The Melissa Zone - Sabrina The Teenage Witch

Sabrina The Teenage Witch - View Transcript

The Band Episode Written By - Nick Bakay Transcribed By - <a href="mailto:paul@bccnet.force9.co.uk?subject=The Band Episode (042)">Paul Booth</a> Cast Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart Hilda - Caroline Rhea Zelda - Beth Broderick Salem - Nick Bakay Harvey - Nate Richert Valerie - Lindsey Sloan Libby - Jenna Leigh Green Mr. Kraft - Martin Mull The Quizmaster - Alimi Ballard Dr. Terdlington - Sherman Howard Dwayne Kraft - John Ducey Backstreet Boys - Backstreet Boys Presenter - Jihad Harik Manager - Anthony Russell Roadie - James Field Sunset - Hillary Pennington Customer #1 - Gil Christner Customer #2 - John Voldstad Customer #3 - Benjamin Brown Customer #4 - Diane Sainte-Marie DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics. Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina’s eating dinner at the table. Salem’s sat on the counter. Zelda enters from the dinning room for a coffee refill. Zelda- Hilda’s still not back from her audition? Salem- No, that’s Spanish for no. Zelda- Well I hope she got the job, it’s so hard for her to find a place to play around here. Sabrina- Yeah, her musical talent is a wonderful gift, and she needs to bore other people with it. Salem- Lets face it, classical music isn’t the gravy train it used to be. Zelda- It’s not like the golden age. Vienna, in the seventeen hundreds. In those days there were more orchestra’s than... consumption warts. Salem- You were never ostracised for eating a dead rat in public. Sabrina- Aunt Hilda’s so talented that I’m sure she got this job. The back doors open and a violin hurtles through them to hover above the table, it hangs there for a moment before being impaled by a bow. Sabrina- (Cont.) And she has a very strange way of celebrating. Run opening credits Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Harvey comes up on Sabrina and Valerie at Sabrina’s locker. Harvey- Hey, Guess what? The schools having a battle of the bands and I signed us up. Sabrina- I didn’t know we were a band? Harvey- Every group had to start somewhere, usually in a garage. We can leapfrog that and start in the gym, what d’ya say? Valerie- We could have cool outfits. Sabrina- Yeah, we could work on some dance moves. Valerie- Yeah, and put together a light show. I always wanted to be in a band. Sabrina- Me too. We’re in. Harvey- Great. Sabrina- So, does anyone here actually know how to play an instrument? Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda’s at the table filling in another job application. Zelda comes through in her lab-coat, excited. Zelda- I’m so close. Hilda- Why don’t you drop cold-fusion and work on an ink that doesn’t stain your fingers? Zelda- All I need is a formula patented by Doctor Terdlington, which means I would have to call him and ask for permission. Hilda- Oh-no! Isn’t he that guy you had to compete with for the Other Realm research grant? Zelda- Exactly. Int. Zelda’s memory. Back at the turn of the century she sat on a podium alongside Dr. Terdlington in front of the cream of the scientific community. The presenter stands at the lectern. Presenter- Zelda Spellman made a strong impression with her paper ‘Polymers, more uses than you think.’ but the winner is Doctor Clark Terdlington. Dr. Terdlington stands and accepts the polite applause as well as the urn like prize from the presenter and stands to say a few words. Dr. Terdlington- It’s been an unbearably long evening of dull speeches so I’ll make this brief. I’m better than you. Zelda- (Voice over) It was so unlike me but I just couldn’t stand his arrogance. She points at his vacant chair beside her as he returns and when he sits there’s the long, loud fart of a whoopee cushion. The assembled dignitaries laugh politely. Int. Spellman kitchen. Zelda- Oh and now it turns out I need that sanctimonious blow-hard. Hilda- Oh just call him! Tell him that you’ve changed your medication and you're feeling better, that always works for me. She stands and takes her coat. Hilda- (Cont.) Wish me luck. Zelda- Another classical audition? Hilda- Sort of. Int. Custer’s Steakhouse. Hilda plays beautifully before the Manager. Manager- Okay you’ve got the job. You're our new strolling fiddler. Hilda- Was it my Beethoven? Manager- It’s just that you fit into the costume. Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. There’s a raucous racket going on, Harvey is beating a set of drums to death treble twelfth time, Valerie as thrashing a six string Gibson to within an inch of it’s life and Sabrina plucks randomly at the strings of a Fender bass. It’s all cranked up full blast through the amps. The correct musical term for the sound they make is ‘Aarrgg!!’ Zelda dashes into the room expecting to find the four horsemen have arrived early. Zelda- Sabrina? She sees what’s going on. Zelda- (Cont.) Thank goodness, no one was injured. Harvey- How do we sound? Zelda- Stay in school. The three of them go back to torturing their instruments. Int. Westbridge High School. Cafeteria. Sabrina, Harvey and Valerie are sat having lunch. Libby arrives. Libby- Well if it isn’t The Electric Freak Orchestra. Oh and by the way, the cheerleaders have a band and we’re going to win. Valerie- She doesn’t know that. Libby- Yes I do. Cheerleaders always win, and Geeks always lose. I believe they call that the natural order. She walks off smirking. Sabrina- I do not want to lose to Libby. We have to get good, and we have to get good soon. She gets up to return her tray. Valerie- (To Harvey) We’re not good? Int. Spellman kitchen. Zelda’s on the phone. Salem sits and watches. Zelda- Doctor Terdlington, that is so kind of you. Of course you're aware that it’s kind. I’ll see you soon. She switches off the phone. Zelda- (To Salem) That pompous swine might let me use his formula. I’m going to be able to give the world cold-fusion. She takes hold of Salem and gives him a big kiss on the top of his head before dashing off. Salem- Super! What does it mean? Int. Custer’s Steakhouse. Hilda at her new job dressed in a yellow and black cowgirl outfit complete with Stetson, she approaches a table with two customers. Hilda- May I play something for you gentlemen? Perhaps some Chopin? Mozart? Customer #1- If one of them wrote ‘Turkey in a straw’ Hilda reluctantly plays ‘Turkey in a straw’ much to the pleasure of the clientele. Int. Westbridge High School Gym. The stage is set up and Sabrina’s band prove that practice makes perfect. They’ve practised and produced the perfect raucous racket. They finish their sound check and step down from the stage, much to the roadies relief. Harvey- It’s kind of hard to hear but we suck, right? Sabrina- And that was with gym echo. Libby and her three cheerleader friends are next up and walk past Sabrina and her chums on their way to the stage. Libby- Hmm, I hope someone brought some baking soda 'cause something stinks in here. Oh look, it’s Sabrina’s band. Sabrina- I’d think of a snappy come back but it’s true. The girls get set up on stage. Libby- Okay, hit it! One of them switches on the taped backing music and they start a sexy dance routine to the punchy pop beat. Libby- (Singing) There’s a little bit of me in you, a little bit in every thing you do. She has a lovely singing voice and their cheerleader training makes them excellent performers. Valerie- Are you still stuck on that whole us winning thing? Libby- (Singing) There’s a little bit of you in me, a little bit of you in everything I feel. Sabrina- Come on, it’s not so bad. I mean, the only difference between us and them is they're talented. Harvey- It makes you wonder if Hitler was actually a good painter. Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Zelda stands in Sabrina’s bedroom doorway, Sabrina’s sat on her bed. Zelda- Libby insults you because she’s jealous. Sabrina- I don’t think so. Is there a spell that can make dogs howl every time she opens her mouth? Zelda laughs. The closet doorbell rings and she goes to answer it. Zelda- Oh, you have to be careful how you treat people, even rotten people. You might regret it one day. She straightens her shoulders and puts a smile on her face before opening the closet door. Zelda- Doctor Terdlington. Dr. Terdlington- I believe this whoopee cushion is yours. She takes it and Dr. Terdlington closes the door and leaves, back to the Other Realm. Zelda- (To Sabrina) For instance, today. Int. Custer’s Steakhouse. Hilda plays a foot stomping reel for a party of four. Hilda- And I thought giving Henry the Eighth a sponge-bath was the low point of my life. Int. Spellman dinning room. Sabrina’s concocting on the lab-top while Salem checks the magic book. Sabrina- I had no idea you could bottle talent. Salem- Where do you think that expression comes from? She adds the final ingredient and there’s a whoosh of pink smoke. Salem- A six-pack of refreshing talent, now with