bell rings.

Hilda- Excuse me.

She goes to answer it but as soon as her hand grasps the door knob the rest of the door fades away.

Hilda- Oh! Hi Harvey! Libby. Um it’s a hologram. The door was never actually here. Zelda’s a physicist, she’s always playing pranks with lasers.

Zelda- You know me! Whacky Zelda.

Harvey- Is Sabrina home?

Hilda- Why?

Harvey- We came by to see her.

Hilda- Oh! Er she’s in her room. Come in.

Libby and Harvey enter and Harvey feels for where the door had been, should have been, wasn’t.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. They are no longer just a two man band. Sabrina has dug up a bunch of half a dozen revolutionaries to join her scheme for world domination. Everyone is in camouflage fatigues and caps. The planning’s done, now it’s time for a rousing pep-talk.

Sabrina- All right! If there’s opposition, we crush it!

Revolutionaries- Yeah!

Sabrina- If there’s resistance, we demolish it!

Revolutionaries- Yeah!

Salem- If there’s fish, we eat it!

The revolutionaries look at the cat.

Zelda- (OS) Sabrina! You’ve got visitors!

Sabrina- (To Salem) See who it is and get rid of them.

Salem- Right! How, I’m a house cat?

Sabrina- You have teeth don’t you?

Salem- Wow! I love a woman who can take charge.

Int. Spellman living room. Claude has become bored with standing by the piano and decides to rest his legs. He’s about to sit on the bottomless settee when.

Hilda- Don’t sit down!

Zelda- No! You haven’t seen our... new issue of ‘Penny Saver’

Salem comes down the stairs.

Salem- Meow!

Claude- I see you have a cat.

Hilda- Oh I hope your not allergic. Er if you are we can just throw him outside.

Libby- Oh no don’t! I love cats. Of course, I love all living things.

She picks up Salem and starts stroking him.

Salem- (Thinking) Oh this is wonderful! Sabrina used to stroke me this way. Now what was it I came down here for? Curse this short attention span.

Harvey- Is anybody else beginning to wonder whether Sabrina heard you call?

Zelda- I’ll go up and get her.

She heads upstairs and Salem remembers why he came down.

Salem- (Thinking) What?! Wait!

He jumps down from Libby’s gentle arms and chases Zelda upstairs.

Salem- (Cont.) Don’t go up there!

Claude- (To Hilda) You and your sister have a lovely home Miss Spellman.

Hilda- Would you like a tour?

Claude- Oh we’d love one.

Hilda- Just keep your hands inside the bus. That’s a joke, it’s not ditsy.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Enough planning, enough talking, it’s time for action.

Sabrina- All right, let’s do it!

She tosses the rope ladder out of her window just as Zelda walks in.

Zelda- Dear! Didn’t you hear, Harvey and Libby...

She sees the group of revolutionaries in the combat gear and all the maps and equipment and figures something’s going on.

Zelda- (Cont.) Sabrina!

Sabrina- U-oh!

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Salem’s pooped after running up the stairs after Zelda and has stopped for a rest on the linen basket. Hilda’s tour brings her and her guests upstairs.

Hilda- And here we have very serious, sombre wall-paper.

The closet door bursts open and the witch police charge in running straight into Sabrina’s room past Hilda and her equally startled guests.

Hilda- (To her guests) Excuse me!

She dashes after the police.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. A witch cop snaps the cuffs on Sabrina as the rest of her cronies are taken into custody. The hand-cuffs nip at her wrists.

Sabrina- Hey! Watch it!

Witch Cop- Sabrina Spellman. By order of the Witches Council you are under arrest.

Zelda- What’s the charge?

Witch Cop- Plotting to take over the world.

Hilda- I may as well let them sit on the couch now.

The cops hustle Sabrina and the rest out of the bedroom.

Sabrina- Watch it!

Int. Spellman upstairs landing.

A procession of cops and camouflaged revolutionaries are marched past the stunned mortal musicians towards the linen closet.

Hilda- (To her guests) Overdue library books. Let’s go back to the living room.

Claude- But where’d those policemen come from?

Hilda- There’s a doughnut shop upstairs.

The cop who has arrested Sabrina has a struggle on his hands as Sabrina resists by the closet door.