the handy twist top. Sabrina- Coo-wel! But I won’t use it unless it’s absolutely necessary. Salem- Hey, I don’t care how you justify it. Sabrina- And you promise you won’t tell aunt Hilda or aunt Zelda? Salem- Mums the word. Hilda enters in her cowgirl get up, Sabrina quickly hides the carton of talent behind her back. Hilda- Howdy y’all. Sabrina- Hi! So, how’d the gig go? Hilda- Lousy. I tried to merge the worlds of art and prime rib, but I failed. Sabrina- Oh well the important part is you tried. Gotta go. She sidles out the door with her six-pack. Hilda- I’m glad Zelda left the lab-top open, I think I’ll whip up some seasonings to make those philistines at the Steakhouse appreciate good music. Not a peep out of you. Salem- Mums the word. Oh, déjà vu. Int. Westbridge High School. Cafeteria. The lunch time crowd are in. Mr. Kraft enters followed by a young man. Mr. Kraft- Excuse me! Excuse me! PUT A SOCK IN IT! Thank you. Now I understand that everyone’s been informed that I am judging the band contest tonight. Libby- Yes! Sabrina- (To Valerie and Harvey) Okay, so no talent isn’t the only thing against us. Mr. Kraft- Well that information is incorrect, for me to judge the contest would be unfair. Libby- Now you’ve lost me. Mr. Kraft- The contest will be judged by the producer of ‘Rock in a hard place’ Dwayne Kraft- Westbridge’s only cable TV showcase for local bands. Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Dwayne Kraft. Sabrina- Kraft? Mr. Kraft- Yes. Dwayne Kraft, my nephew. Int. Spellman living room. Zelda comes down the stairs accompanied by Dr. Terdlington. Zelda- Thank you so much for reconsidering and giving me a chance to plead my case Doctor Terdlington. Dr. Terdlington- And apologise, mostly I just want you to apologise. Int. Westbridge High School Gym. The battle of the bands is underway. Libby and her cheerleaders have the stage. The crowd is enjoying the show. Libby- (Singing) ...Fit together perfectly. Mr. Kraft nudges his nephew smiling and pointing at Libby and her pals. The song finishes on the down beat and the crowd applaud enthusiastically. Mr. Kraft walks up on stage with a microphone. Mr. Kraft- The Libby Chessler Generation! He waits for the cheering to subside. Sabrina, Harvey and Valerie aren’t cheering. They look defeated. Harvey- Maybe we should have taken lessons. Sabrina- Come on you guys, we can do it. The Libby Chessler Generation walk off stage past Sabrina Libby- Follow that Freaka McIntyre. Sabrina- (To Herself) It’s necessary. She reaches into her bag and pulls out a couple of bottles of talent Sabrina- Phew! Well I’m thirsty. How about you guys, d’ya wanna drink? Harvey- No thanks, I’m full. Valerie- No, I’m prone to gastritis. Sabrina- Come on, I need the money on the empties. She hands one to Harvey and takes a swig of the other before giving it to Valerie, they both drink. They take the stage. Well at least they certainly look the part. Sabrina has her hair moussed and is heavily made up, she wears a short black lace dress with a deep neckline and a fake fur trimmed jacket nipped in at the waste and black knee boots, Valerie’s also gone for the hair mousse with a red boob tube and tight fitting leather pants, a spiral armlet and a plethora of bangles completes the outfit, Harvey’s plumped for the leather look also with pants and wrist bands. Mr. Kraft- Okay, it’s only fair that I let the final band compete, although the expression, ‘Just a formality’ certainly comes to mind. Please welcome... He looks at his clip board. Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Entry... number... five! Valerie- We forgot to come up with a name. Sabrina- Just play. Harvey- Two, three, four. Valerie strikes up a sharp, choppy riff in perfect key and tune, to her utter amazement. Harvey stares enraptured as his fingers twirl the drum sticks, Sabrina plays a base run leading into the first drum beat and.. Sabrina- (Singing) One way! Heavy echo carries it through the intro. Sabrina- (Singing) One way or another, I’m gonna find ya, I’m gonna get ya-get ya-get ya-get ya. Valerie and Harvey- (Singing) Ah-ah-ah. Sabrina- (Singing) One way or another, I’m gonna win ya, I’m gonna get ya-get ya-get ya-get ya. One way or another, I’m gonna see ya, I wanna meet ya-meet ya-meet ya-meet ya. Valerie and Harvey- (Singing) Ah-ah-ah Sabrina- (Singing) One day maybe next week, I’m gonna meet ya, I’m gonna meet ya, I’ll meet ya. I will drive past your house and if the lights are all down, I’ll see who’s around. One way or another, I’m gonna get ya, I’ll get ya, I’ll get ya-get ya-get ya-get ya. Valerie and Harvey- (Singing) Ah-ah-ah. Sabrina- (Singing) One way or another. Valerie and Harvey- (Singing) Ah-ah-ah. They are brilliant, they have the style, the moves, the look, the crowd goes wild. Libby and friends are furious. Mr. Kraft walks up onto the stage taking his ear-plugs out followed by Dwayne. Mr. Kraft- Okay, fine, fine. Do we have a winner here judge? Dwayne Kraft- (Taking the microphone) The best band in this battle is... Entry number five! The crowd go wild again, Mr. Kraft looks shocked and surprised, Libby looks sick. Sabrina moves across the front of the stage high-five’s with her adoring public. Dwayne draws her aside. Dwayne Kraft- I’d love to send a crew over here, tape you guys for my show. The crowd show their liking for that idea by going wild once more. Sabrina- Well let me talk it over with my band. She glances across at Harvey and Valerie to see that they are both eagerly nodding their heads. Sabrina- (Cont.) Okay, we’ll do it. Int. Spellman Kitchen. Zelda is sat looking forlorn at the table. Sabrina enters lugging her guitar. Sabrina- Aunt Zelda, we won! And you should have seen the look on Libby’s face, shock and disbelief really become her. She hurries on up the stairs. Zelda- (Calling after) I hope you remembered what I said about being mean to people. Dr. Terdlington enters from the dining room. Dr. Terdlington- Zelda. Zelda- Have you decided to forgive me yet? Dr. Terdlington- Not yet. He brings the whoopee cushion from behind his back. Dr. Terdlington- (Cont.) Another one might help. He places the cushion on Zelda’s seat, resigned, she sits, it sounds like a wet one. Dr. Terdlington- So close. Int. Westbridge High School. ‘One way or another’ by Entry number five plays over the following. Int. Hallway. Sabrina, Harvey and Valerie are learning about fame and fan worship as they’re forced to flee from screaming fans down the corridor. Int. Classroom. A boy offers to carry Valerie’s books, another boy tries to take them from him, they tussle, Valerie stops them. She likes this fame stuff. Int. Hallway. Sabrina joins the queue for the drinking fountain, as soon as those in the line see her they step aside letting her go to front. She flips her hair to one side and bends to drink. She can live with this. Int. Cafeteria. Harvey walks through with his tray, he hands it to a girl whose stood talking with her friend and indicates that she should bring it for him. The two girls scream excitedly. He’s got the hang of it. Int. Hallway. Sabrina walks down the centre of the hallway clad in a rubber mini dress, boots and shades followed by her entourage, Harvey comes from a different direction with a bevy of girl groupies in his skin tight net T shirt and shades, Valerie and her crew from yet another in her gold dress and of course shades. All three meet at the junction, Sabrina raises her hands and the three of them go their separate ways. Are we cool or what? Int. Cafeteria. Harvey and Valerie are sat at the table, Sabrina enters an pinches a soda from a guy who doesn’t look too happy about it, she sits with her fellow band members, the music fades. Valerie- Sabrina, I wrote a song for out TV debut but the drummer has a problem with it. Harvey takes the sheet of paper from Valerie and hands it to Sabrina. Harvey- Take a look at it. Sabrina- Valerie you wrote a song called ‘My Valerie’? Valerie- Wait till you see what he want’s to do. Harvey- I drew up some idea’s for a complete new look for the band. He hands Sabrina his sketches. Harvey- That’s you and Val. Sabrina- Why are we dressed like worms? Harvey- They’re brown uni-tards, it’s a comment on an asexual society. And I’m the universal love being, signified by the goat ears and the sleeveless spandex vestments. Sabrina- Love being? Valerie- Yeah, but we can’t sing a song about me. Harvey- I’m trying to change America! Valerie- Oh yeah! Sabrina- Hold it! Why are we fighting, we’re friends. Valerie- Because he has a stupid idea. Sabrina- Oh yeah! Listen, I am not going to perform dressed like a bug. Harvey- This is my band. Sabrina and Valerie- Oh your band? Int. Custer’s Steakhouse. Hilda grinds a pepper mill over two customers lunches. Customer #2- Wait! We don’t need no pepper. Hilda- Oh no, this is classical seasoning, it adds taste. Customer #3- Now how come you aint playing that ‘Turkey in a straw’ I asked for? Hilda picks up her violin and is about to play their request as they tuck into their ribs. The seasoning takes effect. Customer #2- Do you know what would be simply marvellous? Customer #3- Yes, some incredibly obscure Wagner. Hilda- If you insist. She plays some incredibly obscure Wagner. Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Salem sits at her desk as Sabrina, still sporting her rubber dress and gothic make up paces and reads Valerie’s song. Sabrina- (Reading) Valerie, my Valerie, foxy little junior walking down the street. Valerie, my Valerie, I... Salem- (Interrupting) Would you be terribly upset if I threw up in one of your shoes? Sabrina- Salem, what am I gonna do? Salem- Well you’ve always been able to talk thing out with Harvey. Int. Harvey’s bedroom. He lay on the bed with his goat ears on. The phone rings. Harvey- Hello?. Sabrina- Hey Harvey, it’s Sabrina. Harvey- Hey, so you gonna wear the brown suit? Sabrina- Er no, listen... There’s a beep on the line. Harvey- Hold on. He puts Sabrina on hold. Int. Sabrina's bedroom. Sabrina- (To Salem) He put me on hold. Since when does Harvey have muzak? Harvey- Hey, sorry about that. I didn’t know so many chicks had my home number. Sabrina- You're listed. There’s another beep. Harvey- Hold on. He goes to put her on hold again but fouls up. Harvey- Hey sweetness, let me dump Sabrina and I’ll be right back. Sabrina- That’s okay goat boy! I’ll dump you. She hangs up on him. Sabrina- I wish I’d never given them a swig of talent. It’s ruining our friendship and I can’t even enjoy winning. Salem- Perhaps you're feeling bad because Libby sang with genuine talent and deserved to win? Don’t hit me. Sabrina- Oh great! Now I feel annoyed and guilty. Salem- If you want your friendships back maybe you should take the fizz out of the egos you inflated. Sabrina- I wish I could. Salem- You can. If they take a sip of flat talent, they go flat too. Sabrina- Great! She takes the top of some bottles of talent. Sabrina- (Cont.) So I’ll just let these go flat and when I see Harvey and Valerie tonight, they’ll drink and we’ll go back to being talentless friends. Salem- Did you er, pop one for yourself? Sabrina- Me? I haven’t been affected by having things go my way. Salem- Oh please, Little miss 'I’m too cool to do my History homework'. Sabrina- I had an autograph signing... Okay. She opens an extra bottle. Int. Westbridge High School Gym. Sabrina arrives done up for their big night in a yellow backless, flared trouser suit with a rather daring cleavage. Her hair is done up in small bunches about her head with plenty left to hang down. The first person she sees is. Sabrina- Libby! Are you here for the show? Libby- Please! I have a date tonight and I left my sweater here. I go to the carnival when I wanna see side show oddities. Sabrina goes back stage and switches the soda’s that have been put out for the opened bottle of talent. Sabrina- (To herself) Maybe these wont be necessary, maybe Harvey and Val will show and be their old selves. Valerie enters in a red PVC outfit and sees Sabrina laying out the drinks. Valerie- Please, don’t they have roadies to do that? Sabrina- Drink? Valerie- No thanks, I asked for clear soda. And I don’t see the black and Juniper pie humus we demanded. (Calling past the curtains) Don’t they know who we are? Sabrina- Come on, let's split one. Sabrina takes a swallow but Valerie pushes it away. Sabrina- (Singing) Mi-mi-mi. (badly) They’re good. Valerie looks like she might be tempted but is distracted when Harvey comes round the curtain with a friend. Harvey- We’ll grab some eats and then I’ll tell the others about you joining the band. Sabrina and Valerie- What! Harvey- Oh hi! Sabrina, Valerie, I’d like you to meet Sunset. Sunset is a brunet. Her hair is pulled back severally and she wears a shiny silver tu-tu like outfit. She’s holding a tambourine. Valerie- You can’t just bring someone into the band! Sabrina- Especially someone named Sunset! Sunset- (To Harvey) You said! Harvey- Listen, I’m the rhythm section and I say tambourine! Valerie- Oy! Excuse me drummer boy! Sabrina- Guys! Guys! Let's just have a drink. She offers a bottle of flat talent to Harvey just as a roadie sticks his head round the curtain. He shoves a bowl into Valerie’s hands. Roadie- Here’s your four alarm humus. Valerie- Finally! Sabrina offers the bottle again. Harvey- Sorry, Sunset says I should only have water before a performance. Valerie and Harvey