Zelda- Sabrina, I don’t understand. What’s gotten into you?

Sabrina- I want a lawyer!

The witch cop wrestles her into the linen closet and she’s off to the Other Realm. Zelda turns her attention to Salem.

Zelda- Why do I think you had something to do with all this?

Salem- Um well... I... <Sob!>

Int. Spellman living room. Claude, Marie and Hilda come down the stairs.

Claude- Miss Spellman. In view of what we’ve just seen...

Hilda- (Interrupting) I know! It’s back to playing square-dances.

They go past Harvey and Libby who are still waiting for Sabrina. Hilda opens the front door which is back to being a front door and not a hologram. She practically shoves the musicians out.

Hilda- (Cont.) Oh and by the way. Chop-sticks! Not funny.

Libby- (Calling after) Good bye! It was just so special meeting you.

Hilda ignores the kids and runs straight back upstairs.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Hilda arrives.

Zelda- Sabrina’s trial starts in five minutes.

Salem- <Sob!> But <Sob!> I <Sob!> Didn’t <Sob!> Mean <Sob!> To <Sob!> Do <Sob!> It <Sob!> Right <Sob!> Right!

Hilda- Oh will you get a grip! We’ll deal with you later.

They enter the closet and are transported to the Other Realm.

Ext. The Other Realm. Witches Council cloud. The council is in uproar as loud and voluble arguments are yelled across the cloud. Sabrina stands uncaring, the calm at the centre of the storm.

Witch Judge- Order!

He bangs his gavel repeatedly.

Witch Judge- (Cont.) Order! Order! Order!

The cloud quietens.

Witch Judge- (Cont.) Sabrina Spellman, you have been found guilty of plotting to take over the mortal world. Oh sure it’s mostly water but it’s all they’ve got. Do you have anything to say before sentence is passed?

Sabrina- Your wig looks silly.

Zelda- Sabrina! That’s not what I meant when I said grovel!

Hilda- Maybe it’s all that sugar she eats.

Witch Judge- Then this council has no choice but to sentence you to one hundred years as a witch familiar. Let’s make her a cat!

The rest of the council jump up to voice their approval.

Zelda- I object!

Witch Judge- On what grounds?

Hilda- On the grounds that... you’re mean!

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Salem sits on the chair opposite the linen closet waiting for the bad news he knows is coming. He’s feeling really bad.

Salem- Why did I talk her into it? I want my old Sabrina back (Sob!) The one who used to make me feel all safe and loved (Sob!) Maybe that Libby girl is down stairs. She’s got a gentle touch and it... Wait a minute!

A stream of thought bubbles forms and in the large one at the top is and Image of a loving, caring Libby stroking him.

Salem- (Cont.) Libby?

Another stream forms on the other side with an image of Sabrina plotting and scheming to rule the world.

Salem- (Cont.) Sabrina? But that’s not right!

The image of Libby dissolves and reforms as a loving image of Sabrina gently stroking him and smiling.

Salem- (Cont.) Sabrina?

The image of the plotting Sabrina dissolves into an image of Libby laughing maniacally.

Salem- (Cont.) Libby! That’s it! Sunspots! All of Sabrina’s goodness has somehow gotten into Libby and vice-a-versa! I have to get to that trial. But how? I can’t open the door. <Sob!> Maybe I can use molecular instability to crash my way through it.

He leaps down off the chair and funs full pelt at the door. It’s working! It’s working! Well almost. His head has got through but the rest of him is securely stuck on the upstairs landing side of the door.

Salem- (Cont.) Oh! Okay, time to go to plan ‘B’

Ext. The Other Realm. Witches Council cloud. An execution block has been magically erected for the carrying out of the council’s sentence. Sabrina is brought up onto it by the black hooded executioner.

Sabrina- Ooo! Scary mask.

The executioner pushes her down onto her knees

Witch Judge- Any last words?

Sabrina- Nanny-nanny boo-boo?

The executioner raises his axe. It’s blade is shaped like a cats head. The crowd gasps, Sabrina shows no reaction.

Hilda- Oh! I can’t watch!

She buries her head into Zelda’s shoulder.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Salem manages to extricate his head from the door and jumps up onto the linen basket.

Salem- Remind me never to do that again. The phone! But who can I call?