go to the table to sample the humus, Dwayne comes back stage and collars Sabrina. Dwayne Kraft- Hey Sabrina, I just wanna tell ya I think you guys have what it takes to go State wide. Sabrina- Really? Dwayne Kraft- Oh big bucks to be made. Sabrina- Wow! With a lot of money we could help a lot of people. Dwayne Kraft- You could buy a lotta stuff. Sabrina- Yeah, we could always lose out talent later. She looks around to see That Harvey and Valerie have tried the humus. It’s hot hot and they fan their mouths. Dwayne Kraft- Beg pardon? Sabrina- Oh nothing! Let me just talk it over with Harvey and Val. She turns once more in time to see her fellow rock stars quaffing flat talent to cool off their burning mouths. Valerie- That’s funny, I can’t remember how to hold a guitar. Sabrina- (Under her breath) So long lotta stuff. Dwayne Kraft- Beg pardon? Int. Custer’s Steakhouse. The Manager has been summoned to a customers table. Customer #4- A woman of my standing enjoys caviar and fine wine’s, I could not have ordered (Reading from the menu) Rootin’ Tootin’ Beans. Manager- You did Marlene, and you threw in a ‘YEE-HAA!’ Hilda- Beans, caviar, it all goes well with Rimski Korsikof. She plays ‘The flight of the Bumble Bee’ Int. Westbridge High School Gym. The band is on stage for the sound check complete with Sunset. Dwayne Kraft- Okay, let's get some er, sound levels. All right, whenever you're ready. They play and it’s back to the raucous racket. Mr. Kraft comes on stage as they finish, after a mercifully short time. Mr. Kraft- Well I see you guys took that bad rehearsal, great show thing to heart huh? Sabrina- I’m sorry Mr. Kraft, I guess the other day was just a fluke. We’ll just go. She tries to but he takes her arm. Mr. Kraft- No, now you just listen up young lady. Dwayne put his butt on the line for this remote. Sabrina- Oh well remind me to thank him. Mr. Kraft- And when Dwayne puts his butt on the line his mother gets testy, his mother who is my sister and the owner of the house where I am currently a guest, where I am intent on staying a guest. Got it? Sabrina just looks at him and gives a sick smile. He leaves. Harvey- When did we get bad again? Valerie- I can’t suck on TV. I mean, you’d think I’d be good at humiliation but it’s just another thing I failed to master. She leaves distressed. Sabrina- All right, Harvey, you go and help Valerie remember how to hold a guitar and I’ll try to figure something out. Harvey- And could you get rid of Sunset? She scares me. Sabrina waves him off, that one isn’t her problem and heads back stage. Sabrina- (To herself) If only I could really sing. If only someone could really sing. Libby can sing. Wait! Is that really better than embarrassing myself all over TV? Let's go with yes. She points her magic finger and a very startled Libby appears before her with a tooth-brush stuck in her mouth, she looks around Libby- I wash jusht in the girlsh bathroom, what an I doing here? Sabrina- Isn’t it weird when you're doing something and your mind is somewhere else and bam! All of a sudden you're in a gym and you're asking how did I get here? Libby- (Without the tooth brush) How did I get here? Sabrina- My point exactly, but since you stopped by, I need a little favour. Int. Spellman living room. Zelda’s on the phone. Zelda- Hello, you don’t know me but I just wanted to say, Doctor Terdlington is a hero, Zelda Spellman is a zero. She switches off the phone. Dr. Terdlington rips a page out of the telephone book Dr. Terdlington- Now onto the B’s. Zelda- That’s it! I am through apologising, either you give me the formula or you go. Dr. Terdlington- You know Zelda, I’ve always liked you. Zelda- You... What? Dr. Terdlington- Well the science biz is so full of phonies but I like your fire. Zelda- Well actually I’ve always admired you, not your personality but your mind. Dr. Terdlington- Dinner? Zelda- Love to. Int. Westbridge High School Gym. Backstage. Sabrina holds Libby’s tooth-brush and a cup for Libby to spit into after rinsing her mouth. Libby- And you want me to sing for you? Sabrina- In exchange for eternal gratitude, endless flattery and a piece of the merchandising. Libby- I’ll do it. Sabrina- You will? Libby- But let's get one thing straight, it’s only because I love to sing. Sabrina- And we love to hear you sing because you sing so very, very well. And you're pretty too. Libby- Let's change endless flattery to cash. Int. Custer’s Steakhouse. There’s a dissatisfied