Int. Other Realm Pizza. The phone rings and the pizza boy answers.

Pizza Boy- Other Realm Pizza. Thirty seconds or it’s free and will this be for pick-up or delivery?

Salem- Delivery! I want a pizza as fast as possible!

Pizza Boy- Okay, what kind of toppings would you like sir?

Salem- Let me see? Fish heads would be nice. No! I don’t have time. Just bring me anything you’ve got lying around and bring it now! And don’t forget the crazy-bread.

Seconds later. The closet door-bell rings and the pizza boy enters with the pizza.

Pizza Boy- Did somebody order a pizza?

Salem jumps down into the open closet.

Salem- Just leave it! I have a life to save.

The door closes and the closet activates sending Salem to the Other Realm.

Ext. The Witches Council cloud. The executioner is poised, the council cloud is silent as everyone tensely awaits the command from the judge. The judge slowly raises his hand at points at Sabrina.

Witch Judge- Pay in fur for the crime you have committed.

Salem- Wait!

He leaps up onto the rail round the execution block.

Salem- (Cont.) Stop! Don’t touch a hair on that innocent golden head!

Witch Judge- What’s that!

Executioner- Salem Saberhagen. I turned him into a cat thirty years ago.

Salem- Hey Jimmy!

Executioner- How’s it goin’?

Salem- Your honour, I have new evidence which will clear Sabrina of all charges.

A shocked gasp reverberated around the council cloud.

Witch Judge- I hate it when this happens.

Int. Spellman living room. Harvey sits at the piano thumbing through the sheet music looking for bassoon pieces. Libby has found a feather duster and is giving the place a once over.

Libby- I’m sure Sabrina will be here soon.

And talk of the devil. Sabrina comes down the stairs still in her take over the world outfit. Zelda has a very firm grip on her.

Libby- (Cont.) Sabrina! We were getting worried.

Sabrina- Ew!

Hilda- Now all three of you close your eyes.

Harvey- I’m confused.

Zelda- Take it from someone older and wiser you’re going to spend most of your life confused.

Libby- Are we playing a game?

Sabrina- What a dweeb!

The three youngsters close their eyes and Zelda stands over Sabrina and Libby and start’s waving her hands in mystical ways.

Zelda- A-na-kar...

Hilda- (Interrupting)(Whispering) No spells in front of the m-o-r-t-a-l’s

Zelda- Right! Then we’ll just have to do it the old fashioned way.

She puts a hand on each of the girls shoulders and bumps them together. Sparkling essences flow from their bodies. The black one swirls from Sabrina and spirals about the white one that came from Libby. After a moment they are absorbed back into their hosts.

Harvey- Can I open my eyes yet?

Zelda- Yes Harvey.

Harvey- So Sabrina, feel any better?

Sabrina- I feel great! Libby, it was so nice of you to come over, maybe we could still be friends.

Libby- In your dreams. This house gives me the creeps.

She storms off to the door.

Libby- (Cont.) Oh and the front door hologram looks completely fake.

She walks straight into the front door with a bump.

Libby- (Cont.) I have to get outa here!

She opens the door and leaves. Sabrina is rubbing her temples.

Sabrina- I have such a headache. (To Harvey) So! You wanna pick up Valerie and get a pizza?

Harvey- It works for me, I’m starved.

They go to the front door and Harvey’s about to leave. He turns to Sabrina.

Harvey- (Cont.) Nice camouflage.

Once he’s left Sabrina hurries back to her aunts.

Sabrina- Did I by any chance er try to take over the world this afternoon, get caught by the Witches Council, get put on trial and almost become a cat? Or did I just dream all that?

Hilda- Do you really wanna know?

Run credits

Sabrina- No.

She goes upstairs to change.

Zelda- (To Hilda) Sorry about the trio.

Hilda- Me too.

Zelda- Wanna go drop some big things down the sink?

Hilda- Love to.

They head for the kitchen.

Zelda- Where is Salem? I wanna thank him for saving the day, and yell at him for starting the whole thing.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. A pizza box from Other Realm Pizza lies on top of the linen basket. The lid lifts and a small black head pokes out.

Salem- Oh! Double cheese, double toppings! What was I thinking? (Sob!)