customer. Customer #1- (To the Manager) Take this ghastly fair back to the galley and give the chef thirty lashes for his crimes against eating! The rest of the customers are in agreement and throw down the forks. Customer #2- I’ll never dine in this establishment again! Customer #4- I’m appalled! They all leave. Hilda- Perhaps a little Vivaldi? Manager- Y’know, it’s funny, without customers we don’t need a fiddler. You're fired Hilda. Hilda- Fine, I’m keeping the dress. She pushes past him and leaves. Int. Westbridge High School Gym. The filming is in progress, Dwayne stands beside the camera man with Sunset beside him as they watch Entry Number Five perform with their new lead singer. In fact the band is miming to Libby’s backing tape unconvincingly as Libby struts her stuff. Libby- (Singing) There’s a little bit of me in you, a little bit in every thing you do. There’s a little bit of me that goes a long way deep into you. There’s a little bit of you in me, a little bit of you in everything I feel. Makes us fit together perfectly. The song end as before on the down beat. The crowd goes wild. Dwayne Kraft- Cut! Hey Libby, you were great. Mr. Kraft- (To Sabrina) Well, good save. Suspicious, but good. He leaves happy. Sabrina- It’s amazing how things worked out. Libby- Yep. The winner won as the freaks looked on in amazement. She joins Mr. Kraft and Dwayne. Sabrina- (To the ex-band) All’s right with the world. Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Zelda enters arm in arm with Dr. Terdlington. Dr. Terdlington- Ah well, I happen to believe that if a waiter want’s that nine percent tip everything has to be perfect. Zelda- (Laughing) You're terrible. He brushes the side of her face with the back of his fingers and leans down for a lingering kiss. When they part. Dr. Terdlington- Well it’s late, I suppose I’d better go. Zelda- Right. She opens the linen closet door for him. Zelda- (Cont.) Oh by the way, can I have that formula now? Dr. Terdlington- Nope, never. Zelda- Then why did you put me through such misery? Dr. Terdlington- Revenge. How about dinner next Tuesday? Zelda- How about you kiss my cold-fusion. She slams the door in his face and quickly casts a spell before he’s transported to the Other Realm. Dr. Terdlington- (OS) Give me back my pants! The closet activates and he is gone. His pants however are in Zelda’s hands, she tosses them aside and exits. Int. Westbridge High School Gym. The band have packed up their instruments and come off the stage, Sabrina carries her high healed white boots to have mercy on her feet. Sabrina- So are we still speaking to each other? Harvey- Yes, if we never talk about how bad we played today. Valerie- I can’t figure how it all went wrong, was there something in that humus? Sabrina- Let's just remember not to let anything like this get in the way of our friendship again. Valerie- You mean success, I don’t think that’ll be a problem. Harvey- I blame Sunset. Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem sits on the table as Sabrina tots up the empties. Sabrina- Salem, there are five bottles here. Salem- That’s very good Sabrina. Now what colour is the table cloth? Sabrina- No, I brewed six! Where’s the last bottle of talent? Int. Westbridge High School Gym. Five boys from the backstreats of Westbridge play basketball, one of them picks up a bottle of orange soda with the handy new twist cap, twists it and takes a swig before handing it to his mate. It gets passed around the other three of them that don’t have the ball. One of them starts to sing. Boy #1- (Singing) Every little thing that you have said and done, Boy #1 and #2- (Singing) feels like it’s deep within me. Boy #3- (Singing) Mmm-mm-mm. Boy #1- (Singing) It doesn’t really matter if you're on the run, All four boys- (Singing) It feels like we’re meant to be. Finger snapping they walk up onto the stage All four boys- (Singing) I don’t care who you are. Boy #5- Hey guys, come on. The games still tied. All four boys- (Singing) Where you're from, what you did as long as you love me. Boy #5 takes a swig from the bottle. All four boys- (Singing) Who you are, All five boys- (Singing) Where you're from, don't care what you did as long as you love me. Later. The crowd goes wild as they watch the Backstreet Boys sing ‘As long as you love me’. Sabrina spots someone she didn’t expect to see in the crowd. Roll credits. Sabrina- What are you doing here? 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